Customs are like grease--they make ennything slip eazy.
Thare iz sum things that kant be counterfitted--a blush iz one ov them.
Goodness iz jist az mutch ov a studdy az mathumaticks iz.
If a man expekts tew be very virtewous he musn't mix too much with the
world, nor too mutch with himself neither.
Thare iz more deviltry in the world than thare iz ignorance.
The people who acktually deserve tew liv their lives over agin are the
verry ones who dont want to do it.
The richest man ov all iz he who haz got but little, but haz got all he
wants.
Natur makes all the noblemen--wealth, edukashun, nor pedigree, never
made one yet.
When a man duz me a favour i alwus try tew remember it, and when he duz
me an injury i alwus try tew forget it--if i dont, I ought to.
[Illustration: REMNANTS.]
If a man iz honest he may not alwus be in the right, but he kan never be
in the wrong.
Grate talkers are generally grate liars, for men who talk so mutch must
sooner or later, run out ov the truth, and tell what they dont kno.
I dont bet thare iz enny sich thing az a perfektly good man, or a
perfekly bad man.
I kno ov enny quantity ov people whose virtews are at the mercy ov other
folks, who are good simply for the reputashun ov it, who haven't got
enny more real appetite tew their conscience than a klam haz.
I hav studdyed mi own karakter, and mi own impulses for 39 years
clussly, and i kant tell to day (to save a bet) whether i am an honest
and trew man or not--if thare iz enny boddy who knows about this matter
i wish they would address me a letter, enklosing a postage blister.
Thare iz no sekts, nor religious disputes amung the heathen, they all of
them cook a missionary in the same way.
One grate reazon whi "Jordan iz sich a ruff road tew travel," iz
bekauze, almost every boddy works inside ov their own lot, and lets the
turnpike take care ov itself.
Thare iz lots ov folks who expekt tew eskape Hell jist bekauze the crowd
iz so grate that are going thare.
Every man makes hiz own pedigree, and the best pedigree iz a clear
conscience.
To be a gentleman,--git ritch, and keep a hoss and buggy.
Virtew in a poor man iz looked upon az a jewel in a tuds noze.
The man who iz a tyrant in hiz household iz an abjekt cuss amung hiz
equals.
After a man iz fairly born the next grate blessing iz a square deth.
Virtew iz like strength, no man kan tell how mutch he haz got ov it till
he cums akrost sumthing he kant lift.
I hav cum tew the konklusion that what every boddy praizes wants cluss
watching.
Thare iz nothing the wurld will pay so mutch for az fust rate nonsense,
and thare iz nothing in the market so skarse.
Thare iz menny folks who are like mules, the only way tew their
affeckshuns iz thru the kindness ov a klub.
Thare aint but phew people who know how to giv gifts, and the number who
kno how tew receive them iz less.
The strongest propensity in womans natur iz to want to know "_whats
going on!_" and the next strongest, iz tew boss the job.
Skorn not the day ov little things, for thare iz no man in this world so
grate but what sum one kan do him a favor or an injury.
Thare iz one witness that never iz guilty ov perjury, and that iz the
conscience.
Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind
miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too
soon.