"Verily,
I swear, 'tis better to be lowly born,
And range with humble livers in content,
Than to be perked up in a glistening grief
And wear a golden sorrow."--KING HENRY VIII.
ANECDOTE IN ILLUSTRATION.--DERIVATION.--FATHER OF QUACKS.--A MEDICAL
"BONFIRE."--THE "SAMSON" OF THE PROFESSION.--SIR ASTLEY.--U. S.
SURVEYOR-GENERAL HAMMOND.--HOMEOPATHIC QUACKS, ETC.--A MUDDLED
DEFINITION.--"STOP THIEF!"--CRIPPLED FOR LIFE!--TWO POUNDS
CALOMEL.--VICTIMS.--WASHINGTON, JACKSON, HARRISON.--THE COUNTRY
QUACK.--A TRUE AND LUDICROUS ANECDOTE.--DYEING TO DIE!--A SCARED
DOCTOR.--DROPSY!--A HASTY WEDDING!--A COUNTRY CONSULTATION.--"SCENES
FROM WESTERN PRACTICE."--"TWIST ROOT."--A JOLLY TRIO.--NEW "BUST" OF
CUPID.--AN UNWILLING LISTENER.
On looking over my "collection" on quacks and charlatans, I am so strongly
reminded of a little anecdote which you may have already seen in print,
but which so well illustrates painfully the facts to be adduced in this
chapter, that I _must_ appropriate the story, which story a western
engineer tells of himself.
"One day our train stopped at a new watering-place, being a small station
in Indiana, where I observed two green-looking countrymen in 'homespun'
curiously inspecting the locomotive, occasionally giving vent to
expressions of astonishment.
"Finally one of them approached and said,--
"'Stranger, are this 'ere a injine?'
"'Certainly. Did you ever see one before?'
"'No, never seen one o' the critters afore. Me an' Bill here comed down t'
the station purpose to see one. Them's the biler--ain't it?'
"'Yes, that is the boiler,' I answered.
"'What you call that place you're in?'
"'This we call a cab.'
"'An' this big wheel, what's this fur?'
"'That's the driving wheel.'
"'That big, black thing on top I s'pose is the chimley.'
"'Precisely.'
"'Be you the engineer what runs the machine?'
"'I am,' I replied, with the least bit of self-complacency.
"He eyed me closely for a moment; then, turning to his companion, he
remarked,--
"'Bill, it don't take much of a man to be a engineer--do it?'"
The reader will perceive the distinction which we make between humbugs,
quacks, and charlatans, though one individual may comprehend the whole.
"Quacks comprehend not only those who enact the absurd impositions of
ignorant pretenders, but also of _unbecoming acts of professional men
themselves_."--_Thomas' Medical Dictionary._
This is the view we propose to take of it in this chapter, in connection
with the derivation of the word.
The word _quack_ is derived from the German "_quack salber_," or mercury,
which metal was introduced into the _Materia Medica_ by _Philippus
Aureolus Theophrastus Paracelsus Bombast ab Hohenhein_!
"So extensively was quicksilver used by Paracelsus and his followers that
they received the stigma of 'quacks.'"--See _Parr's Medical Dictionary_.
There is some controversy respecting the date of birth of Paracelsus, but
probably it was in the year 1493. He was born in Switzerland.
[Illustration: THE INQUISITIVE COUNTRYMEN.]
Professor Waterhouse (1835) says, "He was learned in Greek, Latin, and
several other languages. That he introduced quicksilver," etc., "and was a
vain, arrogant profligate, and died a confirmed sot."
"Paracelsus was a man of most dissolute habits and unprincipled character,
and his works are filled with the highest flights of unintelligible
bombastic jargon, unworthy of perusal, but such as might be expected from
one who united in his person the qualities of a fanatic and a
drunkard."--_R. D. T._
Mercury was known to the early Greek and Roman physicians, who regarded it
as a dangerous poison. They, however, used it externally in curing the
_itch_, and John de Vigo employed it to cure the plague. Paracelsus used
it internally first for _lues venerea_, which appeared in Naples the year
of his birth, though doubtless that disease reached far back, even into
the camp of Israel. The heroic doses of Paracelsus either destroyed the
disease at once, _or the patient_. Paracelsus proclaimed to the world that
there was no further need of the _Materia Medica_, especially the writings
of Galen, and burned them in public; his "Elixir Vitæ" would cure all
diseases. But in spite of his wonderful knowledge and his life-saving
elixir, he died of the diseases he professed to cure, at the early age of
forty-eight, while Galen lived to the age of seventy.