When a man hain't got enny thing to say, then iz a good time tew keep
still,--thare iz but few people who hav missed a good opportunity tew
ventilate their opiniyuns.
Just about az cerimonys creep into one end ov a church piety creeps out
ov the other.
Thoze who hav the fewest failings, see the fewest in others.
Pride iz az universal az hair on the hed--sum are proud ov their
virtews, sum ov their vices, and sum, having neither themselves, brag on
other people's.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
An industrious man iz seldom a bad man.
Men will believe their pashuns quicker than they will their consciences,
and yet their pashuns are generally wrong, and their consciences alwus
right.
It ain't mutch truble tew bear the pain or sum boddy else's lame back,
but tew hav the lame back oneself ain't so stylish.
Dispising fortune iz not a sure way tew gain her favors,--pipe to her,
and she may dance to you.
Take all the _interest_ out ov this world, and there wouldn't be
_friendship_ enuff left for seed.
Sekrets are a burden, and that iz one reason why we are anxious to hav
sumboddy help us carry them.
I hav seen men so full ov vanity, that they could not endure the sight
ov a peacock, with his tale on parade.
The most excruciating bore I know is excessive politeness.
If I was called upon tew describe Eloquence, I should do it az I would a
suit ov clothes,--'_ov suitable texture and a perfect fit_.'
Gravity iz no more an evidence ov wisdom, than it iz ov ill natur.
The greater the man, the less hiz virteus appear, and the larger hiz
faults.
The man who hain't got an enemy, iz really poor.
Don't mistake _vivacity_ for _wit_, thare iz just az mutch diffrence as
thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug.
No man ever yet undertook tew alter his natur by substituting sum
invenshun ov his own, but what made a botch job ov it.
Religion in theze days, iz compozed ov vanity, and piety, and each man
and woman iz a better judge ov the proportion than I am.
Lovers feed upon mysteries, but after they are married, and the pork and
beans are brought on, they hav a fair chance tew test the real qualitys
ov their appetights.
An insult tew one man iz an insult tew all, for it may be our turn next.
I don't kno ov enny thing that would use the whole ov us up more
thoroughly, than tew hev all ov our wishes gratified.
Thare iz 2 kinds ov obstinacy, obstinacy in the right, and obstinacy in
the wrong, one iz the strength ov a grate mind, and the other iz the
strength ov a little one.
Lazyness iz like mollassis, sweet and sticky.