name of the mother appears nearest the top, as before, directly below
it is "Miss Cole" for the eldest daughter, and below that "Miss Edna
Cole" for her younger sister. The form "The Misses Cole" may also be
used when there are two or three daughters. The joint card is used to
announce the address and at-home day, at the beginning of the season;
but it is also used when the ladies of a family send a wedding gift
with their card, when they send flowers to an invalided friend or when
they make calls of condolence or congratulation together.
There are several other double, or joint, cards used besides those of
the mother and daughter. A motherless girl, living with her father, may
couple her name with his. Sisters who have no parents may use a double
card with the name of the older engraved above that of the younger, or
with the simple inscription, "The Misses Gray." A sister who is
unmarried often shares a joint card with a married sister, when they
are living together. A chaperon and motherless girl, an aunt and
unmarried niece are entitled to use joint cards if they wish.
After her first season, a young lady, when calling alone, uses her own
card. However, if her mother is an active hostess who issues her cards
every season and receives with her daughters, she does not indicate a
day at home on her personal cards. A supply of double cards should
always be available when there are daughters in the family, even though
they issue their own cards, for many instances arise when the double
card is more acceptable than any other.
INDICATING THE DAY AT HOME
The lower left-hand corner of the visiting card is reserved for the day
at home. If one day each week--or rather one afternoon from three until
six o'clock each week--is devoted to the entertaining of visitors, the
word "Fridays" or "Tuesdays" is engraved in the corner. There need be
no explanation, no further details, unless the hostess for some reason
wishes to state the hours during which she will be receiving, in which
case it is quite permissible to add them to the names of the day or
days.
Sometimes particular limits are set on the days at home. For instance
some hostesses are at home only one afternoon in every second, or every
third, week. This requires special wording. For instance, "First and
Fourth Wednesdays" or "First Fridays" (meaning first Fridays in the
month). One may also set a time limit by having one's cards engraved:
"Tuesdays until Lent" or "Mondays until April," or "Wednesdays,
December 9--16--23."
THE MARRIED COUPLE'S CARD
The married woman finds many occasions to use the card that is engraved
with her husband's and her name. It is never used to announce her day
at home, unless he is to receive with her, though she may use it when
calling, if she wishes.
The double card for a married couple is larger than the individual
card, but just about the size of the double card used for mother and
daughter. A model is shown below.
_Mr. and Mrs. John Blake
200 West End Avenue_
Brides use the joint card when returning calls made upon them after
their return from the honeymoon. It is also customary for such a card
to be inclosed with a wedding invitation or with an announcement of
marriage, to give the united names of the couple with their future
address and day at home. If this last plan is not followed, the bride
posts, immediately upon her return home, a double card bearing her
address and day at home, to all her own and her husband's friends. The
double card is then rarely used, except for such occasions as when
husband and wife send a gift together, or pay calls of inquiry,
condolence or congratulation together.
USING JR. AND SR.
"Jr." is a contraction of the word Junior; "Sr." is a contraction of
the word "Senior." These suffixes are not generally used on women's
cards, but there are several occasions when they are necessary. There
is, for instance, the lady whose husband bearing the same name as his
father lives in the same town. Her cards must bear the suffix "Jr." if
they are not to be confused with the cards of her mother-in-law.
In this instance, if the mother-in-law were a widow using her husband's
full name, it would be necessary for her to add the word "Senior," or
its abbreviation, "Sr.," after her name to avoid having it confused
with that of her daughter-in-law. The latter would, in this case, omit
the "Jr." from her cards. If both women lost their husbands, and both
wished to retain the husband's Christian names on their cards, the
discriminating "Jr." and "Sr." should be used. These suffixes do not
have to be used if the younger widow only retains the Christian names
of her husband, and the older woman revives the use of her own
Christian and middle names. "Jr." and "Sr." may appear on the cards in
their abbreviated forms. Indeed, it is preferable if the name is a long
one.
TITLES ON CARDS FOR MEN
A gentleman's card should always bear some distinguishing title. The
only time when "Mr." may be omitted, is when "Jr." or "Sr." follows the
name, or when some honorary title is conferred. A boy under sixteen may
have a card which bears only his name without title.
Undignified abbreviations or contractions of names should never be used
on a gentleman's card. The inscription should read: "Mr. Robert W.
Blake" or, preferably, "Mr. Robert Walter Blake." Such contractions as
"Mr. Bob Blake" or "Mr. R. Walter Blake" are discountenanced by good
society. Only the gentleman who represents the head of the senior
branch of his family may use a card with his name engraved simply, "Mr.
Blake."
Very often a bachelor has his home address engraved in the lower
right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club in
the corner opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, its name
occupies the place usually reserved on the card for home addresses. An
at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, unless he is an
artist and has many friends who are fond of coming to his studio.
In the army, only those men whose ranks are above captain use their
military title on their visiting cards. Others use merely the prefix
"Mr." Men who are officers of volunteer regiments are not entitled to
the use of military titles on their cards, and they should be careful
to use only "Mr." before their names. A captain, major, or colonel in
the army signifies in the corner of the card whether his command is in
the artillery, the infantry, or the cavalry.
A Justice of the Supreme Court has his cards engraved with the title
Mr. Justice preceding his name, thus: "Mr. Justice John Emmonds Gary."
Lawyers and judges of the lower courts may use only the prefix "Mr."
Presidents of colleges, officers of the navy, physicians and clergymen
all signify their office, rank or profession on their cards. A
physician may have his card engraved in either of these two approved
manners: "Dr. Everett Johnson" or "Everett Johnson, M.D." A clergyman
who has received his degree does not use the title "Dr.," but has his
cards engraved, "Elmer J. Burnham, D.D." Other men with honorary titles
follow a similar style.
Members of the cabinet, if they wish, may have their cards formally
engraved "The Secretary of State," "The Secretary of War," "The
Secretary of the Interior," etc. A senator, however, may use only the
prefix "Mr.," having his cards engraved "Mr. Johnson." Of course the
president and vice-president, and ambassadors indicate their office and
rank on their card, as do also all professors and deans of colleges. A
member of the faculty of Yale would have his cards inscribed, "Mr.
Walter Beacon Clark, Yale University." Foreign consuls and
representatives use only the title "Mr."
Business addresses should never be used on a gentleman's social card. A
physician or clergyman need not follow this rule, provided that no
office hours are given.
_Mr. Robert Livingston
4 West Tenth Street_
PROFESSIONAL CARDS FOR MEN
Professional cards and visiting cards should always be kept distinct
from each other. The physician who uses his professional card, with
business hours engraved on it, for a social call, is committing an
irretrievable blunder in etiquette.
A physician has the privilege of choosing either of two forms for his
professional card. He may prefix his name with "Dr." or add the
initials "M.D." to it. In the lower right-hand corner of the card, his
house address is engraved; and in the opposite corner, his office
hours. For his social cards, the physician omits the office hours and
uses M.D. after his name rather than "Dr." before it.
"Rev." or "Reverend," is the approved title for a clergyman. Cards are
engraved: "Reverend Raymond Falke Fleming" or "Rev. Raymond F.
Fleming." A clergyman who is entitled to the degree of doctor may use
all his titles on his professional cards, but has his social card
engraved merely: "Ralph Kendrick Williams, D.D."
Not infrequently it happens that a man has occasion to write his name
on a card with his own hand. In this case he does not omit the
conventional "Mr.," or his honorary titles, but writes his name
identically as it would appear if engraved.
No card should be crowded with a great deal of information but a
business card may bear whatever is necessary really to represent the
person whose name appears upon it. The salesman or other representative
of a large firm has the name of the firm on his business card and the
man who is in a highly specialized kind of work such as advertising,
may have the word "Advertising" engraved on his card. An agent for a
particular kind of commodity may have this fact indicated on his
business card. Such details have, of course, absolutely no place on the
social card.
CARDS FOR MOURNING
The tradition of edging a card with black in deference to the dead can
be traced back to the ancient Patagonians who used black paint to
denote the passing of a spirit. They painted their bodies black, if
they were near relatives of the deceased, and painted all the
belongings of the dead man or woman black. This may not have been so
much mourning as it was fear, for these people of long ago were afraid
of death, and they used the death-color largely to please the spirit of
the one who died. Perhaps the black-bordered mourning cards we use
to-day are used more in the spirit of ostentation and display rather
than that of mourning.
Unless one is truly sorrowing over the death of some dear one, mourning
cards should not be used. When they are used, the borders should be
very narrow--never more than one-fourth of an inch. They should not be
carried by people who are not in strict mourning garments.
During the first year of widowhood, the mourning card should have a
black border one-fourth of an inch deep. The second year the border may
be diminished one-sixteenth of an inch; and every six months after
that, the same amount may be detracted from the border, until mourning
is put off entirely. A widower's card has a border narrower than the
widow's in proportion to the size of their respective cards. It, too,
is gradually decreased in width until the end of the mourning period.
This graduation, or rather gradual narrowing, of the border is not used
in the mourning of a sister's, brother's or parent's death. For these
relatives, a border not less than a sixteenth or more than an eighth of
an inch in width should be used. Mourning cards should not be assumed
for an uncle, aunt or cousin, unless genuine sorrow and heartfelt
sympathy are felt. A border that is a sixteenth of an inch in width is
sufficient for the complete period of mourning for these latter
relatives.
The mourning cards of parents and widows should bear the broadest black
borders, but even they must not exceed the conventional width, which is
not more than one-fourth of an inch. Very wide, glaring borders denote
bad taste on the part of the owner. (See footnote)[1]
[1] There seems to be a tendency for widows to use, the first
year of their mourning, cards that have borders measuring
one-third of an inch in width. Certainly if one is in deep
mourning, and genuinely sorrowing, a border of this width is
permissible. But the one-quarter inch border, varying down to
one-sixteenth of an inch, is always preferred, always in better
taste.
WHEN THE WOMAN GOES A-CALLING
A visiting card is always left on the hall table or on the card tray,
if it is not given to the servant. The caller must on no occasion carry
it in and present it to her hostess like a _billet d'admission_. A
woman _never_ presents it herself to her hostess.
When the call is made on the hostess' day at home, cards are left on
the tray in the hall as each caller passes through to the drawing- or
reception-room. If it is the first call of the season, to that
particular friend or acquaintance, she places one of her own cards and
one of her husband's in the tray. Subsequent calls of the season do not
require one of her own cards left each time in the tray; but if the
call is made in return for some hospitality or entertainment accorded
her and her husband, she leaves two of the latter's cards--provided,
only, that the hostess is a married woman.
Until about 1893, women, when paying calls and finding that the hostess
was not at home, turned down the left corner of the card towards the
center, to indicate that all the women members of the family were
included in the call. If the right corner was also turned down, it
meant that the visitor came to make a formal call, not for the simple
purpose of card-leaving. This custom has been entirely eliminated in
America, at any rate, though it still prevails in certain foreign
countries. And rightly so, for it is both affected and untidy.
WHEN MORE THAN ONE CARD IS LEFT
A wife beginning her rounds of first calls, leaves two of her husband's
cards with one of her own. She repeats this when she comes to
congratulate or condole, and when she pays her final calls of the
season. It is wise for a wife always to carry a number of her husband's
cards in her card case, as she is often called upon to use them for
such social occasions that the busy business man is loath to attend.
If a wife calls upon a friend who is entertaining for a friend or
relative and the invitation included her husband, she leaves three of
his cards with one of her own if the hostess is a married woman, two of
his and one of hers if she is single. She never leaves one of her
husband's cards for an unmarried daughter. She should not use the card
bearing both her name and that of her husband but should use two
separate cards when it is in connection with social calls.
Etiquette does not permit a woman to leave a card for a man. She may
call on a man only for the purpose of business, and then she uses her
business cards, if she has them, instead of her social ones. A married
woman calling upon a single woman who is the hostess and mistress of
her own home, leaves one of her own cards and one of her husband's, or
the joint card which is engraved, "Mr. and Mrs. William Allan
Beckford." In many instances it may seem more courteous to leave more
than one card, but a woman calling alone should never leave more than
three. It has not been many years since she was almost compelled to
leave half a dozen or more but common sense intervened and this custom
like most others has been simplified.
SOME MORE POINTS ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS
A young lady during her first year in society may leave her name on the
same card with her mother's. If there are two _débutante_ daughters,
the joint card is made to suffice for all three. If a young lady using
separate cards calls on a friend's day at home, she may put two cards
into the tray on entering, if the hostess is receiving with a friend or
daughter, or she may leave only one card, if she prefers. This is done
only when the call is the first of the season, or when it is in return
for some entertainment. Otherwise, if the young lady is a frequent
visitor to the house, and calls on her friend's day at home, she need
not leave her card.
Neither a matron nor a young lady may leave a card for a masculine
member of the household. A young lady paying a chance call on a mother
and daughters, and being told that the ladies are out, leaves two of
her cards. An unmarried woman calling on her married friend leaves but
one card. But if this friend has a friend or relative receiving with
her, or if she has a daughter or daughters in society, then a card is
left for each of the ladies.
An unmarried woman, living with a father or brother, and acting as
mistress of the household, has cards left for her as carefully as the
matron. A widow must also be given scrupulous attention in the matter
of cards.
A young lady who calls after a dance, dinner or theater party leaves a
card for the mother of the young friend upon whom she calls. If a
mother gives a dance or dinner in honor of her son just returned from
college, or just leaving for college, the ladies who attend call
afterward only on the hostess and leave their cards for her.
Sometimes, one calls upon a friend or acquaintance at a hotel or inn.
If the ladies are out, the caller leaves cards marked for the persons
they are intended, in pencil. Otherwise they are likely to go astray,
considering the indifference and carelessness of the average servants.
It is also customary for both men and women, when paying calls in
strange neighborhoods, to write on their cards their temporary address.
The corner that is opposite that used for the permanent address is
devoted to the filling-in of this temporary address.
THE CHANCE CALLS
If a married woman calls in return for some hospitality shown her and
her husband, she leaves two of her own cards and two of his. But if it
is just a social call, she leaves only her own card. In this latter
case, she asks at the door to see the ladies. If she is informed that
they are not at home, she gives the card to the maid and departs. On
the other hand, if the ladies are at home, the card is placed on the
tray in the hall, and the caller goes into the drawing-room to be
welcomed by her friends.
If the maid does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, and
says she will see, the caller gives her own card and goes into the
drawing-room to wait further word from the maid. Should the ladies be
out, she leaves two of her husband's cards on the card tray in the hall
before leaving. If the ladies are at home, she does not deposit her
husband's cards in the tray until her departure.
Very often a lady will call on a very good friend, more for a friendly
little talk and for companionship than for social duty. In this case,
she is privileged to send up only one card; and leave it behind,
whether that lady is out or in, without any other cards.
SIMPLE CARD-LEAVING
Frequently, cards are left when there is no intention on the part of
the owner to make a call. To return calls made upon one, by persistent
card-leaving, is to indicate that one wishes to draw a friendship to a
close. It is accomplished merely by leaving a card, on no particular
at-home day but simply by chance, and by making no inquiries of the
servant. One says to a servant, "Please forward these cards to Miss
Adams" or, "These cards are for Mr. and Mrs. Blakelock."
There are several exceptions--several occasions when cards may be left
without a formal call and still indicate no desire to terminate an
acquaintanceship. It is only persistent card-leaving that is indicative
of this latter. A lady in mourning, for instance, is privileged to
leave her cards only in return for invitations she may have received.
It is proper for people in mourning to leave cards for all those
persons who called after the burial to leave cards of condolence; these
return cards are usually black-bordered, and they are left about one
month after the funeral.
Another custom that remains unchanged through the constant evolution of
social culture, is that of leaving cards for the bride's mother when
invitations to the church ceremony only are received, and when the
bride's mother is a stranger to the person invited. Upon receiving the
announcement of a wedding, the proper thing to do is to leave cards for
the bride's mother, even though she is a total stranger.
Cards must be left by each guest for the lady who has entertained a
club, charity or literary organization, at her home. They serve the
same purpose as cards that are left after an entertainment or
hospitality on the part of the hostess.
The custom of card-leaving without a call is also observed when a
friend or acquaintance goes to a home that has been visited by death.
SHOULD A STRANGER LEAVE CARDS?
The question has often been asked, whether or not a man or woman being
entertained by friends, is obligated to leave cards when they accompany
those friends on calls. There are certain varying conditions that
govern the answer to this question.
The stranger is invited to accompany the caller primarily as a matter
of convenience. If the person visited is not at home, no question of
card-leaving is involved--only the friend leaves cards and not the
stranger. But if the hostess is found at home, and if the stranger
intends to spend at least two weeks in the neighborhood, it is
necessary for him, or her, to leave cards. It is not necessary for the
stranger to leave cards when the visit in the neighborhood is to be a
short one, and the call is entirely a matter of convenience. If no card
is left, the hostess will understand that no call is expected in
return, and that the stranger expects no invitations to the coming
social activities in the neighborhood.
Sometimes a man or woman accompanies a friend or relative to the home
of a stranger, for the purpose, previously arranged, of being
introduced and paying a first call. Here the etiquette of card-leaving
is clearly defined. If the call is made on the day at home, the caller
leaves his or her cards on the hall table, just as for any other first
call. But if it happens to be a chance call, and the hostess is not at
home, the stranger leaves cards with those of a friend.
When two women pay a chance call together, and one is a perfect
stranger at the house visited, no question of card etiquette arises if
the hostess is not at home. But if she is at home, the stranger may
pencil his or her name on the card that the friend sends up. No card is
left by this stranger, unless he has been cordially entertained in the
hostess' drawing-room, served with tea, and unless the hostess has
expressed a desire of meeting him, or her, again. In this case, a card
is left when the stranger is departing, and a return call is expected.
CARDS AND BUSINESS CALLS
The laws of social calling and card-leaving do not hold true when a
business call is made. A special set of rules takes care of all
business calls that the woman may make.
The usage which governs the woman who is calling upon a man on a matter
of business has already been described. She does not send in her card.
To give her name to the attendant, stating her business, or to write
both on a slip of paper provided for the purpose, is sufficient.
If the business call is made on a woman who is a stranger to the other
woman who is making the call, it is necessary to send in one card,
inscribed with the name of the caller and a few penciled words
regarding the nature of the business. Or the card may be sent in with a
brief word to the servant regarding the purpose of the call.
Two women who are on charity committees, or other committees, together,
who are social equals but who do not exchange cards and calls, have a
special card etiquette to follow when calling upon each other regarding
matters of mutual interest on the committee. The caller sends up one of
her own personal cards with a word or two explaining the object of the
call. This card is left with the servant to give to the hostess if she
is not at home.
WHEN A MAN LEAVES CARDS
All the rules of card-leaving outlined for the woman who follows the
dictates of social calling, may be applied to the well-bred young
man--but with the following exceptions:
A man never leaves the cards of any other man, nor does he assume any
of the card-leaving duties incurred by the feminine members of his
family. When calling on a lady's afternoon at home, the gentleman
leaves one card for the hostess and one for the host on the card tray,
on entering the house. Whether the host is at home or not, if the
caller is acquainted with him, he must leave one of his cards for him,
provided that the call is being made in return for some hospitality
enjoyed. If there is a young daughter in the family with whom the
caller is acquainted, a third card must be left.
A young man, calling at the home of a young lady, asks to see the
ladies, meaning the mother or chaperon as well as the particular young
lady herself. No well-mannered young man asks to see only one lady,
when there are several others in the house. If the ladies are out, he
may leave a sufficient number of cards for all of them, including one
for the host or he may leave one card without explanation. If the
ladies are in, he still leaves a card for the host on the hall table
when he is departing.
When making his first or last call of the season, a man may leave one
card for each one of the ladies and each one of the men of the
household with whom he is acquainted. This holds true only when the
call is made on the day at home, or on a Sunday afternoon or evening.
The man who calls on a lady's day at home, and whose call has no
reference to any social debts or obligations, leaves only one card--and
if he is an intimate friend of the house where the call is made, he
leaves no cards at all.
Men's social calls are few. Business affairs require most of their
time, and the duty of card-leaving is generally given into the hands of
a feminine relative--either mother, sister or wife. Married men
invariably entrust their formal social duties to their wives, but
single men must not take advantage of this privilege. It is all very
well for a mother or sister to leave the cards of a son or brother who
is busy at his office on the hostesses whose hospitality they enjoyed
together. But when a young man is entertained by a hostess who is not
on his mother's or sister's visiting list, it is very important for him
to make his return calls in person. This is especially true in regard
to dinner and ball hospitalities--they require immediate and cordial
reciprocation in the matter of calls and card-leaving.
THE MAN'S CHANCE CALL
Unless the ladies are in the drawing-room, ready to receive, a man,
upon making a chance call, sends up his card or cards to the people he
wishes to see. If the servant who opens the door does not know whether
or not the ladies are at home, or if she says that they are at home but
not downstairs, the caller places his cards on the tray and waits in
the drawing-room for the return of the servant.
If the call is made after a ball, dinner or theater party, and the
young man is calling on the young ladies of the household, he sends up
a card for each young lady, and also one for the mother or chaperon. If
the call is made for the express purpose of seeing one particular young
lady, a card must be sent up for her and for her mother or chaperon.
Two cards are also required when a man calls upon a married couple, in
whose name he has received some hospitality. He sends up one card for
each.
After having called several times at a certain house, obviously for the
purpose of seeing a young lady of the family and enjoying her society,
it is no longer necessary to include the chaperon in the ceremony of
card-leaving.[2] (See footnote.) One may send a card up only to the
lady one wishes to see.
[2] _Chaperon_ being to-day a practically obsolete term, we
use it here to signify the parent or guardian most directly
concerned with the social welfare of the young lady.
ABOUT LEAVING AND POSTING CARDS
When an invalid, elderly lady or woman in deep mourning desires to
repay by some courtesy, calls made upon her or invitations received,
she may leave cards at a door instead of paying a personal call, or
sending them by post or messenger. A very busy hostess may employ the
same means of returning a dinner call or first call that she owes a
friend or acquaintance, especially if she is desirous of extending an
invitation. Instead of leaving the card, she may even, for lack of time
and opportunity, post it with an engraved or written invitation.
A man or woman unable to accept an invitation, extended by a hostess to
whom he or she is a stranger, is obligated to leave cards within two
weeks after the entertainment. Similarly, the guests, men and women,
invited to the ceremony of a church wedding, leave cards for the
bride's mother within two weeks after the wedding. Even though one is a
stranger to the mother, this card must be left as a matter of courtesy
and social obligation. People who receive cards announcing a marriage
are also expected to leave cards for the mother of the bride. A friend
of the groom who is a stranger to the bride and her family, and who
finds that he is unable to attend the ceremony to which he has been
invited, need not pay a call, but must leave a card for the bride's
mother a week or two after the wedding.
Other occasions requiring card-leaving are those inquiries regarding
the health and condition of a friend; sympathy and good feeling in the
event of some misfortune; condolence; congratulation; and upon
announcing a prolonged absence from, or a reëntrance into, society. A
change of address is also usually made known by means of card-leaving.
[Illustration: © Brown Bros.
DECORATIONS FOR A WEDDING IN A SMALL CHURCH
In a simple church such as the one pictured above the ribbon at the end
of the pews may be omitted]
If one is invited to an afternoon or evening reception, and finds it
impossible to attend, cards should be sent either by mail or messenger,
so that they reach the hostess on the day of her entertainment. If the
cards are sent by hand or by post, they should be enclosed in a card
envelope, sealed, and addressed to the host and hostess--provided, of
course, that both of their names appear on the invitation. If the
affair is in honor of some special person a card is left for or sent to
that person in addition to the one for the hostess.
If posted cards of regret are sent by a single woman, she includes one
for the _débutante_ or for the guest of honor, in addition to the one
enclosed for the hostess. The married woman adds to these two, three
more of her husband's. A single man, under the same circumstances,
sends three of his cards if the reception is given in honor of a
_débutante_ or a guest of honor (masculine or feminine), and if the
invitation was issued in the name of a host and hostess.
One may send cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence by post or
messenger, only if one is indisposed, invalided, or inconveniently
situated at a great distance from the persons addressed. It is always
better form to pay these calls in person, and leave the cards oneself.
However, the cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence may all be
acknowledged by post or messenger, as one desires.
LEAVING CARDS OF INQUIRY
On one's card, the words "To inquire" or "May you recover rapidly" may
be penciled when a call of inquiry regarding the health of a friend is
made. During a long illness, calls by friends and acquaintances who
have been in the habit of making social calls, should be made at least
three times a week. By these "calls," you understand, we mean mere
calls of inquiry when the card is left by the door and the patient is
not seen personally.
Card-leaving for inquiry, condolence and congratulation is invariably
made in person. Before a funeral, an engraved card with a word or two
of regret penciled on the right side, may be entrusted to the servant.
When husbands and wives call separately or together, they leave their
own individual cards. In cases of this kind, they do not leave cards
for each other. But when a married couple calls to offer sympathy for
the loss of a daughter or son, two of the husband's and one of the
wife's cards are left. Only one card each is left for a widow, as for a
widower also. Cards left for orphaned children are meant for the
oldest, who now represents the head of the family.
About two weeks after a funeral, cards are left with the mourning
family, unless a special call of condolence is made. In this case, the
cards are left just as though it were a social call being made.
Black-bordered cards are never used except by people who are themselves
in mourning. A matron may leave cards for her entire family, and a
sister may fulfill the duty for a busy brother.
It is neither complimentary nor genuinely courteous to post a card to
inquire after a friend or acquaintance who is ill. It should be left at
the door in person, after asking news of the invalid's condition. A
word of cheer or inquiry may be penciled below the caller's name,
engraved on the card.
Calls of inquiry, condolence and the like are made without reference to
social indebtedness, but in all other cases except among intimate
friends, the convention of alternating calls should be adhered to.
ACKNOWLEDGING CALLS OF INQUIRY AND CONDOLENCE
A large, square card in plain white or with a black border, inscribed
as follows, is ideal to send to those people who called to offer
sympathy and condolence during a bereavement, posted two weeks after
the funeral:
_Mrs. Robert Guy Mannering and Family
gratefully acknowledge
your kind expression of sympathy
upon the death of their
beloved
husband and father
Robert Guy Mannering._
Another acceptable form frequently used to acknowledge calls of
condolence before and after a funeral, is:
_The family of the late John Ray
acknowledge with sincere appreciation
your kind sympathy._
The name "John Ray" may appear on the second line by itself, or it may
be part of the first line as shown above, entirely according to taste
or the prevalent popular custom. The address of the bereaved family
should appear towards the bottom of the card, slightly to the left. It
is always better form to have it printed in italics.
Invalids, to express gratitude for the courtesies shown them by
friends, write or dictate notes of thanks immediately upon becoming
well again. Often a popular hostess will receive a vast number of
solicitous cards and notes of inquiry during an illness, and it will be
necessary for her in her still weakened state, to trust to the mails to
thank the friends and acquaintances who inquired for her. She may send
her ordinary visiting card, with the words, "Thank you for your kind
inquiries" or others to that effect, written across it. "Thanks" should
never be used instead of "Thank you." Its brevity carries a suggestion
of discourtesy.
ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS
At the present time, the vogue of sending out cards announcing a death
in the family, has been almost entirely discontinued in better society.
Instead, an announcement is inserted in the newspapers, giving
particulars about the death and also the day of the funeral. It is by
far a more satisfactory method. A typical newspaper announcement
follows:
_Cole.--At Whitehouse, N.J., on February 23, 1921, Rose Emily,
beloved wife of Robert M. Cole, succumbed to pneumonia. Services at
Chapel, Albany Rural Cemetery, Saturday, February 26, at 3 P.M._
When a betrothal takes place, announcement cards are sometimes sent
out, but it is not necessary to have specially engraved cards. As a
rule, the mother of the happy young bride writes notes to intimate
friends and acquaintances, or inscribes the news on her visiting cards
and posts them to those of her friends with whom both she and her
daughter are most intimate.
Weddings are usually announced by means of engraved cards. The correct
form for these is given elsewhere. Engraved cards also announce the
birth of a child. For this, one may have a tiny white card engraved
with the baby's name, and attached to the mother's card with a narrow
white satin ribbon. It is posted to all friends and acquaintances. In
lieu of an address, which appears on mother's card, baby's card bears
the date of the birth in the lower right-hand corner. The joint card of
the father and mother may be used to announce the birth of a child, the
full name of the infant being engraved in small letters above the names
of its parents.
The card announcing the birth of a child is sent by mail. Immediately
upon its receipt, friends and acquaintances make calls to inquire after
the health of mother and child, and to leave cards for both. When one
is prevented from calling--and there should always be sufficient reason
for _not_ calling--one may respond to the card of announcement by
posting one's own card to the mother, with congratulations penciled
above the name. Acknowledgment of some kind must be made promptly.
WHEN TRAVELING
To the man or woman who travels, those tiny bits of bristol board are
important factors in keeping him or her in touch with the home social
life left behind. When one arrives at a strange place, perhaps
thousands of miles from a friend, and one intends to remain there for
several weeks--or months--one's visiting cards posted to all friends
and acquaintances, and bearing one's temporary address, ties one to
home in a particularly pleasing way. Letters follow in their wake. News
of social activities reach one. And one begins to feel that after all,
this strange land is not so distant!
And so, if you travel, remember that as soon as you reach a place where
you intend to stop for a short while, send out visiting cards to all
your friends, relatives and acquaintances, and let them know your
temporary address. It may be written in pencil or ink above the home
address. When you change your address permanently, be sure that all
your friends and acquaintances know of the change. For this purpose,
the old visiting cards are the best to use; they may be sent with a
line drawn through the old address, and the new written above it.
A man stopping at a hotel for a week or two, and desirous of letting
his friends in the vicinity know of his whereabouts, posts his cards
bearing the temporary address, to all his masculine friends, and calls
and leaves his card upon the women he wishes to see. A woman stopping
at a hotel or resort, posts her visiting cards, with the temporary
address above her home address, to all whose attention she wishes to
claim,--men and women.
P.P.C. CARDS
_Pour prendre congé_, it means, a French expression translated to read,
"To take leave." And it is used in connection with those last-day
visits before one sails for Europe, or starts on a long trip to some
distant place.
The ordinary visiting card is used, with the letters P.P.C. written in
pencil or ink in one corner, indicating the departure and so
differentiating it from other cards. Cards so inscribed are posted to,
or left with, all friends and acquaintances, a day or two before
setting out on the voyage. No acknowledgment is necessary as they are
courtesy-cards with no relation whatever to one's social debts and
dues.
P.P.C. cards are always necessary before an extended departure, but
they are particularly so when one owes calls in return for hospitality,
or calls in return for first calls. If there is very little time, and a
great many calls to be attended to, it is entirely correct in this case
to drive from house to house, leaving the cards with the servant who
opens the door. The cards may even be posted a day before the
departure, if time is very much limited.
It is not usual for P.P.C. cards to be distributed at the end of the
season, when members of society make their regular change of residence.
As explained under the head "When Traveling," a visiting card may be
sent to one's friends and acquaintances, bearing the temporary address
above the permanent home address. Thus the P.P.C. card would not be
especially necessary.
CHAPTER V
INVITATIONS
SOME GENERAL RULES
No matter how informal, an invitation should always be acknowledged
within a week of its receipt. It should be a definite
acknowledgment--either an acceptance or refusal--and no doubt should be
left as to whether the writer intends to be present or not. An
invitation must always be answered in kind; that is, a formal
invitation requires a formal reply, following closely the wording of
the invitation. The informal invitation should be cordial enough to
warrant a cordial and friendly reply; both invitation and
acknowledgment should be free of all stilted phrasing.
Formal invitations for evening affairs should be addressed to husband
and wife, omitting neither one nor the other. (The exception to this
rule is the "stag" or its feminine equivalent.) If there is only one
daughter in the family, she may be included in the invitation, but when
there are two or more daughters to be invited, a separate invitation
addressed to The Misses Brown is essential. Invitations sent to the
masculine members of a family, other than the husband, are sent
individually.
Invitations sent to a husband and wife are acknowledged in the names of
both. If a daughter is included, her name is also added to the
acknowledgment. The wife usually answers the invitation, and although
it was sent in the name of Mr. and Mrs. Blank, she sends her
acknowledgment to Mrs. Blank alone.
An invitation may never be acknowledged on any kind of a visiting card,
although a visiting card may be used in an invitation. For very large,
formal functions, invitations are always engraved. A young girl does
not issue invitations to men in her own name, but in that of her mother
or guardian. She should say in her invitations that her mother, Mrs.
Blank, desires her to extend the invitation to Mr. Brown, etc.
In replying to invitations, explicit details must be given. The day of
week, date and hour should be quoted, copying from the invitation, so
that any discrepancy made in the invitation will be noted and corrected
by the hostess when she receives the acknowledgment. This does away
with any possibility of such embarrassing blunders as calling on the
wrong day or at the wrong hour.
Only the most informal invitation should be given by telephone, by word
of mouth or orally by a messenger, but every invitation should be
either declined courteously or accepted with enthusiasm promptly.
INVITATION TO A FORMAL DANCE
The word "dancing" is usually placed in the lower left-hand corner of
the invitation to denote the object of the evening's gathering; thus no
specific mention that the entertainment is to be a ball is necessary.
Following are the most approved forms of invitations used for the very
formal balls:
_Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore
request the pleasure of your company
on Thursday evening, January the tenth
at nine o'clock
Dancing Scarsdale_
or
_Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore
request the pleasure of
........................
company, at a costume dance
to be given at their home
on Thursday, January the twenty-sixth
at eleven o' clock
Costume de Rigueur 14 Main Street_
The words, "Please reply," may be added although they should be
unnecessary since every person of good breeding will reply immediately
to such an invitation whether he intends to accept or refuse.
ACCEPTING THE INVITATION
When the invitation to a dance bears a request for a reply, a prompt
answer should be sent. If the invitation itself is in the third person,
the reply should follow the same form. For a formal ball, an acceptance
or regret should be mailed within forty-eight hours after receipt of
the invitation. Here are the correct forms for the invitations above:
_Mr. and Mrs. John Harris
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore's
kind invitation to be present
for dancing
on Thursday evening, January the tenth
at nine o'clock
148 Grand Boulevard_
_Mr. and Mrs. John Harris
regret exceedingly that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore's
kind invitation to a costume dance
to be given at their home.
Brookline._
When the acknowledgment is a regret, it is not necessary to repeat the
date and hour for the obvious reason that as long as one is not going,
it makes no difference whether or not the details of time are correct.
FOR THE INFORMAL DANCE
When the dance is a small and less formal affair, a short note is used,
though the more punctilious social usage frowns upon the employment of
visiting cards for such purposes. Following is the correct visiting
card for informal dance purposes:
_Mr. and Mrs. Harold Champ
At Home
Dancing at Ten 432 Maple Street
April the Fifth_
The acknowledgment should be hand-written on white note paper, and
couched in a cordial, informal manner.
THE DINNER DANCE
The dinner dance seems to be one of society's most favored functions.
For this affair it is necessary for the hostess to issue two sets of
invitations; one set to the people she wishes to entertain at dinner,
and one to those whom she wishes to invite for the dancing only. The
dinner invitation would be the regular engraved dinner card with the
words "Dancing at ten" written in the lower left-hand corner. The dance
invitations would be her regular at-home cards with the words "Dancing
at ten" written in the lower left-hand corner.
A very popular method of inviting people to informal dance parties--a
method that has won favor among hostesses who are fond of inviting just
a few young men and women in to dance and enjoy simple refreshment--is
that of using the joint visiting card of herself and her husband and
writing in the lower left-hand corner:
_Dancing at eleven
April the fourth_
This may be written in in ink--and as an invitation the card may be
used to take the place of the written invitation or the formal
third-person note.
THE DEBUT DANCE
An ordinary dance invitation with the calling card of the _débutante_
included may be used for the occasion of introducing the _début_
daughter to society. A more strictly formal form follows:
_Mr. and Mrs. Charles Wendover
request the pleasure
of introducing their daughter
Emily Justine
to
.........................
on Tuesday, May the third
at eight o'clock
10 Merril Parkway_
INVITATIONS FOR THE SUBSCRIPTION DANCE
Following is the correct invitation to use when the subscription dance
is held in the drawing-room of a hotel. It should be engraved in script
upon large white letter sheets:
_The pleasure of
...........................
company is requested at the
Third Reunion
at the Richelieu Hotel
on Friday evening, April the tenth
from nine until one o'clock.
Patronesses
Mrs. Johnson Mrs. Meredith
Mrs. Mooers Mrs. Thompson
Mrs. Clure_
With the invitation above, "vouchers" are invariably included. These
"vouchers" are for the purpose of enabling subscribers and patronesses
to extend hospitalities to their friends, but also to bar the
admittance of those people who were not invited. Here is the form
usually used for the "voucher":
_Third Reunion
Gentlemen's Voucher
Admit ............................
on Friday evening, April the tenth
Compliments of ..................._
To do away with the necessity of the "voucher" a card like the
following is used:
_Third Reunion
..........................
The pleasure of your company is requested
on Tuesday, the tenth of June
at eight o'clock
Community Club
18 Forest Avenue
Please present this card at the door._
If the invitations are issued and distributed by a committee or board
of directors, instead of by private subscribers, the words:
_The Committee of the Third Reunion
Hilldale Club
234 Kingston Avenue_
appear beneath the engraving, in the left-hand corner. The proper form
is to use a letter sheet, engraving the invitation on the outer face,
and listing on the second inner face, the names of the men who are
giving the ball. However, it is also correct to use a large bristol
board card, listing the hosts on the reverse side, or on another
similar card.
ACKNOWLEDGING SUBSCRIPTION DANCE INVITATIONS
An invitation to a subscription ball, received in the name of the whole
body of subscribers, requires a prompt acknowledgment of acceptance or
denial to the address given on the card. But if a subscriber extends an
invitation to a friend, enclosing with the invitation his or her own
card, the answer is sent to this subscriber individually. It is usually
a short, informal note, something like the following, and it may be
addressed to the entire Committee or merely to its Chairman:
_19 West Street,
April 18, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Blake:_
_It is with great pleasure that I accept your invitation to
attend the Third Reunion of the Hilldale Club, on Friday, the tenth
of April._
_Sincerely yours,_
_Helen R. Haddock._
INVITATION TO PUBLIC BALL
Public balls that require purchased tickets have a very distinct kind
of invitation. The following invitation should be printed or engraved
on very large letter sheets or cards, giving, either on the second
inner sheet or on the reverse of the card, the names of the
patronesses.
_The pleasure of your company is
requested at the
Annual Masquerade Ball
To be given at the Taft Hotel
Thursday Evening
January the fifth, at ten o'clock_
_Cards of admission, Three Dollars
On sale at the
Taft Hotel and homes of the Patronesses_
REQUESTING AN INVITATION
When one is invited to an entertainment and finds it impossible to
attend without a visiting guest or relative, an invitation may be
requested. But a great deal of tact and good judgment must be exerted.
A note of request follows, but in writing notes for your own particular
instances, you must remember that each note has to be adapted to the
occasion in hand.
_27 Claremont Terrace,
May 8, 192--._
_My dear Mrs. Jolson:_
_Elsie Millerton, whose brother you remember was at Hot Springs
last year when we were, is spending a few days with me. I wonder if
I may bring her to your dance next Thursday?_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Mary B. Hall._
It is rarely necessary to refuse such a request as this; but if the
ballroom is already too crowded and if the hostess has received a
number of similar petitions she may with propriety send a brief note of
refusal with a courteous word or two of explanation.
THE DINNER INVITATION
A dinner invitation is the highest form of courtesy. That is why it
requires prompt and very courteous acknowledgment.
Ordinarily dinner invitations are issued ten days ahead, unless it is a
very large formal affair, when two full weeks are allowed. It is not
good form to send an invitation just about a day or two before the day
set for the dinner-party, for then the guest will be perfectly correct
in feeling that the invitation was issued to her (or him) only because
some other guest was unable to attend. If there are only three or four
guests informal notes are usually sent, however elaborate the dinner
itself is to be. Such an invitation should occupy only the first page
of a sheet of note paper.
Dinner invitations may either be written on ordinary sheets of white
stationery, or engraved on cards. If the latter is decided upon, it
must be large, pure white, and of rather heavy bristol board. The
hostess who gives many large and elaborate dinners may have cards like
the following printed, leaving spaces for the insertion of the name of
the person invited, the day, hour and date:
_Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight
request the pleasure of
...................
company at dinner
on ................ evening
at ................ o'clock
55 Court Street_
The words "To meet Mr. and Mrs. John Staple" may be written in ink at
the bottom of the engraved card, when the dinner is in honor of a
special guest. Or small cards may be printed and enclosed with the
invitations.
IN HONOR OF CELEBRATED GUESTS
Often, to introduce someone of distinguished position to the hostess'
acquaintances and friends, a large and elaborate dinner is given. The
cards should be engraved in a fine script or block letter, in the
following wording:
_To meet
Mr. and Mrs. McAllister Van Doren
Mr. and Mrs. John King
request the pleasure of
.......................
company at dinner
on Thursday, January the sixth
at eight o'clock
455 North Avenue._
THE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
For the formal invitation, written in the third person, a similar
acknowledgment must be sent within twenty-four hours. Following are an
acceptance and a regret that may serve as suggestions for the dinner
invitations that _you_ will accept and refuse in the future:
_Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Thorne
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight's
kind invitation to dinner on
Friday, August the fifth
at eight o'clock
64 West Drive_
_Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Thorne
regret that a previous engagement
prevents their accepting
Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight's
kind invitation to dinner on
Friday, August the fifth
64 West Drive_
It is not necessary to give complete details regarding time and hour,
in the second acknowledgment--which is a regret. Inasmuch as one does
not expect to attend, it is unnecessary to pay great attention to
details that are important only for those who expect to be guests. In
writing regrets, it is always more courteous to give the reason for
being unable to accept, but it is not important to do so unless one
really wishes to.
FOR THE INFORMAL DINNER
The informal dinner invitation is invariably sent by the wife for her
husband and herself, to the wife, including the latter's husband. The
invitation takes the form of a short, friendly little social note, and
is answered as such. For instance, here is an invitation to an informal
dinner, and the acknowledgment:
_356 Cosgrove Avenue,
November 1, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Harris:_
_Will you and Mr. Harris give us the pleasure of having you with
us at a small dinner on Thursday, November the eighth, at seven
o'clock?_
_Hoping that you will be disengaged that evening, I am_
_Yours very sincerely,_
_Margaret B. Leanders._
You will notice that in signing herself, the wife uses her Christian
and married name, and the initial of her maiden name. She may spell her
maiden name out, if she wishes, but the form given above is the most
usual. Here is the correct acknowledgment to the invitation above:
_654 Milton Street,
November 5, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Leanders:_
_Mr. Harris and I will be delighted to dine with you and Mr.
Leanders on Thursday, November the eighth, at seven o'clock._
_With kindest regards, I am_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Mildred Travers Harris._
WHEN THE DINNER IS NOT AT HOME
It happens quite frequently that a hostess gives a dinner for her
friends outside of her own home. In this case, the fact must be fully
noted on the invitation. For instance:
_Mr. and Mrs. Walter Bruhn
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. John Perry Blascon's
company at dinner
at Shanley's
on Wednesday, March the sixth
at eight o'clock
41 Tompkins Place_
The acceptance and regret would be exactly the same as the forms given
previously, except that the words "At Shanley's" would necessarily have
to appear.
THE DAUGHTER AS HOSTESS
It is necessary for the daughter, who is hostess in her father's house,
to include his name in every dinner invitation she issues. Following is
a model informal invitation to dinner, issued by a young
daughter-hostess:
_My dear Mrs. Curtis:_
_Father has asked me to extend an invitation to you and Mr.
Curtis to dine with us on Tuesday, April the fifth, at half-past
seven o'clock. We are looking forward to your coming with a great
deal of pleasure._
_Cordially yours,_
_Rose Meredith._
In acknowledging this invitation, whether it be acceptance or regret,
the answer must go to the daughter, not the father. It is discourteous
and rude to receive a letter or an invitation from one person, and
acknowledge it to another.
POSTPONING OR CANCELING A DINNER
When it happens (and it often does!) that something unforeseen and
unexpected happens to prevent one from giving the dinner for which
engraved cards have been issued, the hostess must immediately dispatch,
either through messenger or special delivery, short written notes
canceling the engagement. The third-person formula may be used, but
there must be a certain warmth in the note to avoid any semblance of
indifference. And it is a mark of fine courtesy to offer the reason why
the dinner has to be postponed. Here are two forms that may be used:
_Because of the severe illness of their son Mr. and Mrs. John
Smith beg to cancel their dinner, arranged for Tuesday, May the
fifth_
or
_Mr. and Mrs. John Smith regret that the damages done to their
home by a recent fire make it necessary for them to postpone the
dinner arranged for May the fifth until May the thirtieth._
INVITING A STOP-GAP
When a vacancy occurs in a dinner party at the last moment, one may
call upon a friend to fill the place as a special courtesy. This is an
instance when tact and discretion are important, for not everyone is
broad-minded and sensible, and some people may take offense at being
asked to take the place that someone else relinquished. A short cordial
note should be written, explaining the situation, and frankly asking
the friend to come in the place of the invited guest who cannot be
present. Here, for instance, is a typical note for just such a purpose:
_41 Hemingway Place,
March 14, 19--_
_My dear Mr. Cook:_
_I am going to ask a very special favor of you, and I know that
you will be good enough to comply--if no other engagement stands in
the way._
_Ralph Townshend, who was to have been present at a little dinner
party that I am giving to-morrow evening, has just written that he
has been called out of town on business. Won't you be good enough
to take his place and give me more reason than ever for subscribing
myself_
_Gratefully yours,_
_Janet B. Raines._
In answering this letter, Mr. Cook must either accept or decline
definitely. To be courteous, he must give a reason for declining. To
write merely and say that one cannot serve as a stop-gap is both
impolite and inconsiderate. Either a good reason or an acceptance must
be given. Here is the way the acceptance may be worded:
_1465 Emmet Road,
March 16, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Raines:_
_I'm rather glad that Ralph was called out of town, since it
gives me an opportunity to be present at another of your delightful
dinners. Thank you very much for the invitation._
_Yours very sincerely,_
_Ralph B. Cook._
TO BREAK A DINNER ENGAGEMENT
There is no reason to feel embarrassed and unhappy because some
unexpected happening prevents you from keeping a dinner engagement. A
cordial note, containing a genuine and worth-while excuse for the
cancellation of the engagement may be sent by messenger, or if there is
time, by special delivery post, to the hostess. Here is an example of
the kind of note that may be written to break a dinner engagement:
_156 South Bend,
March 18, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Christy:_
_Mr. Cross has been called to Chicago on account of the illness
of his mother. We are very anxious about her, and I am sure you
will understand why it is impossible for either of us to attend
your dinner party next Friday. With many regrets, I am_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Florence Bartlett Pitkin._
INVITATIONS FOR LUNCHEONS
Although considerably less formal than dinner invitations, those of the
luncheon follow them in wording. They are issued about ten days before
the day set for the luncheon, if it is to be an elaborate, formal
affair, and only in the name of the hostess, unless men are invited and
the hostess' husband intends to be present. They are engraved on large
square white cards, with the name of the person invited, the day and
hour, written in by the hostess' own hand. The correct form follows,
but it must be remembered that this form can be used only when the
luncheon is an elaborate, formal occasion:
_Mrs. John Roy-Thorndyke Blake
requests the pleasure of
.......................
company at luncheon
on ....................
at ................. o'clock
11 Park Row_
Very often a hostess invites friends and acquaintances to a luncheon
for the purpose of presenting to them a certain visiting guest, and
perhaps to attend, after the luncheon, a matinée planned for the
purpose of enabling the newcomer to become better acquainted with the
hostess' friends. In this case, an invitation like the one following
should be used:
_To meet Miss Helen Rhodes
Mrs. Robert Blake
requests the pleasure of
Miss Joyce's
company at luncheon
on Tuesday, April the eleventh
at one o'clock
and afterward to the matinée
167 Grand Concourse_
The name of the play and the theater may be included in the wording of
the invitation.
Breakfast invitations are rarely issued, for the very good reason that
formal breakfasts are very rarely given. But when they are, the wording
of the invitation is identical with the wording given above for the
luncheon invitations, substituting in each case the word "breakfast"
for "luncheon." Acknowledgments are also the same as those used for the
luncheon.
ACKNOWLEDGING THE LUNCHEON INVITATION
A prompt acceptance or regret must be sent upon receipt of an
invitation to luncheon. The following two forms are correct for use
with the two invitations given above.
_Mrs. Frank Parsons
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. John Clancy Blake's
kind invitation to luncheon
on Friday, October the fourteenth
at one o'clock
146 Park Place_
_Miss Jean Joyce
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. Blake's
kind invitation for luncheon
on Tuesday, April the eleventh
at one o'clock
to meet Miss Rhodes and to go
afterward to the matinée
48 Fremont Avenue_
THE INFORMAL INVITATION
For the informal luncheon, a brief note of invitation is sent from five
to seven days ahead. In making the note brief, one must be careful not
to sacrifice cordiality. We give here two notes of invitation, one for
luncheon and one for breakfast; and also their respective
acknowledgments:
_86 Washington Terrace,
April 14, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Blank:_
_Will you come to luncheon on Wednesday April the twentieth, at
half-past one o'clock? Mrs. Frank Richards will be here, and I know
you will be glad to meet her._
_Cordially yours,_
_Helen R. Roberts._
_64 Main Street,
April 16, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Roberts:_
_I will be very glad to come to luncheon on Wednesday, April the
twentieth, at half-past_ _one o'clock. It was very kind of you
to remember that I have been wanting to meet Mrs. Richards for a
long time._
_Yours very sincerely,_
_Justine Blank._
_437 Fairview Terrace,
May 5, 19--_
_Dear Mrs. Miller:_
_I expect a few friends to join me at an informal breakfast at
half-past eleven o'clock on Tuesday, the tenth. Won't you be one of
them?_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Maybelle Curtis._
_822 Jennings Street,
May 7, 19--_
_Dear Mrs. Curtis:_
_Thank you very much for asking me, but I regret that I will not
be able to join you at breakfast on Tuesday. I have two young
nieces stopping with me, and I promised to devote that morning to
showing them the places of interest in town. They are planning so
eagerly for the trip, and they are leaving here in such a short
time, that I feel that I must not disappoint them._
_With most sincere regrets, I am_
_Cordially yours,_
_Mary K. Miller._
There is still another approved form for inviting guests to luncheon or
breakfast. When the occasion is neither too strictly formal nor too
informal, the hostess may merely write, beneath the engraved name on
her ordinary calling card, the words, "Luncheon at one-thirty o'clock
March fourth." This is sent about five days before the chosen day. The
acknowledgment must be by informal note, never by a calling card. And
this holds true of all other invitations; when the personally inscribed
calling card is used, a first-person note of acceptance or regret must
be promptly written. The use of cards in this way is looked upon with
disfavor among people who are most careful of the amenities of polite
society.
RECEPTION INVITATION
The word "reception" may mean several social functions which may or may
not be extremely ceremonious. There is the afternoon tea, for instance,
an informal little affair to which one invites one's best friends and
most interesting acquaintances. The invitation may be either written by
the hostess or engraved. The at-home day is also called a reception, as
is the more elaborate occasion when a special guest is introduced to
the hostess' friends.
There was a time when it was considered extremely bad form for a host's
name to appear on the invitation, but to-day the reception invitation
often takes the form of the following:
_Mr. and Mrs. Harold Blaine
At Home
Tuesday afternoon, May fifth
from four until half-past seven o'clock
Twelve, Park Terrace_
The above invitation should be engraved in fine script on a large white
card of bristol board, and it should be mailed at least ten days in
advance of the day set for the entertainment. An acknowledgment is not
expected; if the invitation is accepted, the presence of the guest on
the day of the reception is sufficient. If one is unable to be present,
one's visiting card is sent to arrive on the exact day of the
reception--unless an answer is explicitly required on the invitation.
Not to be present at the reception, and not to send one's visiting
card, is to indicate either that one is ignorant of the correct social
laws, or that one desires to discontinue friendship with the hostess.
When a mother and her daughter are to receive the guests at a reception
together, the card is in this form:
_Mrs. William B. Harris
The Misses Harris
At Home
Friday Afternoon, October fifth
from four until seven o'clock
Thirty-two Amsterdam Avenue_
If the reception is for the purpose of introducing a young _débutante_
daughter, the hostess would issue cards similar to the one above,
except that the _débutante's_ name would appear immediately below
her own. It would be merely "Miss Harris" with no Christian name or
initial. If a second daughter is introduced to her mother's friends by
means of an afternoon tea, the cards are also like the one above,
except that the name of the second daughter is inscribed _in full_
beneath that of the hostess. Thus invited guests would know that "Miss
Harris" is the elder and introduced to society first, and "Miss Merian
Harris" is the second daughter to be introduced to society.
RECEPTION IN HONOR OF A SPECIAL GUEST
When the purpose of the reception is to honor a special guest the fact
should be indicated on the invitations. If the invitation is written on
a card, the words, "To meet Governor and Mrs. Frank Curtis" should
appear. The proper form for the engraved invitation follows:
_To meet
Governor and Mrs. Frank Curtis
Mr. and Mrs. James Melvin
request the pleasure of your
company
on Thursday afternoon, June fifth
from four until seven o'clock
Eighteen, Washington Garden Heights_
No acknowledgment other than one's presence on the day of the reception
is necessary to this invitation. However, if one is unable to attend,
the visiting card should be mailed so that it arrives on the precise
day of the entertainment, or if an unexpected happening prevents one
from attending, a messenger may be dispatched with a card in an
envelope, forwarding it to the hostess while the reception is in
progress.
INVITATIONS TO GARDEN PARTIES
When the garden party is very formal, the invitations are engraved in
black script or block lettering, on white note sheets or large white
cards. The invitation is usually issued in the name of the hostess
alone, and the most fashionable stationers are to-day printing cards
that leave a blank space for the name of the person to be invited to be
written in by the hostess. For instance:
_Mrs. Maurice Bronson
requests the pleasure of
........................
company on Friday afternoon
May tenth
from four until seven o'clock
Garden Party Holyoke, West Lake_
In society, the formal garden party holds the place of an at-home held
out of doors. Thus the following invitation is considered the best
form, better even than the form shown above, although either may be
used in good taste:
_Mrs. Maurice Bronson
At Home
Friday afternoon, May tenth
from four until seven o'clock
Garden Party Holyoke, West Lake_
When the garden party is a small informal affair, the at-home card may
be used with the words, "Garden Party, Friday, May the tenth, from four
to seven o'clock," written by the hostess in the lower left-hand
corner. This method is usually for personal friends only, and it is
considered bad form when the garden party is elaborate and formal.
If the guest invited lives in another town, or must come from the city
to the country, a small card bearing the necessary train and schedule
information should be enclosed with the invitation, similar to the card
explained in the chapter on wedding invitations. Or the information may
be lettered neatly at the bottom of the invitation itself. The form is
usually:
_Train leaves Pennsylvania Station at 3 o'clock
Train leaves Holyoke Station at 6.20 and 7.10 o'clock_
Still another course is open to the hostess who wishes
to give a small garden party, yet not undergo the expense
and trouble of specially engraved invitations.
She may write brief, friendly notes, in the first person,
somewhat in the following form, and send them by post
to her friends and acquaintances:
_Holyoke,
May 1, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Keene:_
_I have asked a few of my friends to have tea with me,
informally, on the lawn, Friday afternoon, May the tenth, at four
o'clock. May I expect you also? Perhaps there will be a few sets of
tennis. There is a racquet waiting for you._
_Cordially yours,_
_Rose M. Roberts._
ACKNOWLEDGING THE GARDEN PARTY INVITATION
Whether the garden party invitation bears a request for a reply or not,
the courteous thing to do is send an acceptance or regret at once. This
is especially true when the invitation is engraved, for then one may
assume that the affair is to be a large and elaborate one. The reply to
an engraved invitation follows:
_Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruce
accept with pleasure
Mrs. Bronson's
kind invitation
for May tenth
Haywood Park,
May second, 19--_
or
_Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruce
regret that a previous engagement
prevents their acceptance
of Mrs. Bronson's kind invitation
for May tenth
Haywood Park,
May second, 19--_
In reply to a visiting card inscribed with the day and date of the
garden party, a brief, polite note of acceptance or regret should be
written. A similar note should be promptly written upon receipt of the
informal written note of invitation.
_Glendale,
May 2, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Bronson:_
_Mr. Harris and I are looking forward with great pleasure in
joining you on May tenth. We hope the weather will continue to be
as delightful as it is now._
_Cordially yours,_
_Janet B. Winslow._
HOUSE OR WEEK-END PARTIES
The invitation for a house or week-end party differs from any other
invitation. By the week-end party we mean a visit from Friday or
Saturday until Monday. Thus the invited guest knows that he is expected
to arrive Friday afternoon (or Saturday morning) and leave Monday
morning. On the other hand, the house party may mean a visit of ten
days or two weeks' duration, or even longer. It is necessary,
therefore, for the hostess to mention specifically the date deciding
the length of the visit. It is also courteous for her to mention the
sports that will be indulged in and any special events planned, etc.,
and to send the necessary time-tables, indicating the best and most
convenient trains.
Whether for house party or week-end party, the invitation is always a
well-worded, cordial note offering the hospitalities of one's roof for
the length of time indicated. We will give here one letter of
invitation and its acknowledgment, which can be, perhaps, adapted to
your own purposes.
_Pine Rock,
June 14, 19--_
_Dear Miss Janis:_
_We have planned a house party as a sort of farewell before our
trip to Europe, and we are particularly anxious to have you join
us. I hope there is nothing to prevent you from coming out to Pine
Rock on June twenty-third and remaining here with us until the
eighth of July._
_I hope to have many of your own friends with us, including Jean
and Marie Cordine, who are also planning to sail towards the end of
July. Mr. Frank Parsons and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Kingsley may be
here, too, along with several others whom you do not know, but whom
I am most anxious to have you meet._
_I am enclosing a time-table for your convenience, and I have
checked the two trains that I believe are most convenient for you.
If you take the 3.58 on Tuesday you will arrive here at 7.10, and
you will be able to meet the guests at dinner at eight-thirty.
There is an earlier train in the morning if you prefer it. If you
let me know which train you expect to take, I will see that there
is a car at the station to meet you._
_Very cordially yours,_
_Alice M. Bevans._
_Westville,
June 16, 19--_
_Dear Mrs. Bevans:_
_It was very good of you and Mr. Bevans to ask me to your house
party and I shall be delighted to come. I shall arrive on the 3.58
train, as you suggest. It was so thoughtful of you to inclose the
time-table._
_Very sincerely yours,_
_Helen R. Janis._
If the letter were one of regret, it would be necessary for Miss Janis
to write definitely just what was making it impossible for her to
accept the invitation. It would not be correct form to write vaguely,
saying that "you hope you will be able to come," or that "if you are in
town you will come." No doubt must be left in the hostess' mind as to
whether or not you will be present.
THE "BREAD-AND-BUTTER" LETTER
From constant usage, the term "bread-and-butter" letter has become
custom. Now, upon return from a week-end or house party, it is
considered necessary and, indeed, it would be a gross neglect to fail
in so obvious a duty, to write a cordial note to the hostess,
expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her
of your safe arrival.
The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only
a brief note such as the following:
_Terrace Revain,
June 23, 19--_
_Dear Mrs. Bevans:_
_This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end
at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me
out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon
and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal
to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it._
_Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis
games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall
at least not be beaten quite so shamefully._
_Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip.
Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere._
_Very sincerely yours,_
_Helen R. Janis._
INVITATIONS TO THE THEATER AND OPERA
The host or hostess planning a theater or opera party should strive to
have an equal number of men and women guests. For this reason, the
person who receives an invitation should make prompt reply, so that if
he or she is unable to attend, someone else can be asked to take the
place. It is not necessary to have invitations engraved for these
occasions; in fact, a brief note, written with just the correct degree
of formality, yet with no sacrifice of cordiality, is much to be
preferred. The following form is correct for theater or opera, changed
to accord with the names, dates, and circumstances of the particular
party:
_22 South Street,
October 13, 19--_
_My dear Miss Johnson:_
_Mr. Roberts and I have planned to have a small group of friends
hear "Faust" at the Central Opera House, and we are hoping that you
will be one of us. The time is Friday evening, the seventeenth of
October. I have been fortunate enough to obtain a box in the
parquet, where the eight of us who will comprise the party will be
comfortably seated._
_If you are free to join us on that evening, Mr. Roberts and I
will stop for you in the car at half past seven._
_Cordially yours,_
_Evelyn T. Roberts._
The acknowledgment must be made promptly. The host and hostess must not
be kept waiting for a definite reply.
INVITATIONS TO MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS
A ceremonious drawing-room concert requires engraved invitations,
issued at least two weeks in advance of the date decided upon. The two
approved forms follow:
_Mrs. John M. Cook
At Home
Tuesday evening, October first
at nine o'clock
Ten, Farnhut Terrace
Music_
or
Mr. and Mrs. John M. Cook
request the pleasure of
.......................'s
company at a musicale
on Tuesday evening the first of October
at nine o'clock
Ten, Farnhut Terrace
It is also permissible for the hostess to write in the lower left-hand
corner of her visiting-card the following words, when she wishes to
invite friends to hear a famous soloist or orchestra: "Tuesday, October
first, half past three o'clock, to hear Mischa Elman." These cards are
then posted to friends and acquaintances, and the recipient either
accepts by attending, or sends his or her cards to the hostess' house
while the entertainment is in progress, or shortly beforehand.
For private theatricals, invitations follow very much the same form as
those used for musicales. The hostess may either add the phrase,
"Theatricals at nine o'clock," to her invitation, or she may issue
engraved cards requesting the pleasure of a friend's company at Private
Theatricals. The word "dancing" may be engraved in the left-hand corner
of the card, if dancing is to follow the theatricals. It is courteous
to send a reply to these invitations.
CHILDREN'S PARTY INVITATIONS
The invitation to the child's party is the one exception to the rule of
simplicity. Children love color and decoration, and so etiquette very
graciously permits them to have cards and invitations that boast
colorful designs. For instance, in a well-known stationer's shop in New
York, there are little sheets of pink note paper, in the upper corner
of which is a little girl courtesying and smiling. Beneath the picture
the words "Won't you please come to my party?" are printed in fine
italics. It makes most attractive stationery for the youngsters.
On stationery like that described above, mother might write in the
following strain, providing the little host (or hostess) is not old
enough to do the writing himself:
_16 Blake Hall,
June 14, 19--_
_My dear Mrs. Blank:_
_Harold will be seven years old on Thursday, the eighteenth of
June. We are planning to give a little party for his friends on the
Sunday following, June the twenty-first. I know he will not be
happy unless little Marian is present. I do hope you will let her
come._
_If the nurse brings Marian here at three o'clock, she will be in
time for the opening game, and I will see that she arrives home
safely at about half past six._
_Cordially yours,_
_Helen M. Roberts._
A friendly note of acceptance or regret should be written promptly upon
receipt of the above, and if the child is unable to attend, the reason
should be given.
Very often, a young host or hostess has a very large and formal party,
in which case the invitations must be quite as dignified and formally
correct as mother's. For instance, the youngsters who entertain their
friends at a small afternoon dance word their invitations in the
following manner:
_Miss Jean and Master Walter Curran
would like to have the pleasure
of
Miss Helen Thompson's company
at a dance at 3 o'clock
Thursday afternoon, November third
Clover Hall_
A young boy or girl just old enough to write his or her own
invitations, may find some useful suggestions in the following model
for a birthday party:
_Hanover Court,
October 6, 19--_
_Dear Elizabeth:_
_I am going to have a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, the
thirteenth of October, at 3 o'clock. All of our friends from
dancing school and a good many of Jack's friends from his school
will be here. We are planning a donkey game, and I am sure we will
all have a great deal of fun. Won't you come, too? I shall be very
disappointed if you cannot._
_Sincerely yours,_
_Helen Camden._
It is always wise, however, for the children to make some sort of
acknowledgment of the formal engraved invitation, for it impresses upon
them the importance of their social duties.
INVITATIONS TO A CHRISTENING
It is not usual for many guests to be invited to the christening of a
child. But when it is made an occasion of formal entertainment, it is
necessary to have engraved cards prepared and issued to friends and
relatives. Here is the correct form:
_Mr. and Mrs. John B. Meredith
request the pleasure of your company
at the christening of their son
on Tuesday, April second
at three-thirty o'clock
Ten, Jerome Avenue_
The letter requesting a relative or friend to serve as godfather or
godmother must be tactful and well-worded. It is usually very intimate,
for no one with fine sensibility will ask any except a dear friend to
act as godmother or godfather. Such a request is much better given in
person than by letter, whenever it is possible. And it requires an
answer in kind. We give here one brief letter of request, and another
of acknowledgment, to serve as suggestions:
_34 Kinston Road,
March 5, 19--_
_Dear Mr. Burke:_
_Jack and I have both agreed that we would rather have you serve
as godfather for John Paxton, Jr., than anyone else. We hope that
you will not refuse._
_The baptism has already been arranged for four o'clock, next
Sunday, at St. Peter's Church. We hope you will be present at the
church, and later at a small reception here in our
drawing-room._
_With kindest regards from us both, I am_
_Cordially yours,_
_Amelia B. Johnson._
_18 Woodlawn Hills,
March 7, 19--_