SOME ACCOUNT OF SHEPPARD LEE'S COUNTRY KINSMEN.
"Adieu!" said Tickle, giving me a nod, as much as to say, "Make the
most of the old gentleman;" he then imitated the duns, and left me; a
circumstance for which I was not sorry, for I was somewhat ashamed of
my uncle.
"Fine-looking young fellow that," said Mr. Wilkins; "must be a rich dog
to lend you a thousand dollars. But I say, Ikey--"
"Uncle Wiggins--that is, Wilkins," said I, "I beg you won't call me by
any such vulgar nickname as Ikey. I can't abide nicknames; they are
horrid plebeian."
"Ods bobs," said my uncle, "I call my son Sammy, Sammy and Sam too--"
"What," said I, "have you a son?"
"Ods bobs!" said he; "why, didn't you know? I say, nevvy, your dad
and me was never good friends; proud as a turkey-cock--thought me a
democrat and no great shakes, but I snapped up his sister though; and
so there was never no love lost between us: never knew much about one
another, especially him. But I say, nevvy, ods bobs, don't be a fool,
and despise like your dad; could buy him six times over if he was
alive, and don't suppose you're much richer; and don't value you a new
pin. Don't pretend you didn't know I had a son; might as well say you
didn't know I had a daughter."
The old gentleman looked somewhat incensed: I hastened to pacify him,
by assuring him I had had a violent fit of sickness and lost my memory.
I then drew from him without difficulty as much of his history and
affairs as I cared to know.
Although of a vulgar stock, his face had, somehow or other, captivated
the fancy of my father's sister, who very ungenteelly ran off with
him, and accompanied him to some interior village of the state, where
the happy swain sold tapes and sugar, that being his profession.
Here, although discountenanced and despised by his wife's family, he
gradually amassed wealth, and in course of time mightily increased it,
by laying his hands on those four great staples of the Susquehanna,
iron, lumber, coal, and whiskey. In fine, having scraped together
enough for his purpose, he yielded to a design which his wife had first
put into his plebeian head, and which his children, as they grew up,
took care to stimulate into action: this was, to exchange his village
for the metropolis, his musty warehouses for elegant saloons, and live,
during the remainder of his life, a nabob and gentleman; and in this
design, as I discovered, he expected to derive no little aid from my
humble self, who, being, as he said, a gentleman cut and dried, and
knowing to all such matters, could give him a hint or two about high
life, and help his children, the hopeful Sammy and the interesting
Pattie (for such were their horrid names), into good society. The first
step of his design he had already taken, having wound up his business
and got him to Philadelphia, with his brats, both of whom were now
safely lodged in a hotel, burning to make the acquaintance of their
fashionable cousin, my distinguished self; and to these worthy kinsfolk
he proposed to carry me forthwith.
I debated the matter in my mind: Should I acknowledge the claims of a
brace of rustics with two such names? Sammy Wilkins! Pattie Wilkins!
I felt that an old coat or a patched shoe could not more endanger my
reputation, than two cousins named Sammy and Pattie. But the old man
was rich, and some good might arise from my condescension. I agreed to
go with him, and asked him at what hotel he had put up.
"Oh," said he, "at a mighty fine place--the What-d'-ye-call-it, in
Market-street."
"In Market-street!" said I, and I thought his nose looked more
democratic than ever. "Horrible! vulgar beyond expression! How came you
to stop in such a low place? Can't expect any decent man to go nigh
you. Must carry you to Head's without a moment's delay, or you'll be
ruined for ever."
"Ods bobs," said my uncle, "it's a very good tavern, with eating
and drinking for a king; but if it's not fashionable, sha'n't stay
there no longer; shall go with us, nevvy, and show us the way to
What-d'-ye-call-it's. The hack will just hold four."
_I_ go to a tavern in Market-street? The idea was offensive; and ride
thither, and afterward, my three country kinsfolk with me, to Head's,
in a hackney-coach! The Market-street tavern and the hackney-coach
finished my uncle Wilkins. I suddenly recollected a highly important
engagement, which would deprive me of the pleasure of going round with
my excellent uncle that moment, to make the acquaintance of my worthy
cousins; nay, I feared it would occupy me all that evening, being an
engagement of a very peculiar nature. I would see them the next day,
when they were safely lodged at Head's, whither I recommended Mr.
Wilkins to proceed, bag and baggage, instanter. My uncle accepted my
excuses, and agreed to follow my advice, with a ready docility that
might have pleased me, seeing that it showed the respect in which he
held me; but I perceived in it nothing more than a willingness to be
put into leading-strings, arising from his consciousness of inferiority.
I got rid of him, and resolved I would consider the pros and cons
before compromising my reputation by any public acknowledgment of
relationship.
Then, being vastly tired by the varied business of the day, I threw
myself on my bed, where I slept during the remainder of the day very
soundly and agreeably.