The higher up we git, the more we are watched--the rooster on the top ov
the church-steeple, is ov more importance, altho' he is tin, than two
roosters in a barn-yard.
If men are honest they will tell yu that their suckcess in life iz more
ov a wonder tew them, than it iz to you.
Take all the pride out ov this world, and mankind would be like a
bob-tailed pekok, anxious to hide under sumbody's barn.
I think the heft ov people take az mutch comfort in bragging ov their
misfortunes, az they do ov their good luk.
Call a man a thief, and yu license him tew steal.
A sekret ceases tew be a sekret if it iz once confided--it iz like a
dollar bill, once broken, it iz never a dollar agin.
All fights, tew produce enny moral advantage, should end in viktory tew
one side, or the other. Yu will alwus see dorgs renew a drawn battle,
every time they meet.
Thare iz a grate difference between holding a hi offiss, or having a hi
offis hold us.
If a man iz full ov himself, don't tap him, but rather plugg him up, and
let him choke tew deth or bust.
Laws are not made out ov justiss, they are made out ov necessity.
The man who kant find enny virtew in the human heart haz probably given
us a faithful sinopsiss ov his own.
I don't think that Fortune haz got enny favourites, she was born blind,
and i notis them who win the oftenest, go it blind, too.
It iz a safer thing enny time, to follow a man's advice, than hiz
example.
[Illustration: RAMRODS.]
The heart is wife ov the head, and we, (who hav tried it), all kno how
purswasiv the wife iz--espeshily when she wants sumthing.
I konsider a weak man more dangerous than a malishus one, malishus men
hav sum karacter, but weak ones don't have enny.
I hav notissed one thing, that the most virtewous and diskreet folks we
hav amungst us, are thoze who hav either no pashuns all, or verry tame
ones--it iz a grate deal eazier tew be a good dove, than a decent
sarpent.
The man who takes a dollar iz a thief, but if he steals a millyun he iz
a genius.
Virtew haz no pride in it, nor sin enny humility.
Owls are grave, not on account ov their wisdom, but on account ov their
gravity.
He who duz a good thing sekretly, steals a march on heaven.
Hunting after health, iz like hunting after fleas, the more yu hunt
them, the more the flea.
Take the sellfishness out ov this world, and thare would be more
happeness than we should kno what to do with.
When a man gits so reduced that he kant help ennyboddy else, then we
vote him a pension for the rest ov his days, by calling him a "_poor
devil_."
Thare seems to be affektashun in every thing, even sin has its
impostors.
It is a fakt (known to us doktors) that yu kan ketch the little pox ov a
man before it brakes out on him eazier than yu kan after it haz broke
out. Tis thus with wickedness; the openly so are less dangerous than
thoze who hav it under the skin.
When we are more anxus tew pleaze than tew be pleazed, then we are in
love in good arnest.
If a man iz happy, he kan afford to be poor and neglekted.
Thare iz nothing we brag ov more than our honesty, and we all ov us kno
that our honesty iz az mutch the effekt ov interest az principle.
It don't show good judgment to be surprized at ennything in this world,
for thare is nothing more certain than uncertainty.
Every human physikal lump on the face ov this earth iz susceptible tew
flattery; sum yu kan daub it on with a white-wash brush, while others
must hav it sprinkled on them, like the dew from flowers.
Every man haz a perfekt right tew hiz opinyun, provided it agrees with
ours.
Thare iz no sich thing az being proud before man and humble before God.
Our continual desire for praise ought tew satisfy us ov our mortality,
if nothing else will.
Confession iz not the whole ov repentance, but it iz the butt end ov it.
If virtu did not so often manage tew make herself repulsive, vice would
not be half so attraktive.
Cunning iz not an evidence ov wisdom, but iz prima facie evidence ov the
want of it. If we were wize enuff tew ketch a fox bi argument, we
shouldn't hav to set a trap for him.
Prosperity makes us all honest.
Love iz a child ov the heart; and it iz lucky if the head iz the father
ov it.
A coquette in love iz az silly az a mouse in a wire-trap; he don't seem
tew kno exackly how he got in, nor exackly how he iz going to get out.
Every man thinks hiz nabor happier than he iz, but if he swops places
with him he will want tew trade back next morning.
Everyboddy's friend should be noboddy's confidant.
Love iz like the meazles; we kant have it bad but onst, and the latter
in life we hav it the tuffer it goes with us.
Thare is nothing so easy to larn az experience, and nothing so hard to
apply.
Thare ain't but phew men who kan stick a white hankerchef into the brest
pocket ov their overcoat without letting a little ov it stick out--just
bi acksident.