DRESS--VISITORS AND SYMPATHY IN CHRISTIAN WORK.
Formerly, there was such a decided difference between the dress of
mistress and maid that there was no mistaking the one for the other.
Now, much greater latitude is permitted; and it is sometimes said that,
if we wish to distinguish the mistress, we must look for the more
plainly dressed of the two when the maid is also present. Some ladies
do not interfere in the matter so long as their domestics dress quietly
and neatly when on duty.
Without going far into the question, let me give you a little advice
on the subject. It will be just the same as I would offer to my own
children or to any other girl who might wish for it. Regulate the
amount you spend by your actual requirements. Do not spend all you can
upon dress just because you have the money. Remember there are other
ways in which your spare wages may be wisely and well laid out or laid
by. I say laid by, because, whatever be your income, you should try to
save something out of it for the proverbial rainy day. There are plenty
of ways by which thrifty people may save and invest even very small
sums, and by a penny at a time, if they can afford no more.
For instance, the post office will supply you with a form on which you
can stick a new postage stamp, bought with a spare penny. When twelve
stamps have thus been affixed, you can take them to the post office,
receive back their value in the shape of a shilling, and make that your
first deposit in the savings bank there. Make a beginning, and you are
almost sure to go on. If you can spare a shilling at a time, you need
not buy stamps, but become a savings bank depositor at once.
It is a pleasant thing to have a little money, your own honest
earnings, to fall back upon if sickness should come or you are out of
place. Or you may help the good father and mother to whom you owe so
much, or, if they do not need it, in due time spend your earnings on
furnishing your future home. Which of us at some time has not known a
girl who, having spent all her means on ‘fine feathers,’ has had to be
a burden on hard-working parents in such seasons of trouble as come
with sickness or want of employment?
Then, beside laying by money, you should have some to lend or lay out
in our Master’s service. Because you are young girls in situations, are
you to have no share in Christian work, to do nothing for love of that
dear Saviour who gave His life for you? You would be very angry indeed
if any one were to say that you should have neither part nor lot in
sending missionaries to the heathen, at home and abroad, in spreading
the written Word of God, so that all may possess a copy, or in caring
for the sick and suffering in homes and hospitals.
My own experience shows me that many amongst you give almost beyond
your means, and contribute nobly and lovingly to many a good work. If
some have not done so, they will, I trust, take this reminder in good
part, and spare a trifle, remembering that most of our great societies
owe more to the small contributions of the many than to the larger ones
of the few.
Going back to the subject of dress, let me advise you to choose quiet
colours and as good a material as you can afford. Such will never
become conspicuous, they will wear double the time, look well to the
last bit, and cost no more for making than the commonest stuff you
could purchase; so there would be a real saving, to begin with, in this
last item.
Have your gowns made well, but in a simple style. There is no reason
why you should not display excellent taste in this matter. But good
taste never chooses staring colours or extreme styles which are likely
to attract notice and encourage rude remarks on the _fast_ appearance
of the wearer. Good taste never loads poor materials with tawdry
trimmings, which only make a dress look shabby the sooner, and are
equally costly and useless. Good taste and good sense alike suggest
that our clothing should be in accordance with our means, and fitted
for the work we have to do and the position we occupy in the world.
The above rules apply equally to every article worn. Never sacrifice
the comfort of having a good supply of warm, well-made underclothing,
and of being neatly and strongly shod, for the sake of mere outside
finery, such as you are perhaps half-ashamed to wear, knowing that it
is unsuitable, and wholly afraid to be seen in by your hard-working,
sensible mother.
Lastly, save the money to pay for what you buy at the time when you
get it. Those who have to run into debt usually pay dearly for the
accommodation, and especially those who can least afford the extra
price. Tradesmen know quite well that they run some risk in trusting
young girls, who generally have nothing but their wages to fall back
upon, and whom sickness might deprive of the power to earn any. Extra
risks must mean the putting on of extra profits, and thus those who run
into debt pay a higher price for their articles than those who go money
in hand.
Now a word about visitors. Some mistresses draw a very hard-and-fast
line on this subject, and will allow none. Servants may visit their
friends at stated intervals, but they are forbidden to receive even
those nearest and dearest to them under the roof which shelters
themselves. Most mistresses, I believe, act differently from this, and,
considering what their own children would feel if they were amongst
strangers, allow all reasonable liberty in this respect. A right-minded
girl will never abuse this privilege, or try to introduce into the
house of her employers any person of whose presence they would be
likely to disapprove.
Remember, it is your duty to fall in with the rules of the household in
which you serve, and employers have often very good reasons for such as
may appear too strict in your eyes. In this, as in all your dealings,
act straightforwardly, and never bring in a visitor by stealth, or
in the absence of the family. Many a robbery has been successfully
carried out through the folly of young servants who have listened to
the flattering words of chance acquaintances whose real object was to
obtain a knowledge of the premises, and to find out where the valuables
were kept. Through such visitors a servant’s character has been lost,
and a girl who would not have taken a farthing dishonestly has been
suspected of being an accomplice of thieves, and punished as such.
When visitors come by permission of the mistress, I think the latter
should always see them, say a few words of kindly welcome, ask after
the other members of the absent family, and thus manifest her interest
in what gives pleasure to her maid. She will not be the worse served
for doing this, and for showing that, amid her own household cares and
occupations, she has a heart large enough and warm enough to sympathise
with the joys and sorrows of all around her.
But there may be, and I trust there often is, a far stronger bond of
union between mistress and servant than any which could result from the
mere fact of being placed in these relations one towards another. It is
not work well done and wages regularly paid--not the mere ministering
on the one hand and being ministered to on the other--not the being
members of the same household band and dwelling under the same roof,
which can create this bond of union to which I have alluded.
No, there is something better still. It is the recognition of the great
truth that, while there may be a difference in our social positions and
duties here, we are alike servants of a Heavenly Master. If we are both
Christians we are sisters in Christ, members of one body, and looking
to one glorified Head, children of the same family, with God Himself
for our Father.
Some years ago I read a brief extract from an article which was
published in one of the reviews--I think the _Nineteenth Century_--and
by a lady writer. Though I never read the whole article, I remember
the little portion I did see, and how the author suggested that we
mistresses should give our servants a share with ourselves in some
special Christian work, such as visiting and relieving the sick poor,
etc. She also stated her belief that no lady’s work could have its
full value unless united with such help, and no relations with outside
helpers could equal those which might subsist between Christian
mistress and maid, living under one roof, knowing each other’s
weaknesses, and engaged in a work where the one who in other respects
was first might be last, and the last first.
I have no copy of the words, and do not profess to quote them
literally. But I remember the impression they produced on my mind,
because they agreed not only with my own opinion, but with my practice
and the experience of years. I read the words aloud to a young girl
who was at the moment preparing the table for dinner, and, as I
finished them, said,--
‘We realized the truth of what this lady has written a long time ago,
did we not?’
‘Yes, indeed,’ she said, her face glowing with honest pleasure, for
she was and is my willing and capable helper in the conduct of a large
mothers’ meeting--entering heart and soul into the work, respected and
loved by the members of the class.
And those who are at home whilst she and I are at the class help
also, for they take the share of work which does not belong to their
departments during her absence. I am thankful to say that we never hear
any one of them say, ‘It is not my place,’ but that they work together
as members of a family, and, above all, as God’s children.
Years before, another girl who is now a happy wife and mother, rendered
me the same kind of help at the class, and with equal interest and
heartiness.
Going further back still, there comes before my mind’s eye the picture
of a bright young face, that of a housemaid then in our service. I was
ailing for some time and unable to go out on Sunday evenings; and when
it was this girl’s turn to stay in the house, I always called her to
sit with me, that we might talk, read, and pray together. I do not
remember ever spending evenings at home with more true pleasure and
spiritual profit than these.
The girl was such a bright Christian; and when she began to speak of
the way in which she had been led to realize the great love of our
Father, God, in giving His dear Son to die for sinners, and of her
share in that finished work, I used to think her dear, earnest face was
one of the sweetest pictures that my eyes ever rested upon.
I never think of her without remembering the happy seasons of truly
Christian communion we enjoyed, and offering a prayer that her
influence in her own home may always be an equally blessed and useful
one to what it was in ours. She would teach our children sweet hymns,
both words and tunes, and it used to be delightful to hear her rich,
full voice mingling with their childish ones in songs of praise to God.
At that time a very dear friend, a clergyman, was a frequent visitor
at our house. None of our servants attended his church, but he never
crossed our threshold without saying a few kind words to whichever he
happened to see. He would ask after their health with the same courtesy
that he manifested towards the heads of the family, and contrive, in
a few syllables, to show them that he was ever solicitous to leave a
little message from his Divine Master, to sow a little seed which might
produce fruit to His glory, and for the good of an immortal soul.
How this was appreciated by our girls, and especially by the dear
lassie to whom I have alluded! How she would try to repay the interest
thus manifested by the most thoughtful attentions that she could show
when waiting at table! The clergyman’s health was failing at the time,
and he was ordered to winter abroad. On his return, the young waitress
was the first to see him approaching the house, and, noticing that our
dear friend was looking weaker and more worn than when he left England,
she came to me sobbing and with her good, true face expressing the
deepest sorrow.
I thought she must have received bad news from home, but as soon as she
could answer she explained the cause of her tears. ‘It is not that,’
she said. ‘_They_ are all well; but Mr. ---- is coming up the walk, and
he is looking worse than ever. He is stooping like quite an old man.
I am so sorry, I am so sorry. He is so kind and good.’ Some one else
had to answer the door to our friend, who, not seeing the usual face,
inquired after the girl. He was deeply touched on finding that her
tears and trouble on his account had made her absolutely unable to meet
him.
During dinner, when the girl was in attendance, it was pleasant to see
the manner in which she showed her grateful sympathy by anticipating
the clergyman’s slightest want, by offering a little dainty dish in a
sort of beseeching way, and venturing to hint that it was ‘very nice,’
as she lingered a moment to see if he would recall his first refusal.
Our friend’s wan face lighted with a kindly smile as he said, ‘I _must_
taste this, as you say it is so good;’ and he helped himself to a small
portion, to the girl’s great delight.
Afterwards he spoke of this little incident, and of the true sympathy
with his weakness and suffering which she manifested in every word and
act.
‘In these days,’ he said, ‘a kind of stony unconsciousness is generally
required in table attendants. But for my part, I would rather have your
bright-faced waitress, whose countenance is perpetually reflecting the
quick sympathies of her true, warm heart, than a whole regiment of
well-drilled waiting machines.’
Do not imagine for an instant that this sympathy in work and
consequent familiar intercourse ever made our servants less obedient
or respectful. The contrary was the case. Communion in Christian work,
life, and aim, whilst it will bring about frequent and close familiar
intercourse between mistress and maid, would be the last thing in the
world to engender the sort of familiarity which ‘breeds contempt.’
No. This kind of union will be productive of mutual and ever-growing
affection and respect, and will alike tend to the well-being of the
family itself, and of all who are brought within the sphere of its
influence. Those who are Christ’s servants are always more faithful to
their earthly employers than are any others. Those who, filling the
place of mistresses, most earnestly desire to serve the Lord, are ever
the most patient in dealing with others, and most truly reasonable in
their requirements.