belly. A fowl must never be removed from the dish and placed upon the
carver's plate; nothing can be more vulgar. The wing is to be removed
with a good slice of the breast, the only difficulty being to hit the
joint. To effect this, the knife is to be passed between the leg and the
body, and the leg turned back with the fork. To take off the
merrythought the carver must commence just above where the breast turns,
and cut down slanting; then begin at the rump end, and cut the breast at
either side, keeping the fork in that part of the breast nearest the
rump, and turning it toward the carver; the side-bones may easily be
removed, the back broken in half, and the two sides are then easily
taken off. All this can only be learned by practice; and although we
have endeavored to describe it, we feel that it requires practice to
carry out the directions.
A PHEASANT is carved precisely as a fowl. It is only necessary to say
that ladies like the wings and breast.
WILD DUCK.--This bird is only helped from the breast, which is to be
first scored in such a way as afterward to form the slice. Lemon juice,
cayenne, salt, and port wine made hot, should be ready to pour over it;
then the previously scored slices are to be cut and helped. The breast
is the only eatable part, except when hashed.
PARTRIDGE.--This bird is carved precisely as a fowl. The legs and the
back are the best parts; give them to the ladies, and let the rest of
the company have the wings and breast.
PIGEONS are usually cut straight down the middle, and a half sent to
each person.
TURKEYS are carved like geese. Never make a wing cut from the wing or
pinion upward, and not from the breast downward. Give your knife a
slight angle in cutting, and your slice will be larger and better.
GOOSE.--To give a description of carving a goose is to say, simply,
begin from the wing and cut the slices from the breast up to the breast
bone, and serve each person with a slice, with some stuffing and gravy.
To cut a wing or leg is vulgar in the extreme; for a large party, then,
a second goose is necessary; but lest our readers should say, "That is
an easy way to avoid telling us how we ought to dismember this bird," we
will continue. If you wish to do a vulgar thing, and dismember a goose,
put your fork into the small end of the pinion, and press it close to
the body, then put in the knife and divide the joint down; to separate
the leg, first put the fork into the small end of the bone, pressing it
to the body, then pass your knife between the leg and the body, turn the
leg back with your fork, and it will come off. It is impossible that
anything but experience will teach a person how to do this expertly; but
as we said before, it never should be done when served hot. It has been
said frequently, that a goose is too much for one, and not enough for
two. This means that the breast, which is the only eatable part of a
roasted goose, is, supposing the person to eat nothing else, too much
for one and not enough for two people's dinners; another reason for
never cutting off or eating the legs hot, is that they make a most
excellent "devil" for breakfast the next day--therefore, why destroy a
dish fit for a king?
WOODCOCKS AND SNIPES.--These are both carved alike--the necessary
directions being: remove the sand-bag, which contains the gall: this
generally protrudes; lift up the breast near the rump; spread the tail
on your toast; cut the wing, leg, and part of the back, the wing being
cut full, that is, with plenty of the breast attached thereto, and you
have one portion with a third of the toast; serve the other side alike,
with another third of the toast, and the breast and the rest of the back
give to the person you esteem the least; in fact, the legs, wings, and
back, as before described, are the best, and should be served together.
Snipes should be cut in half, unless you have enough to give a bird to
each person.
ETIQUETTE OF THE BALL AND ASSEMBLY ROOM.
Dancing has been defined as a "graceful movement of the body, adjusted
by art to the measures or tunes of instruments, or of voice;" and again,
"agreeable to the true genius of the art, dancing is the art of
expressing the sentiments of the mind, or the passions, by measured
steps or bounds made in cadence, by regulated motions of the figure and
by graceful gestures; all performed to the sound of musical instruments
or the voice."
Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says: "Dancing is, in
itself, a very trifling and silly thing: but it is one of those
established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to
conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And though I would
not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance
well, as I would have you do everything you do well." In another letter,
he writes: "Do you mind your dancing while your dancing master is with
you? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I
would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of
the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of
your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentleman's dancing. But
the greatest advantage of dancing well is, that it necessarily teaches
you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which
are of real importance to a man of fashion."
When a gentleman accompanies a lady to a ball he will at once proceed
with her to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, there leaving her;
and then repair to the gentlemen's dressing-room. In the mean time, the
lady, after adjusting her toilet, will retire to the ladies'
sitting-room or wait at the door of the dressing-room, according as the
apartments may be arranged. After the gentleman has divested himself of
hat, etc., and placed the same in the care of the man having charge of
the hat-room, receiving therefor a check, and after arranging his
toilet, he will proceed to the ladies' sitting-room, or wait at the
entrance to the ladies' dressing-room for the lady whom he accompanies,
and with her enter the ball-room.
The ladies' dressing-room is a sacred precinct, into which no gentleman
should ever presume to look; to enter it would be an outrage not to be
overlooked or forgiven.
With the etiquette of a ball-room, so far as it goes, there are but few
people unacquainted. Certain persons are appointed to act as floor
managers, or there will be a "Master of the Ceremonies," whose office it
is to see that everything be conducted in a proper manner: if you are
entirely a stranger, it is to _them_ you must apply for a partner, and
point out (quietly) any young lady with whom you should like to dance,
when, if there be no obvious inequality of position, they will present
you for that purpose; should there be an objection, they will probably
select some one they consider more suitable; but do not, on any account,
go to a strange lady by yourself, and request her to dance, as she will
unhesitatingly "decline the honor," and think you an impertinent fellow
for your presumption.
A gentleman introduced to a lady by a floor manager, or the Master of
Ceremonies, should not be refused by the lady if she be not already
engaged, for her refusal would be a breach of good manners: as the
Master of Ceremonies is supposed to be careful to introduce only
gentlemen who are unexceptionable. But a gentleman who is unqualified as
a dancer should never seek an introduction.
At a private party, a gentleman may offer to dance with a lady without
an introduction, but at balls the rule is different. The gentleman
should respectfully offer his arm to the lady who consents to dance with
him, and lead her to her place. At the conclusion of the set he will
conduct her to a seat, offer her any attention, or converse with her. A
gentleman should not dance with his wife, and not too often with the
lady to whom he is engaged.
Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, for the mere purpose
of dancing, does not entitle you to claim her acquaintance afterwards;
therefore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your hat; but even
that is better avoided--unless, indeed, she first bow--as neither she
nor her friends can know who or _what_ you are.
In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, "Will you _honor_ me
with your hand for a quadrille?" or, "Shall I have the _honor_ of
dancing this set with you?" are more used now than "Shall I have the
_pleasure_?" or, "Will you give me the _pleasure_ of dancing with you?"
If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the
earliest dance for which she is _not_ engaged, and when she will do you
the honor of dancing with you.
When a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman, it is her duty to
give him a reason why, although some thoughtless ones do not. No matter
how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of courtesy to offer him an
excuse; while, on the other hand, no gentleman ought so far to
compromise his self-respect as to take the slightest offence at seeing a
lady by whom he has just been refused, dance immediately after with some
one else.
Never wait until the signal is given to take a partner, for nothing is
more impolite than to invite a lady hastily, and when the dancers are
already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is
incomplete.
Be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable
breach of politeness to ask a lady to dance with you, and neglect to
remind her of her promise when the time to redeem it comes.
If a friend be engaged when you request her to dance, and she promises
to be your partner for the next or any of the following dances, do not
neglect her when the time comes, but be in readiness to fulfill your
office as her cavalier, or she may think that you have studiously
slighted her, besides preventing her obliging some one else. Even
inattention and forgetfulness, by showing how little you care for a
lady, form in themselves a tacit insult.
In a quadrille, or other dance, while awaiting the music, or while
unengaged, a lady and gentleman should avoid long conversations, as they
are apt to interfere with the progress of the dance; while, on the other
hand, a gentleman should not stand like an automaton, as though he were
afraid of his partner, but endeavor to render himself agreeable by those
"airy nothings" which amuse for the moment, and are in harmony with the
occasion.
The customary honors of a bow and courtesy should be given at the
commencement and conclusion of each dance.
Lead the lady through the quadrille; do not _drag_ her, nor clasp her
hand as if it were made of wood, lest she, not unjustly, think you a
bear.
You will not, if you are wise, stand up in a quadrille without knowing
something of the figure; and if you are master of a few of the steps,
_so much the better_. But dance quietly; do not kick and caper about,
nor sway your body to and fro; dance only _from the hips downwards_; and
lead the lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of
gossamer.
Do not pride yourself on doing the "steps neatly," unless you are
ambitious of being taken for a dancing-master; between whose motions and
those of a _gentleman_ there is a great difference.
Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great
elegance, it is better for him to _walk_ through the quadrilles, or
invent some gliding movement for the occasion.
When a lady is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a
gentleman not acquainted with her partner should not converse with her.
When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his
error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a
lesson.
Immediate attention should be paid to any request made by the Master of
Ceremonies, and all misunderstandings respecting the dance should be
referred to him, his decision being deemed final. Otherwise his
superintendence of the ball will be attended with great inconvenience.
When forming for quadrilles, if by any oversight you should accidentally
occupy another couple's place, on being informed of the intrusion, you
should immediately apologize to the incommoded party, and secure another
position.
Contending for a position in quadrilles, at either head or sides,
indicates an irritable and quarrelsome disposition altogether unsuited
for an occasion where all should meet with kindly feelings.
When a company is divided into different sets, persons should not
attempt to change their places without permission from the Master of
Ceremonies.
No persons engaged in a quadrille or other dance that requires their
assistance to complete the set, should leave the room or sit down before
the dance is finished, unless on a very urgent occasion, and not even
then without previously informing the Master of Ceremonies, that he may
find substitutes.
If a lady waltz with you, beware not to press her waist; you must only
lightly touch it with the palm of your hand, lest you leave a
disagreeable impression not only on her _ceinture_, but on her mind.
Above all, do not be prone to quarrel in a ball-room; it disturbs the
harmony of the company, and should be avoided if possible. Recollect
that a thousand little derelictions from strict propriety may occur
through the ignorance or stupidity of the aggressor, and not from any
intention to annoy; remember, also, that the _really well-bred women_
will not thank you for making them conspicuous by over-officiousness in
their defence, unless, indeed, there be some serious or glaring
violation of decorum. In small matters, ladies are both able and willing
to take care of themselves, and would prefer being allowed to overwhelm
the unlucky offender in their own way.
When a gentleman has occasion to pass through an assemblage of ladies,
where it is absolutely impossible to make his way without disturbing
them; or when he is obliged to go in front, because he cannot get behind
them, it is but common courtesy for him to express his regret at being
compelled to annoy them.
A gentleman having two ladies in charge may, in the absence of friends,
address a stranger, and offer him a partner, asking his name previous to
an introduction, and mentioning that of the lady to him or not, as he
may think proper.
It is improper to engage or reengage a lady to dance without the
permission of her partner.
Never forget that ladies are to be first cared for, to have the best
seats, the places of distinction, and are entitled in all cases to your
courteous protection.
Young ladies should avoid sauntering through an assembly-room alone;
they should either be accompanied by their guardian or a gentleman.
Neither married nor young ladies should leave a ball-room assemblage, or
other party, unattended. The former should be accompanied by other
married ladies, and the latter by their mother or guardian. Of course, a
gentleman is a sufficient companion for either.
Young ladies should avoid attempting to take part in a dance,
particularly a quadrille, unless they are familiar with the figures.
Besides rendering themselves awkward and confused, they are apt to
create ill-feeling, by interfering with, and annoying others. It were
better for them to forego the gratification of dancing than to risk the
chances of making themselves conspicuous, and the subject of
animadversion. As we have elsewhere said, modesty of deportment should
be the shining and preeminent characteristic of woman. She should be
modest in her attire, in language, in manners and general demeanor.
Beauty becomes irresistible when allied to this lodestone of attraction;
plainness of features is overlooked by it; even positive homeliness is
rendered agreeable by its influence.
When a gentleman escorts a lady to a ball, he should dance with _her_
first, or offer so to do; and it should be his care to see that she is
provided with a partner whenever she desires to dance.
After dancing, a gentleman should invariably conduct a lady to a seat,
unless she otherwise desires; and, in fact, a lady should not be
unattended, at any time, in a public assembly.
When you conduct your partner to her seat, thank her for the pleasure
she has conferred upon you, and do not remain too long conversing with
her.
When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, has
arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table.
You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all
that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.
If, while walking up and down a public promenade, you should meet
friends or acquaintances whom you don't intend to join, it is only
necessary to salute them the first time of passing; to bow or nod to
them at every round would be tiresome, and therefore improper; have no
fear that they will deem you odd or unfriendly, as, if they have any
sense at all, they can appreciate your reasons. If you have anything to
say to them, join them at once.
We have already alluded to the necessity of discarding all cant terms
and phrases from conversation, not only in assembly-rooms, but on all
occasions; and we would particularly caution our young lady friends
against even the recognition of those _equivoques_ and _double entendre_
which the other sex sometimes inconsiderately, but oftener determinedly,
introduce.
Neither by smiles nor blushes should they betray any knowledge of the
hidden meaning that lurks within a phrase of doubtful import, nor seem
to recognize anything which they could not with propriety openly make a
subject of discourse. All indelicate expressions should be to them as
the Sanscrit language is to most people, incomprehensible. All wanton
glances and grimaces, which are by libertines considered as but so many
invitations to lewdness, should be strictly shunned.
No lady can be too fastidious in her conduct, or too guarded in her
actions. A bad reputation is almost as destructive of happiness to her
as absolute guilt; and of her character we may say with the poet:
"A breath can make them, or a breath unmake."
In dancing, generally, the performers of both sexes should endeavor to
wear a pleasant countenance; and in presenting hands, a slight
inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation, is appropriate
and becoming. Dancing is certainly supposed to be an enjoyment, but the
sombre countenance of some who engage in it, might almost lead to the
belief that it were a solemn duty being performed. If those who laugh in
church would transfer their merriment to the assembly-room, and those
who are sad in the assembly-room would carry their gravity to the
church, they both might discover the appositeness of Solomon's
declaration, that "there is a time to be merry and a time to be sad."
We have already alluded to the importance of a correct use of language
in conversation, and though we are aware that it is absolutely
impossible to practice it without a certain degree of education, yet we
would urge that the habit which many acquire, more through carelessness
than ignorance, of disregarding it, is worthy of consideration. Many a
young lady has lost a future husband by a wanton contempt for the rules
of Lindley Murray.
Though hardly a case in point, we cannot forego the opportunity of
recording an incident in the career of a young man "about town," who,
anxious to see life in all its phases, was induced to attend a public
ball, the patrons of which were characterized more for their peculiarity
of manners than their extraordinary refinement. On being solicited by
an acquaintance, whom he respected for his kindness of heart and
integrity rather than for his mental accomplishments, to dance with his
daughter, he consented, and was accordingly introduced to a very
beautiful young lady. Ere the dance commenced, and while the musicians
were performing the "Anvil Chorus," from "Trovatore," the young lady
asked: "Do you know what that _'ere_ is?"
Supposing that she meant _air_, and wishing to give her an opportunity
of making herself happy in the thought of imparting a valuable piece of
information, in utter disregard of the principles of Mrs. Opie, he
replied, "No." "Why," said she, "that's the Anvel Core-ri-ous."
With an expletive more profane than polite, he suddenly found his
admiration for the lady as much diminished by her ignorance, as it had
before been exalted by her beauty.
At private assemblies, it should be the effort of both ladies and
gentlemen to render themselves as agreeable as possible to all parties.
With this purpose in view, the latter should, therefore, avoid showing
marked preferences to particular ladies, either by devoting their
undivided attentions or dancing exclusively with them. Too often, the
belle of the evening, with no other charms than beauty of form and
feature, monopolizes the regards of a circle of admirers, while modest
merit, of less personal attraction, is both overlooked and neglected. We
honor the generous conduct of those, particularly the "well-favored,"
who bestow their attentions on ladies who, from conscious lack of
beauty, least expect them.
On the other hand, no lady, however numerous the solicitations of her
admirers, should consent to dance repeatedly, when, by so doing, she
excludes other ladies from participating in the same amusement; still
less, as we have elsewhere hinted, should she dance exclusively with
the same gentleman, to the disadvantage of others.
Both ladies and gentlemen should be careful about introducing persons to
each other without being first satisfied that such a course will be
mutually agreeable.
The custom, in this country, particularly among gentlemen, of
indiscriminate introductions, is carried to such a ridiculous extent,
that it has often been made the subject of comment by foreigners, who
can discover no possible advantage in being made acquainted with others
with whom they are not likely to associate for three minutes, in whom
they take not the slightest interest, and whom they probably will never
again encounter, nor recognize if they should. Besides, every one has a
right to exercise his own judgment and taste in the selection of
acquaintances, and it is clearly a breach of politeness to thrust them
upon your friend or associate, without knowing whether it will be
agreeable to either party.
EVENING PARTIES.
The etiquette of the ball-room being disposed of, let us now enter
slightly into that of an evening party.
The invitations issued and accepted for an evening party will be written
in the same style as those already described for a dinner-party. They
should be sent out _at least_ three weeks before the day fixed for the
event, and should be replied to within a week of their receipt,
accepting or declining with regrets. By attending to these courtesies,
the guests will have time to consider their engagements and prepare
their dresses, and the hostess will also know what will be the number of
her party.
A lady, invited to an evening party, may request a gentleman to
accompany her, even though he may not have received an invitation from
the hostess.
In most of the American cities nine o'clock is the hour which custom has
established as the time for the lady to be in her parlor, ready to
receive her guests, and by ten o'clock all the guests should arrive. It
is an affectation, not entirely devoid of assumption and impudence, for
people to purposely delay their appearance till a very late hour.
As the ladies and gentlemen arrive, each should be shown to a room
exclusively provided for their reception; and the gentleman conducts the
lady in his charge to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, while he
goes to the gentlemen's apartment, each to prepare their toilet
suitably to entering the reception-room.
In the room set apart for the ladies, attendants should be in waiting to
assist in uncloaking, and helping to arrange the hair and toilet of
those who require it.
After completing her toilet, the lady waits at the door of her
dressing-room till the gentleman joins her, and they make their _entree_
together.
In large and formal parties, it is generally customary for the servant
to announce the names of the guests as they enter the room, but this is
a ceremony well enough dispensed with, except on occasions of very large
and formal parties.
It is the business of the lady of the house to be near the door to
receive her guests; if she is not there, you need not go hunting through
the crowd after her.