Ascot and Epsom races will take place. Several pigeons will be let off
after each race; but other pigeons will not be let off so easily on the
Tuesday following. Gentlemen, on their way home, who have ventured to
back unruly horses, will find themselves either "hedging," or "taking
the field" the other side of it. The confusion on the road will be a
literal case of wheels-within-wheels, and jibbers will convert all the
carriages into breaks. The road home, covered with ruined poles; and the
police cannot order them to move on. The rain at Ascot will become the
first defaulter, and refuse to "down with the dust;" so that the
"Heath's Beauties" will all look as if prepared for a _bal poudré_. All
the vehicles will get inextricably locked together at Sutton; and the
passengers, not knowing what to do, will all play different tunes upon
their cornets and post-horns, illustrating the horns of a dilemma.
At the end of the month a thunderstorm will, by its electric fluid,
create the greatest disturbance on the telegraph wires of the
Southampton Railway, catching and distorting some messages as they pass,
during a telegraphic game of chess, and other proceedings. The clerk at
the Gosport end will be utterly bewildered thereat, being ordered to
"checkmate the Kingston station with the Queen's luggage-bishop."
SHOCKING RAILWAY ACCIDENT.—A man, lying across the rails asleep, a
favourite position, will be cut in half, and his superior portion
carried down to Bristol—the inferior remaining at Slough. Parochial
quarrel, as to the inquest, in consequence.