I THINK TOO, YOU MIGHT PULL DOWN THAT BLIND, UNLESS YOU WANT THE SUN
TO SPOIL ALL THE FURNITURE; AND, DEAR, DEAR, DO FOR GOODNESS' SAKE,
JEMIMA, TAKE THAT D---- CANARY OUT OF THE ROOM!"]
[Illustration: _A BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME._
A MESSAGE FROM THE LORDS.]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME._
"HATS OFF, STRANGERS!"]
[Illustration: _NEW CRICKETING DRESSES TO PROTECT ALL ENGLAND AGAINST
THE PRESENT SWIFT BOWLING._]
[Illustration: _AQUATICS._
WHO IS THIS? WHY, THIS IS MR. JOHN CHUBB PULLING ONE OF HIS LONG, SLOW,
STEADY STROKES. HE IS TAKING MORE PAINS THAN USUAL, BECAUSE THOSE
PRETTY GIRLS IN THE ROUND HATS ARE SITTING ON THE LAWN DRAWING FROM
NATURE.]
[Illustration: AND--HERE ARE THE GIRLS IN THE ROUND HATS.]
[Illustration: _THE NEW GROOM._
_Gentleman._ "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE CARE OF
HORSES?"
_Boy._ "WELL, SIR, I HAD OUGHT TO--FOR I'VE BEEN AMONGST 'EM ALL MY
LIFE."]
[Illustration: _AN ANCIENT IMPOSTOR._
_Youths._ "THEN, I SUPPOSE, WHEN YOU WERE A SMUGGLER, YOU USED TO HAVE
REG'LAR COMBATS AND FIGHTS?"
_Boatman._ "COMBATS AND FIGHTS! LOR LOVE YER, WE WOS A'MOST ALWAYS AT
IT. ONCE IN PARTICKLER I CALL TO MIND. I HAD THREE BALLS THROUGH MY
HEAD AND TWO IN THE STUMMUCK (WHICH I FEEL 'EM NOW SOMETIMES IN THE
WINTER I DO), BESIDES BEIN' RUN THROUGH WITH A CUTLASS, AND ALL MY
FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT BY THE PERWENTIVE MAN'S TELESCOPE, WICH LUCKILY
SHUT UP, OR THERE'S NO KNOWIN' WOT MIGHT 'A BIN THE CONSEQUENCE. AH!
THERE _WOS_ GOINGS ON THEN. BUT, LOR, IT AIN'T NOTHIN' LIKE IT NOW!"
[_Youths are deeply impressed._]
[Illustration: _A REFLECTION._
ALTHOUGH POLICEMEN ARE PLACED AT PARTICULAR SPOTS FOR THE PURPOSE
OF MAKING OMNIBUSES "MOVE ON," THEY ARE GENERALLY SEEN CHATTING, OR
CRACKING THE FRIENDLY WALNUT WITH THE CONDUCTORS, TO THE INCONVENIENCE
AND INDIGNATION OF THE PASSENGERS. HOW IS THIS?]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
[Illustration: NO. X.
_BY THE TIME MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE HAS RECOVERED FROM HIS COLD, A LONG
FROST SETS IN._
_Groom._ "THAT'S JUST WHAT I SAY, SIR; IT IS AGGERAVATIN' TO SEE A NICE
OSS LIKE THAT, SIR, A DOIN' NOTHIN' BUT EATIN' HIS 'ED OFF."]
[Illustration: _A GREAT BARGAIN._
TO BE SOLD--THE PROPERTY OF AN OFFICER GOING ABROAD.]
[Illustration: _THE HAT-MOVING EXPERIMENT._
IT IS NECESSARY TO GET A HAT. TWO OR MORE PERSONS PLACE THEIR HANDS ON
THE RIM THEREOF, THE LITTLE FINGERS OF EACH PERSON BEING IN CONTACT. IN
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES, OR HALF-AN-HOUR, OR PERHAPS MORE, THE HAT WILL
BEGIN TO JUMP AND REVOLVE RAPIDLY.
(_N.B. The Party above with the Moustaches, thinks that in the pursuit
of Science he could perform the experiment over and over again._)]
[Illustration: _SHAKSPEARE A LITTLE ALTERED._
"HE LIVED NOT WISELY, BUT TOO WELL."]
[Illustration: _USELESS INFORMATION._
"NOW, MARM, THIS GOES TO THE CHRISTIAL PALIS."
"BLESS THE MAN! I DON'T WANT NO CHRISTIAL PALISES. I AM GOIN' TO THE
BOROUGH."]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: NO. VIII.
HAVING A COLD IN HIS HEAD, RESORTS TO AN INGENIOUS METHOD OF PRESERVING
HIS HEALTH WITHOUT DESERTING HIS POST.]
[Illustration: _THE DEAR DELIGHTS OF BRITAIN'S SUMMER FIELDS._ OVER THE
STYLE.]
[Illustration: _THE DEAR DELIGHTS OF BRITAIN'S SUMMER FIELDS._
HAYMAKING.]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: No. IX.
_THE BIVOUAC._]
[Illustration: No. X.
_AT BUSINESS._
_Militia Man_ (_loq._). "ALEXANDER, WHEN YOU'VE TITTIVATED THAT GENT,
YOU MUST COME TO DRILL."]
[Illustration: _COMPARATIVE LOVE._
_Papa._ "SO, CHARLEY, YOU REALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH THE LITTLE BLACK-EYED
GIRL YOU MET LAST NIGHT?"
_Charley._ "YES, PAPA, I LOVE HER DEARLY!"
_Papa._ "HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE HER, CHARLEY? DO YOU LOVE HER AS MUCH AS
PUDDING?"
_Charley._ "OH YES, PAPA! AND A GREAT DEAL BETTER THAN PUDDING, BUT
(_pausing to reflect_)--I DON'T LOVE--HER SO MUCH AS--JELLY!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASURES OF THE STUDIO._
WHEN EVERY MOMENT IS OF CONSEQUENCE, MR. FLAKE WHITE'S MODEL FOR
HAMLET APPEARS WITH A BLACK EYE, WHICH HE DECLARES IS THE EFFECT OF
INFLUENZA.]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: NO. XI.
HAVING CURED HIS COLD WITH RUM-AND-WATER, RESOLVES NOT TO GO HOME "TILL
DAY-LIGHT DOES APPEAR." HE ASSURES THE POLICEMAN THAT "IT'S ALL RIGHT."]
[Illustration: NO. XII.
OWING TO THE MILDNESS OF THE SEASON, HE LOOKS UP HIS DUCKS.]
[Illustration: _SO FOND OF IT._
"THERE NOW; THAT'S A CIGAR I CAN CONFIDENTLY RECOMMEND."
"WELL; PUT ME UP A DOZEN TO TRY!"]
[Illustration: _DIFFERENCE OF VIEW._
_Head of the Family._ "FOR WHAT WE ARE GOING TO RECEIVE, MAKE US TRULY
THANKFUL.--HEM! COLD MUTTON AGAIN!"
_Wife of his Bussum._ "AND A VERY GOOD DINNER TOO, ALEXANDER,
_SOMEBODY_ MUST BE ECONOMICAL. _PEOPLE_ CAN'T EXPECT TO HAVE _RICHMOND_
AND _GREENWICH_ DINNERS OUT OF THE LITTLE HOUSEKEEPING MONEY I HAVE."]
[Illustration: _WHOLESOME PREJUDICE._
"RAILROADS, SIR? I HATE RAILROADS, AND I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN
THEY'RE DONE AWAY WITH, AND WE'VE GOT THE COACHES AGAIN."]
[Illustration: _PREPARING FOR THE DERBY._
"I SAY, MISTER, JUST PUT US UP A COUPLE OF GREEN WEILS, WILL YER? THE
DUST IS SO UNCOMMON DISAGREEABLE A-DRIVING DOWN TO HEPSOM!"]
[Illustration: _ALL IS VANITY._]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: NO. XIII.
HAVING GIVEN HIMSELF LEAVE OF ABSENCE, HE ENJOYS A LITTLE DOMESTIC
FELICITY.]
[Illustration: _A YOUNG PATRICIAN._
_First Swell._ "WHAT AN ASTONISHING COAT, GUS!"
_Second Do._ "YA-AS! YOU SEE ALL THE SNOBS DWESS SO INFERN'LY
LOUD--THAT FWED AND I THOUGHT WE WOULD COME DOWN VEWY QUIET."]
[Illustration: _HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN._
A DESIGN, SHOWING HOW THE PRETTY HOODS WORN BY LADIES MIGHT BE MADE
USEFUL AS WELL AS ORNAMENTAL.]
[Illustration: _THE END OF A FIVE MINUTES' BURST._
_Stout Gentleman._ "THAT'S THE WAY TO GO OVER A GATE! I DON'T THINK YOU
LEFT ME SO FAR BEHIND THAT TIME."]
[Illustration: _REMOVING._--No. I.
_Father of the Family._ "OH, IT'S ALL STUFF AND NONSENSE, MRS. G., IT
MIGHT HAVE BEEN MANAGED OVER AND OVER AGAIN BY THIS TIME."
_Mrs. G._ "LAW, MY DEAR, HOW YOU TALK! AND I'M SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
PUT TO MUCH INCONVENIENCE."
_Mother-in-Law._ "THERE, THERE, JEMIMA. DON'T ANSWER HIM; IT'S QUITE
RIDICULOUS."]
[Illustration: _GROUSE SHOOTING LATE IN THE SEASON. JOLLY, VERY._
"COME ALONG, OLD FELLOW! HERE'S A POINT!"]
[Illustration: _REMOVING._--No. II.
FIRST NIGHT IN THE NEW HOUSE--AWFUL DISCOVERY OF BLACK BEETLES.]
[Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._
NO. I.
_Mamma._ "YOU ARE A DISAGREEABLE OLD BACHELOR, AND GENERALLY HATE
CHILDREN, I KNOW--BUT ISN'T DEAR LITTLE WORMWOOD A FINE, NOBLE LITTLE
FELLOW?"
_Old Gent._ "WELL, IF YOU WANT MY CANDID OPINION, I MAY AS WELL TELL
YOU AT ONCE--THAT I THINK HIM THE MOST DETESTABLE LITTLE BEAST I EVER
SAW--AND IF YOU IMAGINE I AM GOING TO LEAVE HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU
HAVE NAMED HIM AFTER ME, YOU ARE MIGHTILY MISTAKEN."]
[Illustration: SPELLING A NEWSPAPER.]
[Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._
NO. II.
_Artist No. 1._ "THERE, MASTER OKER, I FLATTER MYSELF THAT WILL TAKE
THE SHINE OUT OF YOUR PRECIOUS PRODUCTION, ALTHOUGH YOU DO THINK NOBODY
CAN PAINT BUT YOURSELF."
_Artist No. 2._ "HEY! DEAR, DEAR, DEAR! THAT'S VERY BAD. BY JOVE, MY
BOY, IT'S A DREADFUL FALLING-OFF FROM LAST YEAR. IF I WERE YOU, I
SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE I SENT IT IN."
_Artist No. 1._ "MERE ENVY.--ILLIBERAL HUMBUG."]
[Illustration: _STUDY OF AN ELDERLY FEMALE HAILING THE LAST OMBLEBUS._]
[Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._
NO. III.
_Medical Man._ "STUPID OLD FOOL! WHY, THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH
HIM, EXCEPT WHAT ARISES FROM HIS OVER EATING AND DRINKING HIMSELF--ONLY
I CAN'T AFFORD TO TELL HIM SO."]
[Illustration: _THE OPERA._
"PLEASE, SIR, GIVE US YOUR TICKET, IF YOU AIN'T A-GOIN' IN AGAIN."]
[Illustration: _A HUMOROUS CUSTOMER._
_Gentleman in Cart._ "I SAY, GUV'NOR, BRING US OUT A SPOONFUL O' GIN
FOR THE OLD LADY, WILL YER?--AND I'LL TAKE A PINT O' MILD ALE--AND LOOK
HERE. I DON'T WANT IT THICK--FOR I _AIN'T HUNGRY_!"]
[Illustration: _MANLY SORROW._
_Swell on Horseback._ "WHY, CHARLEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, OLD BOY? YOU
SEEM OUT OF SPIRITS."
_Swell on Foot._ "AH! I'VE HAD A SAD LOSS, FRED! I'VE LOST THE LITTLE
GRIDIRON OFF MY CHATELAINE!!"]
[Illustration: MELANCHOLY SCENE AT THE OPERA ON A CROWDED NIGHT.]
[Illustration: _AT GREENWICH FAIR._
"AND MELANCHOLY MARK'D HIM FOR HER OWN."]
[Illustration: _BRIBERY IS DETESTABLE! BUT POLITENESS COSTS NOTHING._
_Canvasser._ "PRAY, GENTLEMEN, DON'T THINK OF WALKING TO THE POLLING
BOOTH; I AM SURE YOUR TIME MUST BE VALUABLE, AND HERE'S A CARRIAGE
QUITE AT YOUR SERVICE."]
[Illustration: _EARLY EDUCATION._
_Harry_ (to TOM). "THERE'S ONE GREAT BORE ABOUT A WATERING-PLACE;
THEY SELL SUCH HORRID CIGARS."]
[Illustration: _MAY-DAY._
DISTRESSING POSITION OF A SENTIMENTAL GENTLEMAN WHO WAS ABOUT TO OFFER
HIS HAND AND HEART TO THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS.]
[Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._
NO. I.
FIRST GET YOUR SEASONED "SCREW."]
[Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._
NO. II.
ABOUT FOUR MILES "DOWN THE ROAD" GET PROPERLY SPLASHED AT A
PUBLIC-HOUSE.]
[Illustration: _RATHER A DROP._
_City Gent_ (_who fancies himself a Judge of a Horse, and no end of a
Swell_). "THAT'S A NICE LITTLE TIT, CABBY, AND BROUGHT US ALONG WELL!"
_Cabby._ "YESSIR! HE IS A NICE LITTLE 'OS, _HE_ IS--BUT LOR BLESS YER!
HIS 'ART'S TOO BIG FOR HIS BODY. HE'S TOO GOOD FOR MY WORK! NOW HE'D
JEST SUIT SUCH A GENT AS YOU--TO DRIVE A LIGHT TEA-CART ABOUT TOWN FOR
ORDERS ON A WEEK-DAY, AND TAKE THE MISSUS OUT FOR THE DAY O' SUNDAYS!"]
[Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._
NO. III.
AND RETURN HOME SMOKING A CHEROOT, TO THE ADMIRATION OF THE
POPULACE.]
[Illustration: _UNDENIABLE._
_Buyer._ "IS HE WELL BROKE?"
_Seller._ "LOR, BLESS YE! LOOK AT HIS KNEES!"]
[Illustration: _THE AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS DODGE._
_Beggar._ "DID YOU GET THE LAMB'S FRY?"
_His Child._ "ALL RIGHT."
_Beggar._ "WELL, NOW, RUN HOME AND TELL YER MOTHER NOT TO BOIL
THE SPARRERGRASS TILL I COME."]
[Illustration: _REMONSTRANCE._
_London Merchant._ "WHY, WHAT IS THE USE OF YOUR BEING IN A RESPECTABLE
HOUSE OF BUSINESS IF YOU PROCEED IN THIS ABSURD, VULGAR MANNER? NOW,
TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, UNLESS YOU MEND VERY CONSIDERABLY, YOU WILL GO
ON FROM BAD TO WORSE. YOU WILL BECOME A PETTY HUCKSTER; FROM THAT YOU
WILL, IN ALL PROBABILITY, GET TO BE A MERE COMMON-COUNCILMAN; THEN AN
ALDERMAN; WHEN, AFTER A COURSE OF GLUTTONY AND TOMFOOLERY, PAINFUL TO
THINK OF, YOU WILL MAKE A RIDICULOUS TERMINATION TO YOUR CONTEMPTIBLE
CAREER BY ACTUALLY BECOMING A +LORD MAYOR+."]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION!
[Illustration: NO. I.
_THE PARLIAMENTARY FEMALE._
_Father of the Family._ "COME, DEAR; WE SO SELDOM GO OUT TOGETHER
NOW--CAN'T YOU TAKE US ALL TO THE PLAY TO-NIGHT?"
_Mistress of the House and M.P._ "HOW YOU TALK, CHARLES! DON'T YOU SEE
THAT I AM TOO BUSY. I HAVE A COMMITTEE TO-MORROW MORNING, AND I HAVE MY
SPEECH ON THE GREAT CROCHET QUESTION TO PREPARE FOR THE EVENING."]
[Illustration: NO. II.
_THE DRAWING-ROOM._]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION!
[Illustration: NO. III.
_THE DINING-ROOM._
_Lady of the House._ "NOW THEN, GIRLS! FILL YOUR GLASSES! BUMPERS!
HERE'S JUST ONE TOAST WHICH I AM SURE YOU WILL ALL DRINK WITH PLEASURE.
THE GENTLEMEN!!"]
[Illustration: NO. IV.
_NATURALLY THE FEMALE THINKS SHOPPING VERY TIRESOME._
_Superior Creature._ "FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, EDWARD, DO COME AWAY! WHEN
YOU ONCE GET INTO A SHOP, THERE'S NO GETTING YOU OUT AGAIN."]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION!
[Illustration: NO. V.
_SPORTING FOR LADIES._]
[Illustration: NO. VI.
_THE BAND AT ST. JAMES'S PALACE._]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION!
[Illustration: NO. VII.
_A "BUS" CONDUCTRESS._
_Old Gentleman._ "YOU ARE A VERY SAUCY, IMPUDENT WOMAN, AND I'LL
CERTAINLY SUMMON YOU!"
_Conductress._ "THANK YE, SIR! (_To Driver._) GO ON, SARAH; NEVER MIND
THE OLD COVE."]
[Illustration: NO. VIII.
_MARY PROTECTING THE WEAKER SEX._]
[Illustration: NO. IX.
_THE ARREST BY BAILIFFS._
"AND SERVE HER RIGHT TOO--EXTRAVAGANCE IN A MAN IS, IN SOME
DEGREE, EXCUSABLE, FOR HE KNOWS NO BETTER--BUT, IN A WOMAN, IT
IS QUITE UNPARDONABLE."]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION!
[Illustration: NO. X.
_MISS BROWN TAKES HER COUSIN OUT FISHING._
_Inferior Animal._ "OH DEAR! MISS BROWN! HERE'S A FISH TAKEN ALL MY
BAIT. DO COME AND PUT ON ANOTHER WORM!"]
[Illustration: NO. XI.
_THE WOMAN AT THE WHEEL._]
[Illustration: _THE REAL FLOWER-SHOW._]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. I.--_APROPOS OF BLOOMERISM._
_Visitor_ (_who is looking at the Print of the Bloomer Costume_).
"WELL, NOW, UPON MY WORD, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING RIDICULOUS IN IT. _I_
SHALL CERTAINLY ADOPT IT."
_Strong-minded Lady._ "FOR MY PART, I SO THOROUGHLY DESPISE
CONVENTIONALITY, THAT I HAVE ORDERED ALL MY NEW THINGS TO BE MADE IN
THAT VERY RATIONAL STYLE!"]
[Illustration: NO. II.
THE SORT OF LEG THAT LOOKS WELL IN BLOOMER PETTILOONS.]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. III.--_RESULTS OF BLOOMERISM--THE LADIES POP THE
QUESTION._
_Superior Creature._ "SAY! OH, SAY, DEAREST! WILL YOU BE MINE?" &c.,
&c.]
[Illustration: NO. IV.--_A POSER FOR A BLOOMER._
_Old Gentleman._ "BEFORE I CAN ENTERTAIN YOUR PROPOSAL, AND GIVE MY
CONSENT TO YOUR MARRYING MY SON, I MUST ASK YOU WHETHER YOU ARE IN A
POSITION--A--TO--A--KEEP HIM IN THE STYLE TO WHICH--A--I MAY SAY--HE
HAS ALWAYS BEEN ACCUSTOMED? AHEM!"]
THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. V.--_A PROBABLE INCIDENT IF BLOOMERISM ISN'T PUT
DOWN._
_Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MISS, THE DRESSMAKER HAS BROUGHT HOME YOUR
NEW--AHEM--FROCK."]
[Illustration: NO. VI.--_SOMETHING MORE OF BLOOMERISM._
(BEHIND THE COUNTER THERE IS ONE OF THE "INFERIOR ANIMALS.")]
THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. VII.--_BLOOMERISM IN A BALL-ROOM._
_Bloomer._ "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DANCING THE NEXT POLKA WITH
YOU?"]
[Illustration: NO. VIII.--_BLOOMERISM AT HOME._
_Strong-minded Female._ "NOW, DO PRAY, ALFRED, PUT DOWN THAT FOOLISH
NOVEL, AND DO SOMETHING RATIONAL. GO, AND PLAY SOMETHING ON THE PIANO;
YOU NEVER PRACTISE NOW YOU'RE MARRIED."]
[Illustration: NO. IX.
_EFFICIENCY OF FEMALE POLICE IN WHAT IS VULGARLY CALLED A "JOLLY
ROW."_]
THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. X.
_BLOOMERIANA--DREAM_]
THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM.
[Illustration: NO. XI.--_THE BARRISTER._]
[Illustration: NO. XII.--_THE HEIRESS._]
[Illustration: NO. XIII.--_THE SAILOR._]
[Illustration: NO. XIV.--_ON THE ROAD._]
[Illustration: NO. XV.--_AT THE DERBY._]
[Illustration: NO. XVI.--_IN THE PARK._]
[Illustration: _THE STEEPLE-CHASE._
_First Sporting Gent_ (_reads_). "'+CAUTION+.--NO HORSEMAN WILL, ON ANY
ACCOUNT, BE ALLOWED TO FOLLOW THE RACEHORSES OVER THE STEEPLE-CHASE
COURSE.' DEAR ME! HOW PROVOKING! I SHOULD A LIKED TO HAVE POPPED OVER
THIS BROOK!"
_Second Gent thinks they had better not interfere with any of the
Regulations._]
[Illustration: _MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY._
_'Arry Belville._ "YES! I LIKE IT EXTREMELY. I LIKE THE _Lazy Ally_
SORT OF FEELING. I LIKE SITTING AT THE DOOR OF A _Caffy_ TO SMOKE MY
CIGAR; AND ABOVE ALL _(onter noo)_ IT'S A GREAT COMFORT TO WEAR ONE'S
BEARD WITHOUT BEING LARFED AT!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE.--BUREAU OF THE CHIEFS OF THE DOUANES._
_French Official._ "YOU HAVE PASSPORT?"
_English Gent._ "NONO, MOSSOO."
_Official._ "YOUR NAME?"
_Gent._ "BELVILLE."
_Official_. "CHRISTIAN NOM?"
_Gent._ "'ARRY!"
_Official._ "PROFESSION?"
_Gent._ "+BANKER!+"]
[Illustration: _OUR FRIEND BELVILLE AIRS HIS FRENCH AT BOULOGNE, TO THE
ADMIRATION OF DOBBINS, WHO DOESN'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE._
_Belville._ "AHEM! PARDONG MOSSOO!--ESKER VOUS AVEY-A-SUCH A CHOSE AS
A-A-UNE POT--A-THAT IS A-A-UNE PO YOU KNOW-DE-DE-DE BEAR'S GREASE?
COMPRENNY?--BEAR'S GREASE?"]
[Illustration: _ON THE MOORS._
_Mr. Puff._ "_MY_ BIRD. I THINK."
_Mr. Muff._ "BELONGS TO _ME_, I FANCY" &C. &C. &C.]
[Illustration: _LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP._
"WO--MARE. HANG IT!--ANYTHING IN REASON I DON'T MIND; BUT, AS A FATHER
OF A FAMILY, I DON'T FEEL JUSTIFIED IN GOING AT SUCH A GATE AS THAT."]
[Illustration: _HOW KIND._
_Cruel Little Puth._ "OH, HARRIET DEAR--PUT ON YOUR HAT AND LET US THEE
THE STEAMBOAT COME IN. THE THEA IS THO ROUGH!--AND THE PEOPLE WILL BE
_SO_ ABTHURDLY THICK!!!"]
[Illustration: _FOLKESTONE.--ARRIVAL OF THE BOULOGNE BOAT. WIND S.W._]
[Illustration: _AN ANXIOUS MOMENT._
"DON'T MOVE THERE, WE SHALL CLEAR YOU!"]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE KNOWING THE COUNTRY._
_Huntsman (to Officer going Abroad)._ "PLEASE BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS GIVE
MY RESPECTS TO MASTER HARRY."
_Officer._ "OH! BUT MY BROTHER IS IN THE WEST INDIES, AND I AM GOING TO
THE EAST."
_Huntsman_. "MAYHAP YOU'LL MEET AT T'COVER SIDE ALL THE SAME, SIR."]
[Illustration: _COOL ASSURANCE._
_Undergraduate._ "YOU DON'T OBJECT TO SMOKING, I HOPE?"
_Old Party (probably a Director)._ "YES, SIR. I OBJECT VERY MUCH
INDEED! IN FACT, I HAVE THE STRONGEST OBJECTION TO SMOKING!!!"
_Undergraduate._ "HM! HA! SOME PEOPLE HAVE."
[_Smokes for the next fifty miles._]
[Illustration: _FASHIONS FOR FAST MEN._
_Tom._ "WHICH DO YOU LIKE BEST FOR TROUSERS, BILL, CHECKS OR STRIPES?"
_Bill._ "WELL, I THINK CHECKS ARE UNCOMMON SUPERIOR, BUT STRIPES IS
MOST NOBBY."]
[Illustration: THOSE SHOCKING CLUBS.
_Charley (who is rather addicted to betting)._"--AND TALKING OF
GOODWOOD RACES, WE'VE GOT SUCH A JOLLY SWEEP AT OUR CLUB!"
_Constance._ "A SWEEP, CHARLES!--WELL! I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF YOUR
CLUB FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU ASSOCIATED WITH PEOPLE OF THAT
SORT!"]
[Illustration: _IN A VERY BAD WAY._
"WHY, YOU SEEM QUITE WRETCHED, FRANK!"
"WRETCHED, MY BOY! AH, YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW WRETCHED I AM, WHEN I TELL
YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW MY TWOWSERS ARE MADE!"]
_THE PERILS OF A COURT PRESENTATION._
[Illustration: BEFORE PAYING HER RESPECTS AT ST. JAMES'S.]
[Illustration: AFTER PAYING HER RESPECTS AT ST. JAMES'S.]
[Illustration: _FRIGHTFUL._
_Clara._ "WELL, ROSE, DEAR, AND HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTER THE PARTY?"
_Rose._ "OH, PRETTY WELL; ONLY I HAVE HAD SUCH A HORRID DREAM! DO YOU
KNOW, I DREAMT THAT THAT GREAT STUPID CAPTAIN DRAWLER UPSET A DISH OF
TRIFLE OVER MY NEW LACE DRESS WITH THE BLUE SLIP?"]
[Illustration: _TRUTH IS GREAT._
_Unsophisticated Little Girl._ "NOW, YOU A'DONE, BILLY. IF YOU AIN'T
QUIET DIRECTLY, I'LL GIVE YER TO THIS GREAT, BIG HUGLY MAN!"
[_Immense delight of Swell in gorgeous array._]
[Illustration: _A DELUSION._
_Dean._ "WELL, SIR?"
_Small University Man (under the impression that he has irritated the
Dean by his conspicuous moustachios)._ "I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO SPEAK
TO ME, SIR, ABOUT--ABOUT--MY MOUSTACHIOS!"
_Dean._ "SOME MISTAKE, SIR! I DIDN'T PERCEIVE THAT YOU HAD ANY!"]
[Illustration: _MISPLACED CONFIDENCE._
_Exquisite (to the Mamma of Performer)._ "WHAT A PITY THAT GURL'S
FRIENDS DON'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM THAT PIANO. SHE'S NOT BAD LOOKING, BUT
SHE HAS GOT A VOICE LIKE A PEACOCK!!!"]
[Illustration: _A CAPITAL OFFER._
"I SAY, GRANNY! CHARLEY SUMMERS AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE LION OUT IN A
BOAT FOR A SWIM--NOW IF YOU'LL GIVE ME A SHILLING WE WILL TAKE YOU AND
THE GIRLS OUT FOR A ROW!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE ON THE ENGLISH COAST._]
[Illustration: _THE TOO FAITHFUL PORTRAIT._
_Georgina (in riding habit)._ "WELL, DEAR! I DECLARE IT'S THE VERY
IMAGE OF YOU! I NEVER!"
_Sarah Jane (who insists upon seeing the plate)._ "LIKE ME? FOR
GOODNESS' SAKE DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, GEORGINA. I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY
ABSURD! WHY, IT HAS GIVEN ME A STUPID LITTLE TURN-UP NOSE, AND A MOUTH
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS!"]
[Illustration: _DREADFUL DESTITUTION._
_First._ "MY DEAR FRANK--WHAT IS THE MATTER, OLD BOY?"
_Second._ "OH! I AM DISTRESSED TO DEATH ABOUT MONEY MATTERS--I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO? WHY, HERE'S JENNY LIND COMING OUT ON THURSDAY,
AND I POSITIVELY HAVEN'T THE MONEY TO PAY FOR A BOX!"]
[Illustration: _A PLEDGE OF AFFECTION._
_Angelina._ "WILL MY DARLING EDWIN GRANT HIS ANGELINA A BOON?"
_Edwin._ "IS THERE ANYTHING ON EARTH HER EDWIN WOULD NOT DO FOR
HIS PET?--NAME THE BOON, OH, DEAREST--NAME IT!"
_Angelina._ "THEN, LOVE, AS WE DINE BY OURSELVES TO-MORROW, LET US,
OH! LET US HAVE ROAST PORK, WITH PLENTY OF SAGE AND ONIONS!"]
[Illustration: _VERY PARTICULAR._
_First Railway Porter._ "WHAT DOES HE SAY, BILL?"
_Second ditto._ "WHY, HE SAYS HE MUST HAVE A COMPARTMENT TO HISSELF,
BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT HIS SMOKE!"]
[Illustration: _MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._--No. I.
_Gent._ "I SAY, MOSEY! WHY DON'T YER GO THE 'OLE 'OG, AND LET ALL YER
BEARD GROW, LIKE ME?"]
[Illustration: _OUR BOYS._
_Master Tom (to Old Lady who is very nervous about fire)._ "IT'S ALL
RIGHT, GRANMA! MY CANDLE IS OUT. I'M ONLY SMOKING MY USUAL WEED!"]
[Illustration: _USEFUL, IF NOT ORNAMENTAL._
_Master Alfred (an ingenious Boy)._ "LOOK HERE, WALTER! SEE WHAT A
JOLLY TARGET OLD AUNT BETSY'S ROUND HAT MAKES."]
[Illustration: _A BACK VIEW._
"NOW, CHARLEY! HERE'S THAT PRETTY ROUND HAT AGAIN--WE _WILL_ HAVE A
LOOK AT HER THIS TIME."]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE
MISSUSES?_--No. I.
_Servant Gal._ "OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MAM, THERE WAS ONE OTHER THINK I
SHOULD LIKE TO 'AVE SETTLED."
_Lady._ "YES?"
_Gal._ "WHERE DO YOU GO TO THE SEA-SIDE IN THE SUMMER? BECAUSE I
COULDN'T STOP AT A DULL PLACE AND WHERE THE HAIR WASN'T VERY BRACING!"]
[Illustration: _OH!_
_Lady._ "YOU DON'T MEAN TO TELL ME, MARY, THAT MY NEW CRYSTAL MILK JUG
IS BRO----!"
_Mary._ "YES, 'M, IT'S THE ORKERDEST JUG AS HEVER I SEE--IT JEST TOOK
AND TUMBLED RIGHT OFF ITS 'ANDLE!! WHICH IT'S LEFT ITS 'ANDLE IN MY
'AND, 'M."]
[Illustration: _SOCIAL STRUGGLES._]
[Illustration: _OUR "USED UP" MAN TAKES A WALK WITH HIS COUSINS IN
KENSINGTON GARDENS._]
[Illustration: _AWFUL APPEARANCE OF A "WOPPS" AT A PICNIC._]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE SYSTEM._
"AW! PUMMELL, WHAT DO I OWE YOU?"
"OH! NOT MUCH, SIR. IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE."
"AW! NO. BUT I THINK OF TAKING THE BENEFIT OF THE ACT ABOUT CHRISTMAS;
AND AS A MAN OF SYSTEM, I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT EXACT AMOUNTS."]
[Illustration: _PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL._
_Maid._ "LAW BLESS YER! THAT AIN'T MISSUS'S OWN 'AIR; IT'S A WIG!"]
[Illustration: _PUNCTUALITY IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS._
"NO-O-O. GOOD-NIGHT, OLD CHAP! BUSINESS IS THE SOUL OF
PUNCTUALITY. I MUST GO NOW. I'VE GOT SOME BUSI-BUSINESS TO ATTEND
TO--(_hic_)--LET-TERS TO--WRITE!"]
[Illustration: _EXTREMES MEET._
"THIS IS YOUR BED, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _A LARGE BUMP OF CAUTION._
_Flora._ "OH, LET US SIT HERE, AUNT. THE BREEZE IS SO DELIGHTFUL."
_Aunt._ "YES, DOVE!--IT'S VERY NICE, I DARE SAY; BUT I WON'T COME ANY
NEARER TO THE CLIFF, FOR I AM ALWAYS AFRAID OF _SLIPPING THROUGH THOSE
RAILINGS_!"]
[Illustration: _HEART-BREAKING._
_Philanthropist._ "WHAT NOW, MY MAN?"
_Street Boy._ "THEY'VE BEEN AND GONE AND SPIKED MY PEA-SHOOTER!"]
[Illustration: _A VICTIM OF PLEASURE._
"WHAT A STUNNING MEERSCHAUM YOU'VE GOT THERE, CHARLEY!"
"YES, I THINK IT WILL BE HANDSOME BY THE TIME I'VE PROPERLY COLOURED
IT."]
[Illustration: _A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER._
_First Butcher-Boy._ "SO THEY'VE DONE AWAY WITH SMITHFEL!"
_Second Butcher-Boy._ "AH! THEY'LL SOON BE BOWLING OUT HALL OUR
OLD INSTITOOSHUNS."]
[Illustration: _A VERY GREAT MAN._
"NOW, COLLINS YOU MUST GO OUT VERY DEEP, FOR I WANT TO TAKE A
'HEADER!'"]
[Illustration: _AQUATICS._
_Flora._ "WELL, BUT, TOMMY! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ROW BOTH OF US?"
_Tommy (who fancies himself a perfect Athlete in high condition)._ "ROW
YOU! WHY, JUST YOU LOOK HERE; HERE'S A BICEPS MUSCLE FOR YOU!"]
[Illustration: _SEA-SIDE SATURDAY EVENING.--THE ARRIVAL OF THE
"HUSBANDS' BOAT."_]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. II.
_Housemaid._ "WELL, SOOSAN, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO STOP 'ERE NO
LONGER TO WORK LIKE NEGROES AS WE DO!"
_Cook._ "NOR I, NUTHER! BUT JUST TURN THE MEAT, WILL YOU, PLEASE, THE
WHILST I FINISH MY CROCHET?"]
[Illustration: _IMPROVEMENT IN IRISH AFFAIRS._
"WHOO!--WILL ANY JINTLEMAN BE SO ENGAGIN' AS TO THREAD ON THE TAIL OF
ME REGISTHERED PALLYTOE?"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. III.
_Old Lady._ "WHAT IS IT, BOY?"