"I NOW TAKE MY PEN IN HAND."
A policeman passes.
SMITH MINOR, aged 9: "_I shall be a bobby when I grow up!_"
SMITH MAJOR, aged 11: "_No! my dear child. You'll never have
the feet for it!_"
The curious workings of the child-mind are nowhere more conspicuously
illustrated than in the little essays and "pieces of composition" which
they are set to write. Of course many of the children in the poorer
elementary schools possess only a very limited and very primitive
vocabulary. Hence, when they adventure upon rather long and unfamiliar
words--conscientiously trying to reproduce what they have just heard the
teacher say in the general verbal description of the story to be
committed by them to paper--they often achieve fantastic results. But
far more interesting is the fresh and original view of a given situation
which emerges. Far more interesting, too, are the homely wit and the
shrewd wisdom which these wholly delightful little efforts display. Let
these attest.
* * * * *
"IT WOULD BE WORTH IT."--"What would you do with £5?" having been set to
a class of girls, the following was one of the forthcoming replies:
"Dear Teacher,--If I had five pounds of my very own to do just what I
like with, I should go on a railway journey and pull the alarm signal
and just see what really would happen. Of course the five pounds would
go to pay the fine; but I think it would be worth it.--I remain your
loving ----."
* * * * *
MAN'S CLEVERNESS.--In a composition on Man a boy wrote, among other
things: "Man is the only animal that can strike a light, and also he is
the only animal that blows his nose."
* * * * *
WHY THEY PUNCH THE TICKET.--In a piece of composition on "A Railway
Journey" a girl writes: "You have to get a ticket, which is a piece of
paper, and you give it to a man, who cuts a hole in it _to let you pass
through_."
* * * * *
GUNPOWDER PLOT.--"Gunpowder plot," wrote a nine-year-old youngster,
"died in the year 1603. They gave Guyfawlks 100 of pounds for to blow up
the parlament. Gunpowder plot married Sir Philp Sidny. Gunpowder plot
had a battle with Guyfawlks. Guyfawlks wone the battle."
* * * * *
SHOULD MAKE A GOOD JOURNALIST.--The other day I told my class (Standard
VII.) to write me an account of an imaginary expedition to the North
Pole. Here is an extract from one paper: "At last, we reached the North
Pole. _We sailed into the harbour and went to see the town!_"
* * * * *
CONCERNING THE PIG.--Standard V. Boy: "A pig when living has four legs,
but when you kill it the butcher says it only has two, because he calls
the front legs shoulders and the back legs are called hams. Ham tastes
nice, and they boil it to eat at a wedding. The missus sprinkles little
bits of toast on it to make it look pretty."
* * * * *
CONCERNING HARES (Standard III. Composition).--"Young hairs are called
leveretts. Hairs sleep much. They always sleep with their eyes open.
Hairs have no eyelashes. Their four legs are shorter than their hind
legs. Their ear-ring is remarkably good. Hairs pass their lives in
soletude and silents. They are often hunted on horseback and by hownds."
* * * * *
ON "AN INSECT."--"An insect's body is made up of ringed segments. When
we tread on beetles we hear them crack, that is the segments. Insects
have not red blood it is a sort of white liquid squas a fly and you will
see what colour blood it has. The fly likes to lay its eggs in meat
where the maggots will have food for she must die soon and will not be
able to feed her brood."
* * * * *
THE CAMEL (by a beginner).--"Its nest is a very mean one, made of twigs,
leaves, &c. It has a large body, and it is able to carry it full of
water. It has two humps of fat on its back, on which it is able to feed
when it is hungry. Its feet are webbed, in which it is able to cross the
desert. Its air is used to make brushes which are used for painting. It
also lays eggs. It eats worms."
* * * * *
THE SALVATION ARMY (Standard IV.).--"The Salvation Army is mostly on the
street. The women in it cover up all their hair with funny sorts of
bonnets that stick out in front to keep the rain off their faces.
Sometimes they have names on their hats like sailors. They make a deal
of noise the worsed two is called captain and leftennant. They tell
people about Jesus and make collections."
* * * * *
GIBRALTAR.--"Gibraltar is a strait on the west coast of France. It is
famous for a beautiful rock. It is about one mile wide and five miles
long. The English people took Gibraltar, and they placed a great many
big guns there. There are a great many people at Gibraltar called apes.
And the other people are very proud of them because they are the only
apes in Gibraltar. It is said they came from America."
* * * * *
ALCOHOL AND THE BLOOD.--"Of what is our blood composed, and what effect
has alcohol upon it?" This was the question. The following is the
written answer: "It is made up of five million red insects and one
thousand white ones to every drop of blood. If alcohol is taken it
causes these insects to dry up and die and come to the front of the
body. Sometimes it is from this cause that people who drink alcohol are
red in the face."
* * * * *
THE ANCIENT BRITONS.--It was the first year of compulsory composition,
and Standard III. were asked to reproduce a lesson on the Ancient
Britons in their own words. One young hopeful wrote: "The acient britons
had no close on, they painted a wode on there body and it kept them a
bit warm, there chief men was called druids and my farther is one, they
call them acient britons becose it is a long time since."
* * * * *
PERSEVERANCE. [Essayist aged 10.]--"Were theirs a will theirs a way.
This is a very old proverb that has to do with what I'm writing. If we
nearly always succeed we always is getting on, but if we don't succeed,
we should try till we dose and then we should do it again which is a
very wise way to persever. People who sits down never gets on and People
who gets on dont sit down. We should all get on because it is the best
thing to do at all times. We will have trails (trials?) but we must try
again until them trails is gone."
* * * * *
TOUCHING BREAD.--The exercise was, "Write an essay on Bread." The
following was the result: "Bread is made with flour and barm and is very
useful. It is used for the people to eat and feeds them right. The bread
gets cheapper every year sometimes. The bread as raised this year. But
the people says it is getting the right weather. The bread is needed up
by men and women. It is best when the men make the bread. Some of the
women says that brown bread is good for their health. Bread is sometimes
used for bread potises. Bread is a useful food escpecially the crust.
But crust is the best for to make peoples hair curel. Bread is used for
making sop for children. The bread is made with flour, barm, and water."
* * * * *
A JAPANESE LAD'S DIARY.--This is an extract from a diary kept by a
Japanese boy who, when he wrote it, was a pupil of an English school in
China. The boy was sixteen years of age, and had been studying English
for two and a half years:--"19th January.--I was up before the school's
clock struck six. On going to the washing chamber I found that the day
was not very severe. I went to my cover (cupboard) and obtained the soap
and sponge; the water was not so cold as previous days, but as usual
when I finished washing my fingers lost sense. I dressed myself and rang
the bell at 7 o'clock punctually. At about 10 minutes past 7 Mr. A.
wanted me. He wished me to descend the stairs and command the boy (chief
house servant) to attend to him and also to see whether the fire was
made in the studio. I obeyed implicity, but just as I was descending the
stairs I caught sight of the boy, so immediately told him to go to Mr.
A.; the fire was already made in downstairs. I rang the second bell and
went into the dormitory to see all the boys. They were then all out of
beds and dressing, there was nobody late. The bell was rang at 8 o'clock
and we had finished our repast at half past. The school bell was rang at
quarter to nine and Mr. B. took us in. The head master then came down. I
learned copying, mathematics, algebra, composition. Our ball was fix by
the Tiffin time, so we blew it up and had a fine game. The school began
again at two. Shorthand, book-keeping, grammar, were the subjects of
that afternoon. At four all the scholars came out. The football was then
in the playground, attended by several boys. I joined in with Mr. A. who
sided with me. A French-school lad appeared at the gate and was
discussing with Brown. I did not know what were they disputing until
Brown called me and told that he came as a messenger from the above
school to say that they like to challenge us to play football. I thought
it would be very pleasant to have a game with them so I said we will be
able to accept the challenge. We thought it well to take Mr. A. and Mr.
B., and told them about it. The messenger went away to make enquiry
about it. I went with him and ask if they agree willingly, they told me
they should have Mr. C. if we take the above two. I came home and
diffused among the fellows that I have heard. Brown said that it would
be much better to withhold Mr. A. and B., but I gave no answer to it.
The evening came. A friend called upon me, and said that he was going to
bestow upon me his photo. I accompanied him, and was delighted at the
receipt of his image. I came home with it, and delighted to hear the
dinner-bell. At half past seven our dinner was over, and I rang the
night school-bell. All came into the studio (school) and did their work.
At nine o'clock I went up and jumped into bed to become oblivious."
* * * * *
AN ESSAY ON AN ELECTION.--During a recent District Council election a
great deal of enthusiasm was shown in this place. Two days after a
teacher gave her class (Standard VII.) an essay to write on "An
Election." The essay which follows is a complete and word-for-word copy
of the effort of one of the girls in the class: "An election means two
things. First, the voice of the people spoken by choosing the most
eligible person or persons to represent their creed, requirements, or
grievances. Secondly, an election means lies, treachery, hypocrisy,
drunkenness, anxiety, disappointment, and glorification. God save us
from having another for twelve months."
* * * * *
A HAT'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.--"Fancy yourself an old hat," said the teacher.
"Now write about yourself." Result: "I am an old hat telling you all
about me. I am trimmed with velvet, and when any one take me out the
people stand in the doorway laughing at me, and I am not pleased with
them. I dont turn sulky like some boy's and girls do when any one call
them. My hat is trimmed with green velvet, satan, flowers, cherries, and
a large hostrige feather. When I go out the cherries in my hat tieses
the birds. I was bought in a large hat shop in leeds. I was bought in a
shop down briggate. It cost more than six shillings. I think I have told
you all I know, and so I will say no more at present."
* * * * *
AT THE MENAGERIE.--"Describe," said the teacher, "in a letter to a
friend, your visit yesterday to the menagerie." Here is one of the
letters: "Dear Fred,--About a week ago I went to a manajery in our town.
The price to pay was tuppence and it was well worth the money. Their
were a great number of animals. The animals what made the biggest row
was the Kings of the beasts and a wild cat they had got. Their were a
cage full of monkeys which was doing funny tricks, some was catching
fleas and eating them. Their was a Elephant and a Kamel that give rides
for a penny. Stodgy Mathers tumbled of and made his nose bleed, he did
howl. There was various kinds of birds, such as the vulture, the Golden
eagle and kangaroo, besides macaws and other ferocious animals. There
was an horse. It had a main 13 feet long worth £10000. The man what
entered the Lions den was the tamer. He was dressed in tites. When he
went in he closed the door quick for fear they should spring out and
devour the people. He soon made the lions do whatever they like. Lions
are ferocious animals. The colour of the lion is yellow, also brown,
though some are also red. Tigers are no use only to eat up men and
called the maneater, likewise women and little babys, besides others. If
a man was to meet a tiger in a lonely forest he would never forget it.
The elephant is remarkable for its prodijous strenth. Its trunk is
useful to drink up and eating. Their was also a policeman at the door to
keep disordered people and children out of mischief. Policemen are
useful things when on duty. The colour of them is blue with a big helmet
on. In a cage up a corner sat a grilla eating, and which its teeth is
very sharp, and its claws. I saw some lepords and a zebra and a funny
lobsided thing called a giraf. I saved my penny and bought some nuts
which I gave the monkeys. One big faced fellow was so greedy he
swallowed one of my nuts whole and it nearly choked him. He rubbed his
stummick and choked and grasped for breath until the tears rolled down
his cheeks. I thought I should die laughing. Greediness never prospers.
I also witnessed a fight between an hyeena and a wolf. Wolfs is
ferocious animals. It was amusing to watch two monkeys fighting over a
ginger bread. The biggest caught the other by the tail and dropped him
on the floor with a crash on his head. I left then and went home and had
a good tea.--your respectably, ----."
* * * * *
ON GOVERNMENT.--The exercise was an essay "On Government"--after, of
course, a little disquisition by the teacher. The result:--"Our country
has a King who can't do anything but what he ought to. There were
Georges I., II., III., and IV., but there was eight Henrys. There is
also houses called the Houses of Parliament. One of these is full of
lords, called the House of Lords, but the other is only built for them
gentlemen as perhaps you have seen some of them and it is called the
House of Common. No gentlemen can get in there unless they know as he
can make laws. But the King has to look them over and see as they are
made right. These Commons are called Conservatives and Liberals, and
they try and hinder one another as much as they can. They sometimes have
sides, and then you see it on the plackards, and you can hear men and
your fathers a talking quarrelling about it. Our country is governed a
lot better than France, and Germany comes about next. Then there's a lot
of others, and then comes Persia. Our country allways comes first,
whoever you like to ask."
* * * * *
BABIES.--"Write me a piece of composition on Babies," said the teacher.
Here is a boy's effort on, to him, an obviously uncongenial
topic:--"Babys are little red things without bones nor teeth. They have
various sises, but just after they are borned, they are called bypeds;
their bones are grisle. They are 2 sects, male and female; and are also
very fat. When very young they do not have much hair; so you cannot tell
wether they will turn into boys or girls until their hair grows. They
are always asleep only when crying. They feed them on milk, or chue a
injyrubber tit, also their thum. When they are very little, they ware
pettycoats same as girls; but boys soon wear jacket and trowsers. Girls
are softer than boys, so they have to keep on wearing pettycoats,
frocks, and &c., all their lives. Some babys have to be borned, and the
doctor brings some, when the people have got plenty of money. Women and
girls go silly over babys, and kiss them all over, and say silly things.
That's why girls have dolls when they haven't any little brothers.
Everybody as to be a baby first. Once, before I can remember, I was a
little baby. Mother says, when I had my furst trowser suit on, she put
me on the table in frunt of the looking glass, and when I seen myself in
the mirrow, I screamed out, 'Take them off!' 'Take them off!' 'It isnt
me! It isnt me!' and they had to take them off. That's all I know about
babys."
* * * * *
RIVAL VIEWS.--One day, recently, a teacher gave for composition to the
boys and girls in the upper standards an essay on "Boys" (for the girls)
and "Girls" (for the boys). The following extracts represent fairly
accurately the general tone of the opinions expressed by both sides
respectively:--
_Concerning "Boys."_--"Boys are mischievous and jolly ... some are
gentle."--"They dress differently from each other.... Many boys are very
lazy."--"Most boys are very clever.... They are very clumsy and
clodhoppers."--"Some of the boys play very roughly and clumsily. They
run about and step on each other's feet.... They do not very often
agree."--"The boys talk more than the girls."--"Very few are
gentle."--"Boys are male people."--"They are not much use to help their
mothers in house-work."--"Their mothers put them nice and tidy, but some
of them go and get ragged again."
_Concerning "Girls."_--"Most girls are very shy and angry."--"They sew
and darn the boys' stockings."--"Their work is tidy and clean."--"They
talk very silently."--"They have thin, weak voices."--"Girls dress up
about mid-day, and go out, while the poor boys are hard at
work."--"Girls have a kind of false pride about them. A girl will have
feathers and flowers in her hat just to show off."--"Most of them are
tall and delicate, and they have long legs and little tiny
voices."--"Some girls have their hair frizzed up and some wavered."
* * * * *
THE WHALE (by a ten-year-old).--"The Whale is not called a fish, because
it is so big, so it is called a creature. They eat cockles and worms and
jellies, and people catches the whales with a fishing rod or a net, they
have to let the rope out so the whale dies for loss of breath. The
whales swim in shols [shoals] and they have a tarpoon at the end of
their tails, when he moves his tail, with one blow he will smash the
side of the ship. It has a very big head, and two fins or flappers, on
one side of its body. Whales got to come up out of the water on to the
land for to breath with their mouths, if he sees any people about he
will swallow them up for he has very big jar bones, and strong teeth
called whaleboners. Fishmongers catches whales an sail them. Some people
eat whales with salt and piper and bread, and some with potatoes. If you
keep a whales head under water he will die for want of breath. When they
have finished with the whale they send it adrift to get some more spern
oil."
* * * * *
A PAT ANSWER.--The following story was read to a class of girls to be
reproduced as a composition exercise:--"A gentleman was out driving in a
dog-cart with his coachman, who was an Irishman, when the horse took
fright and bolted. The coachman did his best, but it was evident that
the beast had got beyond his control. 'Pat,' said the gentleman, 'I'd
give five pounds to be out of this trap.' 'Yer honour needn't be so
extravagant; ye'll be out of it for nothing presently!' He had scarcely
finished speaking when the wheel was caught by a heap of stones at the
roadside, and both men were shot over the hedge into an adjoining
field." "Now, girls," said the teacher, "_three marks extra for the most
suitable title for this story_." Up went a forest of hands, and many and
varied, if somewhat commonplace, were the titles suggested. But a
comical twist on the face of a grey-eyed little Irish maiden in the
front row took the teacher's attention. "Well, Norah, what title do you
suggest?" "_A cheap outing!_" said Norah demurely.
* * * * *
ON SMOKING.--The following is an essay by a Standard V. boy. It was
written after a lecture by Dr. ---- on the Evils of Smoking: "Boys wish
to be manly in their ways and habbits, this is right but in some ways it
is wrong because in somethings which men does is not for boys to do.
Somethings which men does might not hurt them but it would hurt boys.
One thing is harmful to both men and boys or women that is bad language
it is a dreadful thing to hear women children and men using bad language
in all of the earth. But there is another bad habit of which boys follow
the example of men and this is a very harmful habit to boys and to most
men as well as boys. This habit is smoking with tobacco which in the
British Isle is carry on very much both with men and children and
sometimes women. Every time you go out if it is only just outside the
door you see men or boys smoking. Now when you are smoking people say
they have a stinging taste on their tongue if they only knew what this
taste is I am sure they would never smoke again for if you was to tell
them the number of gases which contained in tobacco they would
immediately take out their tobacco and pipe or cigarettes and throw them
away. For in the tobacco is a number of poisonous gases which when the
smoke is indulge into the mouth the different poisons run to certain
parts of the body, some gases go to lungs and others to liver and to the
heart and nerves and brain and sometimes it iffects the mind and
hearing. The names of some of these gases are hydrogen, prussic acid gas
and carbonic acid gas and nicotine which is the most iffectable on the
body and another of them called sulpherette carbonic gas. Smokers are
always liable to indigestion which is brought on by these gases which is
performed in smoking, besides these gases is another which is known as
monoxine. If you ask a athlette if smoking was good for him he would
tell plump no it is not for it shortens the wind and makes the muscles
feeble. Another thing it deases your body and brings on heart desease.
It is bad for a man to smoke but it is worst to a growing lad for it
injures the growth and makes your limbs shakey. Boys who smoke when they
are young never occasionully live a long life, nor never grow to height
because it shivers (_i.e._ shrivels) up your liver and bye and bye you
have none at all and then you die and it brings on cancer which is
another dead desease."
* * * * *
WHAT CONSTITUTES A GENTLEMAN. [Standard VII.]--"People sometimes think
that when men are dressed in nice clothes they are gentlemen but that is
not the case, a gentleman is a man who knows his manners. Down in the
West End and City there are great swells, but people think that because
they have nice clothes they are swells, but some are more like pigs. We
might see a tramp walking along a street who as hardly no boots nor
clothes but very likely he has his manners. A real gentleman ought to
know his manners, and also not to swear. A gentleman might be walking
along a street and meet a young lady, he would go up to her and raise
his hat, and say, good evening dear come along a me she would and when
he left her he would say good night darling, and ask her to meet him at
so-an-so."
* * * * *
THAT HALF-HOLIDAY.--A thirteen-year-old's description of a Thursday
half-holiday:--"'Pooh, talk about hot weather, I'm nearly suffocated.
This the exclamation of Fred Brown, one day after dinner. 'Why,' said
Tom, 'its Thursday. I only just thought of it. Where shall we go?' There
was silence for a few minutes, then Alf Jones said: 'Let us hire a boat
and row to Marlow, we can take tea.' A hamper was duly packed and
carried down to the river. A boat was procured, it was in rather a bad
condition, but it was the best to be had. They tossed up as to who
should steer, and it fell to Tom, who knew as much about steering as a
hipopotamus. They divested themselves of their coats and settled down to
work. All went well utell they had gone about half a mile they went bang
into some rushes, much to the anoyance of the frogs. When they looked
round for damage they caught sight of Tom's hat float calmly down the
stream. Of course the owner had to rescue it. They extricated themselves
after a while, and resumed the journey without any very terrible
accident, of course catching crabs is nothing. When they had been rowing
for about a hour in the hot sun, they thought Marlow a bit too far for
them, so they landed on an island with some nice trees on it, with the
intention of having tea. They set to work to get out the hamper from the
boat. The spirit bottle, pulled out of a heap of sandwiches, into which
it had fallen, was found to be half full of water, and the spirit gone
and everything else was thoroughly soaked. At Fred Brown's suggestion
the sandwiches were put in the sun to dry. When they were 'cooked' they
sat down to a tealess tea with good appetites. Tom Smith took a sandwich
and had a good mouthful of it, but it did not stay in his mouth long he
said it tasted like a lump of methylated spirit, so nobody had any tea.
They thought it was time to get back. It was a fairly easy time going
back, they were going with the stream. They went home and had some
supper, presently Fred Brown began to groan, when they asked him what
was the matter he said, 'I--I only dr-drank some s-spirit and water, I
th-thought it was le-lemonade, O--O.' Next morning everybody agreed that
they had thoroughly enjoyed themselves."
* * * * *
THE LION.--"The lion is the king of all animals. It is very fierce. Lion
has very big pause. It has a dark brown skin. It is got a peace of heir
on its tale and all round its next. The lion life on men and other
things. When the lion is young it is called a cube. The lion are mostly
found in woulds out in other parts of the world. There life are very
unsafe because hunter go out killed them. The lion is very useful. Its
skin is used for making firs and other thing. Its tees are very useful.
The lion is used for showes. It is used in Inder."
* * * * *
A SHIPWRECK.--"A shipwreck is an awful thing for sometimes you get wet
and sometimes you get dround and sometimes you get burnt but the last is
the worst. Once a big lyner got upset with a mortal wound in her side
but all the people was saved bar one and he got eat. Sharks and whales
feed on dead bodies and sometimes they eat them alive. We should never
eat fish what eat us because their canybals just like savages. Sailors
catch sharks with a leg of pork and a thick string which they cut up for
whalebone bone and blubber to make train oil."
* * * * *
THE CAMEL.--"He is called the ship of the desart because he runs over
the sand like a ship and dont sink in. He runs different to the horse
because he lifts up two legs on one side of his body and then two on the
other. He has about a hundred stumics and each holds about a quart so
when his master kills him he can have a good drink. His hump is made of
fat and he eats this when he cant get grass or hay. Some camels are not
camels because he has two humps and his hair dont grow all over him and
were it dont is called calluses [callosities] because it kneels down and
wears away. The Arab loves his steed better than his wife and in our
books theres a piece about him called the Arab and his steed. His master
was a prisoner and his faithful camel took him round the waist and bore
him swiftly to his morning friends."
* * * * *
THE CRUSADES.--"The crusades were a body of men women and children who
followed the red cross. They were invented by Richard the I and flocked
in thousands round him to go to Egypt and some were stricken with deadly
disease but they marched on. Then they began to lessen in number and
fell gradually under the burning sands of Egypt and laden heavy with
heavy armour. At last Peter the Hermit cited Cairo but the Catholicks
bore down on him and he retreated. After travelling about for many weary
months he joined an opera company and was afterwards buried in
Westminster Abbey."
* * * * *
ABOUT THE INTERJECTION.--"An interjection is a shout or something said
by a person too surprised or pained or frightened to make a sentence of
his thoughts. It is not quite a human language. The lower animals say
nothing else but interjections. Accordingly, ill-natured and cross
people by their interjections come very near to beasts."
* * * * *
CONCERNING ROBERT.--"Policemen are men who are employed by the
Government, to control the boys, ruffians, and all individuals which
annoy or illuse the public. The boys politely term them 'coppers,' the
burglars 'cops' or 'narks.' The cooks are very fond of him, and call him
'dear Robert,' and now they are going 'on strike' cooky will mourn, and
the uneaten rabbit-pie will go into the dustbin, and there will be quite
a gloom over the kitchens of Belgravia. There will be no kissing over
the railings, and if Bobby don't keep his eyes open Tommy Atkins will
collar the cake. Policemen must be over or a certain size, and must have
(I believe) big pedular extremities, as all policemen's feet seem to be
large. They have a fête, not foot, once a year, and then cooky gets a
day off. Then they have kiss-in-the-ring, and other games, which
introduce a mutual contraction of the Orbicularis Oris."
* * * * *
WHAT I SHALL DO IN THE HOLIDAYS.--"What I expect to do in my holidays is
the greater part of the time to mind the baby. Two years and a-half old.
Just old enough to run into a puddle or to fall downstairs. Oh! what a
glorious occupation! my aunt or Sunday-school teacher would say, but it
is all very well for them, they ought to have a turn with him. I am
going to have a game at tying doors, tying bundles of mud in paper and
then drop it on the pavement. I shall buy a bundle of wood and tie a
piece of cord to it, and when someone goes to pick it up, lo! it has
vanished--not lost, but gone before. I shall go butterfly catching, and
catch some fish at Snob's Brighton (Lea Bridge). I shall finish up by
having a whacking, tearing my breeches, giving a boy two black eyes, and
then wake up on Monday morning refreshed and quite happy to make the
acquaintance of Mr. ----'s cane." The following, written a little later,
will convince every London teacher that R.H. had practised fishing in
the New River:--"Man goes fishing, takes his rod and enough tackle to
make a telegraph wire and starts on his piscatorial expedition. He
arrives, and happy man is he if he has not forgot something, a hook, his
bait, or his float. He sits there, apparently contented; he catches a
frog or some other fine specimen of natural history, and a cold, and a
jolly good roasting from his bitter half, when he arrives with some
mackerel which he had bought at the fishmonger's. He, poor man, did not
know that they were sea-fish, but his wife did. When juveniles go
fishing they take a willow, their ma's reel of best six-cord, a pickle
jar, and a few worms, and proceed to the New River happy. When they
arrive they catch about fifty (a small thousand they call it), and are
thinking of returning home, when a gent with N. R. on his hat, and a
good ash stick in his hand, comes up. 'Ullo there,' says he, 'what are
you doing there?' 'Fishing, sir,' answer they meekly. The man then takes
away their fish and rod, gives them some whales instead (on their back).
And they return home sadder but wiser boys."