The gassy man iz a kind ov itinerant soda fountain, a sort ov
hi-preshure reservoi ov soap-suds, who spouts bubles and foam, whenever
he opens hiz mouth.
Theze quacks in the small beer line, hav but phew branes, but their
branes are like yeast, they kant rize without running over every thing.
I have known them tew argy a point 3 hours and a half, and never offer
one good reazon in the whole time.
They mistake words for ideas, and their tongues travel tew just about az
mutch purpose az a boy's wind mill duz, in the teeth ov a stiff nor
wester.
They are the vainest ov all human beings that hav yit bin discovered,
and think, bekauze people kant eskape their furios effervescence, they
are pleazed and convinced.
I never knu one ov theze windmills yet, but what thought Soloman waz
almost an ideot kompared tew them, and I never knu one to ever diskover
hiz mistake.
Yu mite az well undertake tew git the pride out ov a pekocks tail, bi
laffing at it, az to convinse theze phellows that what they say aint
either wit or wisdum.
The gassy man iz not bi enny means a bad man at heart, he iz often az
good natured az he is phoolish, but hiz friendship aint worth mutch more
tew yu than the luv ov a lost pup, who iz reddy tew phollow enny one off
who will pat him on the back.