There is, I learned, in every human heart an element called self-love.
This is not sinful in itself, being synonymous with that desire for
happiness which is the medium through which God appeals to the soul.
It is not annihilated in the sanctified soul, else Jesus could not have
said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself," but it is there subordinated to
that pure love which places God first in all circumstances. To love the
Lord with all the heart, might, mind, and strength is to love with pure
love; but the heart that loves thus still contains self-love, and it is
through this property of the soul that the sanctified can be tempted.
Adam was a perfect man, with a perfectly pure heart; but when tempted
to obtain something which promised to improve his state and increase
his happiness, he proved that he loved himself by yielding to the
temptation. It is this part of ourselves which must daily be denied lest
it degenerate into selfishness and cause us trouble. There is a degree
to which this self-love and pure love may become mixed in our service
to God. This had happened in my case.
Pure love serves without any hope of reward. When light and peace and
joy fill the soul, or when grief, sorrow, or loneliness presses the
heart, pure love goes on loving and serving. Pure love desires, not to
be pleased, but to please. It gives all and demands nothing in return.
It loves God, not so much for what he has done for the soul, or for what
the soul expects him to do for it, but for what he IS. It seeks him, not
so much that it may be blessed, as that it may be a pleasure to him.
It desires, not so much satisfaction for its own heart, as that he may
be satisfied with it. It seeks not place nor position nor anything, but
only that HE may find pleasure in it, that HE may be able to rejoice in
the work of his hand. If it pleases him to give good things, the soul
is grateful, but does not forget that the Giver is more than the gift.
If evil comes, pure love can quietly rest, desiring naught for self,
but all for him. Even if his face is hidden, pure love, though feeling
keenly the absence of its beloved, can still say in sweet submission,
"Thy will be done"; for it feels itself unworthy of any blessing and so
is content with whatever its Lord is pleased to do. It yields itself to
the Author of every good, and, trusting his love, receives thankfully
and in deep humility what he pleases to give and as gratefully humbles
itself to go without what he does not please to give. "Willingly to
receive what thou givest, to lack what thou withholdest, to relinquish
what thou takest, to suffer what thou inflictest, to be what thou
requirest"--this is pure love and real consecration.