A FURTHER ACCOUNT OF MISS PATTIE WILKINS.
Having made these observations in the course of a ten minutes
conversation, I perceived I had no longer any reason to be ashamed of
her; but, on the contrary, to congratulate myself on the relationship.
Then, permitting myself to be affectionate and frank, as a near kinsman
should, I gave her freely to understand, that, with a little advice
and training, which I would undertake to give her in a few lessons,
she would be fit to shine in the very best society: an admission that
set my uncle into an ecstasy of delight and triumph, while it somewhat
discomposed the fair Pattie. She gave me a hearty stare (a thing I was
glad to see, for it looked lady-like), then coloured (a circumstance
I did not approve so much, since blushing is girlish and ungenteel),
and then burst out a laughing, and concluded by seizing upon my hand,
giving it a yeomanly shake, and saying,
"Very well, cousin Ikey, you shall be my schoolmaster, and teach me
all you know; and, as you say, I think you can teach me in a very few
lessons."
And here she looked as meek, and quiet, and almost as sanctimonious, as
any saint I ever saw of a Sunday.
"Very good," said I; "and the first lesson I will give you is, never to
call me 'Ikey' again, for that's vulgar; but always 'Mr. Dawkins,' or
just plain 'cousin;' or, as we are so nearly related, why, I don't care
if you call me by my middle name, 'Dulmer.'"
"Wouldn't 'Dully' be better?" said she, as sweetly as could be: "it's
more affectionate, and cousins ought to be affectionate."
"That's very true," said I; and, upon my soul, I thought her mouth was
the handsomest I had ever seen; "it is very true, but it don't do to
be too familiar; and, besides, Dully don't sound a whit better than
Pattie. I wish to ged you had a better name than _that_; and yet it
is the best of them all, for 'Martha' is kitchen-like, and 'Abigail'
wash-womanly--"
"And Pat," said my cousin--
"_Pat_!" said I, struck with horror--
"Yes, Pat!" said she, looking as if she would cry again; "it is the
most odious of nicknames, and there's my brother Sam, who calls me
so all day long; and there's pa, who is not much better. But I say,
cousin, I hope you'll take _them_ to schooling too. I won't say any
thing about pa; but I reckon there's none of us will be the worse for a
little rubbing up."
"Don't say 'reckon,'" said I, "nor 'Sam' neither. Ged, you have horrid
names among you, but we'll do the best we can. Pattie--Miss Pattie
Wilkins; well, the name is not so very bad. As for your brother, you
must always call him 'brother;' occasionally you may say 'Wilkins,' and
it will sound aristocratic, as being a family name. But I say, uncle,
we can't do any thing till we have you in your own house; and, if you
mean to pass for a man of quality, it must be a grand one--that is, as
grand as can be had without building. I say, uncle, if you please, what
do you hold yourself worth?"
"Ods bobs!" said my uncle, bristling up, "what's that any man's
business? Never blab a man's capital, for--"
"Oh," said Pattie, "Pa's always thinking about trade and shop-keeping;
but I'll tell you, for I know all about it, for he told me six months
ago, and I know. He's worth two--" and here the little beauty looked
as if she designed to make me her confidant at once, and swell my very
soul with the greatness of her revealment--"he's worth two hundred and
ninety thousand dollars; and when he dies he is to leave me half. A'n't
it grand?"
"To leave you _half_! one hundred and forty-five thousand dollars?"
said I, so confounded by a sudden idea that entered my mind that I
could not even conceal it. "Hang it, if that's the case, but I shall
certainly marry you, and snap up that hundred and forty-five myself."
"_Would_ you?" said the imp, looking so lovely, and innocent, and
willing that I positively threw my arms around her neck, as if the
matter were already settled.
"Ods bobs!" said my uncle, "none of your jokes here, nevvy!"
As for Pattie, she jumped out of my arms, though apparently more
pleased with the rudeness than with my former want of enthusiasm, and
ran laughing to a chair.
"None of your jokes here, nevvy, I say," cried Mr. Wilkins; "and don't
talk to Pattie about marrying, for she has had enough of that already."
"I ha'n't, pa," said the daughter, beginning to cry again; "you're
always twitting me with Danny. But I'm sure, if you're willing, I'd as
lief marry my cousin Ikey--that is, cousin Dulmer--as anybody."
"Who's Danny?" said I.
My uncle looked black, but Pattie answered boldly,
"Why, my sweetheart, to be sure--Danny Baker--one of the truest
sweethearts you ever saw; and oh, so handsome! But he was nothing but
one of pa's clerks, and so we turned him off between us; and because
I took his part, and said it was no great harm in him to like me, pa
is always twitting me about him, and I can't abide it. If I am to be
twitted about everybody that likes me, I should like to know where will
be the end of it?"
I perceived that my little cousin had a good opinion of herself, which
was proper enough; but I reprobated the good-will she extended to her
admirer, telling her that all clodhoppers were to be despised, and
that she must now think of being liked by none but fine gentlemen. My
counsel, as I discovered afterward, was peculiarly acceptable to my
uncle, and greatly increased his respect for me; and as for Pattie, she
dried her eyes, and said "she had as much spirit as anybody, but Danny
Baker was no fool, for all we might say of him."
In short, the interview was much more satisfactory than I had dared
to anticipate; and finding my uncle and cousin were eager to have my
instructions and assistance, so as to begin the world as soon and with
as much eclat as possible, I summoned my wisdom, and laid down the law
to them forthwith. A house was to be immediately had; and recollecting
the state of Mr. Periwinkle Smith's affairs, I recommended that my
uncle should make proposals for his dwelling, which was just the house
required, and which I supposed Mr. Smith, or the sheriff for him, would
soon bring to the hammer. Nay, in the exuberance of my affection, I
offered to begin the negotiation myself, and visit Mr. Periwinkle Smith
that day; whereby I might have an opportunity to return my thanks for
his friendly assistance at the Schuylkill, without exciting any false
hopes in the bosom of his daughter, which I feared might be the result
if I went without an object.
I then discoursed on the subject of carriages and horses, furniture,
tailors, and mantuamakers, and with such effect, that I perceived
I should have the control of all my uncle's affairs, directing his
expenses, and making all his purchases; which I saw would be highly
advantageous in reinstating my credit, even if it led to no better
profit.