jollity;" adding presently, "But hearing is not seeing; and indeed if
thou make up thy mind to join us and put off going to thy friends,
'twill be better for us and for thee. The traces of illness are yet
upon thee and haply thou art going among folk who be mighty talkers,
men who commune together of what concerneth them not; or there may be
amongst them some forward fellow who will split thy head, and thou half
thy size from sickness." "This shall be for some other day," answered
I, and laughed with heart angered: "finish thy work and go, in Allah
Almighty's guard, to thy friends, for they will be expecting thy
coming." "O my lord," replied he, "I seek only to introduce thee to
these fellows of infinite mirth, the sons of men of worth, amongst whom
there is neither procacity nor dicacity nor loquacity; for never, since
I grew to years of discretion, could I endure to consort with one who
asketh questions concerning what concerneth him not, nor have I ever
frequented any save those who are, like myself, men of few words. In
sooth if thou were to company with them or even to see them once, thou
wouldst forsake all thy intimates." "Allah fulfil thy joyance with
them," said I, "needs must I come amongst them some day or other." But
he said, "Would it were this very day, for I had set my heart upon thy
making one of us; yet if thou must go to thy friends to-day, I will
take these good things, wherewith thou hast honoured and favoured me,
to my guests and leave them to eat and drink and not wait for me;
whilst I will return to thee in haste and accompany thee to thy little
party; for there is no ceremony between me and my intimates to prevent
my leaving them. Fear not, I will soon be back with thee and wend with
thee whithersoever thou wendest. There is no Majesty and there is no
Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great!" I shouted; "Go thou to
thy friends and make merry with them; and _do_ let me go to mine and be
with them this day, for they expect me." But the Barber cried, "I will
not let thee go alone;" and I replied, "The truth is none can enter
where I am going save myself." He rejoined, "I suspect that to-day thou
art for an assignation with some woman, else thou hadst taken me with
thee; yet am I the right man to take, one who could aid thee to the end
thou wishest. But I fear me thou art running after strange women and
thou wilt lose thy life; for in this our city of Baghdad one cannot do
any thing in this line, especially on a day like Friday: our Governor
is an angry man and a mighty sharp blade." "Shame on thee, thou wicked,
bad, old man!" cried I, "Be off! what words are these thou givest me?"
"O cold of wit,"[627] cried he, "thou sayest to me what is not true and
thou hidest thy mind from me, but I know the whole business for certain
and I seek only to help thee this day with my best endeavour." I was
fearful lest my people or my neighbours should hear the Barber's talk,
so I kept silence for a long time whilst he finished shaving my head;
by which time the hour of prayer was come and the Khutbah, or sermon,
was about to follow. When he had done, I said to him, "Go to thy
friends with their meat and drink, and I will await thy return. Then we
will fare together." In this way I hoped to pour oil on troubled waters
and to trick the accursed loon, so haply I might get quit of him; but
he said, "Thou art cozening me and thou wouldst go alone to thy
appointment and cast thyself into jeopardy, whence there will be no
escape for thee. Now by Allah! and again by Allah! do not go till I
return, that I may accompany thee and watch the issue of thine affair."
"So be it," I replied, "do not be long absent." Then he took all the
meat and drink I had given him and the rest of it and went out of my
house; but the accursed carle gave it in charge of a porter to carry to
his home but hid himself in one of the alleys. As for me I rose on the
instant, for the Muezzins had already called the Salám of Friday, the
salutation to the Apostle;[628] and I dressed in haste and went out
alone and, hurrying to the street, took my stand by the house wherein I
had seen the young lady. I found the old woman on guard at the door
awaiting me, and went up with her to the upper story, the damsel's
apartment. Hardly had I reached it when behold, the master of the house
returned from prayers and entering the great saloon, closed the door. I
looked down from the window and saw this Barber (Allah's curse upon
him!) sitting over against the door and said, "How did this devil find
me out?" At this very moment, as Allah had decreed it for rending my
veil of secrecy, it so happened that a handmaid of the house-master
committed some offence for which he beat her. She shrieked out and his
slave ran in to intercede for her, whereupon the Kazi beat him to boot,
and he also roared out. The damned Barber fancied that it was I who was
being beaten; so he also fell to shouting and tore his garments and
scattered dust on his head and kept on shrieking and crying Help! Help!
So the people came round about him and he went on yelling, "My master
is being murdered in the Kazi's house!" Then he ran clamouring to my
place with the folk after him, and told my people and servants and
slaves; and, before I knew what was doing, up they came tearing their
clothes and letting loose their hair[629] and shouting, "Alas, our
master!"; and this Barber leading the rout with his clothes rent and in
sorriest plight; and he also shouting like a madman and saying, "Alas
for our murdered master!" And they all made an assault upon the house
in which I was. The Kazi, hearing the yells and the uproar at his door
said to one of his servants, "See what is the matter"; and the man went
forth and returned and said, "O my master, at the gate there are more
than ten thousand souls what with men and women, and all crying out,
Alas for our murdered master!; and they keep pointing to our house."
When the Kazi heard this, the matter seemed serious and he waxed wroth;
so he rose and opening the door saw a great crowd of people; whereat he
was astounded and said, "O folk! what is there to do?" "O accursed! O
dog! O hog!" my servants replied; "'Tis thou who hast killed our
master!" Quoth he, "O good folk, and what hath your master done to me
that I should kill him?"——And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and
ceased saying her permitted say.
Now when it was the Thirty-first Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Kazi said to
the servants, "What hath your master done to me that I should kill him?
This is my house and it is open to you all." Then quoth the Barber,
"Thou didst beat him and I heard him cry out;" and quoth the Kazi, "But
what was he doing that I should beat him, and what brought him in to my
house; and whence came he and whither went he?" "Be not a wicked,
perverse old man!" cried the Barber, "for I know the whole story; and
the long and short of it is that thy daughter is in love with him and
he loves her; and when thou knewest that he had entered the house, thou
badest thy servants beat him and they did so: by Allah, none shall
judge between us and thee but the Caliph; or else do thou bring out our
master that his folk may take him, before they go in and save him
perforce from thy house, and thou be put to shame." Then said the Kazi
(and his tongue was bridled and his mouth was stopped by confusion
before the people), "An thou say sooth, do thou come in and fetch him
out." Whereupon the Barber pushed forward and entered the house. When I
saw this I looked about for a means of escape and flight, but saw no
hiding-place except a great chest in the upper chamber where I was. So
I got into it and pulled the lid down upon myself and held my breath.
The Barber was hardly in the room before he began to look about for me,
then turned him right and left and came straight to the place where I
was, and stepped up to the chest and, lifting it on his head, made off
as fast as he could. At this, my reason forsook me, for I knew that he
would not let me be; so I took courage and opening the chest threw
myself to the ground. My leg was broken in the fall, and the door being
open I saw a great concourse of people looking in. Now I carried in my
sleeve much gold and some silver, which I had provided for an ill day
like this and the like of such occasion; so I kept scattering it
amongst the folk to divert their attention from me and, whilst they
were busy scrambling for it, I set off, hopping as fast as I could,
through the by-streets of Baghdad, shifting and turning right and left.
But whithersoever I went this damned Barber would go in after me,
crying aloud, "They would have bereft me of my maa-a-ster! They would
have slain him who was a benefactor to me and my family and my friends!
Praised be Allah who made me prevail against them and delivered my lord
from their hands!" Then to me, "Where wilt thou go now? Thou wouldst
persist in following thine own evil devices, till thou broughtest
thyself to this ill pass; and, had not Allah vouchsafed me to thee,
ne'er hadst thou escaped this strait into which thou hast fallen, for
they would have cast thee into a calamity whence thou never couldest
have won free. But I will not call thee to account for thine ignorance,
as thou art so little of wit and inconsequential and addicted to
hastiness!" Said I to him, "Doth not what thou hast brought upon me
suffice thee, but thou must run after me and talk me such talk in the
bazar-streets?" And I well-nigh gave up the ghost for excess of rage
against him. Then I took refuge in the shop of a weaver amiddlemost of
the market and sought protection of the owner who drove the Barber
away; and, sitting in the back-room,[630] I said to myself, "If I
return home I shall never be able to get rid of this curse of a Barber,
who will be with me night and day; and I cannot endure the sight of him
even for a breathing-space." So I sent out at once for witnesses and
made a will, dividing the greater part of my property among my people,
and appointed a guardian over them, to whom I committed the charge of
great and small, directing him to sell my houses and domains. Then I
set out on my travels that I might be free of this pimp[631]; and I
came to settle in your town where I have lived some time. When you
invited me and I came hither, the first thing I saw was this accursed
pander seated in the place of honour. How then can my heart be glad and
my stay be pleasant in company with this fellow who brought all this
upon me, and who was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my
exile from home and native land? And the youth refused to sit down and
went away. When we heard his story (continued the Tailor) we were
amazed beyond measure and amused and said to the Barber, "By Allah, is
it true what this young man saith of thee?" "By Allah," replied he, "I
dealt thus by him of my courtesy and sound sense and generosity. Had it
not been for me he had perished and none but I was the cause of his
escape. Well it was for him that he suffered in his leg and not in his
life! Had I been a man of many words, a meddler, a busy body, I had not
acted thus kindly by him; but now I will tell you a tale which befel
me, that you may be well assured I am a man sparing of speech in whom
is no forwardness and a very different person from those six Brothers
of mine; and this it is."
_THE BARBER'S TALE OF HIMSELF._
I was living in Baghdad during the times of Al-Mustansir bi'llah,[632]
son of Al-Mustazi bi'llah the then Caliph, a prince who loved the poor
and needy and companied with the learned and pious. One day it happened
to him that he was wroth with ten persons, highwaymen who robbed on the
Caliph's highway, and he ordered the Prefect of Baghdad to bring them
into the presence on the anniversary of the Great Festival.[633] So the
Prefect sallied out and, making them his prisoners, embarked with them
in a boat. I caught sight of them as they were embarking and said to
myself, "These are surely assembled for a marriage-feast; methinks they
are spending their day in that boat eating and drinking, and none shall
be companion of their cups but I myself." So I rose, O fair assembly;
and, of the excess of my courtesy and the gravity of my understanding,
I embarked with them and entered into conversation with them. They
rowed across to the opposite bank, where they landed and there came up
the watch and guardians of the peace with chains, which they put round
the robbers' necks. They chained me among the rest of them; and, O
people, is it not a proof of my courtesy and spareness of speech, that
I held my peace and did not please to speak? Then they took us away in
bilbos and next morning carried us all before Al-Mustansir bi'llah,
Commander of the Faithful, who bade smite the necks of the ten robbers.
So the Sworder came forward after they were seated on the leather of
blood:[634] then drawing his blade, struck off one head after another
until he had smitten the neck of the tenth; and I alone remained. The
Caliph looked at me and asked the Headsman, saying, "What ails thee
that thou hast struck off only nine heads?"; and he answered, "Allah
forbid that I should behead only nine, when thou biddest me behead
ten!" Quoth the Caliph, "Meseems thou hast smitten the necks of only
nine, and this man before thee is the tenth." "By thy beneficence!"
replied the Headsman, "I have beheaded ten." "Count them!" cried the
Caliph and whenas they counted heads, lo! there were ten. The Caliph
looked at me and said, "What made thee keep silence at a time like this
and how camest thou to company with these men of blood. Tell me the
cause of all this, for albeit thou art a very old man, assuredly thy
wits are weak." Now when I heard these words from the Caliph I sprang
to my feet and replied, "Know, O Prince of the Faithful, that I am the
Silent Shaykh and am thus called to distinguish me from my six
brothers. I am a man of immense learning whilst, as for the gravity of
my understanding, the wiliness of my wits and the spareness of my
speech, there is no end to them; and my calling is that of a barber. I
went out early on yesterday morning and saw these men making for a
skiff; and, fancying they were bound for a marriage-feast, I joined
them and mixed with them. After a while up came the watch and guardians
of the peace, who put chains round their necks and round mine with the
rest; but, in the excess of my courtesy, I held my peace and spake not
a word; nor was this other but generosity on my part. They brought us
into thy presence, and thou gavest an order to smite the necks of the
ten; yet did I not make myself known to thee and remained silent before
the Sworder, purely of my great generosity and courtesy which led me to
share with them in their death. But all my life long have I dealt thus
nobly with mankind, and they requite me the foulest and evillest
requital!" When the Caliph heard my words and knew that I was a man of
exceeding generosity and of very few words, one in whom is no
forwardness (as this youth would have it whom I rescued from mortal
risk and who hath so scurvily repaid me), he laughed with excessive
laughter till he fell upon his back. Then said he to me, "O Silent Man,
do thy six brothers favour thee in wisdom and knowledge and spareness
of speech?" I replied, "Never were they like me! Thou puttest reproach
upon me, O Commander of the Faithful, and it becomes thee not to even
my brothers with me; for, of the abundance of their speech and their
deficiency of courtesy and gravity, each one of them hath gotten some
maim or other. One is a monocular, another palsied, a third
stone-blind, a fourth cropped of ears and nose and a fifth shorn of
both lips, while the sixth is a hunchback and a cripple. And conceive
not, O Commander of the Faithful, that I am prodigal of speech; but I
must perforce explain to thee that I am a man of greater worth and
fewer words than any of them. From each one of my brothers hangs a tale
of how he came by his bodily defect and these I will relate to thee."
So the Caliph gave ear to
_THE BARBER'S TALE OF HIS FIRST BROTHER._
[Illustration]