When a young man is about to be "taken into society," the question
naturally arises, Is the young man, or the society, to be benefited by the
accession? As the young man seems anxious to make his _debut_ there, we
presume _he_ is to be benefited by the initiation into pure society.
[Illustration: EXAMINATION OF THE SMOKER.]
Since nine tenths of the young men are tobacco-users, we will presume
safely enough that this young man is one of them. He has used it from
five to seven years,--sufficient time to admit of its becoming part and
parcel of him.
The young man--"John" is his name--is before the examining committee, who,
not being blind or obtuse from the use of the weed themselves, and knowing
no young man is fit to enter pure society who uses, or has used, tobacco,
without being purified, they submit him to the test, with the following
results:--
"His clothes are impregnated with tobacco," the examiner reports.
"Let them be removed and purified," is the command.
[Illustration: PURIFYING HIS BLOOD.]
They are soaked in alkalies, and soap, and water. They are washed, and
boiled, dried, aired, and pressed and pronounced clean, and fit for
society.
The committee next examine John's skin. "It is full of nicotine. It must
be cleansed." So John is taken to the Turkish bath, the most likely place
to remove the filth permeating his every pore. Dr. Dio Diogenes puts him
through; he is "sweated," and the great room is scented throughout by the
tobacco aroma arising from the ten thousand before clogged-up pores of his
skin. He is all but parboiled, then soaped and scrubbed, rubbed, and then
goes into the plunge bath. The fishes are instantly killed. The canary
bird in the next room is suffocated by the effluvia penetrating to his
cage. The young man is wiped again, dried, and cooled.
Again the committee smell. John is not yet pure. The nicotine is "in his
blood," says Dr. Chemistry. A faucet is introduced into John's aorta, and
his blood drawn off into a bucket for the chemist to analyze and purify of
tobacco. Still the flesh is full of nicotine, and it must be removed and
purified. It is too late for John to object, and the fact cannot be denied
that the poison _is_ in his muscle; so he is stripped of the integuments
to his framework.
[Illustration: CLEANSING HIS BONES.]
The committee now examine the bony structure.
In Germany they have recently dug up the bones of tobacco-users who have
been dead years, and found nicotine (tobacco principle) in them. May not
this man's bones be full of nicotine, which will come out through, if we
replace the integuments, blood, and garments?
"The bones must be subjected to purification," said the judge.
They are soaked in alkalies, boiled in acids, and sufficient nicotine is
extracted to kill five men not hardened in the tobacco service.
Thus, and only thus, could John have been purified from his vile habit and
its results, and fitted for decent male society, female society, and
Christian society. There is said to be one other place where John can
possibly have the nicotine of seven years' deposit taken out of him. It is
a very warm place, and the principal chemical ingredient used is said to
be sulphuric, and kept up to a boiling point by means of infernal great
fires.