London. Printed by _E. P._ for _Francis Coles_, dwelling in the Old
Baily. 1641.
[Footnote 187: Trashy tobacco--from the Spanish _Mondóngo_,
paunch, tripes, black pudding.]
[Footnote 188: Fools; but there was also a game at cards
called noddy, supposed to have been the same as cribbage.]
[Footnote 189: Corrupt French terms used for the numbers on
dice--six-five.]
[Footnote 190: Two-one.]
[Footnote 191: Bone-lace.]
[Footnote 192: Sedan chairs, which are said to have been
introduced into England in 1581, and first used in London in
1623. Sir Sanders Duncombe obtained a patent, or privilege,
for them in 1634.]
[Footnote 193: The water poet.]
[82.] A _Mayor_ that was on hunting (by chance) one asked him how hee
liked the _Cry_: a pox take the _Dogs_, saith he, they make such a
bawling, that I cannot heare the _Cry_.
[82.] An old Justice was fast asleepe on the Bench when a poore
Malefactor was judged to bee hanged; at which word the Justice
suddenly awaked, and said to the Thiefe, My friend, I pray let this
bee a warning to you, looke you doe so no more, for wee doe not show
every man the like favour.
[94.] One seeing another wear a Threadbare Cloak, asked him whether
his Cloak was not sleepy, or no? Why do you ask? said the other.
Because, saith he, I think it hath not had a Nap this seven years.
_Monsieur Domingo_ is a skilfull man, [102.]
For much experience he hath lately got,
Proving more Physick in an alehouse can,
Than may be found in any Vintner's Pot;
Beere he protests is sodden and refin'd,
But this he speakes, being single penny lin'd,
For when his purse is swolne but sixpence bigge,
Why then he sweares; now by the Lord I thinke
All Beere in Europe is not worth a figge:
A cup of Claret is the onely drinke,
And thus his praise from Beere to Wine doth goe
Even as his Purse in pence doth ebbe and flowe.
[93.] _George_ (_Peele_) was invited one night by certaine of his
friends to supper, at the White Horse in Friday Street: and in the
evening as he was going, hee met with an old friend of his, who was so
ill at the stomacke, hearing _George_ tell him of the good cheere he
went to, himselfe being unprovided both of meate and money, that he
swore he had rather have gone a mile about, than have met him at that
instant. And beleeve me, quoth George, I am heartily sorry that I
cannot take thee along with mee, myselfe being but an invited guest;
besides, thou art out of Cloathes, unfitting for such a company. Mary,
this I'le doe, if thou wilt follow my advice, I'le help thee to thy
supper. Any way, quoth hee to _George_ doe thou but devise the meanes,
and I'le execute it. _George_ presently told him what hee should doe;
so they parted. _George_ (was) well entertained, with extraordinary
welcome, and seated at the upper end of the Table; Supper being
brought up, H.M. watched his time below; and when he saw that the
meate was carried up, up hee followes, (as _George_ had directed him)
who when _George_ saw, You whorson Rascall (quoth _George_) what make
you heere? Sir, quoth he, I am come from the partie you wot of. You
Rogue, quoth _George_, have I not forewarned you of this? I pray
you, Sir, quoth hee, heare my Errand. Doe you prate, you Slave? quoth
_George_, and with that, tooke a Rabbet out of the Dish, and threw
it at him. Quoth hee, you use me very hardly. You Dunghill, quoth
_George_, doe you out face me? and with that took the other Rabbet,
and threw it at his head; after that a Loafe; then drawing his dagger,
making an offer to throw it, the Gentleman staid him: meane while
HM. got the Loafe and the two Rabbets, and away he went: which when
_George_ saw he was gone, after a little fretting, he sate quietly.
So by that honest shift, hee helped his friend to his supper, and was
never suspected for it of the Company.
[17.] Two Clerks belonging to one Church, and having both of them sate
up most part of the night, were both asleep when Sermon was done: a
man jogg'd one of them, and bid him sing a Psalm, for Sermon was done.
Sing, _All People_, saies he: The other then awak'd, and hearing him
say so said, _Hang all people_, sing me the _hundred Psalm_.
[4.] One boasting of his Credit, said, He knew a Scrivener that would
lend him Fifty Pounds at any time, on his own Bond, without either
Scrip or Scrowl.
[26.] One told a Story that a Miller had a Horse for many years
together, whose name was _Roan_, and being tired with working all day,
poor Jade, slept soundly at night; which a thievish fellow espying,
flay'd off his Skin, whilest he slept, and went away with it: But Old
_Roan_ when he awak't (though 'twas a bitter cold night) yet, poor
thing, he came home to the Mill door and neighed very loud, which the
honest Miller, hearing, awak't his Wife, and askt her whether that was
not the neighing of old _Roan_? Truly, Husband, says she, it is, let
us rise and see what's the matter with him; and when they came out,
they wondred to see him in such a pickle: Well Husband, says she,
since 'tis as 'tis, I'd have you kill Five or Six of your Sheep (and
tomorrow being Market Day, we can sell their Flesh there) and take
all the Skins and clap 'em hot upon poor Roan; which he presently did,
with his dear Wife's help, and clapt them hot upon the Horse's flay'd
Back; which with the Cold night were presently froz'd on, and the
Horse as well or rather better in health than ever he was in his life,
and I am sure you'll say warmer: And this Horse, said he, they kept
for many years after, and every year it brought him Thirty Tod[F. 194]
of Wool: And I hope you will believe it; but if you dont believe it,
I pray take notice, that I am not bound to find you stories and belief
too. Then they all concluded it was true--lie so.
[Footnote 194: A tod of wool weighs 28 lbs.]
[91.] What is that which produceth teares without sorrow, takes his
journey to heaven, but dies by the way, is begot by another, yet that
other is not begot without it? _Resolution._ Smoake.
[103.] A Clipper[F. 195] being Sentenc'd to Death, when he came to
_Tyburn_, the Parson was very busie in preparing him for another
World, amongst other things he told the Criminal, that it was no small
Happiness to have had so much time to Repent, that he might have died
suddenly, and by many Accidents, and so have been snatch'd away in
a Moment, and gone Headlong down to Hell; but that now he was almost
sure he shou'd go to Heaven, and lie in _Abraham's_ Bosom; Say you so,
Sir, says the poor Patient, 'tis very good News, but if you please you
shall have my Place, for I had rather stay here a little longer.
[Footnote 195: Of coin, a capital offence.]
[17.] A Witch being at the stake to be burnt, she saw her Son there;
and being very dry, desir'd him to give her some drink: No, Mother,
says the Sweet conditioned Son, 'twill do you wrong, for the dryer you
be, you'll burn all the better.
[4.] A foolish young Esquire, being newly come to his Estate (taking
after the old Miser his Father, grew covetous.) He hearing his Steward
say, he had killed him a Bullock against Christmas. What, said he, do
you mean to undo me by such extravagant Expenses? I will have but half
a one killed at a time.