WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
THE WEDDING INVITATION
Not later than fifteen days, and not earlier than four weeks before the
date set for the marriage, wedding invitations are sent to those
friends, relatives and acquaintances who are to be present at the
ceremony. When the wedding is to be a large church affair, invitations
are sent to all those whose names appear on the visiting lists of the
two families. They are also issued to relatives and friends of the
bride and groom who may be traveling abroad, to the important business
associates of the groom, and those of the bride's father. Intimate
friends and relatives in mourning are also invited, whether they are
expected to attend or not.
For a home wedding, more discrimination is shown in the issuing of
invitations. Intimate friends and relatives of both families are
invited, but no casual acquaintances. In sending out the invitations,
the bride-to-be and her mother should take into consideration the
number of people who will fit comfortably into the reception or drawing
room.
SIZE AND MATERIAL
Formal wedding invitations should always be engraved. They are issued
in the name of the bride's parents, or, if she is an orphan, in the
names of a married brother and his wife, of her guardian or her nearest
male relative.
Pure white or cream-tinted paper, unglazed but smooth in surface,
should be used for wedding invitations. A conventional size, although
each year sees another size in wedding invitations, is seven inches in
length by six inches in width. These dimensions vary, but never more
than an inch or so. They fold once into the envelope. Plain script is
favored for the engraving of the wedding cards; old English script,
Roman capitals and block lettering are all effective. A good stationer
will show you the types of lettering most suited to wedding invitations
at the present time. It is his business to be able to advise you.
If there is a family crest (the bride's family) it may be embossed in
white in the center at the top of the engraved sheet, but not on the
flap of the envelope. A recent fashion is to have the bride's initials
embossed in white where the crest would appear. Both are effective; but
such decorations as gilt-edges, entwined letters of coats-of-arms in
colors are in bad taste.
Very fine paper should be selected for the wedding invitation. No tint
except cream may be used; pure-white is considered the very best form.
The paper should be of medium weight, unglazed, and smooth.
Light-weight paper through which lettering can be easily seen should
not be used. Nor should the paper be so thick and heavy that it breaks
when folded.
KINDS OF ENVELOPES
The wedding invitation demands two envelopes. The first, matching in
texture and quality the paper of the invitation, is used as a
protection for the card. It remains unsealed. The second envelope is a
trifle larger, though it must also be of a similar texture. Into this
envelope the card and the inner envelope are slipped for mailing.
The large envelope is sealed and stamped. It bears the complete name
and address of the person for whom it is intended, while the inner
envelope bears only the name. The church cards are enclosed with the
wedding invitation if there is necessity for them. And if there is to
be a wedding reception to which this particular guest is invited, a
special card is also enclosed. The "at home" cards of the bridal couple
are sent separately after the wedding.
ADDRESSING THE ENVELOPES
The wedding invitation is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Blank. The
expression "and family" following the name of a husband and wife is not
used in polite society. If there are unmarried daughters to be invited,
a separate invitation is addressed to "The Misses Blank." Sons may be
invited either by sending a separate invitation to each one, or
addressing one invitation to "The Messrs. Blank." All these
invitations, in their proper envelopes, addressed appropriately, are
placed in the large envelope for mailing. This single envelope is
addressed in full to the matron of the family, "Mrs. Henry Mason
Blank."
INVITATION TO CHURCH WEDDING
The invitation to a church wedding is worded with a bit more formality
than the invitation to the home ceremony. It is sent out two or three
weeks before the day set for the wedding. The church wedding invitation
requires no written acknowledgment, except in those rare cases when
there is a request for it. Instead of the initials, R.S.V.P., it is
better form to say simply, "Please reply." Invitations for the home
wedding, of course, require prompt acknowledgment.
Following are two forms of church wedding invitations which may be
used:
_Mr. and Mrs. John Grey Taylor
request the honor of
.............................
presence at the marriage of their daughter
Helen Marie
with
Mr. Raymond Mitchell
on Thursday, the ninth of May
at four o'clock
St. Thomas's Church
New York_
_Mr. and Mrs. John Grey Taylor
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Helen Marie
and
Mr. Raymond Mitchell
on Friday, the fourth of June
at six o'clock
at the Presbyterian Church
Boston_
In the first invitation, the name of the guest is written by hand in
the space left for that purpose. The use of "marriage and" and
"marriage with" is now customary in preference to "marriage to." All
three words are in good form, however, and any one of them may be used.
Below is a model engraved admission card, used when the church wedding
is to be a large one and tickets of admission are necessary. The
correct size is denoted:
_PLEASE PRESENT THIS CARD
at St. Michael's Church
on Monday, the fifth of May_
INVITATIONS TO HOME WEDDING
For the home wedding, invitations are engraved as for the church
wedding, but for the phrase "request the honor of your presence" the
phrase "request the pleasure of your company" is substituted, though
"honor" may be used in place of "pleasure" if one prefers.
As in the case of the church wedding, a space may be left for the name
of the guest to be filled in, or the form that follows may be used:
_Mr. and Mrs. Robert Guy Brown
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Helen Rose
and
Mr. Henry Van Buren
on Tuesday afternoon, June the first
at four o'clock
Twenty-two West End Avenue_
When the wedding takes place in the country, or a guest at a great
distance is invited, a small card like the one following is generally
included:
_Train leaves Grand Central Station
for Glenville at 11:42 A.M._
_Returning train leaves Glenville
for New York at 6:10 P.M._
Wealthy people often place a special train at the disposal of special
city friends whose presence is eagerly desired at the wedding. A card,
like the one following, is enclosed with the invitation, and it serves
as a pass, entitling the bearer to a seat in the reserved train. Here
is the form most generally used:
_The special train leaves
Grand Central Station for Glenville
at 11:42 A.M.
Leaves Glenville for Grand Central Station
at 6:10 P.M.
Please present this card at station door_
WEDDING IN A FRIEND'S HOME
Sometimes, either because of convenience or personal preference,
arrangements are made to have a wedding take place at the home of a
friend or relative. The following wording is suggested as the correct
form for the invitation:
_The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Miss Marian Benson Joyce
to
Mr. John H. Brown
on Monday, the fifth of June
at twelve o'clock
at the residence of
Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Smith Hopkins
Eighteen Johns Street_
WHEN CARDS ARE ENCLOSED
When a church wedding is followed by a reception or breakfast, special
engraved cards are enclosed with the invitations to those guests whose
presence is desired. It may be a very small card, inscribed merely with
these words:
_Reception
from four o'clock
Forty-six Lafayette Street_
For the wedding breakfast a card of this kind is usually enclosed:
_Mr. and Mrs. John Hay
request the pleasure of
.....................
company, at breakfast
on Thursday, the fifth of May
at twelve o'clock_
INVITATIONS TO SECOND MARRIAGES
The second wedding invitation of a widow should be issued in the name
of her parents or nearest living relatives. She uses her own first name
with the surname of the deceased husband. Here is the correct form:
_Mr. and Mrs. Robbert Manning
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage of their daughter
Mrs. May Ellis Bruce
to
Mr. Stanley Kenworth
on Monday, September the fifth
at six o'clock
St. Paul Chapel_
It may be that the woman who is to be married for the second time has
no near relatives to serve as hosts for her. Her invitations may be
like this:
_The honor of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
Mrs. Helen Roy Chadwick
and
Mr. Bruce Kenneth
on Wednesday, August the tenth
at four o'clock
Church of the Redeemer_
Announcement cards are sent after a wedding if there were no
invitations issued. They are often sent instead of invitations to
friends who live at too great a distance to be present at the ceremony.
They require no acknowledgment though it is customary to send either a
note expressing good wishes or a gift of some kind. If one lives in the
same community one should call on the bride's mother, and if the
bride's card in inclosed, on the bride herself shortly after she
returns from the honeymoon. This is the usual form for the announcement
card:
_Mr. and Mrs. Roger Smith
announce the marriage of their daughter
Rose Madeline
to
Mr. Frank Breckenridge
on Thursday, April the first
one thousand nine hundred and twenty-one_
In case of a second marriage of the bride, the announcement card reads
in this manner:
_Mr. Robert G. Gainsworth
and
Mrs. Herbert Gaylord Smith
announce their marriage
on Thursday, August the Eleventh
one thousand nine hundred and twenty-one_
The bride uses the announcement above only when she is a widow. A
divorcée uses her own first and second names, with the surname of the
divorced husband.
The announcement card is engraved on sheets of white paper similar in
size and texture to those used for the invitation. It is posted on the
day of the wedding. The forms given above may be modified by adding the
name of the Church in which the ceremony was held, or the home address
of the bride if it was a home wedding.
With the wedding invitation or the announcement card the "at home" card
of the bride may be included, giving the date of her return from the
honeymoon and her future address. Thus:
_Mr. and Mrs. K. N. Littleton
At Home in Forest Hills
After the eighteenth of August_
INVITATION TO WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
Unlike the wedding invitation, that of the anniversary may display some
delicate, unostentatious design significant of the occasion. It is
engraved on sheets or cards which may display the entwined initials of
husband and wife, and the year of the marriage and wedding anniversary.
For a silver wedding, the engraving may be done in silver, and gold
lettering is permissible for the fifty-year anniversary. The two most
approved forms for the anniversary invitations are given below:
_1875 1900
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Guy Ascher
At Home
Wednesday evening, May third
after eight o'clock
Thirty-two Pine Street_
_1863 1913
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Guy Ascher
request the pleasure of your company
on the Fiftieth Anniversary
of their marriage
on Thursday, June the third
at eight o'clock
Thirty-two Pine Street_
INFORMAL WEDDING INVITATION
When a recent death in the family, or when personal preference results
in a so-called "quiet" wedding, when only the immediate family and very
close friends are invited, a short note written either by the
bride-to-be or her mother, is the only invitation. Following is a note
of this kind from the bride-elect to her friend--and immediately below
it the correct form of acknowledgment:
_Dear Janet:_
_Two weeks from Monday, on the ninth of September, Mr. Brill and
I are to be married. We are asking only a few of our most intimate
friends to be present, and would be very glad to have you among
them. The ceremony will take place at four o'clock._
_With kindest regards, I am_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Harriet B. Howe._
_Dear Harriet:_
_I shall be delighted to attend your wedding on September ninth,
at four o'clock._
_With cordial good wishes to you and Mr. Brill, I am_
_Sincerely yours,_
_Janet B. Robbins._
ACKNOWLEDGING THE FORMAL WEDDING INVITATION
When a breakfast or reception card is included, a response must be made
promptly. The form of the invitation should be followed as nearly as
possible. It is written on the first page of a sheet of social note
paper, and addressed to the parents or guardians of the bride. Here is
the form used for acceptance:
_Mr. and Mrs. John Mortimer
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Henry B. Fletcher's
kind invitation to be present at the
marriage of their daughter
Helen Marie
to
Mr. Thomas Wolcott
on Tuesday, the seventh of May
at twelve o'clock
and afterward at the wedding breakfast_
Regrets are usually worded in this manner, following closely the
invitation. The reason for non-attendance may or may not be given:
_Mr. and Mrs. John Mortimer
exceedingly regret that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher's
kind invitation to be present at the
marriage of their daughter
Helen Marie
to
Mr. Thomas Wolcott
on Tuesday, the seventh of May
at twelve o'clock
and afterward at the wedding breakfast_
In the fourth line of the first acknowledgment above the two last words
"at the" may be prefixed to the fifth line; the same holds true of the
fifth line of the second acknowledgment. A good stationer will be able
to give you the exact prevalent vogue in this matter.
WHOM TO INVITE
It is necessary for the young man and woman who are about to be married
to make out their list of those to whom invitations are to be sent
together. If the wedding is to be a large affair, not only their
friends but the friends of their parents as well, and business
acquaintances of both families should be invited. Relatives and friends
in mourning should be invited but no resentment should be felt if they
do not attend. If the wedding is a small one great care should be taken
lest the guests are so numerous as to overcrowd the church or home.
Especially is this true of the home where the space is usually more
circumscribed.
SENDING THE INVITATIONS
All invitations should come from the home of the bride, even those that
are for the personal friends of her husband even if they are unknown to
the bride. They should be mailed from one month to two weeks or ten
days before the day set for the wedding. If the bride is an orphan they
are sent in the name of her nearest relative. If there is an older
brother they may be issued in his name, but never in the name of a
sister unless she is a great deal older than the bride or is herself a
married woman. If the bride has lost one parent and the other has
remarried she may use her own judgment as to whether to send the
invitation in the name of her parent or in the names of them both. The
latter is usually preferred, as a matter of consideration toward the
step-parent.
RECALLING THE WEDDING INVITATION
A sudden death in the family, illness, accident, or other serious
happening, warrants the recall of wedding invitations. The parents of
the bride should immediately notify guests of the postponement of the
wedding, by issuing printed cards. A good size for these cards is three
and a quarter inches in length by one and one-quarter inches in width.
The text is usually worded in this manner:
_Owing to the sudden death of Mr. Henry
Robert's father, Mr. and Mrs. James Curtis
are compelled to recall the invitations for
their daughter's wedding on Thursday, February
the fourth._
or
_Mr. and Mrs. James Curtis beg to recall
the invitations issued for the marriage of
their daughter, Grace Helen, and Mr. Henry
Roberts, on Thursday, February the fourth._
BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT
A broken engagement is always embarrassing for both the young man and
the young lady. Friends, if they are truly well-bred, will not ask
questions, and relatives will not demand explanations. The obligations
which such a situation entails are unpleasant, but it is infinitely
better to go through the ordeal than to face a marriage which is
certain to end in disaster.
At such a time it is important for the young lady to have the utmost
dignity and self-possession. She is not expected to make any
announcement or offer any explanations. If a reception has been
scheduled, her mother sends brief notes or engraved cards to those who
have been invited, informing them that the engagement has been broken.
The young lady, if she wishes, may confide in her intimate friends; but
to be bitter, to condemn her former suitor in any way, to suggest that
perhaps he was not all that she thought he was at first, not only
reflects on her own good judgment, but is very poor form and shows lack
of delicacy.
If the announcement of the engagement has been made in the papers such
a notice as this might be inserted in the name of the person or persons
who first made the announcement:
_Mr. and Mrs. C. D. Simmons announce
that by mutual consent the engagement
between their daughter Agnes and George
Francis Richards is at an end._
If invitations have been sent out a similar announcement may be
dispatched to each intended guest. These should be engraved on white
cards of the size recommended by the stationer.
If the engagement was announced only to intimate friends the bride
should send each of them a note stating that the engagement is at
an end. It is much better _never_ to give an explanation. Such
occasions as this must have given rise to the proverb, "Least said,
soonest mended." Even to the bride's dearest friend the following note
is sufficient:
_Bellevue, June 1, 19--_
_Dear Ruth:_
_Since I wrote you last week something has happened which has
made George and me reconsider our engagement. You will therefore
please disregard the invitation for Thursday afternoon._
_Ever sincerely yours,_
_Margaret Franklin._
RETURNING GIFTS
When an engagement is broken off the young people return all expensive
gifts and all letters that have passed between them. The young lady
always, of course, returns the engagement ring.
If wedding presents have been received from friends these also must be
returned with a brief note explaining that the wedding is not to take
place. It is necessary to thank the donor as warmly as if nothing had
happened.
It takes a great deal of courage to face the situation bravely and to
go through it without a sacrifice of dignity. One thing must be
remembered: _Don't be afraid of what people will say._ It is not
their happiness which is at stake.
WHEN DEATH INTERVENES
Often a death in the family occurs when preparations are under way for
a wedding. If the death is that of a parent or very dear relative the
wedding should be postponed, if circumstances permit, as a mark of
respect and sincere sorrow for the deceased. But if the wedding must
take place as scheduled, or even two or three months after the death,
good taste and delicacy demand that it shall be quiet and simple, with
only a few near relatives and friends present.
If the ceremony is performed in church there should be no garlands of
gay flowers to strike a festive note. A bit of fern or other green
foliage here and there is sufficient decoration. The bride may have one
bridesmaid and a maid of honor--but an elaborate bridal train is
considered poor taste within six months of a dearly beloved one's
death. The ceremony itself is dispatched with expedience and rapidity,
yet without any semblance whatever of haste.
Whether it is held in church or at home, the wedding during the period
of mourning is characterized by a solemn simplicity that has none of
the triumphant joyousness of the elaborate wedding. And still the
occasion sacrifices none of its happiness, for sorrow brings to human
nature the same mellow sweetness that the flight of time brings to
untasted wine.
To pay fitting reverence to the dead, weddings and receptions of all
kinds should be postponed. But if circumstances decree that they shall
take place, then the occasion may be marked by so quiet and
unpretentious a ceremony that the respect due the deceased is in no way
violated.