TEACHER. There's a dictionary somewhere in the schoolhouse. You may
hunt it up and look for that word. (_The two boys, appearing tired
and discouraged, start on their quest, looking in the most unlikely
places, even on the nails where pupils' garments are hung. The quest
should be a quiet one, the fun lying in its utter hopelessness._)
BOY (_in seat_). I don't understand this question. (_Reads._) A milkman
spilled a pint of milk out of an eight-gallon can, how much milk
was left?
SECOND BOY (_in seat_). Hoh! that's easy. There wasn't none left.
TEACHER. Explain.
SECOND BOY. 'Cause the rest was water.
TEACHER (_resuming_). The next may tell me about some Bible character.
Who was Esau?
PUPIL. Esau lived six hundred years before Christ. He wrote fables
for a living, and sold the copyright of them for a bottle of potash.
GIRL (_raising hand_). I thought it was Æsop that wrote fables.
BOY (_raising hand_). And didn't Esau sell his _birthright_, or was
it _copyright_?
BOY (_in seat, raising hand_). It says in my book that some of the
stars are bigger'n the earth; 'tain't true, is it?
TEACHER. Certainly. Why not?
BOY. 'Cause why don't they keep the rain off, then?
C. C. FITTS. 'C-c-cause they're round and the r-r-r-rain s-s-slides
off onto us!
(_Other hands are raised._)
GIRL. What's the capital of Turkey?
TEACHER. Can you answer that, John?
JOHN (_who has been inattentive_). It hasn't any capital. Pa says
it's bankrupt.
BOY. If you multiply forty-two apples by six pounds of beef the
answer'll be mince pies, won't it?
TEACHER (_to scholars in seats_). Class, can two concrete numbers
be multiplied together?
CHORUS. No, sir!
BOY. I don't see anything concrete about apples, or beef either.
GIRL. Does the Isthmus of Panama connect the north and south pole?
TEACHER. Look at your map and see.
GIRL. Does s-l-o-u-g-h spell slough?
TEACHER. Yes.
GIRL. Then c-o-u-g-h spells cow, doesn't it?
TEACHER. No, that spells cough.
GIRL. B-o-u-g-h spells buff, then, and p-l-o-u-g-h, pluff?
TEACHER. No, bough and plough are the words you have spelled.
GIRL. Then does d-o-u-g-h spell dow, or duff, or doff?
TEACHER. It spells neither; your last word is dough.