The widow Wealthy lived in the country. She was a blooming widow, fair,
plump, and--sickly. She owned a valuable farm, just turning off from the
main thoroughfare,--broad acres, nice cottage house, great barn and
granary, and she was considered, by certain eligible old bachelors, and a
widower or two, as "a mighty good catch."
Dr. Filley practised in the country. He was a bachelor, above forty. He
was a short, thick-set man, with a fair practice, which might have been
better, but for certain whispers about a growing propensity to--drinking!
That's the word. Of course he denied the insinuation, and defied any one
to prove that he was ever the worse for liquor. The doctor was attendant,
professionally, upon the widow, and--well you know how the gossips manage
that sort of a thing in the country. But who was to know whether "the
doctor made more visits per week to the widow Wealthy than her state of
health seemed to warrant"? or who knew that "the widow was 'sweet' towards
the little doctor, and that she intended he should throw the bill all in
at the end of the year--himself to boot?" Never mind his rivals; they do
not come into our amusing story.
John, the widow's hired man, was sent very unexpectedly, one day in
autumn, for the doctor to call that afternoon, to see the invalid. Very
unexpectedly to the widow, and greatly to her mortification, two gossiping
neighbors called at her residence just as the doctor was expected to
arrive. "O, she was so glad to see Mrs. ---- and Mrs. ----!"
Dr. Filley rode a scraggy little Canadian horse,--a fiery, headstrong
beast, but a good saddle horse. Somehow, the unexpected call, at that
hour, slightly "flustered" the little doctor; but he threw his saddle-bags
over his shoulder, mounted the beast, and turned his head towards the
widow's residence.
"I b'lieve I am a little nervous over this colt; I wonder what's the
matter!" And he tried to rein up the headstrong little beast, to give
himself time to--sober off!
"I reary bl'eve I'm a little--taken by surprise--ho, Charley! Why, what's
got inter--pony? Goes like 'r devil. Ho, ho, boy."
Pretty soon the beast struck into a gallop; and now he reached the lane
that led into Mrs. Wealthy's farm. The pony knew the lane as well as his
master, and the barn better. The said lane led by the barn-yard and
out-buildings, the house being beyond. The barn-yard bars were down, and
the pony made for the opening, in a clean gallop, over the fallen bars,
right in amongst the cattle, the sheep, and the swine. A big ox gave a
bellow at the sudden arrival, and, with tail and head in air, ran to the
opposite side of the yard, intruding upon the comfort of a big old sow,
that was dozing in the mud. With a loud snort, the discomfited porker
rushed from the mire just in time to meet the horse, and in attempting to
pass on both sides at once, she went between the short fore legs of the
pony, and brought up with a loud squeal, and a shock that sent the rider
over the horse's head, down astride the hog. The pony reared, wheeled, and
ran out of the yard at one pair of bars, and the sow went pell-mell out
of the other, bearing the doctor and saddle-bags swiftly along towards the
house.
The hired man witnessed the sudden change of steeds, and gave the alarm.
The widow--not so very sick--was just graciously showing her two unwelcome
lady callers out, after being worried nearly an hour by their company; and
taking an anxious look towards the lane, she saw the doctor coming on a
clean--no, dirty--gallop, on her old sow.
She lost no time in giving a loud scream. What else should she do?
"O, goodness gracious! What is that?"
"O Lord, save and defend us! What is it?" exclaimed the two ladies, in
chorus.
"A man on a hog!"
"The doctor on a sow!" again in chorus.
Now the pony and the swine met, the doctor still clinging to the sow's ear
with one hand, and to the tail with the other; of course, having turned a
clean summersault from the pony, facing towards the sow's hind quarters.
The swine, beset on all sides, sheered off, and made directly through a
large duck-pond in the field, scattering the geese and ducks every way,
which, crying out, "Quack, quack!" made off as fast as feet and wings
could carry them. Half way across the pond the doctor lost his balance,
and, with his saddle-bags, fell splashing into the water.
Another scream from the ladies,--only two of them.
The widow, like a sensible woman, when she saw the doctor's danger, ran
for the well-pole. "Here, John, here! Take this well-hook, and fish him
out quick, before he drowns."
John obeyed, and in an instant the doctor was safely landed.
The doctor was sobered.
The widow, seeing no further danger, like a true woman, fainted.
[Illustration: THE DOCTOR ON A SOW.]
[Illustration: RESCUE OF THE DOCTOR.]
Leaving the muddy and half-drowned doctor, who looked like a well-wet-down
bantam cock, John turned to his mistress, whom he picked up from the
grass, and carried into the house. The two ladies, who had witnessed her
discomfiture, assisted in loosening the stays, and administering some
salts, which revived the widow.
"O, did you ever see such a comical sight?"
"Never. O, wasn't it horrid? The little doctor riding backward, on a
horrid, dirty, old pig! O, if I ever!"
And the ladies laughed in unison, in which the widow actually joined.
"But what has become of the poor, wet fellow? And did John rescue the
saddle-bags?" inquired the widow.
John, meantime, had returned to the doctor's assistance. He now fished out
the saddle-bags, and the unfortunate doctor started on foot for home,
whither the pony had long since fled.
The story, in the mouth of one servant and three ladies, was anything but
a secret, and--you know how it is in the country.
* * * * *
The widow still holds the farm in her own name, in a town in New England.
Dr. Filley practises physic in California.