TEACHER. None of them. It is rough.
GIRL (_in despair_). Well, how can you tell?
SCHOLAR (_near door_). Teacher, I just seen the committee, Squire Small,
coming down the hill past Squire Green's barn. (_Laughing._) He tried to
jump the wall and tumbled over it. I guess his rheumatiz caught him.
TEACHER (_hastily_). This class may take their seats. (_Rap at door._)
All who are out of their seats may return to them. Remember what I
said about disorder. Heads erect. Remember your manners. Maria
Sophrony, the door. (_Enter_ COMMITTEE-MAN; _all rise._)
CHORUS (_drawling_). Good-morning--Mr. Committee-man!
COM. Good-mornin', boys and gals! Good-mornin', Mr. Snodgrass.
(_Shakes hands._) Thought I'd jest drap in to examine ye, bein' the
deestrict committee, an' see how the edification was gettin' on.
I spose ye hev 'ritin' an' riffentick an' readin' every day?
(_A boy begins to draw a caricature of the visitor on black board
at back._)
TEACHER. Oh, yes, yes, every day,--that is, we shall after we get
fully started; but it's rather early in the term to examine, isn't it?
COM. No!--no!--an' histery, an' filoserpy, an' quotations, an'
flirtations, an' kerdrilles, an' all them things.
TEACHER. Yes, yes; that is, most of them.
COM. (_severely_). Most on 'em, Mr. Snodgrass? Don't ye hev 'em all?
TEACHER. Oh, yes! all you would approve of.
COM. Wal, s'pose ye call out a class and let me examine 'em.
(_Takes off coat and seats himself, placing his hat on floor._)
TEACHER. What will you have, geography or spelling?
COM. Wal, yeou jest hand me a spellin'-book an' I'll put 'em
through a course o' sprouts on that.
TEACHER. First class in spelling, rise and take places. (_A general
scramble for places._)
FIRST PUPIL. Teacher, I'm head. I got above him yesterday.
SECOND PUPIL. He didn't. I spelled _catalepsy_ first and got
above him. (_Trying to pass._)
TEACHER. Thomas Henry, take the head; the other two may go to
the foot. (_Both go down and scramble for the foot._)
THIRD PUPIL. Thomas Henry pinched me.
TEACHER. He may go to the foot also.
THIRD PUPIL (_dancing on one foot, holding the other in his hands_).
Ow! he trod on my foot.
THOMAS HENRY. He shouldn't have such big feet. I couldn't stop
to go round.
TEACHER. Thomas Henry, you may stop after school and I'll remind
you of a little promise I made a while ago. (ONE _and_ TWO _rejoice
in dumb show over_ THOMAS HENRY'S _downfall._) Julius, stand erect.
Mary, take that gum out of your mouth. Bring that apple to me.
All, toe the line. Attention!
COM. Neow, scholars, there is one thing I'm very pertickler 'bout,
and that is _pronouncé_-ation. I want every one on ye tu be keerful
on that one p'int. The fust word is _charitable_.
HEAD PUPIL (_slowly_). C-h-a-i-r, _char_--i-t, _it_--charit--t-a,
_ta_--_charita_--b-u-l, _ble_--_charitable_.
COM. (_examining book closely_). Wrong! Next!
SECOND PUPIL (_with spirit_). C-h-a-i-r spells _chair_, and t-a-b-l-e
spells _table_, and i-t spells _it_; therefore, c-h-a-i-r-i-t-t-a-b-l-e
spells _charitable_.
COM. (_doubtfully_). Wal, that's putty straight reasonin', an' I
reckon you're right, though 'tain't jest like the book. Take your
place. Next, _merlasses_.
THIRD PUPIL. M-e-r, _mer_.
FOURTH PUPIL (_raising hand_). 'Tain't _mer_lasses; it's _mo_lasses.
COM. (_examining book_). I reckon I've seen more merlasses than you
ever seen an' oughter know what it is by this time. _Mer_lasses,
I said, an' merlasses it shall be.
THIRD PUPIL. Please, sir, I can't spell it.
COM. Why not?
THIRD PUPIL. I ain't got no book.
COM. Where is your book?
THIRD PUPIL. I dropped it into a mud-puddle on the way to school,
and the lesson come out.
COM. Next.
FOURTH PUPIL. M-o-l-a-s-s-e-s, molasses.
COM. That don't sound jest right, but you've got the book on your
side, so I s'pose it's all right. Take yer place! (NUMBER FOUR _is
tripped by_ NUMBER THREE.) Neow I'd like tu see a leetle writin'.
The next may take the word "_squanders_" and put it in a sentence
on the blackboard.
(NUMBER FIVE _writes in a legible schoolboy hand, "The boy squanders
round a good deal."_ FIFTH PUPIL _reads what he has written._)
COM. Very good. The next may take "_cornice_" in the same way.
(_After a good deal of erasing he writes: "I will meat you on
the cornice."_ SIXTH PUPIL _reads what he has written._)