A slander iz like a hornet, if yu kant kill it dead the fust blo, yu
better not strike at it.
Politeness iz a shrewd way folks haz ov flattering themselfs.
I make this distinkshun between _charakter_ and _reputashun_--reputashun
iz what the world _thinks_ ov us, charakter iz what the world _knows_ ov
us.
What a ridikilus farce it iz to be continually on the hunt for peace and
quiet.
No man ever yet increased hiz reputashun bi contradikting lies.
Anxiety alwus steps on itself.
Silence, like darkness, iz generally safe.
Thare iz only two things that i kno ov that a man wont brag ov, one iz
lieing, and tuther iz jealousy.
It takes branes tew make a _smart_ man, but good luck often makes a
_famous_ one.
Opinyuns are like other vegetables, worth just what they will fetch.
I think most men had rather be charged with malice than with making a
blunder.
Love cuts up all sorts ov monkey shines, it makes a fool sober, and a
wize man frisky.
I don't beleave in total depravity, every man haz sumthing in him to
show that God made him.
I suppoze that one reazon whi the "road to ruin" iz broad, iz tew
accomadate the grate amount ov travel in that direkshun.
I think i had rather hear a man brag about himself, than tew hear him
brag all the time ov sum one else--for i think i like vanity a leetle
better than i do sickofansy.
A humbug iz like a bladder, good for nothing till it iz blowed up, and
then ain't good for nothing after it iz pricked.
A bigg noze iz sed tew be a sighn ov genius--if a man's genius lays in
hiz noze, i should say the sign waz a good one.
Vanity iz seldom malishous.
A woman (like an echo), will hav the last word.
Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with
the whole blassted consarn--put a Yankee in, and he would see whare he
could alter it to advantage--put an Irishman in, and he would want tew
boss the thing--put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed at once to plant
it.
When a man is squandering hiz estate, even those who are getting it,
call him a phool.
Men mourn for what they hav lost--wimmin, for what they hain't got.
I judge ov a man's virtew entirely bi his phashions--it iz a grate deal
eazier tew be a good dove, than a decent sarpent.
Thare are menny ways to find out how brave and how honest a man may be,
but thare aint no way to find out the extent ov hiz vanity.
A lie iz like a cat, it never cums to yu in a straight line.
Natur iz a kind mother. She couldn't well afford to make us perfekt, and
so she made us blind to our failings.
Studdy the heart if yu want to learn human natur; there ain't no human
natur in a man's head.
Friendship iz simply the gallantry of self interest.
Beware ov the man with half-shut eyes--he ain't dreaming.
Experience makes more timid men than it duz wise ones.
Advice iz a drug in the market; the supply alwus exceeds the demand.
One ov the safest and most successful tallents I kno ov iz to be a good
listener.
Fools are the whet-stones ov society.
Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
Curiosity iz the instinct ov wisdum.
Thoze who becum disgusted, and withdraw from the world, musn't forgit
one thing, that the world will forgit them, a long time before they will
forgit the world.
Put man down (for me) az a vain and selfish critter, all hiz talk and
ackshuns to the contrary, notwithstanding, nevertheless, to wit, verily,
amen.
Wize men laff every good chance they kan git. Laffing is only a weakness
in phools.