"There's nine men standin' at the dore, an they all sed they'd take sugar
in there'n. Sich, friends and brethering, was the talk in a wurldli' cens,
wonst common in this our ainshunt land, but the dais is gone by and the
sans run dry, and no man can say to his nabur, Thou art the man, and will
you take enny more shugar in your kaughey? But the words of our tex has a
difrunt and more pertikelur meenin than this. Thar they stood at the dore
on a cold winter's mornin, two Baptiss and two Methodies and five
Lutharians, and the tother was a publikin, and they all with one vois sed
they wouldn't dirty their feet in a dram shop, but if the publikin would
go and get the drinks they'd pay for 'em. And they all cried out and sed,
'I'll take mine with shugar--for it won't feel good to drink the stuff
without sweetenin'.' So the publikin he marched in, and the bar-keeper
said, 'What want ye?' and he answered and sed, 'A drink.' 'How will ye
have it?' 'Plain and strate,' says he, 'for it ain't no use in wastin'
shugar to circumsalvate akafortis. But there's nine more standin' at the
dore, and they all sed they'd take shugar in ther'n.' Friends and
brethering, it ain't only the likker or the spirits that is drunk in this
roundabout and underhanded way, but it's the likker of all sorts of human
wickedness in like manner. There's the likker of mallis that menny of you
drinks to the drugs; but you're sure to sweetin' it with the shugar of
self-justification. Ther's the likker of avris that some keeps behind the
curtain for constant use, but they always has it well mixt with the
sweetin' uv prudens and ekonimy. Ther's the likker of self-luv that sum
men drinks by the gallon, but they always puts in lots of the shugar of
Take Keer of Number One.
"An' lastly, ther's the likker uv oxtorshun, which the man sweetins
according to circumstances.... And ther's nine men at the dore, and they
all sed they'd take shugar in ther'n. But, friends and brethering, thar's
a time comin' and a place fixin' whar thar'll be no 'standin' at the
door,' to call for 'shugar in ther'n.' But they'll have to go rite in and
take the drink square up to the front, and the bar-keeper'll be old Satun,
and nobody else; and he'll give 'em 'shugar in ther'n,' you'd better
believe it; and it'll be shugar of lead, and red-hot at that, as shure as
my name's CONSHUNCE DODGER."
* * * * *
ALCOHOL contains no life-supporting principle. It has no iron or salts for
the blood, no lime for bone, phosphorus for brain, no nitrogen for vital
tissue. Burton's "_Old Pale Ale_" is given to invalids, but (by Dr.
Hassal's analysis of one gallon), one must swallow 65,320 parts (grains)
of water, 200 of vinegar, 2,510 of malt gum, etc., in order to get 100 of
sugar, which is the only nourishing quality therein.
FISH is a good and wholesome article of diet, and salt water fish are
never poisonous, if fresh. I once knew of fresh water fish being
poisonous. The following article appeared in the Daily Courant of Hartford
in 1864.