who first came to thee was my daughter whom I used to keep closely
guarded. When she grew up, I sent her to Cairo and married her to her
cousin, my brother's son. After a while he died and she came back: but
she had learnt wantonness and ungraciousness from the people of
Cairo[598]; so she visited thee four times and at last brought her
younger sister. Now they were sisters german and much attached to each
other; and, when that adventure happened to the elder, she disclosed
her secret to her sister who desired to go out with her. So she asked
thy leave and carried her to thee; after which she returned alone and,
finding her weeping, I questioned her of her sister, but she said:—I
know nothing of her. However, she presently told her mother privily of
what had happened and how she had cut off her sister's head and her
mother told me. Then she ceased not to weep and say:—By Allah! I shall
cry for her till I die. Nor did she give over mourning till her heart
broke and she died; and things fell out after that fashion. See then, O
my son, what hath come to pass; and now I desire thee not to thwart me
in what I am about to offer thee, and it is that I purpose to marry
thee to my youngest daughter; for she is a virgin and born of another
mother[599]; and I will take no dower of thee but, on the contrary,
will appoint thee an allowance, and thou shalt abide with me in my
house in the stead of my son." "So be it," I answered, "and how could I
hope for such good fortune?" Then he sent at once for the Kazi and
witnesses, and let write my marriage-contract with his daughter and I
went in to her. Moreover, he got me from the Syndic of the bazar a
large sum of money and I became in high favour with him. During this
year news came to me that my father was dead and the Wazir despatched a
courier, with letters bearing the royal sign-manual, to fetch me the
money which my father had left behind him, and now I am living in all
the solace of life. Such was the manner of the cutting off my right
hand. "I marvelled at his story (continued the Jew), and I abode with
him three days after which he gave me much wealth, and I set out and
travelled Eastward till I reached this your city and the sojourn suited
me right well; so I took up my abode here and there befel me what thou
knowest with the Hunchback." Thereupon the King of China shook his
head[600] and said, "This story of thine is not stranger and more
wondrous and marvellous and delectable than the tale of the Hunchback;
and so needs must I hang the whole number of you. However there yet
remains the Tailor who is the head of all the offence;" and he added,
"O Tailor, if thou canst tell me any thing more wonderful than the
story of the Hunchback, I will pardon you all your offences." Thereupon
the man came forward and began to tell the
_TALE OF THE TAILOR._
Know, O King of the age, that most marvellous was that which befel me
but yesterday, before I foregathered with the Hunchback. It so chanced
that in the early day I was at the marriage-feast of one of my
companions, who had gotten together in his house some twenty of the
handicraftsmen of this city, amongst them tailors and silk-spinners and
carpenters and others of the same kidney. As soon as the sun had risen,
they set food[601] before us that we might eat when behold, the master
of the house entered, and with him a foreign youth and a well-favoured
of the people of Baghdad, wearing clothes as handsome as handsome could
be; and he was of right comely presence save that he was lame of one
leg. He came and saluted us and we stood up to receive him; but when he
was about to sit down he espied amongst us a certain man which was a
Barber; whereupon he refused to be seated and would have gone away. But
we stopped him and our host also stayed him, making oath that he should
not leave us and asked him, "What is the reason of thy coming in and
going out again at once?"; whereto he answered, "By Allah, O my lord,
do not hinder me; for the cause of my turning back is yon Barber of bad
omen,[602] yon black o' face, yon ne'er-do-well!" When the house-master
heard these words he marvelled with extreme marvel and said, "How
cometh this young man, who haileth from Baghdad, to be so troubled and
perplexed about this Barber?" Then we looked at the stranger and said,
"Explain the cause of thine anger against the Barber." "O fair
company," quoth the youth, "there befel me a strange adventure with
this Barber in Baghdad (which is my native city); he was the cause of
the breaking of my leg and of my lameness, and I have sworn never to
sit in the same place with him, nor even tarry in any town where he
happens to abide; and I have bidden adieu to Baghdad and travelled far
from it and came to stay in this your city; yet I have hardly passed
one night before I meet him again. But not another day shall go by ere
I fare forth from here." Said we to him, "Allah upon thee, tell us the
tale;" and the youth replied (the Barber changing colour from brown to
yellow as he spoke):—Know, O fair company, that my father was one of
the chief merchants of Baghdad, and Almighty Allah had blessed him with
no son but myself. When I grew up and reached man's estate, my father
was received into the mercy of Allah (whose Name be exalted!) and left
me money and eunuchs, servants and slaves; and I used to dress well and
diet well. Now Allah had made me a hater of women-kind and one day, as
I was walking along a street in Baghdad a party of females met me face
to face in the footway; so I fled from them and, entering an alley
which was no thoroughfare, sat down upon a stone-bench at its other
end. I had not sat there long before the latticed window of one of the
houses opposite was thrown open, and there appeared at it a young lady,
as she were the full moon at its fullest; never in my life saw I her
like; and she began to water some flowers on the window-sill.[603] She
turned right and left and, seeing me watching her, shut the window and
went away.
Thereupon fire was suddenly enkindled in my heart; my mind was
possessed with her and my woman-hate turned to woman-love. I continued
sitting there, lost to the world, till sunset when lo! the Kazi of the
city came riding by with his slaves before him and his eunuchs behind
him, and dismounting entered the house in which the damsel had
appeared. By this I knew that he was her father; so I went home
sorrowful and cast myself upon my carpet-bed in grief. Then my
handmaids flocked in and sat about me, unknowing what ailed me; but I
addressed no speech to them, and they wept and wailed over me.
Presently in came an old woman who looked at me and saw with a glance
what was the matter with me: so she sat down by my head and spoke me
fair, saying, "O my son, tell me all about it and I will be the means
of thy union with her."[604] So I related to her what had happened and
she answered, "O my son, this one is the daughter of the Kazi of
Baghdad who keepeth her in the closest seclusion; and the window where
thou sawest her is her floor, whilst her father occupies the large
saloon in the lower story. She is often there alone and I am wont to
visit at the house; so thou shalt not win to her save through me. Now
set thy wits to work and be of good cheer." With these words she went
away and I took heart at what she said and my people rejoiced that day,
seeing me rise in the morning safe and sound. By and by the old woman
returned looking chopfallen[605], and said, "O my son, do not ask me
how I fared with her! When I told her that, she cried at me:—If thou
hold not thy peace, O hag of ill-omen, and leave not such talk, I will
entreat thee as thou deservest and do thee die by the foulest of
deaths. But needs must I have at her a second time.[606]" When I heard
this it added ailment to my ailment and the neighbours visited me and
judged that I was not long for this world; but after some days, the old
woman came to me and, putting her mouth close to my ear, whispered, "O
my son; I claim from thee the gift of good news." With this my soul
returned to me and I said, "Whatever thou wilt shall be thine."
Thereupon she began, "Yesterday I went to the young lady who, seeing me
broken in spirit and shedding tears from reddened eyes, asked me:—O
naunty[607] mine, what ails thee, that I see thy breast so
straitened?"; and I answered her, weeping bitterly, "O my lady, I am
just come from the house of a youth who loves thee and who is about to
die for sake of thee!" Quoth she (and her heart was softened), "And who
is this youth of whom thou speakest?"; and quoth I, "He is to me as a
son and the fruit of my vitals. He saw thee, some days ago, at the
window watering thy flowers and espying thy face and wrists he fell in
love at first sight. I let him know what happened to me the last time I
was with thee, whereupon his ailment increased, he took to the pillow
and he is naught now but a dead man, and no doubt whatever of it." At
this she turned pale and asked, "All this for my sake?"; and I
answered, "Ay, by Allah![608] what wouldst thou have me do?" Said she,
"Go back to him and greet him for me and tell him that I am twice more
heartsick than he is. And on Friday, before the hour of public prayer,
bid him here to the house, and I will come down and open the door for
him. Then I will carry him up to my chamber and foregather with him for
awhile, and let him depart before my father return from the Mosque."
When I heard the old woman's words, all my sickness suddenly fell from
me, my anguish ceased and my heart was comforted, I took off what
clothes were on me and gave them to her and, as she turned to go, she
said; "Keep a good heart!" "I have not a jot of sorrow left," I
replied. My household and intimates rejoiced in my recovery and I abode
thus till Friday, when behold, the old woman came in and asked me how I
did, to which I answered that I was well and in good case. Then I
donned my clothes and perfumed myself and sat down to await the
congregation going in to prayers, that I might betake myself to her.
But the old woman said to me, "Thou hast time and to spare: so thou
wouldst do well to go to the Hammam and have thy hair shaven off
(especially after thy ailment), so as not to show traces of sickness."
"This were the best way," answered I, "I have just now bathed in hot
water; but I will have my head shaved." Then I said to my page, "Go to
the bazar and bring me a barber, a discreet fellow and one not inclined
to meddling or impertinent curiosity or likely to split my head with
his excessive talk."[609] The boy went out at once and brought back
with him this wretched old man, this Shaykh of ill-omen. When he came
in he saluted me and I returned his salutation; then quoth he, "Of a
truth I see thee thin of body;" and quoth I, "I have been ailing." He
continued, "Allah drive far away from thee thy woe and thy sorrow and
thy trouble and thy distress." "Allah grant thy prayer!" said I. He
pursued, "All gladness to thee, O my master, for indeed recovery is
come to thee. Dost thou wish to be polled or to be blooded? Indeed it
was a tradition of Ibn Abbas[610] (Allah accept of him!) that the
Apostle said:—Whoso cutteth his hair on a Friday, the Lord shall avert
from him threescore and ten calamities; and again is related of him
also that he said:—Cupping on a Friday keepeth from loss of sight and a
host of diseases." "Leave this talk," I cried; "come, shave me my head
at once for I can't stand it." So he rose and put forth his hand in
most leisurely way and took out a kerchief and unfolded it, and lo! it
contained an astrolabe[611] with seven parallel plates mounted in
silver. Then he went to the middle of the court and raised head and
instrument towards the sun's rays and looked for a long while. When
this was over, he came back and said to me, "Know that there have
elapsed of this our day, which be Friday, and this Friday be the tenth
of the month Safar in the six hundred and fifty-third year since the
Hegira or Flight of the Apostle (on whom be the bestest of blessings
and peace!) and the seventh thousand three hundred and twentieth year
of the era of Alexander, eight degrees and six minutes. Furthermore the
ascendant of this our day is, according to the exactest science of
computation, the planet Mars; and it so happeneth that Mercury is in
conjunction with him, denoting an auspicious moment for hair-cutting;
and this also maketh manifest to me that thou desirest union with a
certain person and that your intercourse will not be propitious. But
after this there occurreth a sign respecting a matter which will befal
thee and whereof I will not speak." "O thou," cried I, "by Allah, thou
weariest me and scatterest my wits and thy forecast is other than good;
I sent for thee to poll my head and naught else: so up and shave me and
prolong not thy speech." "By Allah," replied he, "if thou but knew what
is about to befal thee, thou wouldst do nothing this day, and I counsel
thee to act as I tell thee by computation of the constellations." "By
Allah," said I, "never did I see a barber who excelled in judicial
astrology save thyself: but I think and I know that thou art most
prodigal of frivolous talk. I sent for thee only to shave my head, but
thou comest and pesterest me with this sorry prattle." "What more
wouldst thou have?" replied he. "Allah hath bounteously bestowed on
thee a Barber, who is an astrologer, one learned in alchemy and white
magic[612]; syntax, grammar, and lexicology; the arts of logic,
rhetoric and elocution; mathematics, arithmetic and algebra; astronomy,
astromancy and geometry; theology, the Traditions of the Apostle and
the Commentaries on the Koran. Furthermore, I have read books galore
and digested them and have had experience of affairs and comprehended
them. In short I have learned the theorick and the practick of all the
arts and sciences; I know everything of them by rote and I am a past
master _in totâ re scibili_. Thy father loved me for my lack of
officiousness, argal, to serve thee is a religious duty incumbent on
me. I am no busy-body as thou seemest to suppose, and on this account I
am known as The Silent Man, also, The Modest Man. Wherefore it behoveth
thee to render thanks to Allah Almighty and not cross me, for I am a
true counsellor to thee and benevolently minded towards thee. Would
that I were in thy service a whole year that thou mightest do me
justice; and I would ask thee no wage for all this." When I heard his
flow of words, I said to him, "Doubtless thou wilt be my death this
day!"——And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her
permitted say.
[Illustration]
Now when it was the Thirtieth Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the young man
said to the Barber, "Thou certainly wilt be the death of me this very
day!" "O master mine," replied he, "I am he, The Silent Man hight, by
reason of the fewness of my words, to distinguish me from my six
brothers. For the eldest is called Al-Bakbúk, the prattler; the second
Al-Haddár, the babbler; the third Al-Fakík, the gabbler; the fourth,
his name is Al-Kuz al-aswáni, the long-necked Gugglet, from his eternal
chattering; the fifth is Al-Nashshár, the tattler and tale-teller; the
sixth Shakáshik, or many-clamours; and the seventh is famous as
Al-Sámit, the Silent Man, and this is my noble self!" Whilst he
redoubled his talk, I thought my gall-bladder would have burst; so I
said to the servant, "Give him a quarter-dinar and dismiss him and let
him go from me in the name of God who made him. I won't have my head
shaved to-day." "What words be these, O my lord?" cried he. "By Allah!
I will accept no hire of thee till I have served thee and have
ministered to thy wants; and I care not if I never take money of thee.
If thou know not my quality, I know thine; and I owe thy father, honest
man, on whom Allah Almighty have mercy! many a kindness, for he was a
liberal soul and a generous. By Allah, he sent for me one day, as it
were this blessed day, and I went in to him and found a party of his
intimates about him." Quoth he to me, "Let me blood;" so I pulled out
my astrolabe and, taking the sun's altitude for him, I ascertained that
the ascendant was inauspicious and the hour unfavourable for blooding.
I told him of this, and he did according to my bidding and awaited a
better opportunity. So I made these lines in honour of him:—
I went to my patron some blood to let him, ✿ But found that the moment
was far from good:
So I sat and I talked of all strangenesses, ✿ And with jests and jokes
his good will I wooed:
They pleased him and cried he, 'O man of wit, ✿ Thou hast proved thee
perfect in merry mood!'
Quoth I, 'O thou Lord of men, save thou ✿ Lend me art and wisdom I'm
fou and wood:
In thee gather grace, boon, bounty, suavity; ✿ And I guerdon the world
with lore, science and gravity.
Thy father was delighted and cried out to the servant, "Give him an
hundred and three gold pieces with a robe of honour!" The man obeyed
his orders, and I awaited an auspicious moment, when I blooded him; and
he did not baulk me; nay he thanked me and I was also thanked and
praised by all present. When the bloodletting was over I had no power
to keep silence and asked him, "By Allah, O my lord, what made thee say
to the servant:—Give him an hundred and _three_ dinars?"; and he
answered, "One dinar was for the astrological observation, another for
thy pleasant conversation, the third for the phlebotomisation, and the
remaining hundred and the dress were for thy verses in my
commendation." "May Allah show small mercy to my father," exclaimed I,
"for knowing the like of thee." He laughed and ejaculated, "There is no
god but _the_ God and Mohammed is the Apostle of God! Glory to Him that
changeth and is changed not! I took thee for a man of sense, but I see
thou babblest and dotest for illness. Allah hath said in the Blessed
Book[613]:—Paradise is prepared for the goodly who bridle their anger
and forgive men, and so forth; and in any case thou art excused. Yet I
cannot conceive the cause of thy hurry and flurry; and thou must know
that thy father and thy grandfather did nothing without consulting me,
and indeed it hath been said truly enough:—Let the adviser be prized;
and:—There is no vice in advice; and it is also said in certain saws,
Whoso hath no counsellor elder than he, will never himself an elder
be[614]; and the poet says:—
Whatever needful thing thou undertake, ✿ Consult th' experienced and
contraire him not!"
And indeed thou shalt never find a man better versed in affairs than I,
and I am here standing on my feet to serve thee. I am not vexed with
thee: why shouldest thou be vexed with me? But whatever happen I will
bear patiently with thee in memory of the much kindness thy father
shewed me." "By Allah," cried I, "O thou with tongue long as the tail
of a jackass, thou persistest in pestering me with thy prate and thou
becomest more longsome in thy long speeches, when all I want of thee is
to shave my head and wend thy way!" Then he lathered my head saying, "I
perceive thou art vexed with me, but I will not take it ill of thee,
for thy wit is weak and thou art but a laddy: it was only yesterday I
used to take thee on my shoulder[615] and carry thee to school." "O my
brother," said I, "for Allah's sake do what I want and go thy gait!"
And I rent my garments.[616] When he saw me do this he took the razor
and fell to sharpening it and gave not over stropping it until my
senses were well nigh leaving me. Then he came up to me and shaved part
of my head; then he held his hand and then he said, "O my lord, haste
is Satan's gait whilst patience is of Allah the Compassionate. But
thou, O my master, I ken thou knowest not my rank; for verily this hand
alighteth upon the heads of Kings and Emirs and Wazirs, and sages and
doctors learned in the law, and the poet said of one like me:—
All crafts are like necklaces strung on a string, ✿ But this Barber's
the union pearl of the band:
High over all craftsmen he ranketh, and why? ✿ The heads of the Kings
are under his hand!"[617]
Then said I, "_Do_ leave off talking about what concerneth thee not:
indeed thou hast straitened my breast and distracted my mind." Quoth
he, "Meseems thou art a hasty man;" and quoth I, "Yes! yes! yes!" and
he, "I rede thee practise restraint of self, for haste is Satan's pelf
which bequeatheth only repentance and ban and bane, and He (upon whom
be blessings and peace!) hath said, The best of works is that wherein
deliberation lurks: but I, by Allah! have some doubt about thine
affair; and so I should like thee to let me know what it is thou art in
such haste to do; for I fear me it is other than good." Then he
continued, "It wanteth three hours yet to prayer-time; but I do not
wish to be in doubt upon this matter; nay, I must know the moment
exactly, for truly:—A guess shot in times of doubt, oft brings harm
about; especially in the like of me, a superior person whose merits are
famous amongst mankind at large; and it doth not befit me to talk at
random, as do the common sort of astrologers." So saying, he threw down
the razor and taking up the astrolabe, went forth under the sun and
stood there a long time; after which he returned and counting on his
fingers said to me, "There remain still to prayer-time three full hours
and complete, neither more nor yet less, according to the most learned
astronomicals and the wisest makers of almanacks." "Allah upon thee,"
cried I, "hold thy tongue with me, for thou breakest my liver in
pieces." So he took the razor and, after sharpening it as before and
shaving other two hairs of my head, he again held his hand and said, "I
am concerned about thy hastiness and indeed thou wouldst do well to let
me into the cause of it; 'twere the better for thee, as thou knowest
that neither thy father nor thy grandfather ever did a single thing
save by my advice." When I saw that there was no escape from him I said
to myself, "The time for prayer draws near and I wish to go to her
before the folk come out of the mosque. If I am delayed much longer, I
know not how to come at her." Then said I aloud, "Be quick and stint
this talk and impertinence, for I have to go to a party at the house of
some of my intimates." When he heard me speak of the party, he said,
"This thy day is a blessed day for me! In very sooth it was but
yesterday I invited a company of my friends and I have forgotten to
provide anything for them to eat. This very moment I was thinking of
it: Alas, how I shall be disgraced in their eyes!" "Be not distressed
about this matter," answered I; "have I not told thee that I am bidden
to an entertainment this day? So everything in my house, eatable and
drinkable, shall be thine, if thou wilt only get through thy work and
make haste to shave my head." He replied, "Allah requite thee with
good! Specify to me what is in thy house for my guests that I may be
ware of it." Quoth I, "Five dishes of meat and ten chickens with
reddened breasts[618] and a roasted lamb." "Set them before me," quoth
he, "that I may see them." So I told my people to buy, borrow or steal
them and bring them in anywise, and had all this set before him. When
he saw it he cried, "The wine is wanting," and I replied, "I have a
flagon or two of good old grape-juice in the house," and he said, "Have
it brought out!" So I sent for it and he exclaimed, "Allah bless thee
for a generous disposition! But there are still the essences and
perfumes." So I bade them set before him a box containing Nadd,[619]
the best of compound perfumes, together with fine lign-aloes, ambergris
and musk unmixed, the whole worth fifty dinars. Now the time waxed
strait and my heart straitened with it; so I said to him, "Take it all
and finish shaving my head by the life of Mohammed (whom Allah bless
and keep!)." "By Allah," said he, "I will not take it till I see all
that is in it." So I bade the page open the box and the Barber laid
down the astrolabe, leaving the greater part of my head unpolled; and,
sitting on the ground, turned over the scents and incense and
aloes-wood and essences till I was well nigh distraught. Then he took
the razor and coming up to me shaved off some few hairs and repeated
these lines:—
The boy like his father shall surely show, ✿ As the tree from its
parent root shall grow.[620]
Then said he, "By Allah, O my son, I know not whether to thank thee or
thy father; for my entertainment this day is all due to thy bounty and
beneficence; and, although none of my company be worthy of it, yet I
have a set of honourable men, to wit Zantút the bath-keeper and Salí'a
the corn-chandler; and Sílat the bean-seller; and Akrashah the
greengrocer; and Humayd the scavenger; and Sa'íd the camel-man; and
Suwayd the porter; and Abu Makárish the bathman[621]; and Kasím the
watchman; and Karím the groom. There is not among the whole of them a
bore or a bully in his cups; nor a meddler nor a miser of his money,
and each and every hath some dance which he danceth and some of his own
couplets which he caroleth; and the best of them is that, like thy
servant, thy slave here, they know not what much talking is nor what
forwardness means." The bath-keeper sings to the tom-tom[622] a song
which enchants; and he stands up and dances and chants,
I am going, O mammy, to fill up my pot.
As for the corn-chandler he brings more skill to it than any; he dances
and sings,
O Keener,[623] O sweetheart, thou fallest not short
and he leaves no one's vitals sound for laughing at him. But the
scavenger sings so that the birds stop to listen to him and dances and
sings,
News my wife wots is not locked in a box![624]
And he hath privilege, for 'tis a shrewd rogue and a witty;[625] and
speaking of his excellence I am wont to say:—
"My life for the scavenger! right well I love him, ✿ Like a waving
bough he is sweet to my sight:
Fate joined us one night, when to him quoth I ✿ (The while I grew weak
and love gained more might)
'Thy love burns my heart!' 'And no wonder,' quoth he ✿ 'When the drawer
of dung turns a stoker wight.'[626]