At first I loved thee--thou wast warm,--
The porter called thee "'ot," nay, "bilin'."
I tipped him as thy welcome form
He carried, with a grateful smile, in.
Alas! thou art a faithless friend,
Thy warmth was but dissimulation;
Thy tepid glow is at an end,
And I am nowhere near my station!
I shiver, cold in feet and hands,
It is a legal form of slaughter,
They don't warm (!) trains in other lands
With half a pint of tepid water.
I spurn thy coldness with a kick,
And pile on rugs as my protectors,
I'd send--to warm them--to Old Nick,
Thy parsimonious directors!
* * * * *
DIFFERENT WAYS OF TRAVELLING.--Man travels to expand his ideas; but
woman--judging from the number of boxes she invariably takes with
her--travels only with the object of expanding her dresses.
* * * * *
"THE BEST OF MOTIVES."--Locomotives.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "A LIBERAL MEASURE"
_Rude Boy (to stout party on weighing-machine, which is out of order,
and won't work)._ "Shove in another penny, guv'nor. It's double fare to
chaps o' your size!"]
* * * * *
FOXHUNTER'S DEFINITION OF A MAIL-TRAIN.--A Post and Rails.
* * * * *
AS A RULE.--"Signal Failures"--Railway accidents.
* * * * *
THREE RAILWAY GAUGES.--Trains are made for the Broad Gauge, the Narrow
Gauge, and the Lug-gage.
* * * * *
[Illustration: ZOOLOGY
_Railway Porter (to old lady travelling with a menagerie of pets)._
"'Station-master say, mum, as cats is 'dogs,' and rabbits is 'dogs,' and
so's parrots; but this ere 'tortis' is a insect, so there ain't no
charge for it!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: LOGIC
_Stout Party._ "What! no room! Ain't that man just got out? If people
can get out, people can get in!"]
* * * * *
THE QUICKEST OF ALL EXPRESS TRAINS.--The train of thought.
* * * * *
STARTLING RAILWAY ACCIDENT.--A punctual train.
* * * * *
KEEP YOUR TEMPER.--Avoid entering into an argument with a deaf man in a
railway carriage, as it is sure to lead to high words.
* * * * *
"DON'T TOUCH ME, OR I'LL SCREAM!" as the engine whistle said to the
stoker.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "A MAN AND A PASSENGER!"
_Sweep._ "'Elp us up with my luggage, mate!"]
* * * * *