Thare iz a grate deal ov rezolushun in _Gin_, but kussid little
judgment.
A nikname will not only outliv a man, but outlast even hiz tombstun.
What iz the chief end ov man? To foot hiz wife's bills and foot the man
who insults her.
A genial old man iz pleasant tew look upon, but a frisky old man is too
mutch like an Irish wake to be captivating.
A man who kant fiddle but one tune, i don't kare how well he kan do it,
ain't a permanent suckcess.
[Illustration: HOT KORN.]
After all i don't kno az thare iz ennything in this world that pays
mutch better than being a natral born phool.
A literary reputashun iz hard tew git and eazy tew loose, and when once
lost iz lost forever.
Thare iz grate art in growing old gracefully.
If a man haz got a good reputashun he better git it insured, for they
are dredful risky.
Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good
general idee ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov
his nabor iz.
It iz a grate deal better for a man tew be defamed than tew be praized
for what he don't possess.
Genuine happiness is like a genuine ghost, everyboddy talks about them
and seems tew beleaf in them, but i guess noboddy hain't seen one yet.
Solomon remarked "that thare want ennything nu under the sun," and it
duz really seem that if a man sez ennything nu he haz got tew lie a
leetle tew do it.
I serpose that whi advise is such a drug in the market iz bekauze the
supply alwus exceeds the demand.
Dandys and blujays are alike, both worthless without their feathers.
Gold seems tew be the standard of all values in this world Even virtew
in a poor man, iz quoted 75 per cent belo par.
Watching one's helth all the time iz like watching the weather--a grate
deal of time iz lost, and thare iz just az menny showers after all.
We hear a good deal sed about the freaks ov natur, but i hav alwus
noticed that when natur makes a two-legged swine, she takes a mighty
sight ov pains about it.
Gravity iz the homage that a phool pays to wisdum, without knowing it.
A flatterer iz a common enemy.
If mankind were obliged tew giv their gifts sekretly, they would look
upon it az a grate hardship.
He that won't listen, kan't learn; phools and bobalinks are poor
listeners, and hav but one song.
Thare iz nothing we talk so fluently about az happiness, and nothing we
kno so little about.
Revenge iz the prerogative ov the brutes.
_Manner_ iz a grate deal more attraktive than _matter_--espeshily in a
monkey.
Whenever yu find a man who iz strikly honest, yu will find one who iz
truly courageous.
When eloquence and wisdum kontend for the superiority in a man, he haz
got about az far abuv the rest ov us az he kan git.
The luv ov change iz az natral in man az it iz in natur.
Thare iz two kinds ov hipokrits, the bold, and the humble, and the
humble ones are the wust.
The grate strength ov simplicity lays in the words, _not in the ideas_.
I don't beleave thare iz ennything in this world that will add to a
man's wealth, convenience or luxury, but what he kan git, if he will
only hunt enuff for it.
All wimmin are bi natur flirts, but those who are the most so, have the
least sense.
To be thoroughly good-natured, and yet avoid being imposed upon, shows
great strength ov character.
Enny person who will deliberately flatter yu, will deliberately defame
yu.
It iz a mighty hard job tew respekt the man that we hav tew forgiv.
I beleave thare iz more people in this world, honest from policy, than
thare iz from principle.
Very old people often are free from all appearances ov sin, bekauze they
hav nothing left for either tew feed upon.
Thare are people who are alwus anticipating trubble, and in this way
they manage tew _enjoy_ menny sorrows that never really happen tew them.
Fear ov sin haz made a grate menny more Christians than the luv ov
virtew haz.
I kno ov sevral kinds ov kuriosity, but thare iz one kind which prompts
us tew stick our noze into things just for the purpose ov smelling.
The luv ov praize never made enny man wuss, and haz made menny a man
better.
Thoze people who are sik and disgusted with themselfs are the ones who
suffer from ennui.
In bible times, when Balem's ass spoke, it waz a mirakle; but the daze
ov mirakels are over, and the greatest asses we hav in theze times are
the gratest talkers.
Thare iz quite a difference between a _lu_minous and a _vo_luminous
writer, altho menny authors konfound the two.
Thoze who hav never sukceeded themselfs are alwus the most reddy tew
tell others how tew do it.
I am satisfied that the 2 gratest bores in the world are the Hoosick
tunnel and the author who iz hunting up a publisher for his fust book.
If yu wish tew retain the friendship, or even luv, ov others, yu must
keep them in yure hands, and not git into theirs.
It iz kind ov phunny that while modesty iz the gratest evidence ov
merit, it seems tew be the poorest gurantee ov suckcess.
Admire beauty, but don't worship it.
Cunning men are sure tew git kaught at last, and when they are kaught
they are like a fox in a trap, about the sylliest looking fox yu ever
see.
Yu mite az well undertake tew drown a knot-hole out, bi pouring water
into it, az tew outtalk sum wimmin I kno ov.
We laff at sheep bekauze when one ov them leads the way all the rest
follow, however ridikilus it may be, and i suppose sheep laff, when they
see us doing the vary same thing.
It will do tew endorse some men, but not their paper, while thare iz
others whoze paper iz safer tew endosse than their karakter.
Fortune iz no holyday goddess she don't simper amung arkadian scenes,
she dwells in rugged places, and yu kant wear her favors without winning
them.