LITTLE SCIENTISTS AT SEA.
"_Gravity was discovered by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling from the
leaves._"--LITTLE JIM, aged 10.
"_If the earth did not revolt it would be either all equal days or all
equal nights_," is the deliberate judgment of one young geographer; and
the state of mental obfuscation here discovered finds a counterpart in
many geographical answers given in the earlier days. _Sodom and
Gomorrah_ have been described as _the two most famous volcanoes in the
world_; and the Nile has been mentioned as _rising in Mungo Park_.
_Penzance_ has been spoken of as "_the place where the pirates come
from_"; and the Red Indians have been located as coming from _Red
India_. Here is a brief list of what I may call geographical "howlers."
* * * * *
IN THE GEOGRAPHY LESSON.--"The sun never sets on English possessions,
because the sun sets in the West, and all the English possessions are in
the North, South, and East."
* * * * *
"The Arctic regions are neither hot nor cold. They abound in birds of
beautiful plumage and of no song, such as the elephant and the camel."
* * * * *
"A table-land gets its name from its steep sides and flat top. It's all
right when once you are up on the top, but it's no joke getting up."
* * * * *
"The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and Nature
abhors a vacuum. Gravitation at the earth keeps the water from rising
all the way to the moon. I forget whether the sun joins in this fight."
* * * * *
"What divides England from Ireland?" asked the inspector, who was
elderly and deaf. The teacher trembled with apprehension as she heard a
boy answer: "_The Land of Goshen, sir_." The inspector was obviously
pleased, and said approvingly: "Quite right! Quite right! _The Atlantic
Ocean!_"
* * * * *
Some time ago the _Stella_, a South-Western Railway packet, struck on a
rock near one of the Channel Islands. In an examination on General
Knowledge I asked the name of the rock. A boy replied: "_Rock of Ages_."
* * * * *
SOME HISTORY LESSON BLUNDERS.--Now let me turn briefly to the History
lesson and note the curious blunders and anachronisms that a modern
rendering or a juvenile misapprehension of old-world facts reveal. Let
me set out a few instances:--
"The cause of the Peasants' Revolt was that a shilling poultice was put
on everybody over sixteen."
* * * * *
"The poll-tax was to be paid by everyone who had a head."
* * * * *
"The Fire of London, although looked on at first as a calamity, really
did a great deal of good. It purified the city from the dregs of the
plague and burnt down eighty-nine churches."
* * * * *
"King James I. was very unclean in his habits: he never washed his hands
and married Anne of Denmark."
* * * * *
"Henry VIII. was a very good king. He liked plenty of money. He had
plenty of wives, and died of ulcers in the legs."
* * * * *
"Edward III. would have been king of France if his mother had been a
man."
* * * * *
"The conquest of Ireland was begun in 1170 and is still going on."
* * * * *
"The Pilgrim Fathers were the parents of the young men who took journeys
to the Holy Land in the Crusades. They had to give an allowance to their
godly sons while they were away in the East. But they never grudged it,
because it was an honour to be a Pilgrim's father."
"Sir Philip Sydney gave the last drop of water in his jug to a dying
soldier on the field of Waterloo, as was mentioned in the Duke of
Wellington's despatches."
"John Milton is the celebrated author of the excursion, and lived
chiefly in the lake country near Carlyle."
_Teacher_: "In whose reign was that palace built?" _Scholar_: "Edward
the Confectioner's."
"George I. was the son of the Electric Sophia."
"Isaac Walton was such a good fisherman that he was called 'the
judicious hooker.'"
* * * * *
IN THE SCIENCE CLASS.--Not less amusing are the mistakes which arise
during the "elementary science" lesson. Here are a few cases in point:--
"A vacuum is nothing shut up in a box. They have a way of pumping out
the air. When all the air and everything else is shut out, naturally
they are able to shut in nothing, where the air was before."
"A drug is any wholesome vegetable food for taking once in a way but not
for regular food."
* * * * *
WITH THE LITTLE BABBAGES.--"Things which are double each other are
greater than anything else."
"Circumference is a straight line round the middle of a plane."
"Two straight lines cannot enclose a space unless they are crooked."
_Question_: "If the sum of two numbers is a multiple of ten, what
relation is there between the figures in the units place in the squares
of the two numbers?" _Answer_: "(1) The same relation. (2) Ought is the
relation existing between them."
* * * * *
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.--_Question_: "Give directions for sweeping a room."
_Answer_: "Cover up the furniture with dust sheets, scatter damp tea
leaves over the carpet, then carefully sweep the room into the dust pan
and throw it out of the window."
* * * * *
The following notes are selected from the answers given at a recent
examination of girls between twelve and sixteen years of age:--"Cheese
is as wholesome as 8½ pounds of beef.--Beef is a useful article of food
obtained from different animals, such as the cow, sheep, pig, &c.--The
lean of beef belongs to the animal kingdom, and the fat to the vegetable
kingdom.--Butter is good for the brain.--Milk is called a model food
because it models the form of the child.--Without eating potatoes we
would become very delicate, because potatoes are very necessary to
sustain human life.--_Pot-au-feu_ is mashed-up meat.--_Crétins_ are
generally served up with green pea soup.--If a man lives without food
for a considerable time, say sixty days, he will die at the end of a
month; or if the constitution is delicate, he may only live for a week,
or less."