"I find, Dick, that you are in the habit of taking my best jokes, and
passing them off as your own. Do you call that the conduct of a
gentleman?"
"To be sure, Tom. Why, a true gentleman will always take a joke from a
friend."
A WANT SUPPLIED.--ORIGINAL ANECDOTES OF ABERNETHY.--A LIVE
IRISHMAN.--MADAM ROTHSCHILD.--LARGE FEET.--A SHANGHAI
ROOSTER.--SPREADING HERSELF.--KEROSENE.--"SALERATUS."--HIS LAST
JOKE.--AN ASTONISHED DARKY.--OLD DR. K.'s MARE.--A SCARED
CUSTOMER.--"WHAT'S TRUMPS?"--"LET GO THEM HALYARDS."--MEDICAL
TITBITS.--MORE MUSTARD THAN MEAT.--"I WANT TO BE AN
ANGEL."--TOOTH-DRAWING.--DR. BEECHER VS. DR. HOLMES.--STEALING
TIME.--CHOLERA FENCED IN.--"A JOKE THAT'S NOT A JOKE."--A DRY
SHOWER-BATH.--PARBOILING AN OLD LADY.
"There would be no difficulty in multiplying anecdotes attributed to
Abernethy (or other celebrated physicians) _ad libitum_, but there are
three objections to such a course. First, there are many told of him which
never happened; others, which may possibly have occurred, you find it
impossible to authenticate; and lastly, there is a class which, if they
happened to Dr. Abernethy, certainly happened to others before he was
born. In fact, when a man once gets a reputation of doing or saying odd
things, every story in which the chief person is unknown or unremembered,
is given to the next man whose reputation for such is
remarkable."--_Memoirs of Dr. Abernethy, by George Macilwain, F. R. C. S.,
etc., etc._
Notwithstanding the great number of authentic anecdotes of physicians
which might be collected together, Mr. Campbell, the experienced
antiquarian bookseller, of Boston, assures me there is no such book in
print. I have been many years collecting such, and for this chapter I have
selected therefrom those most chaste, amusing, instructive, and authentic.
The following original anecdote of the great English surgeon I obtained
verbally from Mr. Sladden, of Chicago:--
"My grandmother once visited Dr. Abernethy, with her eldest son, my uncle,
living in London, to consult the great physician respecting an inveterate
humor of the scalp, with which the child was afflicted.
"There were a great many patients in waiting, and when it came my
grandmother's turn, she walked up to the great man, and removing the boy's
cap, presented the case for his inspection in silence. He took a quick
glance at the humory head, turned to the old lady, and said,--
"'Madam, the best thing I can recommend for that disease is a plenty of
warm water and soap. And, by the way, if that don't remove it, the next
best thing is to apply freely soap and warm water. Five guineas, if you
please, ma'am.'
"As my grandmother was the embodiment of neatness, she never forgave the
doctor for this broad intimation of the questionableness of her neatness."