In a fu daze, i shall find a spare time, and then i shall write up, for
our paper sumthing pyroteknik, which will make the hair grow on the head
ov a number 2 mackrel, to read it.
Dear Dokter, the fact iz, "sum men are born grate, sum men git grate
after they are born, and sum men hav grateness hove upon them."
Doctor, you are awl 3 ov these men, in one.
Yu are a kind ov vegitable trinity, sassyfrass, pokeroot, and
elderberry.
It waz a happee thought in you, tew call your "Salvashun Bitters" a
"vegatabel tonicks," although, old rye aint one ov the vegatabels,
whiskee iz one ov the tonicks.
The people must hev tonicks, and the more vegatabels you kan git into
the gratest amount ov whiskee, the more the peopel will luv you.
Thare is nothing the christian world long for so mutch, just now, as a
vegatabel bitter.
Sassyfrass is good for a lonesum stummuk, pokeroot is an alteratiff, and
Elderberry was known to the anshients, but what! oh tell me what! yee
whispring winds, what! are all these without whiskee.
Thank the Lord, that at laste, we hav got a bitter, that will tonick a
man up.
Nothing, sinze the good old daze ov Jamaka Rum, and sider Brandee, haz
sent sich a thrill ov joy thru the wurld, az "Hirsute's Salvashun
Bitters," sold respektably bi awl druggists, far and near.
Go on Doktur, manafaktring, and selling, let the cod liver, and pattent
truss men, howl out in envy, let pills rant, and plasters rave, you hav
got what the wurld wants, and will have, and that iz, an erb bitter,
with a broad whiskee basis.
P. S.--Let me advize yu az a friend; if it iz indispensible necessary
tew cheat a little, in the manufakter ov the "Salvashun Bitters," let it
by awl means be in the rutes, dont lower the basis.
Yures quietly,
JOSH BILLINGS.
{KARACTER VARIETY.}
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