You see if a man lives in the city, his wife always wants to go to some
show or other, and that costs money.
We have a fine lot of neighbors out our way, I can tell you. They're so
friendly.
The other day the woman next door stepped in, as I was coming to New
York, and wanted to know if I wouldn't stop at Cooper & Siegel's and get
her goods for a dress. I promised I would.
When I got there, I found an old maid ahead of me.
The shop-girl had evidently taken down almost every roll of cloth in the
place, but as each new one was unfolded, the old maid would say:
"No, no, I don't think that would do."
[Illustration]
All the rolls had been exhibited except one, when the old maid says:
"Never mind taking that down, I won't buy any cloth to-day. I was only
looking for a friend."
"But, madam," says the girl, "if you think there's any possibility of
her being in this roll, I'll open it up."
Just as I was about to say that I wanted some kind of cloth that would
suit a red-headed woman, a little dapper chap butted in and says to the
girl:
"Ah, darling Louisa, I have thought of you all week. How I love you
dear. Will you give me your heart?"
I was just drawing back my foot to give him a number eight where it
would wake him up, when the girl says:
"Certainly, dearest Harold. Cash! Cash!! Cash!!! Where will you have it
sent?"
[Illustration]
I was just about to say what I wanted, when another tall, lanky,
moth-eaten-looking fellow stepped in and engaged the girl's attention
for half an hour.
Finally he turned and went out without buying anything.
The floorwalker stepped up to the girl and says:
"You let that man go out without buying anything."
"Yes, sir."
"He was at your counter for a half hour."
"I know it," says the girl.
"In spite of all the questions he asked, you rarely answered him."
"I know it," says the girl, "but then, you see, I didn't have what he
wanted."
"And what's that?" asked the floorwalker.
"Five dollars. He wanted me to subscribe to a life of Mark Hanna,
compiled by a workingman."