Dr. James Wood was an oddity. He was a bachelor, between thirty and forty,
large and attractive. He was remarkably neat in dress and person, but
delighted in "an old rip of a horse."
Once he was on a tour through New Brunswick, and, in company with a
friend, drove up to a tavern at evening, and called for the landlord.
"He ain't t' home, but I'm the horse-slayer," replied a voice, followed by
the person of a tall, lean Yankee, who issued from the smoke of the
bar-room, and approached our friends, still sitting in the open buggy.
"Here, put up my horse; take good care of him, and feed him well."
"Hoss?" said the impudent fellow. "O, yes, I see him now; he's inside that
ere frame, I s'pose. Climb down, gentlemen, and go inter the house.
Landlord and the Santipede (Xantippe?) has gone to St. Johns; but I guess
Dolly in the kitchin, and me in the bar-room, can eat and drink yer,
though you're two putty big fellows, well's myself." So saying, the
gentlemen having alighted, he drove the animal to the stable.
[Illustration: A "HORSE-SLAYER" INDULGING HIS OPINION.]
At supper, the doctor and his friend and two ladies were the only
guests. Just what part the "horse-slayer" had had in its preparation was
not obvious, since he had, after caring for the horse, only sat with a
pipe in his mouth and his heels elevated on the bar-room stove, or
following to the sitting-room, and continually plied the doctor with
questions. However, the supper was ample, thanks to "Dolly."
"Is there anything more wanted?" inquired the table girl,--a round-faced,
round-headed country specimen in neat calico.
"Yes," replied the doctor, "we would like some napkins, seeing there are
none on the table."
Away hastened the girl, who, quickly returning, asked in very primitive
simplicity,--
"How will you have them cooked?"
"O, boiled, if you please," replied the doctor, without changing a muscle
about his sober-looking face.
The girl disappeared at full trot, followed by jeers of laughter from the
gentlemen present, and suppressed titters from the ladies.
In a few moments "Dolly" made her appearance, and after searching in vain
through the side-table drawer and a cupboard in the dining-room, she said
they had none in the house, and intimated that the table girl could not be
induced to return, after being laughed at for her ignorance of what a
napkin was, and that "herself would wait upon the guests."
When the doctor returned, the "horse-slayer" called out that the napkin
doctor was coming, upon which the terrified table-girl ran away and hid.
My informant says, "You're only to say, any time, 'Here comes that napkin
doctor,' and the table girl nearly goes wild, dropping everything, and
hiding away in her chamber till assured it is only a false alarm."
The writer is well acquainted with W., who assured him this was true.