Before entering upon the _exposé_ of the viler practices of this vile
art,--the "selling of families," and of virginity, and the abominable
practices of the procuresses, who carry on their damnable treacheries,
particularly in our large cities, at the present day,--I wish to enliven
this chapter by one or more amusing instances relative to country
fortune-tellers.
_Filliky Milliky._--During the summer of 185-, the writer was one of a
large party of excursionists to Weymouth's Point, in Union Bay. There was
a large barge full of people, old and young, male and female, besides
several sailboat loads, who, on the return in the afternoon, decided to
stop at the hut of a fortune-teller called "Filliky Milliky." This old
man, with his equally ignorant wife, professed to tell fortunes by means
of a tea-cup. He claimed that he knew of our intended visit, and had set
his house in order; but if that house was "in order" that day, deliver us
from seeing it when out of order.
There were some one hundred or more of us, and whilst but two could occupy
the attention of the "Millikies" at once, we sought other means of whiling
away the time. The old man lived near the river side, and at his leisure
had picked up a large pile of lath edgings which had floated down from a
lath mill on the river.
One Captain Joy took it upon himself to form "all the gentlemen who would
enlist in so noble a cause" into a "home guard," and forthwith arming
themselves with the aforesaid lath edgings, a company of volunteers was
quickly raised, and drawn up in battle array.
I do not recollect the glorious and patriotic speech by which our noble
captain fired our "sluggish souls with due enthusiasm for the great cause
in which we were about to embark," but we were put through a course of
military tactics, "according to Hardee," and took up our line of march.
[Illustration: CHARGE, INFANTRY!]
There was no Bunker Hill on which to display our valor, but there was
another hill, just in rear of the barn nearly, which had not been used in
farming purposes that spring, and for this hill we charged at
"double-quick." In this charge--the danger lay in the _swamping_ part of
the hill--we unambushed a large flock of hens, chickens, and ducks, from
the opposite side.
"_Charge bayonet!_" shouted our noble captain, with great presence of
mind.
We charged! The ducks quacked and fled. The hens cackled and ran. The
noise was deafening, the chase enthusiastic, and above the dust and din of
battle arose the stentorian cry, "Charge bayonet!" The Donnybrook Fair
advice of "Wherever there's a head, hit it," was followed to the letter,
until the last enemy lay dead on the gory field, or had hid so far under
the barn that the small boys could not bring them forth. Then orders came
to withdraw, and gather up the dead and wounded.
[Illustration: AFTER THE BATTLE.]
There was an interesting string of hens, chickens, and ducks brought in
and laid at the feet of our great commander, to represent the fowl
products of that campaign. The captain's congratulatory speech was
characteristic also of the _fowl proceedings_, at the close of which
harangue he appointed the "orderly a committee of three to wait on the
fortune-teller, and present him with the spoils of war," of which his
"cups" had given him no previous intimation.
What next? The captain informed us that "as the company was 'mutual,' it
became necessary, in consideration of the losses, to draw on the
_stock-holders_ (_gun-stock_), as he could see no other 'policy' under
which to assess those 'damages.'"
"Filliky Milliky" never carried fowl to a better market.
The "fortunate" ones entertained us, on the barge, with the marvellous
revelations that had transpired within the hut. One married lady was
assured that she was yet single, but would marry in a six-month. A
double-and-twisted old maid was told that her husband was in California.
But the most absurd revelation was to a well-known respectable middle-aged
lady, who was inclined to believe in the foreseeing powers of old Mother
Milliky until now, who was told that she was "soon to receive a letter
from her absent husband, also in California for the last five years; that
he had become rich, and was soon to return; but that her youngest child, a
year old, was inclined to worms, and might not live to see its father
return!" All this wonderful information for a ninepence.
* * * * *
_Secret of finding lost Property._--In Hopkinton, Mass., there lived a man
named Sheffield, who professed to tell fortunes. The postmaster of that
town told my informant that old Sheffield received from seven to ten
letters per day from the fools who believed in his foreseeing powers. Once
the surveyor, with a large gang of men, was working on the highway, and
while they were at dinner an ox chain was stolen. The overseer, happening
along before the rest of the men, saw some one unhook the chain, and steal
away to a field adjoining, pull up a fence post, and deposit the chain in
the hole, replace the post, and return. He "lay low," and as the thief
passed he discovered him to be old Sheffield, the fortune-teller. He kept
his own counsel, and, the chain being missed, a committee of three was
appointed to visit the seer, to discover by his art where the stolen
property was secreted.
Mr. ----, the overseer, and others, called on Sheffield, who got out his
mysterious book, and figured away in an impressive manner, and finally
chalked out a rough plan of the ground on the floor, and again consulting
his book, he solemnly declared that he had discovered the property.
"You follow this line from the spot where the chain was unhooked from the
plough, so many rods to this line fence, go along the fence to the seventh
post, draw it up, and the chain will be found beneath, in the post-hole."
The two men were struck dumb with astonishment, for they believed in the
mysterious powers of old Sheffield; but the overseer exclaimed, in words
more impressive than elegant,--
"Yes, you infernal scoundrel, and you put it there, for I saw you with my
own eyes."