Mr. Punch's
Mr. Punch's History of the Great War
作者：Graves, Charles L. (Charles Larcom), 1856-1944
体例：题 章数：157
字数：322,689 来源：Project Gutenberg
版本与结构
- 来源版本
- 本站收录 1 个来源：Project Gutenberg（322,689 字）。
- 分章依据
- 按「题」标记切分为 157 题（Gutenberg 卷册标记）。
- 篇幅分布
- 平均每题 2,055 字。
- 原文溯源
cache/epub/11571/pg11571.txt（Project Gutenberg）
章节目录
共 157 题- Mr. PUNCH'S
- HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR
- TO THE READER
- PROLOGUE
- THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT
- King Punch presenteth Prussia with the Order of "St. Gibbet."
- GERMANY: "Farewell, Madam, and if--"
- FRANCE: "Ha! We shall meet again!"
- THE SOWER OF TARES
- Mr. PUNCH'S HISTORY of the GREAT WAR
- BRAVO, BELGIUM!]
- THE TWO GERMANIES
- Study of a German Gentleman going into Action]
- THE KAISER: "So, you see--you've lost everything."
- THE KING OF THE BELGIANS: "Not my soul."]
- OFFICER: "Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for?"
- RECRUIT: "To prevent the henemy from landin', sir."
- OFFICER: "And do you think you could prevent him landing all by yourself?"
- RECRUIT: "Don't know, sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a damn good try!"]
- TRIPPER WILHELM: "First Class to Paris."
- CLERK: "Line blocked."
- WILHELM: "Then make it Warsaw."
- CLERK: "Line blocked."
- WILHELM: "Well, what about Calais?"
- CLERK: "Line blocked."
- ON EARTH--PEACE
- PEACE: "I'm glad that they, at least, have their Christmas unspoiled."]
- POMPOUS LADY: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge."
- TOMMY (aside): "Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin!"]
- THE EMPEROR: "What! No babes, Sirrah?"
- THE MURDERER: "Alas, Sire, none."
- THE EMPEROR: "Well, then, no babes, no iron crosses."
- GHOST OF THE OLD PILOT: "I wonder if he would drop me _now!_"]
- VOICE OF ROOSEVELT (_off_): "That's so!"]
- VICTORY IN GALLIPOLI.
- LATE WIRE FROM CHESTER.
- KAISER (as executioner): "I'm going to hang you."
- THE EAGLE: "Say, Boss, what's the matter with trying me?"]
- APPLICANT: "To the Front, sir."]
- GERMAN CHANCELLOR: "Well, thank Heaven, that's the last of Tirpitz."
- TIRPITZ (reappearing): "I don't think!"]
- FOR NEUTRALS
- FOR NATIVES
- NURSE: "Oh, come! I say! That's not very polite to us."
- TOMMY: "Never mind. Nurse, put it down. It'll please her!"]
- SECOND LADY: "How do you know?"
- FIRST LADY: "Why, can't you see the Kangaroo feathers in his hat?"]
- MULE HUMOUR]
- THE OLD FOX: "You don't seem to be getting much nearer them?"
- THE CUB: "No, Father. Hadn't we better give it out that they're sour?"]
- VISITOR (at Private Hospital): "Can I see Lieutenant Barker, please?"
- VISITOR (boldly): "Oh, yes! I'm his sister."
- MATRON: "Dear me! I'm very glad to meet you. _I'm his mother_."]
- But how can the grief be measured of those
- In Memory of Field-Marshal Earl Kitchener, Maker of Armies]
- THE SISTER: "Oh, Reginald! Really, this is so very sudden."]
- LITTLE MAID: "Oh, thank you, Mum, but I can see beautiful from here, Mum."]
- THE SWEEPERS OF THE SEA.
- MR. PUNCH: "Risky work, isn't it?"
- TRAWLER SKIPPER: "That's why there's a hundred thousand of us doin' it."]
- THE SUNLIGHT-LOSER
- COMRADES IN VICTORY
- Combles, September 26th
- POILU: "Bravo, mon vieux!"
- TOMMY: "Same to you, mate."]
- MOTHER: "Come away, Jimmy! Maybe it ain't properly stuffed."]
- HINDENBURGITIS; OR, THE PRUSSIAN HOME MADE BEAUTIFUL]
- A STRAIN ON THE AFFECTIONS
- SWEDE: "I was."]
- THE BIRD: "Wouldn't even look at me!"]
- THE NEW CONDUCTOR
- Opening of the 1917 Overture]
- GRETCHEN: "I wonder if this gentleman really is my good angel after all!"]
- WILHELM: "Are you luring them on, like me?" MEHMED: "I'm afraid I am!"]
- SCENE: HOTEL.
- LITTLE GIRL: "Oh, Mummy! They've given me a dirty plate."
- MOTHER: "Hush, darling. That's the soup."]
- THE NEW-COMER: "My village, I think?"
- THE ONE IN POSSESSION: "Sorry, old thing; I took it half-an-hour ago."]
- DYNASTIC AMENITIES
- SPECTRE: "Well, if you don't like the look of me, eat less bread."]
- A PLACE OF ARMS
- Or, the Recruit that was passed at the thirteenth examination.]
- GERMAN PIRATE; "Gott strafe England!"
- BRITISH POTATO: "Tuber über Alles!"]
- SKIPPER: "Yus, I've been torpedoed six times."]
- CONSTABLE WOODROW WILSON: "That's a very mischievous thing to do."
- SWEDEN: "Please, sir, I didn't know it was loaded."]
- CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "What's the matter?"
- TOMMY: "Yes, sir."
- C.O.: "Well, what is it, then?"
- TOMMY. "To stay 'ere an' fight like 'ell."]
- A LOST LAND
- THE KAISER: "Stop! I'm tired."
- DEATH: "I started at your bidding; I stop when I choose."]
- MISSING
- THE PANDER: "Come on; come and be kissed by him."]
- SIR AUCKLAND GEDDES: "Hush! Hush! We're waiting for the Millennium."]
- THE NEW LANGUAGE
- ORDERLY SERGEANT: "Lights out, there."
- VOICE FROM THE HUT: "It's the moon, Sergint."
- ORDERLY SERGEANT: "I don't give a d--- what it is. Put it out!"]
- CHILDREN OF CONSOLATION
- THE CIVILIAN AND THE WAR OFFICE
- I am bidden to the War Office.
- I depart for it.
- I approach it.
- I enter.
- I am not observed.
- I am still not observed.
- I am observed.
- I am spoken to (and still live).
- I continue to be spoken to.
- I am spoken to quite nicely.
- I am shaken hands with.
- I take my leave.]
- THE LIBERATORS
- SECOND BOLSHEVIK: "What about War?"
- FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Good! And Peace too. Away with both of 'em!"]
- WIFE: "George, there are two strange men digging up the garden."
- WIFE: "Heavens! But there _is_!"]
- CIVILISATION: "What's that supposed to represent?"
- IMPERIAL ARTIST: "Why, 'Peace,' of course."
- CIVILISATION: "Well, I don't recognise it--and I never shall."]
- BY SPECIAL REQUEST
- THE COMING ARMY
- THE DEATH LORD
- DRAKE'S WAY
- Zeebrugge, St. George's Day, 1918
- SCENE: R.F.C. CLUB. TIME: EVERY TIME.
- CERES: "Speed the plough!"
- GENERAL FOCH: "On the wane, I think."
- NURSEMAID (unguardedly): "I don't know yet, ma'am."]
- THE BEST SMELL OF ALL
- A Champagne Counter-Offensive]
- CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "That's very clever. Who did it?"
- LATEST ADDITION TO MINISTRY STAFF: "What's the tea-time here?"
- CICERONE: "Usual--three to five-thirty."]
- THE KAISER: "I don't like this wind, my son. Which way is it?"
- THE CROWN PRINCE: "Up!"]
- First week
- Second week
- Third week
- Fourth week]
- THE IRISH EXILE
- THE OLD-TIMER
- FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?"
- With Mr. Punch's Grateful Compliments to Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.]
- To commemorate the surrender of the German Fleet]
- EPILOGUE
- Strasbourg, December 8th, 1918.]
- THE 1919 MODEL
- THE EASTER OFFERING
- OVERWEIGHTED
- PRESIDENT WILSON: "Here's your olive branch. Now get busy."
- INDEX
- End of Project Gutenberg's Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, by Punch