An old English gentleman told me an amusing story of a wig. A Dr. Wing,
who wore a big wig and a long queue, visited a great lady, who was
confined to her bed. The lady's maid was present, having just brought in a
bowl of hot gruel. As the old doctor was about to make some remark to the
maid, as she held the bowl in her hands, he felt his queue, or tail to his
wig, moving, when he turned suddenly round towards the lady, and looking
with astonishment at his patient, he said,--
"Madam, were you pulling my tail?"
"Sir!" replied the lady, in equal astonishment and indignation.
Just then the tail gave another flop.
Whirling about like a top whipped by a school-boy, the doctor cried to the
maid,--
"Zounds, woman, it was _you_ who pulled my wig!"
"Me, sir!" exclaimed the affrighted lady's maid.
"Yes, you, you hussy!"
"But, I beg your pardon--"
"Thunder and great guns, madam!" And the doctor whirled back on his
pivoted heels towards the more astonished lady, who now had risen from her
pillow by great effort, and sat in her night dress, gazing in profound
terror upon the supposed drunken or insane doctor. Again the wig swung to
and fro, like a clock pendulum. Again the old doctor, now all of a lather
of sweat, spun round, and accused the girl of playing a "scaly trick" upon
his dignified person.
[Illustration: A WIG MOUSE.]
"Sir, do you see that I have both hands full?"
Away went the tail again. The lady saw it moving as though bewitched, and
called loudly for help. The greatest consternation prevailed, the doctor
alternating his astounded gaze between the two females; when the queue
gave a powerful jerk, and out leaped a big mouse, which went plump into
the hot porridge. The maid gave a shrill scream, and dropped the hot
liquid upon the doctor's silk hose, and fled.
The poor, innocent mouse was dead; the doctor was scalded; the lady was in
convulsions--of laughter; when the room was suddenly filled by alarmed
domestics, from scullion to valet, and all the ladies and gentlemen of the
household.
[Illustration: THE MYSTERY EXPLAINED.]
"What's the matter?" sternly inquired the master of the house, approaching
the bed.
"O, dear, dear!" cried the convalescent, "a mouse was in the doctor's wig,
and--"
"A mouse!" exclaimed the doctor, jerking the offensive wig from his bald
pate. "A d--d mouse! I beg a thousand pardons, madam," turning to the
lady, holding the wig by the tail, and giving it a violent shake. He had
not seen the mouse jump, and till this moment thought that the lady and
maid had conspired to insult him.