_Dear Mrs. Johnson:_

_It will give me great pleasure to be godfather for your son.

Truly, I count it no small honor, and no slight responsibility. I

am very eager to see young John Paxton, and shall be present both

at the christening and at the reception._

_With every good wish for him and for his father and mother, I

am_

_Sincerely yours,_

_William A. Burke._

A WORD OF SPECIAL CAUTION

In answering an invitation never say "will accept." The act of writing

the answer involves either the acceptance or the regret, as the case

may be, and the present tense should be used.

CHAPTER VI

CORRESPONDENCE

TO-DAY AND YESTERDAY

It is customary nowadays to deplore the fact that the art of

letter-writing has fallen into decay, and when we read that the entire

correspondence of an engaged couple recently was carried on for two

years by telephone and telegraph we are inclined to believe it. Yet

such is not the case. It is true that we no longer have--and for this

we should be truly grateful--flowery expressions of rhetorical feeling

interlarded with poetic sentiments selected from a "Home Book of

Verse," or some similar compilation, but we do have letters which are

genuine and wholesome expressions of friendship.

It is a gift to be able to write lovely notes of congratulation,

sympathy and appreciation, and one that has to be cultivated. Writing

of all kinds grows perfect with practice and the large majority of

people have to serve a long apprenticeship before they have mastered

the gentle art of expressing themselves on paper. It is an art worth

mastering even if one never has to write anything but polite social

notes and letters.

THE LETTER YOU WRITE

From Buckingham we have the following little rhyme that does full

justice to the important art of letter-writing:

Of all those arts in which the wise excel,

Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well.

A letter, business or social, is simply talk upon paper. And as a wise

philosopher once said, "Never put on paper what you would not care to

see printed in the newspaper for all to read." As in everything else

connected with the social world, ease is absolutely essential to the

correct letter. The style must not be cramped, stilted, forced. A free

and easy flow of language, simple and understandable, and with just

that acceptable degree of cordiality and heartiness that makes one

enjoy reading, is essential in all correspondence.

And yet, letters should be written _personally_--that is, they should

represent the sender. Be sure, first, that you know exactly what you

want to say, and how you want to say it. Then put it down on paper as

though you were speaking; make no pretense at being so very highly

educated that you must use flowery language and poetical phrases.

Simplicity in form and wording is the most effective and graceful

method. It is a greater mark of learning and intelligence to write a

simple, ably expressed, cordial letter, than to write one that shows an

obvious effort to cover, by extravagant expressions and highly

figurative language, the reserve and dignity that are the foundation of

all good-breeding.

In the following pages it is possible for us only to give the

prescribed principles of correct form, suggesting the forms and

expressions to be avoided. But the true art of letter-writing rests

with you--and your own personality. We would suggest that you read

carefully each letter you receive, noting and remembering those

expressions that most appeal to you. A good appeal is generally

universal; what appeals to you in a letter you receive will appeal to

others. Thus you will find that personal experience in this matter will

help you much more than any book that gives you only the foundation of

form and style.

THE BUSINESS LETTER

It is interesting to find in the midst of the lament that in the

twentieth century people have ceased to find time to write letters or

to be courteous that the Postmaster General has rescinded previous

orders which directed that departmental correspondence should not begin

with the ceremonial form of "My dear Sir," and that the complimentary

close, "Yours sincerely," etc., should not be used. His order is worth

quoting:

"In no part of our work does the demand for the human quality apply

more than in the matter of writing letters. By far the largest

contact of this department with the public is by means of the

letters which are written. Letters can be cold, stereotyped,

following the same routine day by day, appearing more or less

machine made, and the impression which the recipient has upon

reading the letter is that the suggestion, complaint, petition or

application made has been given scant consideration.

"I want every letter that goes out from this department or any of

the Post Offices or other field offices to convince the reader of

the fact, for it must be a fact, that whatever he has written has

been received sympathetically and that an effort has been made to

give the writer the benefit of every possible service which the

department affords.

"To this end I think the writers should endeavor to make their

letters more informal than is now the case generally; that they

should, wherever the exigencies of the case do not require

otherwise, be as explicit as possible, and that reasons for the

position taken by the department should be given. Above all, I do

not want the letters to be stereotyped."

A business letter is written with a purpose. It is a good letter when

it accomplishes that purpose briefly, thoroughly, and courteously.

Women especially should be careful not to be discursive. Business men

have not time to puzzle over bad handwriting or ambiguous sentences.

Whenever it can be done conveniently the business letter should be

written on the typewriter. Tinted stationery is never appropriate, and

ruled stationery should never be used either for business or social

correspondence.

The correct form for the salutation of a business letter includes the

name and address of the person or firm to whom the letter is written as

well as the ceremonial form of salutation. Thus:

Bradford and Munro,

534 Fifth Avenue,

New York City, N.Y.

Gentlemen: (or Dear Sirs or My dear Sirs)

Mrs. H. K. Weatherly,

Secretary of the Citizens' League,

Smithville, Arkansas.

Dear Mrs. Weatherly: (or Dear Madam or My dear Madam)

Except when it is the first word of the salutation, _dear_ should

not begin with a capital letter. The address in the salutation should

be repeated exactly on the envelope and particular care should be taken

to make it legible. The stamp should always be placed in the upper

right-hand corner. It is bad form to put it on obliquely or upside down

or to place it in the left-hand corner or on the back flap of the

envelope. It is a silly practice to do so and causes the postal clerks

a great deal of trouble.

FUNCTION OF THE SOCIAL LETTER

There are, necessarily, several kinds of letters, the three most

important divisions of which are the friendly letter, the business

letter, and the social letter. In its strictest sense, the social

letter is written for a distinct social purpose--usually about, or in

response to, some purely social circumstance. The difference between a

friendly letter and a social letter is relatively the same as the

difference between a strictly formal and a friendly informal visit.

To write a friendly letter, one simply writes what one feels, heeding

no very stringent rules regarding letter-writing. But the social

letter-writer finds that there are certain forms that must be carefully

observed, if his or her letters are to be considered entirely correct.

There are two distinct forms of the social letters--the formal and the

informal. The formal social note is used only for invitations,

announcements and their respective acknowledgments. It is always

written in the third person, and always requires an answer. Even though

it is sent to the most intimate friend, the formal note remains formal;

although later a friendly letter may be sent to remove any possible

constraint or "chill." The informal note has no definite formula,

except that it can be generally compared to all the informal trend of

correct social usage. The first person is used in the writing of

informal notes.

Whether formal or informal, the social note always bears the name of

the person to whom it is addressed. To illustrate, when writing

socially to Mrs. Joselyn, one does not use the expression, "Dear

Madam," but "Dear Mrs. Joslyn." In America the form "my dear" is

considered a trifle more formal than just "dear," although in England

the reverse is true. "Dear Madam" and "Dear Sir" are forms reserved

exclusively for use with business letters.

THE ETIQUETTE OF STATIONERY

The well-known proverb may well be changed to read, "A man is known by

the stationery he uses." There is no greater opportunity to show good

taste--or bad--than in the tone, design and type of note paper we use.

It is as effective an index to one's individuality as are the clothes

we wear.

Just as in everything else, there are new fashions in the sizes, forms

and general appearance of social correspondence each season.

Invariably, the new form is an improvement on the older and more

stilted form. However, there are slight changes, and the general rules

of correct correspondence remain unchanged from year to year. A good

stationer is the best authority in regard to the minor modifications

that come each new season.

The _outré_ in everything pertaining to good social usage is offensive

to good taste. Thus, those who are refined and well-bred avoid such

startling color combinations as deep purple paper inscribed with white

ink. Of course, by its very daring, such a letter would gain immediate

attention. But the impression made would be one of poor taste and

eccentricity, rather than the striking personality the writer doubtless

tried to convey. Let us, then, avoid all fads in size and color of

social stationery

LETTER AND NOTE PAPER

Plain, unruled sheets, either white or light gray in color, and folding

once into their envelopes are the approved materials for all social

correspondence. Black ink should always be used--violet, blue or purple

expresses extremely bad taste. There are, of course, many varying

qualities of note paper, depending entirely upon the means and

preferences of the individual. Some manufacturers are to-day issuing

delightful stationery in delicate tones of gray, blue and buff, and it

is necessary to mention here that there can be no objection to note

paper of this kind. It is only bad taste to use paper of vivid red,

yellow or green--so glaring in color that it is conspicuous. Colored

borders on stationery are in poor taste, as are also heavy gilt edges.

Paneled stationery and that with the deckle edge are both very lovely

and in excellent taste, if the color is subdued or pure white. And to

be conspicuous is to be ill-bred.

The complete text of a formal note must appear on the first page only.

Thus, a good size for a woman's social correspondence stationary is

four and a half inches by six inches, although it may be slightly

larger than that for general correspondence. Then there are the very

small sheets used merely for a few words of condolence or

congratulation. The size of stationery for men's social correspondence

varies, but it is usually a trifle larger than a woman's note paper. A

man never uses small sheets of paper, nor may he conduct social

correspondence upon business or office paper. It is only when private

stationery is not easily available, and a letter must be immediately

mailed, that club or hotel paper may be used for social correspondence.

Letter paper and envelopes should be of the same color and of about the

same material. We say "about" for, when the note paper is very thin, a

slightly thicker paper should be used for the envelope. Incidentally,

very thin paper is objectionable for social correspondence when both

sides of the sheet are written upon.

Some women like to use perfumed paper for their social correspondence.

While it is not exactly bad form to use perfumed stationery, a very

strong fragrance is most objectionable. Thus only the most delicate of

perfumes may be used. The use of perfumes for men's stationery is

entirely discountenanced.

CRESTS AND MONOGRAMS

Just as the gaudy frills and furbelows of the dress of Queen

Elizabeth's era have disappeared, so have the elaborate crests, seals

and monograms of earlier social stationery gradually given way to a

more graceful and dignified simplicity. Originality may be the

possession of those who can attain it, but it must always be

accompanied by simplicity of style.

Gorgeous monograms are not desirable. If used at all--and very few even

of our proud and aristocratic families _do_ use them--they should

be decorative without being elaborate. A good stationer should be

consulted before one determines upon a monogram. His taste and

knowledge should direct the ultimate choice.

Monograms and crests should not appear on the envelope, only on the

letter paper. Seals may be stamped wherever one wishes on the back of

the envelope, although the most fashionable place is in the direct

center of the flap. On mourning stationery, black wax is permissible

for the seal; red, blue or any dark color may be used on white or light

gray paper. Care should be taken in dropping the hot wax and pressing

the seal, for nothing is so indicative of poor taste as an untidy seal

on the envelope of a social letter. A seal should not be used unless it

is actually needed. It is bad form to use it in addition to the

mucilage on the flap of the envelope unless the mucilage is of a very

poor quality.

A monogram or crest is placed in the center at the top of the page when

no address is given. It should be omitted entirely when the address

appears at the top of the page. The space occupied by a crest or

monogram should not cover more than the approximate circumference of a

silver dime. A crest is usually stamped in gilt, silver, black, white

or dark green. Vivid colors must be avoided.

When an address is engraved on a sheet of paper the chest or monogram

should be omitted. The stationery of a country house frequently has the

name of the place in the upper right hand corner with the name of the

post office or railroad station opposite. Authors sometimes have their

names reproduced from their own handwriting and engraved across the top

of the paper they use for their business correspondence.

The most fashionable stationery to-day does not bear crests or

monograms or seals, but the address engraved in Gothic or Roman

lettering in the upper center of note and letter sheets, also on the

reverse side of the envelope. Black ink, of course, is used.

USE OF THE TYPEWRITER

Having invaded and conquered the business world, the typewriter has now

become a social necessity. Personal typewriters, made in portable

sizes, are now being used for social correspondence, although many

conservative people prefer to remain loyal to the use of the old pen

and ink method. Yet, when the best handwriting is often illegible and

hard to read, a modern invention so necessary as the typewriter should

be hailed with delight and used with enthusiasm.

There still may be a few "extremists" and etiquette fanatics who insist

that typewritten letters are for business purposes only, and that they

are an insult when used socially. Prevalent custom to-day permits

typewritten correspondence for nearly every occasion, and the

well-typed social letter reflects better taste upon the sender than a

hand-written letter that is difficult to read--and yet took a much

greater length of time to write.

Social letters, whether hand or typewritten should not be on ordinary

commercial paper. The letter written on the machine should have a wide

margin at the top, bottom and sides. Signatures to a typewritten

letter, social or business, should be made personally, in ink.

REGARDING THE SALUTATION

It is only in cases of extreme formality that the expression "Dear

Madam" or "Dear Sir" is used. For ordinary social correspondence, the

salutation is either "Dear Mr. (Mrs.) Roberts" or "My dear Mr. (Mrs.)

Roberts." The use of "My dear" is considered more formal than merely

"Dear," except in England where the first form is considered the more

intimate.

The form "Dear Miss" or "Dear Friend" may be used on no condition

whatever. It is either "Dear Miss Wimberly" or "Dear Madam." It is

considered presumptuous, in good society, for a man to address a lady

as "Dear Mrs. Brown" until she has first dropped the formal "my" in her

correspondence with him.

The strictly formal method for addressing a letter to a man by a woman

who is a total stranger to him, is:

"Mr. John D. Brown,

"Dear Sir."

If he is a distant relative, addressed for the first time, or the

friend of a very intimate friend, the salutation may read, "My dear Mr.

Brown."

CLOSING THE LETTER

The endings "Very truly yours" or "Yours truly" express a certain

formality. Friendly letters are closed with such expressions as, "Yours

most sincerely," "Cordially yours," "Very affectionately yours,"

"Lovingly yours." The latter two expressions are confined largely to

intimate friends and relatives, while the others are used when letters

are written to new acquaintances or casual friends. The pronoun _yours_

should never be omitted, as it leaves the phrase unfinished and is not

complimentary to the person addressed. Thus, closings, such as "Very

truly" or "Sincerely" are in bad form.

Always remember in social letter-writing, to make a "graceful exit." An

awkward sentence in closing often mars what would otherwise be a

perfect letter. Forget certain strained expressions that remain in the

mind and demand to be used as closings, merely because they have been

used by so many people, over and over again. Make the farewell in your

social letters as cordial and graceful as your farewell would be if you

were talking to the person, instead of writing. Such kind expressions

as "With kindest personal regards" or "Hoping to have the pleasure of

seeing you soon" or "With best wishes to your dear mother and sisters"

always add a note of warmth and cordiality to the social letter. These

should be followed by "I am." It is not considered good form to end a

letter,

_Hoping to hear from you soon,

Yours sincerely,_

but it should be

_Hoping to hear from you soon, I am

Yours sincerely,_

No comma is used after "am."

It is not good taste to use only the initials, the surnames or given

names alone, or diminutives, when signing notes or letters except when

they are addressed to one's most intimate friends. A married woman

signs her self Ellen Scott, not Mrs. Guy Scott, in social

correspondence. Often, in business letters, when the recipient would be

in doubt as to whether or not the lady were to be addressed as Mrs. or

Miss, the conclusion to the letter should be in this form:

_Yours truly,

Ellen Scott

(Mrs. Guy Scott)_

An unmarried woman signs her letters "Margaret Scott," unless it is a

business communication and she is liable to be mistaken for a widow. In

this case, she precedes her name by the word Miss in parentheses.

The first and last names of the man writing the letter must be given in

full, and if there is a middle name, either the initial or full

spelling may be given. But such a signature as J. Ferrin Robins is bad

form.

It is both undignified and confusing to sign a letter with one's

Christian name only, unless one is a relative or very intimate friend.

A woman never signs her Christian name alone in a letter to a man

unless he is a relative or her _fiancé_ or a very old friend of the

family.

ADDRESSING THE ENVELOPE

Although there is a distinction in England regarding the use of "Mr."

and "Esq.," both forms are optional here in America. Either one may be

used in good form. But to omit both, and address a man just as "Walter

J. Smith" is exceedingly rude and bad taste. Neither should "Esq." and

"Jr." be used together in this manner, "Walter J. Smith, Esq., Jr." The

correct form would be "Walter J. Smith, Jr." A servant would be

addressed merely as Walter J. Smith, without any title.

"Mrs." or "Miss" must invariably precede the name of a woman on an

envelope unless she is a professional woman with some such title as

"Dr." A woman does not assume her husband's honorary title; thus, it is

not good form to address an envelope in this manner: "Mrs. Captain

Smith" or "Mrs. Judge Andrews."

A practicing woman physician is addressed in this fashion, when the

communication is professional: "Dr. Ellen R. Blank." This form is not

used in social correspondence, except in the case of a very famous,

elderly physician who is entitled to the honorary title at all times.

Otherwise this form is used when the communication is social: "Miss

Ellen R. Blank" or "Mrs. John T. Blank."

LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE

Letters of condolence should never be written, unless the writer has

been genuinely moved to sympathy. For that reason, they are usually

forthcoming only from relatives and intimate friends of the bereaved

family. A letter of sympathy should be brief and cordial. Those

pretentious letters that are filled with poetic quotations and

sentimental expressions are not genuinely sympathetic, and those that

refer constantly to the deceased are unkind. A few well-chosen words of

sympathy are all that is necessary. Following are two model letters of

condolence, that may be used as basic forms for other letters:

_New York, August 24th._

_Dear Miss Curtis:_

_I hasten to offer you my most profound sympathy for the great

grief that has fallen upon you and your house-hold. If there is

anything I can do, I hope you will not hesitate to call upon

me._

_Cordially yours,_

_Harriet B. Wainwright._

_Philadelphia, May 5th._

_My dear Mrs. Andrews:_

_Knowing as I do from my own experience how deep your grief must

be I also know that there is little that anyone can say or do to

make your sorrow any the less. Yet I cannot refrain from offering

my sincerest sympathy, and along with it the hope that Time, which

softens all things, will make even this easier to bear._

_Believe me, most sincerely yours,_

_Lillian M. Roberts._

ACKNOWLEDGING A LETTER OF CONDOLENCE

Mourning or white paper is always used when answering a letter of

condolence, except when the engraved cards of acknowledgment are sent.

These are severely plain, and the message is always brief. Often they

are sent in the name of the entire family, as:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Hall Hammond

gratefully acknowledge your expression of

sympathy upon the death of their daughter.

June 6, 1921._

This is certainly the easiest way for the bereaved to express their

gratitude, though simple notes of thanks may be sent instead of the

more formal card.

ETIQUETTE OF THE FRIENDLY LETTER

It is often a moot question among friends as to who shall write the

first letter. Generally speaking, it is the one who has gone away

rather than the one who remains behind who writes first, though among

good friends there is no more necessity to count letters than there is

to count visits. The writer knew a college girl who, when she came

home, decided to wait before writing and see how many of her friends

cared enough for her to write to her. She was rather gratified by the

result but if each girl who came away from the school had arrived at

the same decision the situation would have been a very queer one, to

say the least of it.

A young lady who has gone away may send a card or write a brief note to

a gentleman but if he is the one who has departed she should not write

to him until she has received a letter from him.

Some people may feel that a discourse on friendly letters has no place

in a book on social intercourse. But we feel that social success is

just as largely dependent upon one's simple friendships as it is upon

highly extravagant social activities, and therefore it is necessary to

know something about the friendly letter.

The salutation in a friendly letter should always be "Dear Mary" or

"Dear Miss Jones." The text of the letter should be written with ease,

and instead of a long list of questions (as some letter-writers delight

in using), bits of choice news of the day, interesting personal

experiences, and the like should be disclosed. As Elizabeth Myers in

her book "The Social Letter," says: "The friendly letter is our proxy

for a little _tête-à-tête_, telling of the personal news of the day,

and should be as extemporaneous as daily speech. Such letters are given

free scope and it would be as bootless to dictate rules as it would be

to commit a monologue to memory prior to a friendly visit."

Unless you are very intimate with a friend, and your letter contains

"identifying" news, do not sign yourself merely with your Christian

name. There are many Marys, and Johns and Harolds; and a letter signed

with the full name is as cordial as one which gives only the baptismal

name.

There is an old Latin proverb, "_Litera scripta manet_," meaning "The

written letter remains." A very pretty sentiment is attached to this

one short sentence. It means not only that the letter itself remains,

but that the thoughts contained in that letter, the kind, unselfish,

pretty thoughts of friendship, remain forever in heart and mind of the

person for whom it was intended. When you write to your friends, make

your letters so beautiful in form and text, that they will be read,

re-read, and cherished a long time after as a fond memory. It will be a

big step on the road to social perfection. Another point to be kept in

mind is that nothing should be written in a letter that one would not

be willing for almost anyone to see. Letters sometimes travel far, and

one can never be altogether sure into what hands they may fall.

THE CHILD'S LETTER

The sooner the child is taught to take care of his or her own personal

correspondence, the sooner he or she will become perfect in the art of

letter-writing. The little ones should be taught early the significance

of the correct letter, the importance of correct social correspondence.

Their duties at first may be light, and guided entirely by mother's

suggestions; but the youngsters will soon find keen pleasure and

enjoyment in creating letters themselves.

Here are a few letters that might have been written by children between

the ages of seven and twelve. They are not offered as model letters,

for children have a great deal more personality than grown-ups, and

they must get that personality into what they write; otherwise the

letter will be strained and unnatural. Do not be too critical of their

first efforts. Pass over mistakes, and let the letter sound as if the

child and not you had written it. At the same time teach them to be

careful. With a very small bit of diplomacy the child can be brought to

take great pride in a letter which he wrote "with his own hand." And

don't make the children say things that they do not want to. Protect

them from the petty insincerities of social life as long as possible.

_Dear Aunt May:_

_Thank you ever so much for the pretty doll. I have named her

May. Mother thinks she is very pretty but Tom does not. Tom does

not like dolls. He plays with the dog and his tops and marbles

nearly all the time. The dog's name is Mike. He is black. I like

him lots. We are going to have strawberry ice cream Sunday. I wish

you could be here. I would give you a big plate full._

_Please come to see me soon._

_Your loving niece,_

_Helen._

_Dear Uncle Frank,_

_I have a box of paints. I painted a dog and a soldier this

morning. The soldier has on a red coat. The dog is a pointer. My

dog is a rat terrier named Jack. He caught a big rat this morning

in the barn. Mother says she thinks he has been eating the

chickens. School will be out in a week. I will be glad. Mother says

she will not. I know how to swim. There is a creek near here. The

water is over my head in one place. I am going fishing one day next

week. I caught two perch last time I went._

_Your nephew,_

_John._

_Dear Grandma:_

_I wish you a very happy birthday, and I hope that you will like

the present I sent you. Mother says that she will take me to see

you soon. I wish she could take me to-day._

_Your loving grandchild,_

_Mabel._

LETTERS TO PERSONS OF TITLE

A certain set of definite rules is prescribed for all communication

with titled people. The general rules given for ordinary social

correspondence are not the same for persons of title, and as each

executive, dignitary and man or woman of royal blood requires special

address, it will be necessary to incorporate them into a compact scale

that can be easily referred to. At the end of this volume is a scale

giving the opening, closing and address, formal and informal, for every

person of title.

CHAPTER VII

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

THE HOME

The home is the unit of our social life, and just as the whole can be

no greater than the sum of its parts so the standard of behavior in a

community can be no higher than the sum of the standards in the homes

that make up that community. If in the home one observes strictly the

rules of politeness, which means kindness, one will have very little

trouble with the rules of etiquette, which is simply the way politeness

finds expression in our intercourse with each other. Minor canons of

etiquette change from time to time but good manners are always the

same, and never out of fashion.

APPEARANCE OF THE HOUSE

Obviously a book on etiquette cannot go into the problems of interior

decoration; yet a word or two will not be out of place. The influence

of one's surroundings on one's temper is enormous though the person may

be unconscious of the fact. A disordered room gives a feeling of

depression and hopelessness to the one who enters it while one that is

tidy tends to impart a feeling of restfulness. If in addition to its

neatness it is furnished in harmonious colors--and one cannot be too

careful of the colors that are used in the home--in subdued tones it

will contribute much more to the peace and happiness of the home than

even those who live there realize. It will not eliminate bad tempers or

do away with disagreeable moments but it will certainly help to reduce

them to a minimum.

DRESS

In another volume in the chapter on funerals we have spoken of the

influence of dress, especially of the influence of the constant

presence of black on young children. This is only one small phase of a

very big subject.

In the home the chief requisite of one's dress is neatness. A man will

find it much easier to accord the little courtesies of well-bred

society to his wife if she is neatly and becomingly dressed, however

simple the gown may be, than if she is slatternly and untidy. The

children also will find it much easier to love, honor and obey if their

parents give a reasonable amount of time to taking care of their

personal appearance. It is not the most important thing in life but it

is one of the little things "that of large life make the whole" and one

that has much to do with making it pleasant or unpleasant.

In one of O. Henry's stories a little girl down on Chrystie Street asks

her father, "a red-haired, unshaven, untidy man sitting shoeless by the

window" to play a game of checkers with her. He refuses and the child

goes out into the street to play with the other children "in the

corridors of the house of sin." The story is not a pretty one. Six or

seven years later there is a dance, a murder and a plunge into the East

River. And then the great short story writer says that he dreamed the

rest of the story. He thought he was in the next world and "Liz," for

that was the girl's name, was being tried for murder and

self-destruction. There was no doubt but that she had committed the

crimes ascribed to her, but the verdict of the officer in the celestial

court was, "Discharged." And he added, "The guilty party you've got to

look for in this case is a red-haired, unshaven, untidy man, sitting by

the window reading, in his stocking feet, while his children play in

the streets." It is not so much that dress in itself is important but

that it is an index to so much else, and while it is not an infallible

one it is about as near right as any we have.

DRESS FOR CHILDREN

There can be nothing quite so humiliating to a child as to be dressed

in an outlandish fashion that renders him conspicuous. Some mothers,

delighting in the attractive clothes that they buy for their children,

do not realize what havoc they are causing to the tastes of the child.

A little boy should be dressed like a little boy, and he should be

allowed to develop his own tastes in the selection of his suits and

blouses. A little girl should by all means be allowed to make her

choice of the clothes she is to wear, guided by mother's superior

knowledge and experience. But to force a child to wear a garment

against which its very soul revolts, is to crush whatever natural

instincts the child may have for the beautiful and artistic.

It is sad to see a child fretting uncomfortably in a suit that is too

tight, or a huge sailor hat that laps down over the eyes. Simple,

comfortable clothes are the best for children, but they should be

excellent material. Rather give the child one dress of excellent

material and workmanship, than two that are faulty and inferior. Teach

her to appreciate material and she will always prefer quality to

gaudiness.

CHILDREN AND DEVELOPMENT

It is not enough to give children the material things of life. There

are some things that money cannot buy, and this thing we call "culture"

is one of them. It is a part of the heavy responsibility of parents to

lead the children in their charge into the paths of right thinking and

right living and the task should be a joyous one. For every child born

into the world has infinite possibilities and at its very worst the

task is illumined by the ray of hope. Even the ugly duckling became a

swan.

KNOW YOUR CHILDREN!

Make that your first commandment in your plan of child-nature. Know

your children! And by "knowing" we do not mean their faults, their

likes and dislikes, their habits. Know their ambitions, their little

hopes, their fears and joys and sorrows. Be not only their advisors and

parents, but their _friends_.

In his book, "Making the Most of Children," La Rue says: "We may say

there are four kinds of parents,--spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts."

The spade parent, he explains, is buried in his work, eager only to

clothe attractively the body of the child, but willing that the soul

go naked. The club parent is engrossed in social activities; the

father with his clubs and sports, the mother with her dinners and

entertainments. The diamond parents love glitter and ostentation. They

must seem wealthy and prosperous at all cost. They devote their time

and thoughts to their home and outward appearance--they never think

about _knowing_ their children.

But the heart parent, La Rue tells us, is the man or woman who is

essentially a home maker. He provides a library for the child, a cozy

room, an environment that is truly _home_. And he spends time with

him, learning all about his hopes and ambitions, encouraging him,

teaching him. He knows the child; and the child knows that he has a

friend upon whom to depend not only for material comforts but for

spiritual advice and guidance.

You must know your children, before you can attempt to make them

well-mannered and well-bred.

IMITATION

The strongest force that enters into the molding of children's

character and deportment is the character and deportment of their own

parents. Youngsters cannot find the beautiful gift of good manners in

some unknown place; whatever they do and say is in imitation of

something they heard their elders do and say. The whole life of a man

or woman is colored by the environment and atmosphere of his or her

early childhood.

Children should not be taught "party manners." If they are to be

well-bred at all, they must be so at all times; and ill-bred parents

can no more have well-bred children than an oak tree can have pine

needles. And the chief beauty of perfect manners is that they are so

habitual as to be perfectly unconscious.

Of great importance, therefore, is the law of teaching by example. Show

the children that you yourself follow the laws of good conduct and

courtesy. Whether guests are present or not, let your table etiquette

be faultless. Address everyone, and especially the children themselves,

with studied courtesy and thoughtfulness. A well-bred child is known

immediately by his or her speech; and when courtesy and gentle, polite

conversation is the rule in the home, it will follow as the night the

day that it will be the rule elsewhere.

Parents invariably feel embarrassment at the ill-manners and lack of

courtesy on the part of their children. They would often be able to

avoid this embarrassment if they realized that it was simply their

manners and lack of courtesy in the home, an indication that they

themselves neglect the tenets of good breeding.

THE CHILD'S SPEECH

It is a very grave mistake to repress constantly the speech of

children. But it is necessary that they should be taught early the true

value of conversation, instead of being permitted to prattle nonsense.

An excellent training is to converse with the child when you are alone

with him, drawing out his ideas, giving him "food for thought," telling

him interesting stories and watching his reactions.

In addressing elders the child should know exactly the correct forms to

use. For instance, it is no longer considered good form for anyone

except servants or tradespeople to use the expressions "Yes, ma'am,"

and "Yes, sir." Still there is some deference due parents and elders,

and the correct method of address is, "Yes, mother," or "No, father,"

or "Thank you, Mr. Gray." The manner of the child is just as important

as the form of expression; a courteous, respectful manner should always

be used towards elders.

Contradictions are unbecoming in children. Yet the young girl or boy

must be entitled to his or her own opinion. If something is said with

which he does not agree, and if he is taking part in the conversation,

he may say, "I beg your pardon, but...." or, "I really think you are

making a mistake. I think that...."

AT THE TABLE

The final test of good manners comes at the table. Remembering this the

parents should lay special stress on this part of a child's training,

so as to make his manner of eating as natural as his manner of

breathing. And one is almost as important as the other. There are no

particular rules for children beyond those which older people should

follow and these are given further on in this volume. Children are

really little men and women and their training is all for the purpose

of equipping them to live the lives of men and women in the happiest

and most useful way possible.

A child should never seat himself until those older than he are in

place though even this should not be ostentatious. As soon as the

mother or whoever is presiding at the table indicates that it is time

for them to be seated they all should take their places almost

simultaneously.

Disparaging comments on the food are ill-bred. Unpleasant incidents

should be passed over lightly whether they take place in the intimacy

of the home circle or in a more formal gathering.

The conversation should be agreeable. Quarreling, nagging, gossiping,

scandal-mongering, and fretting are absolutely taboo.

PLAYMATES

We have already said that children catch their manners from the people

about them. This is as true of their playmates as of their parents and

when the child is in school nearly all day and playing out somewhere

the rest of the time except during the evening when he is at home

studying it is perhaps even more so. The most rigid discipline and the

most loving care will not prevail against the example of Tom, Dick, or

Harry, if these three have been allowed "to run wild." There is a

glamor about lawlessness even among children. This should be kept in

mind by their parents, and while they should be placed, insofar as it

is possible, among desirable playmates, there should not be too stern

repression. For this may stifle development, it may breed sullenness,

or it may engender rebellion.

There are too many parents to-day who try to bring up their children

"by the rule." There is no rule. Each child is a law unto himself and

the best way the mother or father can learn to take care of him is to

study the youngster himself.

Instead of the swaggering playmate or one that is otherwise undesirable

the parent should offer something better. Of course, he should be his

child's friend and counselor as well as his parent, but the wisest and

most lovable parent that ever lived could not satisfy all the longings

and desires of the child's heart. He needs companionship of his own

age. The constant friction among playmates is the best way in the world

to rub away sharp corners and rough places.

Games, books, music, toys, friends--carefully chosen, these are the

most important elements which enter into the molding of the child's

life and are therefore the ones to which greatest attention should be

given.

CHILDREN'S PARTIES

A party is something that the average child looks back upon with

pleasure for a long, long time. There is no more pleasant way of

inculcating a feeling of genuine hospitality or of bringing about an

easy manner in the drawing-room than through allowing children to have

parties and giving them a large share of the responsibility for making

them successful. The mother should superintend everything but she

should consult and advise the child about favors, refreshments, etc.

The most attractive invitations are those which the youngster himself

writes. Charming designs may be had from the stationers with blank

spaces to be filled in by the person sending them. This makes the

child's task delightful as well as simple.

Until he is old enough to write, his mother pens his invitations.

Rarely are engraved invitations used for a children's affair. The

invitation may be addressed to the child or to its mother and since

parties for little people are usually very informal the invitation

should be informal also. The following shows a form which is sometimes

used:

_Dear Mrs. Grant,_

_I am having a little party for some of Julian's friends Thursday

afternoon and am so anxious for Mary to come. If you will send her

about four o'clock I will see that she gets back home around

six._

_Cordially yours,_

_Agnes K. Marshall_

If the invitation is addressed to the child it might be worded

something like this:

_Dear Mary,_

_Julian is planning to have a little party Thursday afternoon and

he wants you to come about four o'clock. Tell your mother that we

will see that you get home about six. We both want you very

much._

_Cordially your friend,_

_Agnes K. Marshall._

Birthday parties are usually held in the afternoon between three and

six. Older children, those of the Sweet Sixteen age, may have parties

from four to seven, or eight o'clock. Hallowe'en, New Year and St.

Patrick's Day parties for little tots, are invariably in the afternoon.

Mother should arrange for sufficient interesting games to keep the

youngsters amused and entertained; and it always adds greatly to the

fun, if a little prize is offered for the winner of each game.

Parties and ice-cream, of course, go hand in hand. Sweets, cakes and

fruit usually accompany the ice-cream. Sometimes hot chocolate and

wafers are served to the youngsters. At the birthday party, the

inevitable birthday cake is usually cut and served by the young host or

hostess. Mother must not forget the candles, "one for each year and one

for good measure." The refreshments at young folks' parties are usually

served at or about four o'clock.

It is most essential to have a sufficient number of amusements planned

to keep the children entertained every minute of the time. They cannot

be trusted to take care of themselves especially if the party is a

mixed one. The hostess must also be careful not to have the games so

active as to tire the youngsters out and she must be sure that the

refreshments are wholesome. It is no very small undertaking to give a

successful children's party but the reward is great enough to make it

worth while.

PLANNING SURPRISES

The two important rules of children's parties may be analyzed briefly

as: simplicity and a surprise combined with suspense. Suspense is

especially important; children have impatient little souls and when

they are promised some strange and vague surprise, they are delighted

beyond measure, and spend the time awaiting it with keen delight and

expectation.

The surprise may consist of a huge Jack Horner pie, filled with pretty

souvenirs. It may be a Brownie party, with cunning little Brownie hoods

and caps previously prepared for the young visitors. It may be any one

of a thousand gay, simple, childhood games that youngsters delight in.

To offer a prize for the winner always arouses keen interest in the

game.

RECEIVING THE YOUNG GUESTS

At children's parties, the hostess stands in the background cordially

seconding the welcomes extended by her little son or daughter. When

everyone has arrived, the young host or hostess leads the way into the

dining-room and the dinner.

After the dinner there will be games until it is time to leave. The

wise hostess will see that all fragile bric-à-brac and expensive

furniture is well out of the way before the children come. And she will

see that as soon as a game is becoming too boisterous, or too tiresome,

another is suggested. There must be variety to the entertainment for

children grow weary very quickly.

ABOUT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

If the party is in honor of a child's birthday, an effort should be

made to make it as festive as possible. The birthday flower, whatever

it happens to be, should be given prominence. The table should have an

attractive floral centerpiece, and must be as well-laid as the

correctly formal dinner-table of the older folks.

It is customary for the guests to bring a gift for the child, but

lately it has been forbidden by some parents. There is no reason to

forbid it, however, as the custom is a pretty one and the gifts are

usually trifling. And it is as amusing as it is pleasing to watch how

proudly and importantly the young visitor bestows his gifts upon his

comrade.

The birthday cake holds the place of honor on the table. Around the

edge of it, in small tin holders, are candles--one for each year the

child has thus far celebrated. One candle is blown out by each little

guest, and with it goes a secret wish of happiness for the boy or girl

whose birthday it is. Some parents do not wish to run the risk of

accidents caused by burning candles. In this case, it is pretty to have

the icing on cake represent the face of a clock, with the hour hand

pointing to the hour which indicates the child's age. Very often when

the slices of birthday cake are distributed, tiny gifts are presented

with them.

WHEN THE YOUNG GUESTS LEAVE

A problem which the hostess of children's parties invariably meets, is

how to get the children home safely. Undoubtedly, the parents of the

young children should provide some means of having them escorted home

safely after the party; the duty should not be allowed to devolve upon

the hostess. If the children are older, of high-school age, the young

boys may be trusted to escort the girls to their homes. When children

are very young they have no idea when to leave. The hostess may say,

"Let us have one more game before you start for home, children," and

immediately proceed to explain what the game shall be, impressing it

upon them that they are expected to leave for home as soon as it is

over. Or she may suggest a final grand march which the youngsters will

no doubt enter into whole-heartedly--and the march may lead into the

room where their wraps are waiting.

There is nothing quite as beautiful and gratifying as a group of

laughing, happy children; and the hostess who has attained this may

indeed feel repaid for her trouble. Children are easy to please, too.

Something absurd, something the least bit out of the ordinary,

something queer or grotesque, is bound to win their immediate applause

no matter how simple and inexpensive it may be. And strangely enough,

the hostess who manages to bring the sunshine and merriment into the

hearts of her young guests, feels young and childish herself for the

time being--and the feeling is one of such utter delight and happiness

that it is well worth the effort.

CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINMENTS AWAY FROM HOME

There are many delightful ways of entertaining children away from home,

and out-of-door parties are especially wholesome. Motion pictures

parties for children that are old enough are very pleasing if the

picture is a good one. This is a point that should be carefully

attended to beforehand. It is no time to "take a chance." At the party

out in the woods or down by the bank of the creek refreshments should

consist of picnic fare. The motion picture party or the matinée party

might be followed by ice-cream or by a simple dinner. But however many

of these entertainments one may give one must remember that there is

after all not a great deal of art in amusing people when the amusements

are furnished by someone else, and also that the art of entertaining

charmingly at home is perhaps the greatest art of them all.

CHILDREN AND DANCING

The dancing school teaches the youngster a great deal more than merely

a few dancing steps. From no other source is it possible for the young

boy or girl to acquire the grace, the poise, the charm of manner that

the dancing school imparts.

The writer knows a very lovely young miss of twelve years, who has so

charming a manner that one delights to be with her. Yet, her parents

confide, that two years ago she was so nervous and fidgety that they

were ashamed to take her anywhere. They attribute her present grace and

ease to her lessons at dancing school.

There is no reason why boys should not also be registered at the

dancing school. A young man who, in childhood learned the little

formalities of the dancing school, will not be likely to feel ill at

ease in the formal drawing-room, or at the elaborate dinner. He will

know how to conduct himself without embarrassment or

self-consciousness.

In training our children's manners and speech, we must not forget that

their physical development is most important. Etiquette requires that

the child know, not only how to act at the table, how to greet visitors

and how to be well-behaved and mannerly, but also how to _appear_

polite and polished. Dancing gives them just the right foundation for

grace and courtesy of manner.

A WORD TO PARENTS

In your hands has been placed the destiny of a child, or of children,

to be molded, developed and formed into a perfect being. Do not make

the mistake that so many parents make--the mistake of thinking that the

child is a miniature of yourself, a pocket edition of yourself as it

were. You have certain tastes, habits, hopes and desires cultivated

through years of experience and education. The child has a young mind

to be expanded and developed, a young body to be molded into lines of

grace and charm, a young life to be made fine and beautiful.

It is not an easy task, this leading a child through the correct

channels of early life. The young minds are so sensitive, the young

memory is so retentive; evil influences are so easily made, and become

so readily a part of the boy's or girl's life. Someone once said,

"Motherhood is made up of denial." All parenthood is made up of

denial--for from the time the youngster first opens its eyes in its

cradle, the parents must deny themselves everything that is necessary

to make that child a perfect man or woman.

They must give up much of their social duties to attend to the

development of the child's mind. They must spend hours with the

youngster in his own or her play, so that there will be woven in with

that play, a subtle teaching. They must deny themselves material and

spiritual comforts so that those whose destiny is in their hands, will

be correctly prepared to meet life.

There are several chapters to the book of childhood. It is the complete

volume that counts--not just one page. Follow your child through all

his chapters of childhood, enter into his play and study and ambitions.

There are so many little incidents that remain in the memory and

permanently change the behavior. It is one thing to be just a parent,

quite another to be parent and friend. Let your child see that you are

interested in _all_ his activities, and your influence will have a

great deal to do in the shaping of his future manners.

AMUSEMENTS

"Be as careful of the books you read as of the company you keep; for

your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as

by the latter." This bit of wisdom from the pen of Paxton Hood reveals

one great duty which confronts every parent. The child must have its

own library, and one that will correctly develop its mind and manners.

Even if it is only one shelf of books in the nursery, it should belong

to the child itself. The pride of personal ownership increases the

value of the books.

Books should be chosen with care, but there should be sufficient

variety to enable the young boy or girl to select the subject that he

or she is most interested in. Fiction should be of the better kind,

"Robinson Crusoe," "Little Lord Fauntleroy," the "Jungle Books,"

"Grimm's or Andersen's Fairy Tales," "Alice in Wonderland," etc. Boys

will like "Plain Tales from the Hills," "Bob, Son of Battle," "Treasure

Island," "The Sea Wolf," "Huckleberry Finn," "Twenty Thousand Leagues

Under the Sea," etc.

There should be special attention given to the classics. It is

unfortunate that so much of the time devoted to them should be spent

altogether in the schoolroom for books that one has to read are rarely

the ones that one likes best. Dickens, Thackeray, Shakespeare, George

Eliot, and a mighty host of others are waiting for the child who is old

enough to understand them. The parent should watch the tendencies of

the mind of his child and should keep him supplied with books that will

develop and expand the little intellect in accordance with its natural

preferences. The best way to teach a child to care for books is to keep

him surrounded with them and to read to him or tell him stories from

time to time and to be patient if he is slow in manifesting a desire to

use the key that unlocks the treasure that lies between the covers of

books.

Music is one of the best means of developing the child's emotional

nature and of subduing wayward impulses and of bringing about harmony

in the home circle. The writer knows of one family--and there are many

others--which sometimes in the evening finds itself all at sixes and

sevens. Nobody agrees with anybody else; the whole group is hopelessly

tangled. The mother goes to the piano and begins playing a song that

they all know. One by one the members of the family join in and it is

not long before they are all gathered around the piano singing song

after song and the petty disagreements and the unpleasant feeling of

discord have vanished into thin air.

Much is to be said in favor of the gramophones. Through them the best

music is accessible to almost everyone. But it is not wise to depend on

them altogether, for children have talent to be developed, and there is

a charm about music in the family that is like, to use a crude

comparison--home-cooking. It cannot be duplicated elsewhere.

LET THE CHILD BE NATURAL

After all, the greatest charm of childhood is natural, spontaneous

simplicity. Stilted, party-mannered children are bores. They are

unnatural. And that which is not natural, cannot be well-bred.

The cause of shy, bashful, self-conscious youngsters is wrong training.

They are repressed instead of developed. Their natural tendencies are

held down by constant reminders and scoldings and warnings. Instead,

they should be _brought out_ by proper encouragement, by kind,

sympathetic understanding. Some children have the idea, in their

extreme youth, that parents are made only to forbid things, to repress

them and make them do things against which their natures revolt. The

bond that should exist between parent and child is a certain

understanding friendliness--an implicit faith on the part of the child,

and a wise guidance on the part of the parent.

Remember that a child is like a flower. If the flower is not permitted

to struggle upward towards the sun, and to gather in the tiny dewdrops,

it will wither and die. If the child is not allowed to develop

naturally, its tastes and ideals will be warped and shallow.

Teach your child to be well-mannered and polite, but do not disguise

him with unnatural manners and speech.

THE YOUNG GIRL

There are two kinds of young girls--those who face life as some great

opportunity, who consider it a splendid gift to be made the most of,

and who help to create the beauty that they love to admire; and those

who are butterflies of society, whose lives are mere husks, without

depth, without worth-while impulses and ambitions. They are satisfied

if they know how to dance gracefully, if they know how to enter a room

in an impressive manner, if they know how to be charming at the dinner

table. Their conversation is idle chatter; their ambitions are to be

"social queens," to earn social distinction and importance.

Fortunately, the twentieth century girl is less of a butterfly than the

tight-laced hoop-skirted young miss of the latter part of the

nineteenth century. Perhaps the war had something to do with it.

Perhaps it is because so many new occupations have been opened up to

her. Perhaps it is evolution. But the young miss of to-day is certainly

more thrilled with life and its possibilities than her sister of two or

three decades ago ever was.

Life is no longer shown to the young daughter as a plaything by fond

parents who plan no future except marriage and social success for the

young woman whose future rests in their hands. To-day life is shown to

her as it is shown to her brother--as something beautiful, something

impressive, something worthy of deep thought and ambitious plan.

To-day the young girl is not only taught to dance gracefully, to enter

a room correctly, and to conduct herself with ease and charm at the

dinner table, but she is taught to develop her natural talents and

abilities so that the world will be left a little better for her having

lived in it. Her conduct, therefore, is tinged with a new dignity of

purpose, a new desire to make the best of the gift of life. Instead of

idle chatter her conversation assumes the proportion of intellectual

discussion, and young men and women to-day discuss intelligently

problems that would not have been mentioned in polite society a

generation ago.

It is to help the young girl to prepare for the glorious future that

awaits her that the following paragraphs are written.

THE GIRL'S MANNERS

There is nothing quite as charming in a young girl as repose of manner.

A soft voice, a quiet, cultured manner is more to be admired than a

pretty face, or an elaborate gown.

Let the young girl look to the ancient Greeks for inspiration. Here she

will find the true conception of beauty--repose of manner and utter

simplicity. She will find that to be perfect is to be natural, and that

one must be simple and unostentatious to be beautiful in the true sense

of the word. After all, what can be quite so lovely as beautiful

manners? And what can be more worthy of admiration and respect than a

sweet, well-mannered young girl?

Politeness and courtesy are two other important virtues that the young

girl should develop. She should be as polite to her mother and sister

as she is to strangers. She should be courteous and kind to everyone.

And she should learn the art of listening as well as the art of

conversation.

THE CHAPERON

American girls with their independent ideas of social requirements mock

the idea of a chaperon to the theater or dance. And this is especially

true of the many young women who are planning careers for themselves,

who intend to be more than social butterflies.

We are proud of the ideal American girl. We do not mean, of course, the

self-esteemed, arrogant young miss who derides all conventions and

calls herself "free." In her we are not interested at all. But there is

the true American type--the young girl who is essentially a lady, who

has self-reliance but is not bold, who is firm without being

overbearing, who is brainy but not masculine, who is courageous, strong

and fearless, yet _feminine_. She has no need of the chaperon; and

it is because of her that the "decay of the chaperon" has been so rapid

in America.

And so we find that the American girl who is well-bred, who is

well-mannered and high-principled, may attend the theater and the dance

with gentlemen, unchaperoned. It is only when she travels abroad or

stops at a hotel for any length of time that social requirements still

command that she be chaperoned. But even then, the girl who travels on

business purposes, need feel no embarrassment when she is alone, if her

manner and speech are as polished and correct as they should be.

THE YOUNG COUNTRY MISS

In the small town or in the country, if a young girl goes to a party or

other social meeting with a young man, he is, of course, expected to

escort her home again. If the hour is early and the family will

probably still be up, she may invite him in if she wishes to do so. But

it is not an obligation. If it is late, she does not invite him into

the house, but she may ask him to call. In some sections of the United

States it is still considered correct for the young man himself to

request that he be permitted to call.

A correspondent has written to inquire whether or not it is correct for

a young girl to thank a young man for his escort just before leaving

him at her own door. Evidently the young lady who has written has

herself been in doubt as to whether or not it is correct. In this

instance, circumstances alter cases. If she were a young country miss

returning from an informal village function, she would by no means

offer thanks. But if the young man has obviously put himself to an

inconvenience to escort her home, then it is only polite that she offer

him some expression of gratitude. A city girl does not thank her

escort, but he on the other hand, may thank her for a very pleasant

afternoon or evening if he wishes to do so.

THE GIRL AND HER MOTHER

The young girl should follow her mother's example and advice in all

things. Eighteen is the correct coming-out age for the young American

girl, and until then she should obey her mother without question. She

should be guided by her wider experience, by her more mature knowledge.

But unfortunately this is not always so. Mothers and daughters are not

the "pals" they ought to be.

Recently a woman was asked by a very close friend why she allowed her

daughter to attend the theater and the dance with a young man who was

of questionable character. "Surely you have some influence over her,"

the friend persisted. "Tell her to avoid him." But she simply smiled in

a tired sort of way and said, "I am only her mother."

This should not be. The mother should guide her daughter in all she

does, and the daughter should be willing to abide by her mother's

decisions. Otherwise that sacred, beautiful friendship that can be

created only between a mother and daughter will never exist.

FOR THE SHY AND SELF-CONSCIOUS

A great many of us suffer from self-consciousness. We always imagine

that people are looking at us, talking about us, ridiculing us. We are

never at ease among strangers, never happy when people are around. We

are always embarrassed, shy, ill at ease.

There is a story told about the famous Hawthorne who was so shy and

self-conscious that he ran out of the house or hid himself whenever he

saw visitors approaching. His wife, who was also very timid and

retiring by nature, was left to entertain the guests as best she could.

Hawthorne was heartily ashamed of himself, but instead of trying to

overcome his self-consciousness he sought and found forgetfulness in

his books and writings. His wife, on the other hand, was forced to

overcome her natural timidity for the sake of her husband and for the

sake of the hospitality of the Hawthorne home. And because she

determined to do it, she soon became entirely unself-conscious and able

to conduct herself with ease and unconcern even among the most

celebrated people.

And so you see that self-consciousness can be overcome. There is no

reason for the bride to feel embarrassed and ill at ease when she is

hostess for the first time in her new home. There is no reason for the

young girl to feel shy and timid when she is introduced in society.

There is no reason for the young man to be self-conscious in the

presence of ladies. A little will power and a little sincere effort

will banish this fault forever.

FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF

That is the only way you can hope to cure yourself of

self-consciousness--forget about yourself! There are so many delightful

things you can think of, so many interesting things beyond the selfish

little boundaries of your own self. Send your thoughts abroad, send

them into the universe to drink deeply of knowledge and learning, to

delve into the wells of profound interest that surround us on every

side--and forget about the petty commonplaces of life, the unimportant

everyday conventionalities. Then you will forget about yourself also,

and before you realize it you will be calm, dignified, unafraid. All

suggestion of self-consciousness will have vanished.

WHY THE SHY ARE AWKWARD

When a bride leaves a small country place to become the hostess in a

large house in a large city, she is very likely to feel ill at ease and

conscious of herself. Naturally, this makes her awkward in her manners.

Shyness is over-sensitiveness--a shrinking from observation. It causes

us to worry about what others are thinking about us, and naturally it

makes us morbid. Thus we are kept from appearing at our best, and in

all our manners and actions we appear awkward and nervous. It is very

necessary to overcome this fault if one wishes to mingle with people of

the best society.

Orison Swett Marden says, "If you are a victim of timidity and

self-depreciation, afraid to say your soul is your own; if you creep

about the world as though you thought you were taking up room which

belonged to somebody else; if you are bashful, timid, confused,

tongue-tied when you ought to assert yourself, say to yourself, 'I am a

child of the King of Kings. I will no longer suffer this cowardly

timidity to rule me. I am made by the same Creator who made all other

human beings. They are my brothers and sisters. There is no more reason

why I should be afraid to express what I feel or think before them than

if they were in my own family.'"

The great inspirational writer has shown you in this little paragraph

the way to overcome your self-consciousness--the foolish timidity that

is robbing you of your privilege of self-assertion, of your ease and

grace of manner, of your very happiness. Whenever you feel embarrassed

and ill at ease in the presence of strangers, think of the words of

Marden. Remember that you are one of the children of the universe, that

we are all brothers and sisters, and that you have as much right to

assert yourself as any other man or woman in the world. And when you

finally do overcome your timidity you will find that you have acquired

a splendid new grace and charm of manner.

SELF-CONFIDENCE VERSUS CONCEIT

Do not have the mistaken idea that confidence in oneself, lack of

self-consciousness, is conceit. As a matter of fact, it is much better

to be shy and self-conscious than to be a pert, aggressive egotist.

The first lesson to learn, in your crusade against self-consciousness,

is that you must not be _ashamed of your shyness_. That will make

you even more conscious of yourself. Forget that you are shy. Or if you

cannot forget, tell yourself that it is better to be reserved and

modest than to be conceited and aggressive. Do not shrink from

strangers, but meet them and talk to them as though they were your

brothers, or sisters. Treat everyone like an equal, but do not treat

yourself as an inferior.

Self-confidence is what makes success, whether it is in the social

world or the business world. It was self-confidence that helped Edison

with each new invention. It was self-confidence that enabled Madame

Marie Curie, penniless and obscure, to discover radium, the greatest

and most wonderful metal in the world. All achievement is founded on

self-confidence--not of the aggressive sort, but of the quiet, calm,

unassuming sort that is so easy to develop if one will only try.

Determine that you will no longer allow timidity and shyness to rule

you. Assert yourself! And watch how your manners improve.

COUNTRY HOSPITALITY

The country hostess must not feel that she is expected to entertain her

guests in city fashion. There is a great deal of difference between the

facilities and conditions of country and city life, and social

activities are consequently different in both localities.

In the country there is much less mingling with strangers than there is

in the city. Social entertainments are confined very largely to the

home fireside. There are few clubs, few large halls and auditoriums. A

feeling of intimacy and good-fellowship exists which is entirely

lacking in large cities. Almost everybody knows everybody else, and

when a large entertainment is given, the whole village knows about it.

To attempt to emulate her city sister would be folly for the country

hostess. She hasn't the facilities nor the natural conditions conducive

to the elaborate and strictly formal entertainments and activities of

the city. In the country everything should be on a simpler, more

informal basis; the natural beauties of the country are certainly not

compatible with the fashionable and often ostentatious activities of

the city.

IMPORTANCE OF SIMPLICITY

We go to the country because we are tired of the town and we want rest,

quiet, peace. We do not expect to find a frenzied attempt at imitation

of city entertainments. Yet this is what so many hostesses do--instead

of retaining the delightful natural simplicity of their homes, they

feel that they must entertain their city friends in city fashion. And

invariably they fail.

Very often when a city man or woman is tired of the sham and narrow

conventionalities of city life, he or she will plan to visit a country

friend. If that country friend is wise, he or she will make no

elaborate preparations, but just greet the friend with the simple

country hospitality that is so alluring to city people. Where in the

city can you find the good-fellowship, the spontaneity, the courteous

kindliness that you find in the small town and village? Where in the

city can you find the open-hearted generosity, the sympathetic

understanding and the simple courtesy that you find among country

people? The elaborate ball room with its richly gowned women is

charming and impressive; but the simple country party with its Virginia

reel, the daughters in their party clothes and mothers in their "best

black silks" are no less charming.

For the sake of those young men and women who live in the country and

know liveried chauffeurs and uniformed butlers only through books, for

the sake of those men and women who live in the country because they

love simplicity and the beauties of nature, but for those who are eager

to know good manners and know what is correct at all times, we are

writing the following paragraph on etiquette in the small town. Let us

first write about

THE HOSTESS

When entertaining guests from the city, fresh flowers should be brought

into the house every day. The meal served should be simple; elaborate

course dinners are not in good form when the facilities of the hostess

do not permit them. Nothing ostentatious should be attempted; just

simple, homelike hospitality such as is offered the neighbors and

friends of the village.

Early dining is usual in the country, especially in the summer.

Sometimes high tea is served. The tea-urn is placed on the table before

the hostess to give a homelike air to the function, and fruits and

flowers are placed in cut glass bowls on the table. Preserves, honey

and cakes should also be on the table in cut glass or china dishes. Hot

biscuits, muffins and wafers are usually served at high tea, with one

substantial dish like cold chicken, salad or cold sliced meats.

Hammocks, tennis courts, rowboats, etc., should be placed at the

disposal of visiting guests. The considerate hostess always plans some

sort of entertainment for guests that have come a long way to visit

her, but she does not make any attempt to provide anything elaborate. A

simple country dance or a musicale is relaxing and entertaining.

Protection from flies, mosquitoes, etc. should be provided for guests.

If chairs and hammocks are on the porch, it should be completely

screened in to prevent mosquitoes from annoying the guests. It is just

such little considerations as these that make country hospitality so

delightful.

THE GUEST

Whether you are a guest from the city, or a friend from the village,

you have a certain definite etiquette to observe when you are at the

home of a country hostess. First you must make yourself agreeable and

helpful. If you are from the city, forget the restricting formalities

you have been accustomed to. You may speak to everyone in the hostess'

drawing-room--or parlor--even though there have been no introductions.

And if you see an elderly man or woman standing all alone in one corner

of the room, you can go over to him or her, start a conversation, and

offer to get a chair or an ice for the stranger. It is not necessary to

wait for an introduction.

Do not be dull during the afternoon or evening. Be pleasant and

agreeable; if conversation lags, stimulate it with an interesting

anecdote. If you can entertain in some way, either by singing, playing

some musical instrument, or reciting, don't be backward about offering

your services. Remember you are not in an elaborate ball room but among

simple country folks, and if you can provide enjoyable entertainment

for them, they will appreciate it just as much as you yourself will

enjoy it.

An offish person always spoils the fun of a country party. If you feel

you are superior to the Virginia reel and the apple paring contests, do

not attend. Move to the city where you can attend elaborate social

functions. But while you are at the party, do your best to add to the

general enjoyment, and do not spoil things by being disagreeable and

unpleasant.

It is poor taste to wear very fashionable city clothes to a simple

country entertainment. If you come from the city, wear something simple

and pretty, but not something that will make you conspicuous. If you

are a man and you know that none of the other men will wear full dress,

then don't be presumptuous enough to appear in your swallow-tail. But

if you are a village friend, you may wear your "Sunday best" for

undoubtedly everyone else who attends the party will do likewise.

FOR COUNTRY FOLKS

Never attempt to make false impressions. That is one great fault found

among certain country people. When city friends call, they attempt to

overawe them with their superiority. While the city friends are with

them, they do not notice their village friends at church, nor do they

invite them to their house. They devote themselves exclusively to their

friends from the city--and invariably those friends return home

disappointed and disillusioned.

When people move in the neighborhood, it is considered polite to pay

them the first visit--"to extend the hand of welcome," as the

expression is. The hostess should offer a cup of tea with crackers or

cake, and should make herself agreeable in every way. However, the

acquaintance should not be forced; if the newcomers are haughty and

aloof, it is well to leave them to themselves, until they have absorbed

some of the good-fellowship and courtesy of the village.

There is very little need for formal calling cards in the small village

where everybody knows everybody else. A great many of the

conventionalities of city life are, of course, found in the country;

but a great many more of them are lacking. And among them are the

strictly formal introductions, calls and social functions that are

observed with such punctiliousness in the city. Simplicity should be

the keynote of country life, and quiet, dignified manners should be the

ideal of country people.

THE ENDLESS ROUND OF HOSPITALITY

Hospitality does not mean the giving of sumptuous banquets or elaborate

dinners. It does not mean the extravagant recklessness of much-talked-about

house parties, or extended yachting trips. It does not mean the holding

of gay and festive balls.

No, it means none of these, for even in the most humble home one can

find the truest hospitality. There need be no rich display, no obvious

effort at ostentation. For hospitality is that open-hearted,

open-handed, generous, lovable, beautiful fellow-feeling for

fellow-mortals--the kind of feeling that makes you throw open your

home, small apartment or mighty mansion, as the case may be, and bid

your friends and acquaintances welcome. Welcome, mind you, that has in

its greeting none of the sham cordiality, that wealthy people sometimes

parade merely for the sake of being able to show their worldly goods to

the envious eyes of their guests,--but a whole-souled and whole-hearted

welcome that is willing to share everything one has.

And so, the round of hospitality goes endlessly on, host and hostess

making the pleasure and comfort of the guest their prime consideration.

Parties, receptions, dances, balls, dinners--all are instances of the

eagerness of the world, the social world, to entertain, to give

pleasure, to amuse. And the guests, in their turn, repay the

hospitalities with other hospitalities of their own. And we find, in

this glorious twentieth century it is our fortune to be living in, a

wholesome, generous hospitality that puts to shame the history-famed

achievements of kings and princes of yore.

WHEN TO INVITE

The question naturally arises, what are the occasions that require

hospitality? Frankly, there are no definite occasions. Hospitality is

the index to breeding and culture at all times. But there are certain

ceremonious occasions that warrant the _invited hospitality_--and

such are the occasions that we will study in this chapter.

First, we find the wedding anniversary claiming the ceremony of many

invited guests and much festive entertainment. Thus, wedding

anniversaries offer an excellent opportunity for hospitality. Then

there is the occasion of the young daughter's introduction to

society--an event which is important, indeed, and requires the utmost

hospitality on the part of host and hostess alike. When one's son

graduates from college, a little dinner party and perhaps some musical

entertainment afterward is an appropriate time to show by one's

hospitality, sincere gratitude for the splendid educational

opportunities afforded the youth of America. Oh, there are countless

opportunities, countless "excuses," if you will call it that, countless

occasions when hospitality can be shown to one's friends and

acquaintances! And it is only by taking advantage of these

opportunities, by revealing one's unselfish, ungrudging hospitality,

that one rightly earns the name of _cultured_.

The hostess who sighs in relief when the guest has departed is not

truly hospitable. She should have a certain sense of satisfaction in

the knowledge of her very weariness. For hasn't she served her guests

well? Hasn't she sent them to their homes a little happier than when

they first came? The sigh should be one of sheer joy.

No one invites guests to his or her home to make them unhappy.

Therefore, if among your friends you number one whose worldly goods are

very much less than your own, do not invite him or her to a fashionable

ball where rich display will make him feel sadly out of place. Rather

save the invitation for a quiet, afternoon tea. And on the other hand,

if you are unable to care for the wants and comforts of several guests,

do not invite them to house parties.

Be hospitable--but above all use good sense and good judgment before

you invite.

THE GUESTS AND THEIR DUTIES

The fact that America is the home of hospitality and land of the most

generous hostesses, does not indicate necessarily that the guest, in

his selfishness, should take advantage of it. A well-bred, considerate

person always seeks to minimize as far as possible the efforts of his

or her hostess, and to make the visit or stay pleasant. She, or he,

constantly endeavors to aid the hostess in providing entertainment. In

short, he returns the hospitality of the host and hostess, with a

hospitality of his own--a hospitality that, in itsconsideration and

regard for the rights of others, is one of the beautiful things that

makes life worth the living.

It is superb--this giving and returning of hospitality: We find a

worried, anxious business man, forgetting for the moment his pressing

affairs in the diverting entertainments provided for him by his

hostess; in return, exerting every effort to contribute to the success

of the evening, to join in the conversation when he would rather be

silent and pensive, to be witty and humorous when he would much prefer

being moody and despondent. And so it goes on, a constant giving and

returning of hospitality, so beautiful and so inspiring that it is

worthy of the stress given to it in the social world.

There are some paramount obligations which the guest must observe.

Among them, perhaps most exacting, is punctuality. To keep others

waiting, to be continually tardy, is to demonstrate one's rudeness and

want of good breeding. Promptness in regard to the answering of

invitations, punctuality in attending dinners, luncheons and parties of

any kind,--these are marks of good breeding.

If one is invited to a dance or party and does not wish to attend

without an out-of-town friend who happens to be stopping with him or

her at the time--a friend who certainly cannot be deserted on the

afternoon or evening of the occasion--it is permissible to write a

cordial note to the hostess explaining the situation and requesting

that an invitation be extended to the friend. However, no resentment

should be felt if the hostess finds she must refuse the request; for

she may have had to refuse some of her own friends on account of

conditions beyond her control.

But no guest may bring to a party, dance or dinner, a friend or

acquaintance who has not been invited. This is considered a breach of

etiquette, and the hostess is not inhospitable when she does not invite

that particular guest again.

The guest must conform in all things to the tastes and customs of his

host and hostess. He must find (or feign) enjoyment in everything that

is proposed by them, everything that is offered by them in the way of

entertainment.

In taking leave of the hostess it is necessary to thank her cordially.

Criticisms, either of the conduct of some other guest, or of servants,

are poor form and should be avoided. The ideal guest is the one who has

that ease and poise of manner, that calmness and kindness of temper,

that loving and lovable disposition that makes people somehow want to

talk to and be with him. Such a guest needs no set of rules--inherently

he knows the laws of good conduct and fine manners; he is the boon of

hosts and hostesses the world over.

EXECUTIVES OF STATE

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

|Addressing |Salutation|Salutation|Closing |Closing

Title |Envelope |Formal |Informal |Formal |Informal

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

President |President |Sir |My dear |I have the |I have the

of |Calvin | |Mr. |honor to |honor to

United |Coolidge | |President |remain your |remain most

States | | | |most |respectfully

| | | |obedient |(sincerely)

| | | |servant |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Vice- |The Vice- |Sir or |My dear |I have, sir, |I have the

President |President |Dear Sir |John Doe |the honor to |honor to

|John Doe | | |remain your |remain most

| | | |obedient |respectfully

| | | |servant |(sincerely)

| | | | |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Cabinet |Hon. or |Sir or |My dear |I have, sir, |I have the

Member |Honorable |Dear Sir |Hubert |the honor to |honor to

|Hubert Work, | |Work |remain your |remain most

|Secretary of | | |obedient |respectfully

|Interior, | | |servant |(sincerely)

|etc. | | | |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Senator |Senator |Sir or |My dear |I have, sir, |Believe

|William M. |Dear Sir |Senator |the honor to |me, most

|Calder or | |Calder |remain your |sincerely

|Honorable | | |obedient |yours

|William M. | | |servant |

|Calder | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Member of |Honorable |Sir or |My dear |I have, sir, |Believe

House of |Robert C. |Dear Sir |Mr. Bacon |the honor to |me, most

Represen- |Bacon | | |remain your |sincerely

tatives | | | |obedient |yours

| | | |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Justice |Mr. Justice |Sir or |Dear |I have, sir, |Believe

of Supreme|H. Taft, or |Dear Sir |Justice |the honor to |me, most

Court |The Hon. H. | |Taft |remain your |sincerely

|Taft Justice | | |obedient |yours

|of Supreme | | |servant |

|Court | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Governor |Governor |Sir or |Dear |I have, sir, |Believe

of State |Alfred E. |Dear Sir |Governor |the honor to |me, most

|Smith | |Smith, or |remain your |sincerely

| | |Dear Mr. |obedient |yours

| | |Smith |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Mayor of |His Honor |Sir or |My dear |I have, sir, |Believe

City |the Mayor of |Dear Sir |Mayor |the honor to |me, most

|New York, | | |remain your |sincerely

|John F. | | |obedient |yours

|Hylan | | |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

CHURCH DIGNITARIES

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

|Addressing |Salutation|Salutation|Closing |Closing

Title |Envelope |Formal |Informal |Formal |Informal

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Archbishop|The Most |My Lord |My dear |I remain, my |I have

Anglican |Reverend, |Archbishop|Lord |Lord |honor to

Church |His Grace |May it |Archbishop|Archbishop, |remain

|the |Please |your | |my dear

|Archbishop |Your |Grace's | |Archbishop

|of York |Grace |obedient | |

| | |servamt | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Anglican |To the Right |My Lord |My dear |I have |I have

Bishop |Reverend, | |Lord |honor to |honor to

|the Lord | |Bishop |remain your |remain,

|Bishop of | | |Lordship's |my dear

|Kent | | |obedient |Lord

| | | |servamt |Bishop,

| | | | |faithfully

| | | | |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Roman |The Most |Most |Most |I have the |I have the

Catholic |Reverend John|Reverend |Reverend |honor to |honor to

Archbishop|G. McCaular, |and dear |and dear |remain your |remain your

|Archbishop |Sir |Sir |humble |humble

|of Newgate | | |servant |servant

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Cardinal |His Eminence,|Your |Your |I have the |I have the

|Cardinal |Eminence |Eminence |honor to |honor to

|Newton | |or Dear |remain your |remain your

| | |Cardinal |humble |humble

| | |Newton |servant |servant

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Roman |To the Right |Right |My dear |I have the |I have the

Catholic |Reverend |Reverend |Bishop |honor to |honor to

Bishop |Joseph F. |and dear |White |remain your |remain your

|White, |Sir | |humble |humble

|Bishop of | | |servant |servant

|Massachusetts| | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Protestant|Right |Right |Dear |I have the |I have the

Bishop |Reverend |Reverend |Bishop |honor to |honor to

|Edward F. |and dear |Conroy |remain your |remain your

|Conroy, |Sir | |obedient |obedient

|Bishop of | | |servant, or |servant, or

|New Jersey | | |I remain |I remain

| | | |respectfully |respectfully

| | | |(sincerely) |(sincerely)

| | | |yours |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Roman |The Reverend |Reverend |Dear |I beg to |

Catholic |James G. Hill|and dear |Father |remain, very |

Priest or |(with D.D.) |Sir |Hill (to |sincerely |

Protestant|or Reverend | |Catholic) | |

Minister |Doctor Hill | |Dear | |

| | |Doctor or | |

| | |Mr. Hill | |

| | |(to Prot- | |

| | |estant) | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Rabbi |Dr. F. G. |Dear Sir |Dear Dr. |I beg to |

|Krauss | |Krauss |remain, Yours|

| | | |sincerely |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

ROYALTY

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

|Addressing |Salutation|Salutation|Closing |Closing

Title |Envelope |Formal |Informal |Formal |Informal

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

King or |To His (Her) |Sir (or |Dear (or |I have the |

Queen |Most Gracious|Madam), |Honored) |honor to |

|Majesty King |May it |Sir (or |remain your |

|George (Queen|please |Madam) |Majesty's |

|Mary) |your | |most |

| |Majesty | |obedient |

| | | |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Royal |To His (Her) |Sir |Dear Sir |I have the |Your Royal

Prince or |Royal |(Madam), |Dear Madam|honor to |Highness'

Princess |Highness, |May it | |remain your |most

|the Prince of|please | |Royal |obedient

|Wales (or |your | |Highness' |servant

|Princess |Highness | |humble |

|Mary) | | |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Duke and |To His (Her) |My Lord |My dear |I have the |Believe

Duchess |Grace, the |(Madam), |Duke |honor to |me, dear

|Duke of |May it |My dear |remain your |Duke

|Devonshire |please |Duchess |Grace's most |(Duchess)

|(or Duchess |your Grace| |obedient |yours very

|of | | |servant |sincerely

|Devonshire) | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Dowager |To Her Grace,|Madam, May|My dear |I have the |Believe

Duchess |the Dowager |it please |Duchess |honor to |me, dear

|Duchess of |your Grace|(Informal)|remain your |Duchess,

|Devonshire, | | |Grace's most |yours very

|or To Her | | |obedient |sincerely

|Grace, Anne, | | |servant |

|Duchess of | | | |

|Devonshire | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Marquis |To the |My Lord |My dear |Believe me, |Believe me,

Marchion- |Marquis of |Marquis |Lord Fife |Lord (Lady) |Lord (Lady)

ess |Fife, To the |Madam |Dear Lady |Fife, very |Fife, very

|Marchioness | |Fife |sincerely |sincerely

|of Fife | | |yours |yours

|To the Most | | | |

|Noble Marquis| | | |

|of Fife, To | | | |

|the Most | | | |

|Noble | | | |

|Marchioness | | | |

|of Fife | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Dowager |To the |Madam |Dear Lady |Believe me, |Believe me,

Marchion- |Dowager, | |Fife |Lady Fife, |Lady Fife,

ess |Marchioness | | |very |very

|of Fife, To | | |sincerely |sincerely

|Mary, | | |yours |yours

|Marchioness | | | |

|of Fife | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Younger |To the Right |My Lord |My dear |I have the |Believe me,

son and |Honorable, | |Lord James|honor to |My dear

wife of |the Lord | |Grey, |remain your |Lord (Lady)

a Duke or |James Grey, | |Dear Lady |(Ladyship's) |Grey,

Marquis |To the Right | |James Grey|obedient |faithfully

|Honorable, | | |servant |yours

|the Lady | | | |

|James Grey | | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Daughter |Right Hon. |Madam |Dear Lady |I have the |Believe me,

of Duke, |the Lady | |Janet |honor to |dear Lady

Marchion- |Janet Gregory| | |remain your |Janet, very

ess or |(Informal) | | |Lordship's |faithfully

Earl |To the Lady | | |(Ladyship's) |yours

|Janet Gregory| | |obedient |

| | | |servant |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Earl |Right |My Lord |Dear Lord |Believe me, my dear Lord

Countess |Honorable |(Madam) |Kent |(Lady) Kent, sincerely

|the Earl of | |Dear Lady |yours

|Kent, | |Kent |

|Countess of | | |

|Kent | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+------------------------

Viscount |Right |My Lord |Dear Lord |Believe me, my dear Lord

Viscount- |Honorable |(Madam) |(Lady) |(Lady) Kent, sincerely

ess |Viscount | | |yours

|(Viscountess)| | |

|Grey or To | | |

|Viscount Grey| | |

|To Viscount- | | |

|ess Grey | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+------------------------

Baron |Right |My Lord |Dear Lord |Believe me, my dear Lord

Baroness |Honorable |(Madam) |(Lady) |(Lady) Kent, sincerely

|the Baron | | |yours

|Whiteside, | | |

|The Right | | |

|Honorable the| | |

|Baroness | | |

|Whiteside | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Younger |To the |Sir, Dear |Dear Mr. |I have the |Believe me,

son and |Honorable |Sir |Warwick |honor to |dear Mr.

Wife of |James |(Madam, |Dear Mrs. |remain your |or Mrs.

Earl, |Warwick, To |Dear |Warwick |obedient |Warwick,

Viscount |the Honorable|Madam) | |servant |sincerely

or Baron |Mrs. Warwick | | | |yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+-------------+----------

Daughter |To the |Dear Madam|Dear Miss |Believe me, sincerely

of |Honorable | |Grey |yours

Viscount |Miss Grey | | |

or Baron | | | |

| | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+------------------------

Baronet |To Sir James |Sir |Dear Sir |Believe me, dear Sir

Lady |Grey, Bart. |Madam |James |James, faithfully

|To Lady| |Grey |yours

|Grey | |Dear Lady |Believe me, dear

| | |Grey |Lady Grey,

| | | |faithfully yours

| | | |

| | | |

------------+-------------+----------+----------+------------------------

Knight |Sir James |Sir |Dear Sir |Believe me, dear Sir

Lady |Grey, |Madam |James |James, faithfully

|Lady James | |Dear Lady |yours

|Grey | |Grey |Believe me, dear

| | | |Lady Grey

| | | |faithfully yours

------------+-------------+----------+----------+------------------------