Al-Bakbuk, the prattler, is a Hunchback who took to tailoring in
Baghdad, and he used to sew in a shop hired from a man of much wealth,
who dwelt over the shop,[635] and there was also a flour-mill in the
basement. One day as my brother, the Hunchback, was sitting in his shop
a-tailoring, he chanced to raise his head and saw a lady like the
rising full moon at a balconied window of his landlord's house, engaged
in looking out at the passers-by.[636] When my brother beheld her, his
heart was taken with love of her and he passed his whole day gazing at
her and neglected his tailoring till eventide. Next morning he opened
his shop and sat him down to sew; but, as often as he stitched a
stitch, he looked to the window and saw her as before; and his passion
and infatuation for her increased. On the third day as he was sitting
in his usual place, gazing on her, she caught sight of him and,
perceiving that he had been captivated with love of her, laughed in his
face,[637] and he smiled back at her. Then she disappeared and
presently sent her slave-girl to him with a bundle containing a piece
of red flowered silk. The handmaid accosted him and said, "My lady
salameth to thee and desireth thee, of thy skill and good will, to
fashion for her a shift of this piece and to sew it handsomely with thy
best sewing." He replied, "Hearkening and obedience"; and shaped for
her a chemise and finished sewing it the same day. When the morning
morrowed the girl came back and said to him, "My lady salameth to thee
and asks how thou hast passed yesternight; for she hath not tasted
sleep by reason of her heart being taken up with thee." Then she laid
before him a piece of yellow satin and said, "My lady biddeth thee cut
her two pair of petticoat-trousers out of this piece and sew them this
very day." Hearkening and obedience!" replied he, "greet her for me
with many greetings and say to her, Thy slave is obedient to thine
order; so command him as thou wilt." Then he applied himself to cutting
out and worked hard at sewing the trousers; and after an hour the lady
appeared at the lattice and saluted him by signs, now casting down her
eyes, then smiling in his face, and he began to assure himself that he
would soon make a conquest. She did not let him stir till he had
finished the two pair of trousers, when she withdrew and sent the
handmaid to whom he delivered them; and she took them and went her
ways. When it was night, he threw himself on his carpet-bed, and lay
tossing about from side to side till morning, when he rose and sat down
in his place. Presently the damsel came to him and said, "My master
calleth for thee." Hearing these words he feared with exceeding fear;
but the slave-girl, seeing his affright, said to him, "No evil is meant
to thee: naught but good awaiteth thee. My lady would have thee make
acquaintance with my lord." So my brother the tailor, rejoicing with
great joy, went with her; and when he came into the presence of his
landlord, the lady's husband, he kissed the ground before him, and the
master of the house returned his greeting and gave him a great piece of
linen saying, "Shape me shirts out of this stuff and sew them well;"
and my brother answered, "To hear is to obey." Thereupon he fell to
work at once, snipping, shaping and sewing till he had finished twenty
shirts by supper time, without stopping to taste food. The house-master
asked him, "How much the wage for this?"; and he answered, "Twenty
dirhams." So the gentleman cried out to the slave-girl, "Bring me
twenty dirhams," and my brother spake not a word; but the lady signed,
"Take nothing from him;" whereupon my brother said, "By Allah I will
take naught from thy hand." And he carried off his tailor's gear and
returned to his shop, although he was destitute even to a red
cent.[638] Then he applied himself to do their work; eating, in his
zeal and diligence, but a bit of bread and drinking only a little water
for three days. At the end of this time came the handmaid and said to
him, "What hast thou done?" Quoth he, "They are finished," and carried
the shirts to the lady's husband, who would have paid him his hire: but
he said, "I will take nothing," for fear of her and, returning to his
shop, passed the night without sleep because of his hunger. Now the
dame had informed her husband how the case stood (my brother knowing
naught of this); and the two had agreed to make him tailor for nothing,
the better to mock and laugh at him. Next morning he went to his shop,
and, as he sat there, the handmaid came to him and said, "Speak with my
master." So he accompanied her to the husband who said to him, "I wish
thee to cut out for me five long-sleeved robes.[639]" So he cut them
out[640] and took the stuff and went away. Then he sewed them and
carried them to the gentleman, who praised his sewing and offered him a
purse of silver. He put out his hand to take it, but the lady signed to
him from behind her husband not to do so, and he replied, "O my lord,
there is no hurry, we have time enough for this." Then he went forth
from the house meaner and meeker than a donkey, for verily five things
were gathered together in him viz:—love, beggary, hunger, nakedness and
hard labour. Nevertheless he heartened himself with the hope of gaining
the lady's favours. When he had made an end of all their jobs, they
played him another trick and married him to their slave-girl; but, on
the night when he thought to go in to her, they said to him, "Lie this
night in the mill; and to-morrow all will go well." My brother
concluded that there was some good cause for this and nighted alone in
the mill. Now the husband had set on the miller to make the tailor turn
the mill: so when night was half spent the man came into him and began
to say, "This bull of ours hath become useless and standeth still
instead of going round: he will not turn the mill this night, and yet
we have great store of corn to be ground. However, I'll yoke him
perforce and make him finish grinding it before morning, as the folk
are impatient for their flour." So he filled the hoppers with grain
and, going up to my brother with a rope in his hand, tied it round his
neck and said to him, "Gee up! Round with the mill! thou, O bull,
wouldst do nothing but grub and stale and dung!" Then he took a whip
and laid it on the shoulders and calves of my brother, who began to
howl and bellow; but none came to help him; and he was forced to grind
the wheat till hard upon dawn, when the house-master came in and,
seeing my brother still tethered to the yoke and the man flogging him,
went away. At day-break the miller returned home and left him still
yoked and half dead; and soon after in came the slave-girl who unbound
him, and said to him, "I and my lady are right sorry for what hath
happened and we have borne thy grief with thee." But he had no tongue
wherewith to answer her from excess of beating and mill-turning. Then
he retired to his lodging and behold, the clerk who had drawn up the
marriage-deed came to him[641] and saluted him, saying, "Allah give
thee long life! May thy espousal be blessed! This face telleth of
pleasant doings and dalliance and kissing and clipping from dusk to
dawn." "Allah grant the liar no peace, O thou thousandfold cuckold!",
my brother replied, "by Allah, I did nothing but turn the mill in the
place of the bull all night till morning!" "Tell me thy tale," quoth
he; and my brother recounted what had befallen him and he said, "Thy
star agrees not with her star; but an thou wilt I can alter the
contract for thee," adding, "'Ware lest another cheat be not in store
for thee." And my brother answered him, "See if thou have not another
contrivance." Then the clerk left him and he sat in his shop, looking
for some one to bring him a job whereby he might earn his day's bread.
Presently the handmaid came to him and said, "Speak with my lady."
"Begone, O my good girl," replied he, "there shall be no more dealings
between me and thy lady." The handmaid returned to her mistress and
told her what my brother had said and presently she put her head out of
the window, weeping and saying, "Why, O my beloved, are there to be no
more dealings 'twixt me and thee?" But he made her no answer. Then she
wept and conjured him, swearing that all which had befallen him in the
mill was not sanctioned by her and that she was innocent of the whole
matter. When he looked upon her beauty and loveliness and heard the
sweetness of her speech, the sorrow which had possessed him passed from
his heart; he accepted her excuse and he rejoiced in her sight. So he
saluted her and talked with her and sat tailoring awhile, after which
the handmaid came to him and said, "My mistress greeteth thee and
informeth thee that her husband purposeth to lie abroad this night in
the house of some intimate friends of his; so, when he is gone, do thou
come to us and spend the night with my lady in delightsomest joyance
till the morning." Now her husband had asked her, "How shall we manage
to turn him away from thee?;" and she answered, "Leave me to play him
another trick and make him a laughing-stock for all the town." But my
brother knew naught of the malice of women. As soon as it was dusk, the
slave-girl came to him and carried him to the house, and when the lady
saw him she said to him, "By Allah, O my lord, I have been longing
exceedingly for thee." "By Allah," cried he, "kiss me quick before thou
give me aught else.[642]" Hardly had he spoken, when the lady's husband
came in from the next room[643] and seized him, saying, "By Allah, I
will not let thee go, till I deliver thee to the chief of the town
watch." My brother humbled himself to him; but he would not listen to
him and carried him before the Prefect who gave him an hundred lashes
with a whip and, mounting him on a camel, promenaded him round about
the city, whilst the guards proclaimed aloud, "This is his reward who
violateth the Harims of honourable men!" Moreover, he fell off the
camel and broke his leg and so became lame. Then the Prefect banished
him from the city; and he went forth unknowing whither he should wend;
but I heard of him and fearing for him went out after him, and brought
him back secretly to the city and restored him to health and took him
into my house where he still liveth." The Caliph laughed at my story
and said, "Thou hast done well, O Samit, O Silent Man, O spare of
speech!"; and he bade me take a present and go away. But I said, "I
will accept naught of thee except I tell thee what befel all my other
brothers; and do not think me a man of many words." So the Caliph gave
ear to,
_THE BARBER'S TALE OF HIS SECOND BROTHER._
[Illustration]
Know, O Commander of the Faithful, that my second brother's name was
Al-Haddár, that is the babbler, and he was the paralytic. Now it
happened to him one day, as he was going about his business, that an
old woman accosted him and said, "Stop a little, my good man, that I
may tell thee of somewhat which, if it be to thy liking, thou shalt do
for me and I will pray Allah to give thee good of it!" My brother
stopped and she went on, "I will put thee in the way of a certain
thing, so thou not be prodigal of speech." "On with thy talk," quoth
he; and she, "What sayest thou to handsome quarters and a fair garden
with flowing waters, flowers blooming, and fruit growing, and old wine
going and a pretty young face whose owner thou mayest embrace from dark
till dawn? If thou do whatso I bid thee thou shalt see something
greatly to thy advantage." "And is all this in the world?" asked my
brother; and she answered, "Yes, and it shall be thine, so thou be
reasonable and leave idle curiosity and many words, and do my bidding,"
"I will indeed, O my lady," said he, "how is it thou hast preferred me
in this matter before all men and what is it that so much pleaseth thee
in me?" Quoth she, "Did I not bid thee be spare of speech? Hold thy
peace and follow me. Know, that the young lady, to whom I shall carry
thee, loveth to have her own way and hateth being thwarted and all who
gainsay; so, if thou humour her, thou shalt come to thy desire of her."
And my brother said, "I will not cross her in anything." Then she went
on and my brother followed her, an-hungering after what she described
to him till they entered a fine large house, handsome and choicely
furnished, full of eunuchs and servants and showing signs of prosperity
from top to bottom. And she was carrying him to the upper story when
the people of the house said to him, "What dost thou here?" But the old
woman answered them, "Hold your peace and trouble him not: he is a
workman and we have occasion for him." Then she brought him into a fine
great pavilion, with a garden in its midst, never eyes saw a fairer;
and made him sit upon a handsome couch. He had not sat long, before he
heard a loud noise and in came a troop of slave-girls surrounding a
lady like the moon on the night of its fullest. When he saw her, he
rose up and made an obeisance to her, whereupon she welcomed him and
bade him be seated. So he sat down and she said to him, "Allah advance
thee to honour! Is all well with thee?" "O my lady," he answered, "all
with me is right well." Then she bade bring in food, and they set
before her delicate viands; so she sat down to eat, making a show of
affection to my brother and jesting with him, though all the while she
could not refrain from laughing; but as often as he looked at her, she
signed towards her handmaidens as though she were laughing at them. My
brother (the ass!) understood nothing; but, in the excess of his
ridiculous passion, he fancied that the lady was in love with him and
that she would soon grant him his desire. When they had done eating,
they set on the wine and there came in ten maidens like moons, with
lutes ready strung in their hands, and fell to singing with full
voices, sweet and sad, whereupon delight gat hold upon him and he took
the cup from the lady's hands and drank it standing. Then she drank a
cup of wine and my brother (still standing) said to her "Health," and
bowed to her. She handed him another cup and he drank it off, when she
slapped him hard on the nape of his neck.[644] Upon this my brother
would have gone out of the house in anger; but the old woman followed
him and winked to him to return. So he came back and the lady bade him
sit and he sat down without a word. Then she again slapped him on the
nape of his neck; and the second slapping did not suffice her, she must
needs make all her handmaidens also slap and cuff him, while he kept
saying to the old woman, "I never saw aught nicer than this." She on
her side ceased not exclaiming, "Enough, enough, I conjure thee, O my
mistress!"; but the women slapped him till he well nigh swooned away.
Presently my brother rose and went out to obey a call of nature, but
the old woman overtook him, and said, "Be patient a little and thou
shalt win to thy wish." "How much longer have I to wait," my brother
replied, "this slapping hath made me feel faint." "As soon as she is
warm with wine," answered she, "thou shalt have thy desire." So he
returned to his place and sat down, whereupon all the handmaidens stood
up and the lady bade them perfume him with pastiles and besprinkle his
face with rose-water. Then said she to him, "Allah advance thee to
honour! Thou hast entered my house and hast borne with my conditions,
for whoso thwarteth me I turn him away, and whoso is patient hath his
desire." "O mistress mine," said he, "I am thy slave and in the hollow
of thine hand!" "Know, then," continued she, "that Allah hath made me
passionately fond of frolic; and whoso falleth in with my humour cometh
by whatso he wisheth." Then she ordered her maidens to sing with loud
voices till the whole company was delighted; after which she said to
one of them, "Take thy lord, and do what is needful for him and bring
him back to me forthright." So the damsel took my brother (and he not
knowing what she would do with him); but the old woman overtook him and
said, "Be patient; there remaineth but little to do." At this his face
brightened and he stood up before the lady while the old woman kept
saying, "Be patient; thou wilt now at once win to thy wish!"; till he
said, "Tell me what she would have the maiden do with me?" "Nothing but
good," replied she, "as I am thy sacrifice! She wisheth only to dye thy
eyebrows and pluck out thy mustachios." Quoth he, "As for the dyeing of
my eyebrows, that will come off with washing,[645] but for the plucking
out of my mustachios that indeed is a somewhat painful process." "Be
cautious how thou cross her," cried the old woman; "for she hath set
her heart on thee." So my brother patiently suffered her to dye his
eyebrows and pluck out his mustachios; after which the maiden returned
to her mistress and told her. Quoth she, "Remaineth now only one other
thing to be done; thou must shave his beard and make him a smooth o'
face.[646]" So the maiden went back and told him what her mistress had
bidden her do; and my brother (the blockhead!) said to her, "How shall
I do what will disgrace me before the folk?" But the old woman said,
"She would do on this wise only that thou mayst be as a beardless youth
and that no hair be left on thy face to scratch and prick her delicate
cheeks; for indeed she is passionately in love with thee. So be patient
and thou shalt attain thine object." My brother _was_ patient and did
her bidding and let shave off his beard and, when he was brought back
to the lady, lo! he appeared dyed red as to his eyebrows, plucked of
both mustachios, shorn of his beard, rouged on both cheeks. At first
she was affrighted at him; then she made mockery of him and, laughing
till she fell upon her back, said, "O my lord, thou hast indeed won my
heart by thy good nature!" Then she conjured him, by her life, to stand
up and dance, and he arose, and capered about, and there was not a
cushion in the house but she threw it at his head, and in like manner
did all her women who also kept pelting him with oranges and lemons and
citrons till he fell down senseless from the cuffing on the nape of the
neck, the pillowing and the fruit-pelting. "Now thou hast attained thy
wish," said the old woman when he came round; "there are no more blows
in store for thee and there remaineth but one little thing to do. It is
her wont, when she is in her cups, to let no one have her until she put
off her dress and trousers and remain stark naked.[647] Then she will
bid thee doff thy clothes and run; and she will run before thee as if
she were flying from thee; and do thou follow her from place to place
till thy prickle stands at fullest point, when she will yield to
thee[648];" adding, "Strip off thy clothes at once." So he rose, well
nigh lost in ecstacy and, doffing his raiment, showed himself
mother-naked.——And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to
say her permitted say.
[Illustration]
Now when it was the Thirty-Second Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the old
woman said to the Barber's second brother, "Doff thy clothes," he rose,
well nigh lost in ecstacy; and, stripping off his raiment, showed
himself mother-naked. Whereupon the lady stripped also and said to my
brother, "If thou want anything run after me till thou catch me." Then
she set out at a run and he ran after her while she rushed into room
after room and rushed out of room after room, my brother scampering
after her in a rage of desire like a veritable madman, with yard
standing terribly tall. After much of this kind she dashed into a
darkened place, and he dashed after her; but suddenly he trod upon a
yielding spot, which gave way under his weight; and, before he was
aware where he was, he found himself in the midst of a crowded market,
part of the bazar of the leather-sellers who were crying the prices of
skins and hides and buying and selling. When they saw him in his
plight, naked, with standing yard, shorn of beard and moustachios, with
eyebrows dyed red, and cheeks ruddled with rouge, they shouted and
clapped their hands at him, and set to flogging him with skins upon his
bare body till a swoon came over him. Then they threw him on the back
of an ass and carried him to the Chief of Police. Quoth the Chief "What
is this?" Quoth they, "This fellow fell suddenly upon us out of the
Wazir's house[649] in this state." So the Prefect gave him an hundred
lashes and then banished him from Baghdad. However I went out after him
and brought him back secretly into the city and made him a daily
allowance for his living: although, were it not for my generous humour,
I could not have put up with the like of him. Then the Caliph gave ear
to
_THE BARBER'S TALE OF HIS THIRD BROTHER._
My third brother's name was Al-Fakík, the Gabbler, who was blind. One
day Fate and Fortune drove him to a fine large house, and he knocked at
the door, desiring speech of its owner that he might beg somewhat of
him. Quoth the master of the house, "Who is at the door?" But my
brother spake not a word and presently he heard him repeat with a loud
voice, "Who is this?" Still he made no answer and immediately heard the
master walk to the door and open it and say, "What dost thou want?" My
brother answered "Something for Allah Almighty's sake.[650]" "Art thou
blind?" asked the man, and my brother answered "Yes." Quoth the other,
"Stretch me out thy hand." So my brother put out his hand thinking that
he would give him something; but he took it and, drawing him into the
house, carried him up from stair to stair till they reached the terrace
on the house-top, my brother thinking the while that he would surely
give him something of food or money. Then he asked my brother, "What
dost thou want, O blind man?" and he answered, "Something for the
Almighty's sake." "Allah open for thee some other door!" "O thou! why
not say so when I was below stairs?" "O cadger, why not answer me when
I first called to thee?" "And what meanest thou to do for me now?"
"There is nothing in the house to give thee." "Then take me down the
stair." "The path is before thee." So my brother rose and made his way
downstairs, till he came within twenty steps of the door, when his foot
slipped and he rolled to the bottom and broke his head. Then he went
out, unknowing whither to turn, and presently fell in with two other
blind men, companions of his, who said to him, "What didst thou gain
to-day?" He told them what had befallen him and added, "O my brothers,
I wish to take some of the money in my hands and provide myself with
it." Now the master of the house had followed him and was listening to
what they said; but neither my brother nor his comrades knew of this.
So my brother went to his lodging and sat down to await his companions,
and the house-owner entered after him without being perceived. When the
other blind men arrived, my brother said to them, "Bolt the door and
search the house lest any stranger have followed us." The man, hearing
this, caught hold of a cord that hung from the ceiling and clung to it,
whilst they went round about the house and searched but found no one.
So they came back, and, sitting beside my brother, brought out their
money which they counted and lo! it was twelve thousand dirhams. Each
took what he wanted and they buried the rest in a corner of the room.
Then they set on food and sat down, to eat. Presently my brother,
hearing a strange pair of jaws munching by his side,[651] said to his
friends, "There is a stranger amongst us;" and, putting forth his hand,
caught hold of that of the house-master. Thereupon all fell on him and
beat him;[652] and when tired of belabouring him they shouted, "O ye
Moslems! a thief is come in to us, seeking to take our money!" A crowd
gathered around them, whereupon the intruder hung on to them; and
complained with them as they complained; and, shutting his eyes like
them, so that none might doubt his blindness, cried out, "O Moslems, I
take refuge with Allah and the Governor, for I have a matter to make
known to him!" Suddenly up came the watch and, laying hands on the
whole lot (my brother being amongst them), drove them[653] to the
Governor's who set them before him and asked, "What news with you?"
Quoth the intruder, "Look and find out for thyself, not a word shall be
wrung from us save by torture, so begin by beating me and after me beat
this man our leader."[654] And he pointed to my brother. So they threw
the man at full length and gave him four hundred sticks on his
backside. The beating pained him, whereupon he opened one eye and, as
they redoubled their blows, he opened the other eye. When the Governor
saw this he said to him, "What have we here, O accursed?"; whereto he
replied, "Give me the seal-ring of pardon! We four have shammed blind,
and we impose upon people that we may enter houses and look upon the
unveiled faces of the women and contrive for their corruption. In this
way we have gotten great gain and our store amounts to twelve thousand
dirhams. Said I to my company:—Give me my share, three thousand; but
they rose and beat me and took away my money, and I seek refuge with
Allah and with thee; better thou have my share than they. So, if thou
wouldst know the truth of my words, beat one and every of the others
more than thou hast beaten me, and he will surely open his eyes." The
Governor gave orders for the question to begin with my brother, and
they bound him to the whipping-post,[655] and the Governor said, "O
scum of the earth, do ye abuse the gracious gifts of Allah and make as
if ye were blind!" "Allah! Allah!" cried my brother, "by Allah, there
is none among us who can see." Then they beat him till he swooned away
and the Governor cried, "Leave him till he come to and then beat him
again." After this he caused each of the companions to receive more
than three hundred sticks, whilst the sham-abraham kept saying to them
"Open your eyes or you will be beaten afresh." At last the man said to
the Governor, "Dispatch some one with me to bring thee the money; for
these fellows will not open their eyes, lest they incur disgrace before
the folk." So the Governor sent to fetch the money and gave the man his
pretended share, three thousand dirhams; and, keeping the rest for
himself, banished the three blind men from the city. But I, O Commander
of the Faithful, went out and overtaking my brother questioned him of
his case; whereupon he told me of what I have told thee; so I brought
him secretly into the city, and appointed him (in the strictest
privacy) an allowance for meat and drink! The Caliph laughed at my
story and said, "Give him a gift and let him go;" but I said, "By
Allah! I will take naught till I have made known to the Commander of
the Faithful what came to pass with the rest of my brothers; for truly
I am a man of few words and spare of speech." Then the Caliph gave ear
to
_THE BARBER'S TALE OF HIS FOURTH BROTHER._