There are certain delicate cases, usually terminating in "good news," in
which it has long been an established custom for the physician to receive
a double fee. "A father just presented with an heir, or a lucky fellow
just made one, is expected to bleed freely for the benefit of the
faculty." Even the Irish, who, in about all other cases, calculate on
"cheating the doctor to pay the priest," will usually lay by a little sum
from their penury, or their bank hoardings, as the case may be, "to pay
the doctor for the babbie."
We insert the following poetry (!) for the fun of the thing; nevertheless,
it is within the experience of more than one physician, who, after doing
his duty, exhibiting his best professional ability, and saving the wife of
some miserable, worthless fellow, who never deserved such a godsend for a
companion, has cheated the doctor out of his fees from spite, when, if the
poor woman had died, he would have liberally paid the physician. Let no
man take this to himself.
"A woman who scolded one day so long
Quite suddenly lost all use of her tongue!
The doctor arrived, who, with 'hem and haw,'
Pronounced the affection a true locked jaw.
"'What hopes, good doctor?' 'Very small, I see.'
The husband (quite sad) slips a double fee.
'No hopes, _dear_ doctor?' 'Ahem! none, I fear.'
Gives another fee for an issue clear.
"The madam deceased. 'Pray, sir, do not grieve.'
'My friends, one comfort I surely receive--
A fatal locked jaw was the only case
From which my dear wife could have died--in peace.'"
"MAKE THE MOST OF HIM."
It has been said that physicians have been known to benevolently play a
fee into a brother's hand when their own palm failed to be broad enough to
hold them all. Perhaps the reader may derive amusement or instruction from
the following, in which case the writer is well repaid for their
insertion:--
"A wealthy tradesman, after drinking the waters of the Bath Springs a
long time, under advice of his physician, took a fancy to try those of
Bristol. Armed with an introductory letter from his Bath doctor to a
professional brother at Bristol, the old gentleman set off on his journey.
On the way he said to himself,--
"'I wonder what Dr. ---- has advised the Bristol physician respecting my
case;' and giving way to his curiosity, or anxiety, he opened the letter,
and read,--
"'DEAR DOCTOR: The bearer is a fat Wiltshire clothier; _make the most
of him_. Yours, professionally, ----.'"
Clutterbuck, the historian, and a pleasant writer, tells the following of
his uncle, who was a physician:--
"A nervous old lady, a patient of his, took it into her crotchety old head
to try the Bath waters, and applied to her physician for permission.
"'The very thing I have been thinking to recommend,' he replied; 'and I
know an excellent physician at the wells, to whom I will give you a letter
of introduction.'"
With her letter and a companion, she started for the springs. _En route_
she took out the letter, and, after looking at the address some time, her
curiosity overcame her, and she said to her friend, "So long as the doctor
has treated me, he has never told me what my case is, and I have a mind to
just look into this letter and see what he has told the Bath physician
about it."
In vain her friend remonstrated against such a breach of trust. The old
lady opened the epistle, and read the following instructive words:--
"DEAR SIR: Keep the old woman three weeks, and send her back."
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