Funny Side
章节目录
共 797 题- THE FUNNY SIDE OF PHYSIC:
- OR,
- PREFACE.
- CONTENTS.
- I. MEDICAL HUMBUGS.
- II. APOTHECARIES.
- III. PATENT MEDICINES.
- IV. MANUFACTURED DOCTORS.
- V. WOMAN AS PHYSICIAN.
- VI. QUACKS.
- VII. CHARLATANS AND IMPOSTORS.
- VIII. ANECDOTES OF PHYSICIANS.
- IX. FORTUNE-TELLERS.
- X. EMINENT PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS.
- XI. GHOSTS AND WITCHES.
- XII. MEDICAL SUPERSTITIONS.
- XIII. TRAVELLING DOCTORS.
- XIV. SCENES FROM EVERY-DAY PRACTICE.
- XV. DOCTORS' FEES AND INCOMES.
- XVI. GENEROSITY AND MEANNESS.
- XVII. LOVE AND LOVERS.
- XVIII. MIND AND MATTER.
- XIX. ECCENTRICITIES.
- XX. PRESCRIPTIONS REMARKABLE AND RIDICULOUS.
- XXI. SCENES FROM HOSPITAL AND CAMP.
- XXII. GLUTTONS AND WINE-BIBBERS.
- XXIII. THE DOCTOR AS POET, AUTHOR, AND MUSICIAN.
- XXIV. ADULTERATIONS.
- XXV. ALL ABOUT TOBACCO.
- XXVI. DRESS AND ADDRESS OF PHYSICIANS.
- XXVII. MEDICAL FACTS AND STATISTICS.
- XXVIII. BLEEDERS AND BUTCHERS.
- XXIX. THE OMNIUM GATHERUM.
- XXX. THE OTHER SIDE.
- XXXI. "THIS IS FOR YOUR HEALTH."
- XXXII. HEALTH WITHOUT MEDICINE.
- XXXIII. CONSUMPTION.
- XXXIV. ACCIDENTS.
- ILLUSTRATIONS.
- 1. A. D. CRABTRE, M. D., Frontispiece.
- 2. DR. ANGLICUS PONTO, 31
- 3. MISFORTUNES NEVER COME SINGLY, 33
- 4. THE MISER OUTWITS HIMSELF, 38
- 5. COMMENCING A PRACTICE IN NEW YORK, 47
- 6. GRACE BEFORE MEAT, 48
- 7. OLD PILGARLIC TAKES A BATH, 55
- 8. PROFESSOR BREWSTER, 55
- 9. AN INFANTRY CHARGE, 60
- 10. THE "FREE PASS" PRESCRIPTION, 69
- 11. THE WRONG PATIENT, 71
- 12. A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY, 77
- 13. UNDER FULL SAIL, 77
- 14. "IT'S ALL A HUMBUG," 82
- 15. "BAREFOOTED ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD," 93
- 16. OLD "SANDS OF LIFE," 96
- 17. REFRESHMENTS, 98
- 18. THE EYE DOCTOR, 103
- 19. THE YOUNG SURGEON'S FIRST EXPERIENCE, 105
- 20. HEALING THE SICK WITH A GOLDEN DOSE, 111
- 21. THE PARSON BUYING OFF THE "CONGREGATION," 120
- 22. A JUVENILE BACCHUS, 122
- 23. "DON'T YOU OBSERVE THE ARMS OF MRS. MAPP?" 128
- 24. THREE WISE STUDENTS CONSULTING A DOCTRESS, 134
- 25. "POH! YOU'RE A GIRL," 141
- 26. "HERE WE GO UP-UP-UPPY," 148
- 27. "LOVE AMONG THE ROSES," 156
- 28. THE INQUISITIVE COUNTRYMEN, 161
- 29. CURIOUS EFFECTS OF A FEVER, 171
- 30. MARRYING A FAMILY, 173
- 31. 'OPATHISTS IN CONSULTATION, 175
- 32. A "HYPO" PATIENT DISCHARGING HIS PHYSICIAN, 178
- 33. TOO MUCH HAT, 179
- 34. CONVINCING EVIDENCE OF INSOLVENCY, 181
- 35. "AN' WHO'LL YEZE LIKE TO SEE, SURE?" 183
- 36. A BOSTON QUACK EXAMINING A STUDENT, 189
- 37. ORNAMENTAL TAIL-PIECE, 199
- 38. DR. ABERNETHY IN THE HOSPITAL, 202
- 39. AN EXTENSIVE SET, 205
- 40. "O, DOCTHER, DEAR, I'VE PIZENED ME BOY," 207
- 41. "LOST MARSER! LOST MARSER!" 209
- 42. NOT A STOMACH PUMP, 213
- 43. "LOWER TIER, LARBOARD SIDE," 217
- 44. THE FARMER'S ESCAPE FROM THE CHOLERA, 223
- 45. TOO MUCH VAPOR, 224
- 46. A DRY SHOWER BATH, 225
- 47. GRAPES AND WINE, 226
- 48. CHARGE, INFANTRY! 239
- 49. AFTER THE BATTLE, 240
- 50. THE FORTUNE-TELLER'S MAGIC MIRROR, 244
- 51. CHILDREN CONSULTING A FORTUNE-TELLER, 251
- 52. THE HUNTRESS, 252
- 53. THE ONONDAGA FARMER BOY, 256
- 54. THE POLITE QUADRUPED, 265
- 55. YOUNG ABERNETHY, 266
- 56. "PINNY, SIR? JUST ONE PINNY," 274
- 57. THE PENNILESS PHYSICIAN, 276
- 58. THE INDIAN WARRIOR, 277
- 59. BELIEVERS IN GHOSTS, 278
- 60. "HARK! THERE'S A FEARFUL GUST!" 280
- 61. A GRAVE SENTRY, 282
- 62. A GHOST IN CAMP, 285
- 63. OLD NAGLES, 286
- 64. THE NAGLES BOYS, 287
- 65. CHIEF MOURNERS, 288
- 66. THE CORPSE THAT WOULD NOT SMOKE, 290
- 67. PREPARE TO DIE, 293
- 68. THE BISHOP'S GHOSTLY VISITOR, 295
- 69. THE MUSICAL PUSS, 301
- 70. A DARKEY BEWITCHED, 301
- 71. BOYLSTON STATION, 303
- 72. WEIGHING A WITCH BY BIBLE STANDARD, 305
- 73. PASSING THE FORT, 306
- 74. THE GOD OF RECIPES, 308
- 75. SUN-SUNDAY, 310
- 76. MOON-MONDAY, 313
- 77. TUISCO-TUESDAY, 313
- 78. WODEN-WEDNESDAY, 314
- 79. THOR-THURSDAY, 315
- 80. FRIGA-FRIDAY, 315
- 81. SEATER-SATURDAY, 316
- 82. GATHERING THE MANDRAKE, 321
- 83. "WAITING TO SEE THE IMAGES BOW," 323
- 84. SPORT FOR THE BOYS BUT DEATH TO THE CAT, 329
- 85. "WHO-A'-YOO?" 333
- 86. THE PROPER USE OF "HOLY WATER," 334
- 87. THE MODEST KISS, 339
- 88. HOLDING THE PLOW, 340
- 89. THE TUMOR DOCTOR CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE, 343
- 90. MARIAM, THE TUMOR DOCTOR, 345
- 91. THE SINGING DOCTOR, 349
- 92. THE SANATORIAN'S TURNOUT, 351
- 93. A NEW SCHOOL OF PRACTICE, 354
- 94. A VICTIM OF THE SPANKER, 355
- 95. DR. PULSFEEL LEAVING TOWN, 356
- 96. THE MUSICAL DOCTOR, 358
- 97. ENTHUSIASM, 359
- 98. ALL WOOL, 361
- 99. CHARITY THROWN AWAY, 363
- 100. THE BEGGAR BOY, 366
- 101. REMORSE, 368
- 102. THE LOST HEIR, 373
- 103. A MORNING CALLER, 375
- 104. "WHY DID I TAZE YE?" 376
- 105. SUCCESS OF TERRY'S COURTSHIP, 379
- 106. THE BETRAYED, 382
- 107. SAILING INTO PORT, 385
- 108. A SAN BENITO PIG, 388
- 109. AN OLD ENGLISH CLERGYMAN AND HIS FAMILY, 390
- 110. THE KING'S PHYSICIAN AND THE EXECUTIONER, 393
- 111. A SLIPPER-Y FEE, 397
- 112. A LIVING FEE, 399
- 113. STUFFED PETS, 400
- 114. A PIONEER OF HOMOEOPATHY, 403
- 115. A SHARP MULE TRADE, 405
- 116. ORNAMENTAL TAIL-PIECE, 409
- 117. PHYSICIAN'S CHARITY, 411
- 118. SEARCH FOR A PATIENT, 412
- 119. AN ECCENTRIC PATIENT, 417
- 120. A WOMAN'S REBUKE, 417
- 121. AFRAID OF A POLYPUS, 418
- 122. ABERNETHY'S SURGICAL OPERATION, 420
- 123. RECKONING A DOCTOR'S FEES, 424
- 124. PATIENT NUMBER FIVE, 425
- 125. THE ASTONISHED BUTCHER, 427
- 126. MODERN IMPROVEMENTS IN DENTISTRY, 431
- 127. CHARITY NOT SOLICITED, 431
- 128. CAPTURE OF A WALL STREET BULL, 433
- 129. DEATH'S FEE, 436
- 130. THE AMERICAN SAILOR, 437
- 131. MY FIRST LOVE, 439
- 132. TEN YEARS LATER, 441
- 133. FLIGHT OF THE DOCTOR, 443
- 134. THE LOVER AS A PEDDLER, 447
- 135. FLIGHT OF THE LOVERS, 447
- 136. AN AGED PUPIL, 453
- 137. BIRTHPLACE OF GEORGE CRABBE, 457
- 138. "POPPING THE QUESTION," 460
- 139. LOVE'S LINKS, 460
- 140. THE LION MAGNETIZED, 466
- 141. A HARD SUBJECT, 467
- 142. GASSNER HEALING "BY THE GRACE OF GOD," 471
- 143. NO LACK OF PATIENTS, 475
- 144. "A BOTTLE, A HEN, OR A WOMAN," 477
- 145. EFFECTS OF AN EARTHQUAKE, 483
- 146. A BELIEVER SEES HIS GRANDMOTHER, 483
- 147. THE CHARMER DIVULGES HER SECRET, 488
- 148. "I PERCEIVE YOU ARE IN LOVE," 492
- 149. THE FARMER'S DAUGHTERS, 494
- 150. A "HORSE-SLAYER" INDULGING HIS OPINION, 499
- 151. NO TIME TO LOSE, 500
- 152. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, 503
- 153. DR. HUNTER IN CONSULTATION, 504
- 154. THE RUSSIAN GENERAL'S DRILL, 506
- 155. WHAT THE ELEPHANT IS LIKE, 511
- 156. A DOCTOR'S SOLACE, 511
- 157. HOW A LADY PROCURED A VALUABLE PRESCRIPTION, 525
- 158. DOSE--ONE QUART EVERY HOUR, 526
- 159. PUMPING AN OLD LADY, 537
- 160. A DANGEROUS PRESCRIPTION, 537
- 161. THE FARMER'S EMBLEMS, 537
- 162. THE DYING MESSAGE, 541
- 163. STUCK! 547
- 164. COMMERCE, 549
- 165. A GOOD LIVER, 551
- 166. A DOCTOR "KILLING THE DEVILS," 555
- 167. PAYING FOR HIS WINE, 555
- 168. A BAR-ROOM DOCTOR, 555
- 169. "THE DOCTOR ON A SOW!" 565
- 170. RESCUE OF THE DOCTOR, 565
- 171. "ONLY IRISH BEER," 568
- 172. CURE FOR THE AGUE, 569
- 173. PLAYING THE REEDS, 570
- 174. AN EMBRYO APOLLO, 572
- 175. THE PILGRIM CHEAT, 577
- 176. FRANKLIN'S EXPERIMENTS WITH ETHER, 585
- 177. END OF THE WONDERFUL ONE-HOSS SHAY, 591
- 178. "MUSIC, THE SOUL OF LIFE," 597
- 179. THE MUSICAL MICE, 597
- 180. FOUNTAIN, 598
- 181. SIGNS OF CIVILIZATION, 603
- 182. SWILL MILK (MAGNIFIED), 605
- 183. PURE MILK (MAGNIFIED), 606
- 184. WATERED MILK (MAGNIFIED), 606
- 185. "WHAT'S IN THE MILK?" 606
- 186. A CHAMPAGNE BATH, 611
- 187. MOTHER'S MILK--PURE AND HEALTHY, 612
- 188. MOTHER'S MILK AFTER DRINKING WHISKY, 612
- 189. WAITING FOR ASSISTANCE, 617
- 190. A CONFECTIONERY STORE, 619
- 191. TARTARIC ACID FOR SUPPER, 629
- 192. A STREET CANDY STAND, 629
- 193. THE NEWSBOY'S MOTHER, 630
- 194. THE IDOL OF TOBACCO USERS, 634
- 195. PUNISHMENT OF THE TURK, 638
- 196. SMOKERS OF FOUR GENERATIONS, 639
- 197. "I WANT A CHAW OF TERBACKER," 641
- 198. YOUNG SMOKERS, 642
- 199. EXAMINATION OF THE SMOKER, 643
- 200. PURIFYING HIS BLOOD, 644
- 201. CLEANSING HIS BONES, 645
- 202. THE SMOKER, 647
- 203. THE CHEWER, 648
- 204. SIGN OF THE TIMES, 648
- 205. MY LAZY SMOKING FRIEND, 650
- 206. "SHALL I ASSIST YOU TO ALIGHT?" 653
- 207. WORK FOR TONGUES AND FINGERS, 653
- 208. WHAT KILLED THE DOG? 657
- 209. THE NEWSBOY, 658
- 210. THE GREAT SURGEONS OF THE WORLD, 661
- 211. A CALL ON THE VILLAGE DOCTOR, 663
- 212. PHYSICIANS' COSTUME IN 1790, 664
- 213. HOW POOR TOMMY WAS LOST, 666
- 214. BRIDGET'S METHOD OF MENDING STOCKINGS, 667
- 215. THE UNDERTAKERS' ARMS, 671
- 216. DISPUTE OF THE DOCTOR AND VALET, 671
- 217. A WIG MOUSE, 674
- 218. THE MYSTERY EXPLAINED, 675
- 219. MEETING OF THE DOCTOR AND THE CURATE, 679
- 220. DOCTOR CANDEE, 679
- 221. A GERMAN BEER GIRL, 681
- 222. AN INDIGNANT BRIDE, 686
- 223. THE ITCH MITE, 689
- 224. THE BURGLAR AND STUDENT, 693
- 225. HARVESTED, 694
- 226. ASSISTANCE FROM A ROYAL SURGEON, 696
- 227. PETER THE GREAT AS A SURGEON, 697
- 228. JOB DISCHARGED BY SIR SCIPIO, 703
- 229. "BLEED HIM," 704
- 230. A BORROWED WATCH, 706
- 231. JOB'S DECISION, 708
- 232. SQUASHY'S SURGICAL OPERATION, 715
- 233. "WILL YE TAK' A BLAST, NOO?" 720
- 234. REPTILES FROM THE STOMACH, 722
- 235. "IT ISN'T CATCHIN'," 724
- 236. FUNERAL OF THE CANARY, 725
- 237. MY FRONT STREET PATIENT, 731
- 238. A SHOPPING PATIENT, 733
- 239. CALL AT THE TENEMENT, 737
- 240. THE WIDOW'S OCCUPATION, 739
- 241. THE PHYSICIAN AND THE FATHER, 742
- 242. THE PETER FUNK PHYSICIAN, 745
- 243. VIRTUE, 747
- 244. THE FREEDOM OF THE PARK, 761
- 245. "IT COSTS NOTHING," 766
- 246. A NATURAL POSITION, 792
- 247. AN UNNATURAL POSITION, 792
- 248. CORRECT POSITION, 796
- 249. INCORRECT POSITION, 796
- 250. HOW WASP WAISTS ARE MADE, 799
- 251. A CONSUMPTIVE WAIST, 800
- 252. NON-CONSUMPTIVE WAIST, 800
- 253. A HEALTHY POSITION, 804
- 254. POSITION OF ARTERY IN ARM, 811
- 255. COMPRESSING AN ARTERY IN ARM, 812
- 256. POSITION OF ARTERY IN LEG, 812
- 257. THE DOCTOR'S QUEUE, 816
- I.
- MEDICAL HUMBUGS.
- EARLY FRENCH PHYSICIANS.
- AMERICAN HUMBUGS.
- I merely shook my head.
- His last interrogation was what a college boy would call a "stunner."
- DR. PUSBELLY.
- II.
- APOTHECARIES.
- Romeo says,--
- 2. Must not be suborned for money to hurt mankind.
- 5. To sow, set, plant, gather, preserve, and keepe them in due time.
- 14. That he peruse often his wares, that they corrupt not.
- 16. That he meddle only in his vocation.
- 19. That he remember his office is only ye physician's _cooke_.
- 20. That he use true waights and measures.
- NO SMOKING ALLOWED HERE.
- The following is a case in point:--
- ANECDOTE OF MACREADY, THE ACTOR.
- A policeman here interfered, and rescued the wretched "Jimmy."
- III.
- PATENT MEDICINES
- SOURED SWILL.
- THE DOWN EAST FARMER'S STORY.
- Stopping to take a whiff at his neglected pipe, he resumed:--
- SUSAN JANE."
- FRUIT SYRUPS FOR SODA WATER.
- POISONOUS HAIR TONICS AND COSMETICS.
- I. HAIR TONICS, WASHES, AND RESTORATIVES.
- II. LOTIONS OR WASHES FOR THE COMPLEXION.
- III. ENAMELS FOR THE SKIN.
- CONCLUSION.--It appears from the foregoing,--
- HAIR RESTORATIVES: A BALD BACHELOR'S EXPERIENCE.
- A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING.
- 2. Apply in your need only to a respectable physician.
- IV.
- MANUFACTURED DOCTORS.
- BARBERS AS DOCTORS.
- TINKER AS DOCTOR.
- A BUTCHER BOY ESCAPES THE CLEAVER AND BECOMES A GREAT PHYSICIAN AND POET.
- HOW ONE HOP-PED FROM OBSCURITY.
- PEDAGOGUES TURNED OUT AS DOCTORS.
- ANOTHER POOR PEDAGOGUE,
- One satire opened thus:--
- A WEAVER AND A QUAKER BOY.
- JOHN RADCLIFFE.
- A HORSE DOCTOR.
- MARAT WAS A HORSE DOCTOR.
- PETER PINDAR, THE PREACHER.
- POLICEMEN AS DOCTORS AND SURGEONS.
- We have seen the "officer." He did better than was "expected."
- V.
- WOMAN AS PHYSICIAN.
- AMERICAN FEMALE PHYSICIANS.
- A FEMALE PIONEER.
- NEW YORK FEMALE DOCTORS.
- DOCTORS ELIZABETH AND EMILY BLACKWELL.
- Echo answers, "Where?"
- LOVE AND THOROUGHWORT.
- At Bangor I said to George,--
- VI.
- QUACKS.
- So much for the "father of quacks."
- In its general use it is the _thief_ calling, "Stop thief."
- ANDREW JACKSON."
- THE COUNTRY QUACK.
- REMARKABLE DROPSY.
- A COUNTRY CONSULTATION.
- The following brief consultation occurred in Fulton, N. Y., recently:--
- A JOLLY TRIO OF DOCTORS.
- VII.
- CHARLATANS AND IMPOSTORS.
- THE CITY CHARLATAN.
- HISTORY OF A KNAVE.
- FEMALE HARPIES.
- Virgil thus expressively described them in the third book of the Æneid:--
- I paid the bill, and, quite disgusted, took my departure.
- VIII.
- ANECDOTES OF PHYSICIANS.
- Dr. Stowe told the following story of Dr. Abernethy and a live Irishman:--
- LARGE FEET.
- A SHANGHAI ROOSTER.
- SPREADING HERSELF.
- This reminds me of the following story, which is too good to be lost:--
- KEROSENE.
- SALERATUS VS. SUGAR.
- HIS LAST JOKE.
- AN ASTONISHED NEGRO.
- The following is one:--
- DR. K.'S MARE.
- To Mrs. Bray's book we are again indebted for the following:--
- MEDICAL TITBITS.
- TOOTH DRAWING.
- The equally humorous druggist handed down a box of pills, saying,--
- The "remedy" was not, however, so remarkable as the following:--
- The Hartford Courant told this story in 1869:--
- IX.
- FORTUNE-TELLERS.
- ARABIAN FORTUNE-TELLER.
- THE EASTERN PRINCE.
- THE SEER'S WIFE.
- DEE, THE ASTROLOGER.
- ANOTHER IMPOSTOR.--THE GREAT FIRE.
- A RAID ON FORTUNE-TELLERS.
- THE FORTUNE-TELLERS OF TO-DAY.
- THE MAGIC MIRROR EXPOSE.
- FORTUNE-TELLERS AS PROCURESSES.
- LOVE POWDERS AND DROPS.--FRENCH SECRET, ETC.
- The next question was more strange than the first:--
- X.
- EMINENT PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS.
- AN ONONDAGA FARMER BOY.
- COMMENCING PRACTICE.
- HOW PROFESSOR EBERLE STARTED.
- A HARD STARTING.
- ABERNETHY'S BOYHOOD.
- This was not bragging, as the following anecdote will illustrate:--
- THE HOMELESS STUDENT.
- XI.
- GHOSTS AND WITCHES.
- THE ORIGIN OF THE WORD GHOST
- THE GHOST OF THE CAMP.
- I obtained the following story from one of the sentries:--
- RAISING THE DEAD.
- THE GHOST OF CÆSAR AT PHILIPPI.
- THE GHOST OF CONSCIENCE.
- There is a great truth embodied in a portion of the king's reply, that--
- THE BISHOP SEES A GHOST!
- MUSICAL GHOSTS.
- THE PIANO-FORTE GHOST.
- The following silly item is just going the rounds of the press:--
- A FEW WORDS ABOUT WITCHES.
- WITCHES IN THE CREAM.
- HORSE-SHOES.
- XII.
- MEDICAL SUPERSTITIONS.
- SUNDAY.
- MONDAY.
- TUESDAY.
- WEDNESDAY.
- THURSDAY.
- FRIDAY.
- SATURDAY.
- CHRISTMAS FESTIVALS.
- POPULAR NOTIONS AND WHIMS.
- RIDICULOUS SUPERSTITIONS.
- Again, in Henry VI.:--
- PRESENT ERRORS.
- SUPERSTITION OF A KISS.
- 1. The decorous or modest kiss.
- 2. The diplomatic, or kiss of policy.
- 3. The spying kiss, to ascertain if a woman had drank wine.
- 4. The slave kiss.
- 5. The kiss infamous--a church penance.
- 6. The slipper kiss, practised towards tyrants.
- 7. The judicial kiss.
- 8. The feudal kiss.
- 9. The religious kiss (kissing the cross).
- 10. The academical kiss (on joining a solemn brotherhood).
- 11. The hand kiss.
- 12. The Judas kiss.
- 13. The medical kiss--for the purpose of healing some sickness.
- 14. The kiss of etiquette.
- THE END IS NOT YET.
- XIII.
- TRAVELLING DOCTORS.
- Let us view a few travelling doctors through the _public_ eye:--
- THE SINGING DOCTOR.
- The "Hoosac Valley News" tells this story:--
- The remainder of the sketch is from the pen of a lady in Vermont:--
- A MUSICAL DOCTOR.
- XIV.
- SCENES FROM EVERY-DAY PRACTICE.
- His little teeth chattered, as he replied, "O, I am very--cold--sir."
- I never saw that boy but once again; his look haunts me to this day.
- THE TERRIBLE CALLER.
- AN IRISH SCENE.
- A LIFE SCENE.
- XV.
- DOCTORS' FEES AND INCOMES.
- LARGE FEES.
- ENGLISH FEES AND INCOMES.
- ANECDOTE OF JAMES COYTHIER.
- While the officer was trying to decide, Coythier continued,--
- A LONG FEE.
- Here is what may be called a _long fee_:--
- A SHORT FEE.
- ODD FEES.
- AN OLD SHOE.
- A BLACK FEE.
- A HEART'S OFFERING.
- A STUFFED CAT-SKIN.
- AMERICAN FEES AND INCOMES.
- ASKING FOR A FEE.
- An old navy surgeon relates the following regarding examinations:--
- DELICATE FEES.
- XVI.
- GENEROSITY AND MEANNESS.
- A ROUGH DIAMOND.
- The benevolent surgeon declined the fee, simply saying,--
- When Dr. Abernethy gave her the prescription, she asked,--
- THE OLD FOX-HUNTER.
- THE DUKE, OR THE POOR GENTLEMAN.
- KINDNESS TO CLERGYMEN.
- RARE CHARITY.
- LETTSOM."
- THE OLD JEW.
- DR. HUNTER'S GENEROSITY.
- GENEROUS AT ANOTHER'S EXPENSE.
- A REPORT ON TEETH.
- Many stories are told of the eccentricities of Dr. Monsey, and
- A SAD OMISSION.
- A CURB-STONE MONEY-MANIAC.
- AN "EYE-OPENER."
- From the English book "About Doctors," here are three anecdotes:--
- His lordship took the hint, and said, "Never mind; here are two others."
- XVII.
- LOVE AND LOVERS.
- FIRST LOVE--BLASTED HOPES.
- A HANDY DOCTOR.
- A DOCTOR'S STORY.
- ENGLISH DOCTORS AS BEAUS.
- BEAUTY NOT POTENT WITH LADIES.
- A STABLE-BOY, POET, AND DOCTOR.
- THE RIGHT MAN.
- XVIII.
- MIND AND MATTER.
- I hope to be able to explain something of this "phenomenon."
- For want of a better name, let us call this power "animal magnetism."
- YET ROOM FOR MORE DISCOVERIES.
- POWER OF THE HUMAN EYE.
- THE ROYAL TOUCH.
- The subject of the following sketch claimed also divine power:--
- HERR GASSNER. "THE DEVIL UNDERSTANDS LATIN."
- ROYALTY IN THE SHADE.
- MESMERISM.
- CLAIRVOYANCE.
- THE GATES OF MOSCOW.
- THE DOCTOR OF ANTWERP.
- Still the doctor was sceptical, and said,--
- VISITS TO A CLAIRVOYANT.
- The following item of the press does not refer to Madam Young:--
- A NIGHT IN THE PENOBSCOT MOUNTAINS.
- CUI BONO?
- A BON TON CLAIRVOYANT.
- A BOUNCER.
- I think I had.
- XIX.
- ECCENTRICITIES.
- A NEW DISH.
- BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
- THE CONSULTING POODLES.
- SILENT ELOQUENCE.
- CONSISTENT TO THE END.
- This is a true copy of his epitaph:--
- This doctor was formerly a Methodist preacher, and--
- EARLY RISING.
- MOTHER GOOSE.
- THE TABLES TURNED.
- THE DIFFERENCE.
- XX.
- PRESCRIPTIONS REMARKABLE AND RIDICULOUS.
- OLD ENGLISH PRESCRIPTIONS.
- The prescriptions and doses of the old English doctors were "stunning."
- M. Haust. 1. Om. noc. cap.
- CURE FOR THE BLUES.
- A SURE CURE.
- HEROIC DOSES.
- DROWNING A FEVER.
- AN EXACT SCIENCE.
- MINERAL SPRINGS.
- COLD DRINKS VS. WARM DRINKS.
- An Irishman called in great haste upon the doctor, saying,--
- THE OLD LADY AND THE PUMP.
- COUNTRY MISTAKES.
- DRUNK, OR SOBER.
- XXI.
- SCENES FROM HOSPITAL AND CAMP.
- A HOSPITAL SCENE AT NIGHT.
- THE SOLDIER BOY'S DYING MESSAGE.
- WARM HEARTS IN FROZEN BODIES.
- PUDDING AND MILK.
- SMALL BEER.
- THE POETICAL AND AMUSING SIDE.
- TO AMELIA.
- MY LOVE AND I.
- A SCRIPTURAL CONUNDRUM.
- WOULDN'T MARRY A REGIMENT.
- The girl assumed a thoughtful mood for some moments, and then said,--
- XXII.
- GLUTTONS AND WINE-BIBBERS.
- A MODERN SILENUS.
- FATAL ERRORS.
- STRENGTH IN WEAKNESS.
- A WARM PLACE FOR A COOK.
- A MODERN GILPIN.
- A SCIENTIFIC GOURMAND.
- DR. BUTLER'S BEER AND BATH.
- XXIII.
- THE DOCTOR AS POET, AUTHOR, AND MUSICIAN.
- ANCIENT GREEK AUTHORS.
- THE DUKE ANSWERED BY A COUNTRY MISS.
- THE PILGRIMS AND THE PEAS.
- LITTLE DAVY AGAIN.
- MORE SCHOOLMASTERS AND TAILORS.
- A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.
- In "Surgeons of New York" Dr. Francis gives the following:--
- SOME PURITANIC EPITAPHS.
- THE EXCELLENT MICHAEL WIGGLESWORTH.
- And
- THE ONE-HOSS SHAY.
- Mr. Mundella, of the British Parliament, recently said,--
- I can only find space for the following from the pen of Dr. Holmes:--
- HEALTHFUL INFLUENCE OF MUSIC.
- INFLUENCE OF MUSIC UPON ANIMALS.
- MUSIC AMONG THE MICE.
- MUSIC AND HEALTH.
- XXIV.
- ADULTERATIONS.
- BREAD.
- In five hundred pounds of wheat, there are,--
- Ground to a fine flour:--
- Another writer says,--
- BUTTER.
- MILK.
- THE COW WITH ONE TEAT.
- CHEESE.
- TEA AND COFFEE.
- ALCOHOLIC DRINKS.
- A WINE BATH.
- A CHEMIST'S TESTIMONY.
- A SHORT SERMON.
- THE FISH IN LITTLE RIVER ON A SPREE.
- WATER.
- HOGISH.
- ADULTERATIONS OF SUGAR AND CONFECTIONERY.
- REFINED SUGAR.
- BROWN OR UNREFINED SUGAR.
- CONFECTIONERY. THE FIRST STEP IN ITS ADULTERATION.
- GYPSUM, TERRA ALBA, OR PLASTER OF PARIS.
- The natural gypsum, or plaster of commerce, consists of
- TO DETECT MINERAL SUBSTANCE.
- POISONOUS COLORING MATTER, ETC.
- LICORICE, GUM DROPS, ETC.
- DANGEROUS ACIDS.
- XXV.
- ALL ABOUT TOBACCO.
- HOW MUCH?
- TOO LOW A FIGURE.
- CIGARS.
- THE MIGHTY ARMY OF INVASION.
- ITS NAMES AND NATIVITY.
- LITTLE CHILDREN LEARN TO SMOKE.
- The following is a sample of the modern John Hay's style of teaching:--
- LITTLE-BREECHES.
- WHIPPING SCHOOL BOYS AND GIRLS TO MAKE THEM SMOKE.
- TO DEAR BROTHER BOB.
- PURE SOCIETY.--HOW A YOUNG MAN WAS "TOOK IN."
- DELICIOUS MORSELS.
- THE STREET NUISANCE.
- THE MAN WHO CHEWS.
- ANOTHER STREET NUISANCE.
- Speaking of President Grant and his cigar, a writer says,--
- IT BEGETS LAZINESS AND NATIONAL RUIN.
- BLACK EYES AND FINGERS.
- DISEASE AND INSANITY.
- THE MEERSCHAUM. A SONNET.
- USES AND ABUSES OF TOBACCO.
- TOBACCO WORSE THAN RUM.
- XXVI.
- DRESS AND ADDRESS OF PHYSICIANS.
- THE OLD COUNTRY DOCTOR'S DRESS.
- DOCTORS' WIGS.
- YE ANCIENT DOCTOR.
- HARVEY'S HABITS.
- FRANKLIN'S COURT DRESS.
- DR. JENNER'S DRESS.
- AN ANIMATED QUEUE.
- A "CHARACTER."
- XXVII.
- MEDICAL FACTS AND STATISTICS.
- THE POPULATION.
- Tall men live longer than short ones. (No pun.)
- Tobacco one hundred and fifty million dollars. (That's crime, also.)
- SELF-DESTRUCTION.
- HOW THEY LIVE.
- OLD AGE.
- WHY WE DIE.
- GET MARRIED.
- AN OLD PEOPLE'S WEDDING.
- A GOOD ONE.
- THE HONEYMOON.
- THE ITCH MITE.
- A HORSE-CAR RIDE.
- HOW TO KEEP COOL.
- 6. And above all--_keep cool_!
- KNICKKNACKS.
- XXVIII.
- BLEEDERS AND BUTCHERS.
- A ROYAL SURGEON.
- A DRAWING JOKE.
- EVERY TINKER HAS HIS DAY.
- BLEEDING OUR FOREFATHERS.
- A FRENCH BUTCHER-SURGEON.
- CUR?
- THE MISFORTUNES OF A BARBER-BLEEDER.
- Dr. Saffron took the wounded arm, looked at Job, and said,--
- THE USE OF BRAINS.
- XXIX.
- THE OMNIUM GATHERUM.
- EX-SELL-SIR.
- THE OBJECT TO BE ATTAINED.
- THE LAUGH WINS.
- A NOTORIOUS FEMALE DOCTOR.
- A WHITE MAN TURNING BLACK.
- The doctor was a joker. "Now, what's your name, boy?"
- MOTHER'S FOOL.
- WHO IT WAS.
- A HEAVY DOCTOR.
- SCOTTISH HOSPITALITY.
- ANIMALS IN THE STOMACH.
- STORIES ABOUT LITTLE FOLKS.
- Yours, &c., ----
- XXX.
- THE OTHER SIDE.
- STEALING FROM THE PROFESSION.
- INGRATES.
- I made no reply. The man asked for the money.
- SHOPPING PATIENTS.
- AN AFFECTIONATE WIFE.
- A SENSIBLE PRESCRIPTION.
- RUM AND TOBACCO PATIENTS.
- THE PHYSICIAN'S WIDOW AND ORPHAN.
- Scenes from "Practice of a New York Surgeon."
- I gave him the address of the grandchild, and also an undertaker's.
- THE PHYSICIAN.
- A PETER-FUNK DOCTOR.
- SELLING OUT.
- XXXI.
- HEALTH IS ABOVE ALL THINGS.
- ABOUT THE BABIES.--HOW THEY ARE REARED AND HOW THEY SHOULD BE.
- BABY ON THE PORCH.
- BABY IN A STRAIT JACKET.
- TWO LITTLE SHOES.
- IMPURE LITERATURE AND PASSIONS.
- LOW NECK AND SHORT SLEEVES.
- HOW AND WHAT WE SHOULD BREATHE.
- THE FREEDOM OF THE STREET.
- THE LUNGS.--BREATHING.
- A MAN FULL OF HOLES.
- SEVEN MILLION MOUTHS TO FEED.
- WATER.
- SOAP VS. WRINKLES.
- GOD'S SUNSHINE.
- XXXII.
- HEALTH WITHOUT MEDICINE.
- CHEERFULNESS.
- CHRISTIAN CHEERFULNESS.
- The following prize essay was written by Rev. Francis J. Collier:--
- WHINING.
- LOVE.
- I saw, and asked not its name; I knew no language was so wealthy.
- Love never grows old, love never perisheth."
- AFFECTION AND PERFECTION.
- SEPARATING THE SHEEP AND GOATS.
- A very sensible writer in the _Phrenological Journal_ says,--
- FENCES BROKEN DOWN.
- ACTION AND IDLENESS.
- IDLENESS INDUCES CRIME.
- BEAUTY AND DEVELOPMENT.
- SLEEP.
- By the assistance of John G. Saxe, we have already given those
- WHAT SHALL WE EAT?
- A "STOMACH-MILL" AND A "STEWING-POT."
- ANCIENT DIET.
- THE GREEN GROCERY OF THE CLASSICS.
- ANIMAL OR VEGETABLE DIET?
- XXXIII.
- CONSUMPTION (PHTHISIS PULMONALIS).
- Tupper wrote with an understanding when he penned the following:--
- SIGNS OF HIS APPROACH.
- THEORY OF CONSUMPTION.
- 2. Hence there does not and cannot exist a specific medicine against it.
- PREVENTIVES OF CONSUMPTION.
- Among the preventives of this fell destroyer I enumerate,--
- Such stoicism was unpardonable, but I said in reply,--
- A JOLLY FAT GRANDMOTHER.
- CONSUMPTION IS CURABLE.
- AVOID HUMBUGS.
- COD-LIVER OIL AND WHISKEY.
- SIT AND LIE STRAIGHT.
- I sleep on a hair mattress and pillow the year round. They are the best.
- CATARRH AND COLD FEET.--HOW TO CURE BOTH.
- OTHER THINGS TO BE AVOIDED.
- XXXIV.
- ACCIDENTS.
- 2. Send for a surgeon or physician at once.
- 8. If the patient has delirium tremens, give him strong coffee.
- SUN-STROKE (COUP DE SOLEIL).
- FOOTNOTES:
- End of Project Gutenberg's The Funny Side of Physic, by A. D. Crabtre