I had never before seen the Fairy Queen in such an agitated condition.
She came dashing in, her cheeks glowing, her eyes aflame, her tiny form
positively quivering with indignation and excitement.
In her hand she held a small scrap of paper, which she waved about in a
frantic manner just in front of my nose.
"Look," she said, "look! My Press Agency sent it me this morning. Did
you ever hear of such a thing? It's outrageous, it's incredible,
it's.... Oh, don't sit staring there as if it didn't matter. Can't you
say something--suggest something?"
"Your Majesty," I said humbly, for one has to be a little careful when
dealing with incensed Royalty, "I haven't been able to read it yet."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said with quick contrition; "I'm afraid I'm apt
to get a little carried away when I'm upset. But surely this is more
than anybody could be expected to stand, mortal or immortal."
She settled down on the desk in front of me, spreading out the crumpled
bit of paper on the blotter and holding the ends down with her little
hands.
"There," she said--"read it." And this is what I read:--
"M----'s FAIRY RING DESTROYER.
After prolonged experiments we have succeeded in producing a
preparation which checks the growth of unsightly rings on Lawns, &c.
Two pounds of the Destroyer per square pole is sufficient for a
single dressing. Full particulars with each consignment."
"'Unsightly'!" said the Queen in a trembling voice. "Do you see that?"
and she pointed to the offending word with a tiny forefinger.
"'Prolonged experiments' too. Do you know, I remember now that I _have_
had complaints from some of our Garden Settlements about discomfort; but
of course I never dreamed of anyone doing it on purpose. Do you
think--oh, do you think"--she looked at me with tears in her bright
eyes--"that it's really true that human beings are beginning to get
tired of us? That we're"--she dropped her voice and I saw that she could
hardly get out the next words--"out-of-date?"
Her falling tears made tiny marks on the blotting-paper.
"Of course not," I said stoutly. "On the contrary, you're coming in
stronger than ever. Why, one might almost look upon you as one of the
newest fashionable crazes, like motor-scooters and cinema stars and
indiscreet memoirs." I hardly knew what I was saying, it was so dreadful
to see her cry.
"Oh, I hope not," she said, half-laughing and hastily dabbing her nose
with a ridiculous atom of swansdown which she produced from a minute
reticule.
"As to these gentlemen," I continued, pointing contemptuously to the
announcement, "we'll very soon settle them." I seized a sheet of paper
and began scribbling away as hard as I could go.
The Queen amused herself meanwhile by balancing on the letter-scales.
She seemed almost happy. I heard her murmur to herself, "Dear me. Two
ounces. I shall have to start dieting. No more honey----"
"There," I said presently, "send them that, and we shall see what we
shall see."