Shewing how Glasses, and Pots are laid aside,
And Flaggons and Noggins they cannot abide;
And let all Wives do what they can,
'Tis for the Praise and Use of Man;
And this you may very well be sure,
The Leather Bottel will longest endure;
And I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell
That first devised the Leather Bottel
To the Tune of _The Bottle Maker's Delight_, &c.
God above that made all things, [104.]
The Heavens, the Earth, and all therein,
The Ships that on the Sea do Swim,
To keep Enemies out that none comes in;
And let them do all what they can,
'Tis for the Use and Praise of Man.
_And I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell
That first devised the Leather Bottel._
Then what do you say to these Cans of Wood?
In faith they are, and can, not be good;
For when a Man he doth them send
To be filled with Ale, as he doth intend;
The Bearer falleth down by the way.
And on the ground the Liquor doth lay;
And then the Bearer begins to ban,
And swears it is long of the Wooden Can.
But had it been the Leather Bottel,
Although he had fallen, yet all had been well
_Then I Wish &c._
[Illustration]
Then what do you say to these Glasses fine?
Yes, they shall have no Praise of mine;
For when a Company they are set
For to be merry, as we are met;
Then if you chance to touch the Brim,
Down falls the Liquor and all therein,
If your Table Cloath be never so fine,
There lies your Beer, Ale, or Wine:
It may be for a small Abuse,
A young Man may his Service lose;
But had it been a Leather Bottel,
And the Stopple in, then all had been well.
_And I wish &c_
Then what do you say these black Pots three?
True, they shall have no praise of me,
For when a Man and his Wife falls at Strife,
As many have done, I know, in their Life;
They lay their Hands on the Pot both,
And loth they are to lose their Broath;
The one doth tug, the other doth hill,
Betwixt them both the Liquor doth spill;
But they shall answer another Day,
For casting their liquor so vainly away;
But had it been in the Leather Bottel,
They might have tugg'd till their Hearts did ake,
And yet their Liquor no harm could take;
They might have tugg'd till their Hearts did ake.
_Then I wish &c_
Then what do you say to the Silver Flaggons fine?
True, they shall have no Praise of mine;
For when a Lord he doth them send
To be filled with Wine as he doth intend;
The Man with the Flaggon he doth run away,
Because it is Silver most gallant and gay:
O then the Lord he begins to ban,
And swears he hath lost both Flaggon and Man;
There's never a Lord's Serving-man or Groom,
But with his Leather Bottel may come;
_Then I wish &c_
A Leather Bottel we know is good,
Far better than Glasses or Cans of Wood,
For when a Man is at work in the Field,
Your Glasses and Pots no Comfort will yield;
Then a Leather Bottle standing him by,
He may drink always when he is a dry;
It will revive the Spirits, and comfort the Brain,
Wherefore let none this Bottle refrain;
_For I wish &c_
Also the honest Sith-man[F. 197] too,
He knew not very well what to do,
But for his Bottle standing him near,
That is filled with good Household beer;
At Dinner he sits him down to eat,
With his good hard Cheese and Bread or Meat;
Then this Bottle he takes up amain,
And drinks, and sets him down again;
Saying, Good Bottle, stand my Friend,
And hold out till this day doth end;
_For I wish &c_
And likewise the Haymakers they,
When as they are turning and making their Hay;
In Summer-weather, when as it is warm,
A good Bottel full then will do them no harm;
And at Noon time they sit them down,
And drink in their Bottels of Ale Nut Brown;
Then the Lads and the Lasses begin to tattle,
What should we do but for this Bottle?
They could not work if this Bottle were done,
For the Day's so hot with heat of Sun.
_Then I wish &c_
Also the Leader, Lader, and the Pitcher,
The Reaper, Hedger and the Ditcher,
The Binder, and the Raker and all
About the Bottels ears do fall;
And if his Liquor be almost gone,
His Bottel will he part with to none,
But says, my Bottel is but small
One Drop I will not part withal:
You must go drink at some Spring or Well,
For I will keep my Leather Bottel.
_Then I wish &c_
Thus you may hear of a Leather Bottel,
When as it is filled with Liquor full well,
Though the Substance of it be but small,
Yet the Name of the thing is all.
There's never a Lord, an Earl or Knight,
But in a Bottel doth take Delight:
For when he is hunting of the Deer,
He often doth wish for a Bottel of Beer:
Likewise the Man that works at the Wood,
A Bottel of Beer doth oft do him good
_Then I wish &c_
Then when this Bottel doth grow old,
And will good Liquor no longer hold,
Out of the Side you may take a Clout,
Will mend your Shooes when they'r worn out;
Else take it and hang it upon a Pin,
It will serve to put many odd Trifles in,
As Hinges, Awls, and Candle-ends,
For young Beginners must have such things;
_Then I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell,
That first devised the Leather Bottel_.
_London_: Printed by and for _W. O._ and sold by the Booksellers of
_Pye Corner_, and _London Bridge_.
[Footnote 196: For tune, see Appendix.]
[Footnote 197: Mower.]
[105.] When _Scogin_ had broght to Oxford such things as he had in
London, hee lacked furres for his gownes, and Miniver furres for
his hood. Whereupon hee went to an Alderman in Oxford, which was a
Skinner, and said unto him, It is so that I must proceed Master of
Arts, at the next Act, and I have bestowed my money at London, and now
I have need of furres (as you know) wherefore if I shall have of you
as much as shall serve me, I will content you with thankes. Then said
the Alderman, make your gownes and your hood, and send them to me,
and they shall be furred as other Masters be. Then said _Scogin_, you
shall have them within these two days, and then I pray you make me
a bill what I shall pay for every thing. It shall be done, said the
Alderman. When as the gownes and hood were furred, he went to fetch
them home, and said to the Alderman, I pray you let me see my charge:
the bill was brought forth, and the sum did rise to sixe pound and
odde money. The Alderman said, When shall I have my money? Scogin
answered, within these seven weeks, or else the next time that you and
I doe meet after the said terme set.[F. 198] The terme of time
passed over, and the Alderman sent for his money. Scogin said to the
messenger, have me commended to Master Alderman, and tell him when he
and I doe meet, I will content him according to my promise; so, on a
time, _Scogin_ went to Korfax,[F. 199] and he espied the Alderman, and
then he returned backe. The Alderman made good footing after him to
overtake him and said unto him, Sir, you said that you would pay me
my money within seven weekes, or else any time after that we did meet
together. It is true, said _Scogin_, my day is expired, but my promise
is not broken; No, said the Alderman, so that you pay me my money now.
Now, said _Scogin_, nay not so, wee meet not together yet, for now you
did but overtake me, and when we doe meet, you shall have your money;
but if I can, said _Scogin_, I will not meet you this seven Yeares,
if I can go backward. Wherefore a plaine bargain is best, and in
bargaines making, fast bind, fast find.
[Footnote 198: Commences.]
[Footnote 199: Carfax, a place in Oxford, where four streets
meet; supposed to be a corruption of _quatre voies_.]
[103.] A Gentleman having left a Bag of Money in a Hackney Coach,
besides an Advertisement in the _Gazet_, he put up a paper at the
_Exchange_, that he would give a sixth part (_viz_ £20) to the
Coachman, if he would bring him his Money; the Fellow, hearing of the
offer, went to the _Exchange_ and writ on the Paper, _Then shall I be
the Loser_, which was all the Gentleman had for his Coin.
[26.] One swore most plentifully, That he saw a Lobster kill a Hare
upon _Salisbury Plain_; then they all began to think indeed that was
a lie, till he very discreetly told them how it was; for the Lobsters
that are taken at _Weymouth_, _Southampton_, and upon the Sea-Coasts
thereabouts, are presently convey'd in Panniers into the Midland
Country, and by the way on _Salisbury Plain_ did drop a very good
Lobster, and a Hare a little after, came close to the Lobster: which
the Lobster feeling, with his Claw presently catcht him fast by the
foot, and so kill'd him; and swore also that they put it into a Pie,
and both bak't together (but I don't mean with the skin and the shell
on) then you'd think't a lie indeed; and so sent up to _London_, and
eaten there.
Alas, _Delfridus_ keepes his bed, God knowes, [102.]
Which is a sign his worship's very ill:
His griefe beyond the grounds of Phisike goes;
No Doctor that comes neere it with his skill,
Yet doth he eat, drink, talke, and sleepe profound,
Seeming to all men's judgements healthful found.
Then gesse the cause he thus to bed is drawne
What? think you so? may such a hap procure it?
Well; faith, 'tis true, his Hose is out at pawne,
A breechlesse chance is come, he must indure it:
His Hose to Brokers Jayle committed are,
His Singular, and only Velvet paire.
[17.] A man on his death bed bequeathed all that he had to his three
Sons; to the first he gave all his Land, for he said he had been very
dutiful, but he said he hoped his Father would live to enjoy it all
himself: To the second, he gave all his money and goods, for he had
been dutiful also, and he wisht his father might live and enjoy it all
himself: And to the third, he said, Thou hast been a Villain, a Rogue,
and a Vagabond; I first give to thee the benefit of the Stocks, to
keep both thy legs warm; and next _Bridwell_, where thou shalt dine
upon freecost with M^r _Lashington_ every day; and then I bestow the
Gallows upon thee at last: Truly Father, says he, I thank you, and _I
hope you'll live to enjoy them_ all, yourself.
[94.] One asked the reason why Lawyers Clerks writ such wide lines:
Another answered, It was done to keep the peace; for if the Plaintiff
should be in one line, and the Defendant in the next, the lines being
too near together, they might perhaps fall together by the Ears.
[4.] M^r _Noy_[F. 200] the Attorney General, making a Venison Feast in
a Tavern where _Ben Johnson_ and some of his Companions were Drinking,
and he having a mind to some of the Venison, wrote these Verses, and
sent them to M^r _Noy_
When all the World was drown'd,
No Venison could be found;
For then there was no Park:
Lo here we sit,
Without e're a bit,
_Noy_ has it all in his Ark.
For the ingenuity of which, M^r _Noy_ sent him a good corner of a
Pasty, and half a Dozen Bottles of Sack to wash it down.
At another time, _Ben Johnson_ intending to go through the Half Moone
Tavern in _Aldersgate Street_, was denied entrance, the Door being
shut: upon which he made these Verses.
Since the _Half-Moon_ is so unkind,
to make me go about,
The _Sun_ my Money now shall take,
the _Moon_ shall go without.
And so he went to the _Sun Tavern_ at _Long Lane_ end, forsaking the
_Half-Moon_ for this affront.
[Footnote 200: "Noy, when Whitelocke came to him about the
Bill, advised with him about the King's Patent concerning
an association between England and Scotland for fishing. Noy
loved a little drollery, and gave Whitelocke eleven groats out
of his little purse. Here, said Noy, take these single pence;
and I give you more than an attorney's fee, because you will
be a better man than an Attorney-General; and this you
will find to be true. This was in 1629."--_Lives of Eminent
Sergeants at Law, by H. W. Woolrych, Lond. 1869._]
[91.] When I lived, I fed the living, now I am dead, I bear the
living, and with swift speed walke over the living. _Resolution._ A
Ship made of an Oake, growing, fed Hogs with Acorns, now beares men,
swims over fishes.