SKIPPER: "Yus, I've been torpedoed six times."]

Parliament has devoted many hours of talk to the discussion of Mr.

Henderson's visit to Paris in company with Mr. Ramsay MacDonald to attend a

Conference of French and Russian Socialists. As member of the War Cabinet

and Secretary of the Labour Party he seems to have resembled one of those

twin salad bottles from which oil and vinegar can be dispensed alternately

but not together. The attempt to combine the two functions could only end

as it began--in a double fiasco. Mr. Henderson has resigned, and Mr.

Winston Churchill has been appointed Minister of Munitions. Many reasons

have been assigned for his reinclusion in the Ministry. Some say that it

was done to muzzle Mr. MacCallum Scott, hitherto one of the most

pertinacious of questionists, who, as Mr. Churchill's private secretary, is

now debarred by Parliamentary etiquette from the exercise of these

inquisitorial functions. Others say it was done to muzzle Mr. Churchill.

Contrary to expectation, Mr. Churchill has succeeded in piloting the

Munitions of War Bill through its remaining stages in double quick time.

Its progress was accelerated by his willingness to abolish the leaving

certificate, which a workman hitherto had to procure before changing one

job for another. Having had unequalled experience in this respect, he is

convinced that the leaving certificate is a useless formality.

Food stocks going up, thanks to the energy of the farmers and the economy

of consumers; German submarines going down, thanks to the Navy; Russia

recovering herself; Britain and France advancing hand in hand on the

Western Front, and our enemies fumbling for peace--that was the gist of the

message with which the Prime Minister sped the parting Commons. "I have

resigned," Mr. Kennedy Jones tells us, "because there is no further need

for my services." Several politicians are of opinion that this was not a

valid reason. A boy of eighteen recently told a Stratford magistrate that

he had given up his job because he only got twenty-five shillings a week.

The question of wages is becoming acute in Germany too, and it is announced

that all salaries in the Diplomatic Service have been reduced. We always

said that frightfulness didn't really pay.

_September, 1917_.

Thanks to the collapse of the Russian armies and "fraternisation," Germany

has occupied Riga. But her chief exploits of late must be looked for

outside the sphere of military operations. She has added a new phrase to

the vocabulary of frightfulness, _spurlos versenkt_ in the

instructions to her submarine commanders for dealing with neutral

merchantmen. As for the position into which Sweden has been lured by

allowing her diplomatic agents to assist Germany's secret service, Mr.

Punch would hardly go the length of saying that it justifies the revision

of the National Anthem so as to read, "Confound their Scandi-knavish

tricks." But he finds it hard to accept Sweden's professions of official

rectitude, and so does President Wilson.

The German Press accuses the United States of having stolen the cipher key

of the Luxburg dispatches. It is this sort of thing that is gradually

convincing Germany that it is beneath her dignity to fight with a nation

like America. And the growing conviction in the United States that there

can be no peace with the Hohenzollerns only tends to fortify this view in

Court circles. The Kaiser's protestations of his love for his people become

more strident every day.

[Illustration: PERFECT INNOCENCE

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