AS THEE!"
_Second._ "THEE A MON! WHOY THEE BE'EST ONLY WALKING ABOUT TO SAVE THY
FUNERAL EXPENSES!"]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._
_First Polite Native._ "WHO'S 'IM, BILL?"
_Second Ditto._ "A STRANGER!"
_First Ditto._ "'EAVE 'ARF A BRICK AT 'IM."]
[Illustration: _UP TO WEIGHT._
_Stout Party._ "AHEM! I WANT TO HAVE A LOOK AT THE HOUNDS TO-MORROW! DO
YOU THINK YOU HAVE GOT ANYTHING THAT WOULD CARRY ME?"
_Stable Keeper._ "WELL, SIR! I THINK I HAVE TWO BROWN 'OSSES--AND A
OMNIBUS, AS PERHAPS MIGHT DO IT!"]
[Illustration: _WHY, INDEED?_
_Perceptive Child._ "MAMMA, DEAR! WHY DO THOSE GENTLEMEN DRESS
THEMSELVES LIKE THE FUNNY LITTLE MEN IN MY NOAH'S ARK?"]
[Illustration: _VERY CONSIDERATE._
_Affable Little Gentleman._ "DEAR, OH DEAR! HOW IT RAINS! I'M AFRAID
YOU'LL GET VERY WET--CAN I OFFER YOU A GREAT COAT OR ANYTHING?"]
[Illustration: _CHANGING THE SUBJECT._
_Old Gentleman._ "WELL, WALTER, I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE GOT INTO LATIN AND
GREEK AT SCHOOL BY THIS TIME, EH?"
_Juvenile._ "OH, YES, SIR. I HAVE JUST FINISHED XENOPHON AND
THUCYDIDES, AND AM NOW IN EURIPIDES. BY THE WAY, SIR, HOW WOULD YOU
RENDER THE PASSAGE BEGINNING [Greek: kakôs pepraktai pantachê]?"
_Old Gentleman._ "AHEM! HEY?--WHAT?--AHEM! HERE, RUGGLES, BRING ANOTHER
BOTTLE OF CLARET, AND--EH? WHAT? WALTER, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER JOIN
THE LADIES."]
[Illustration: _MEETING HIM HALF WAY._
_Young Hopeful._ "WELL, IT'S OF NO USE, GOVERNOR; I CAN'T STICK TO
BUSINESS. I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER, AND YOU MUST BUY ME A COMMISSION."
_Governor._ "NO, MY BOY, I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU A COMMISSION, BUT
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I _WILL_ DO; IF YOU WILL GO DOWN TO CHATHAM AND
ENLIST, I WILL GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOUR I WON'T BUY YOU OFF!"]
[Illustration: _MEN OF THE WORLD._
_First Man of the World._ "HEARD OF MISS F----'s MARRIAGE, CHARLEY?"
_Second Do._ "AH! I HEARD IT SPOKEN OF. I BELIEVE IT WAS A MARRIAGE OF
INCLINATION ON BOTH SIDES?"
_First Do._ "YES! IT WAS A BAD JOB. THOSE MATCHES NEVER TURN OUT WELL!"]
[Illustration: _PATERFAMILIAS MAKES HIMSELF INDEPENDENT OF HOTELS._]
[Illustration: _THE BRITON ABROAD._
DID YOU EVER SEE TWO STRANGE ENGLISHMEN BREAKFASTING AT A TABLE D'HOTE
ABROAD? WELL! ISN'T IT A CHEERFUL THING?]
[Illustration: _THE GARRET AND THE CONSERVATORY._
_Genteel Pluralist._ "WHAT THE PEOPLE CAN WANT WITH A CRYSTAL PALACE
ON SUNDAYS, I CAN'T THINK! SURELY THEY OUGHT TO BE CONTENTED WITH THEIR
CHURCH AND THEIR HOME AFTERWARDS."]
[Illustration: _A THOROUGH GOOD COOK_
_Lady._ "THEN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR LAST PLACE, PRAY?"
_Cook._ "WELL, MA'AM, AFTER I'M DONE WORK, I AM VERY FOND OF SINGING
AND PLAYING ON THE ACCORDIUM, AND MISSUS HADN'T USED TO LIKE IT--AND SO
I GIVE NOTICE!"]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC SANITARY REGULATIONS._]
[Illustration: _A MOST ALARMING SWELLING_!]
[Illustration: _INFORMATION._
"JEMMY! WHAT'S A STALL AT THE HOPERA?"
"WELL, I CAN'T SAY, NOT FOR CERTAIN; BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S WHERE THEY
SELLS THE HAPPLES, HORANGES, GINGER BEER AND BISKITS."]
[Illustration: _SELF-ESTEEM._
_Gentleman._ "SIXTY POUNDS A YEAR!! WHY, MAN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT SUCH A
SUM IS MORE THAN IS FREQUENTLY GIVEN TO A CURATE?"
_Flunkey._ "OH, YES, SIR; BUT THEN YOU WOULD HARDLY, I HOPE, GO FOR TO
COMPARE ME WITH THE HINFERIOR ORDER OF CLERGY."]
[Illustration: _GROSS INSULT._
_University "Man" having spent a few days in Town, at the end of Term
is about to go Home._
_Waiter (condescendingly)._ "GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SIR?"
_University_ MAN (_hurling himself into Hansom_). "EUSTON
SQUA-A-A-RE!"]
[Illustration: _CANDID._
_Old Gent._ "THOMAS, I HAVE ALWAYS PLACED THE GREATEST CONFIDENCE IN
YOU. NOW TELL ME, THOMAS, HOW IS IT THAT MY BUTCHER'S BILLS ARE SO
LARGE, AND THAT I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH BAD DINNERS?"
_Thomas._ "REALLY, SIR, I DON'T KNOW, FOR I'M SURE WE NEVER HAVE
ANYTHING NICE IN THE KITCHEN THAT WE DON'T ALWAYS SEND _SOME_ OF IT UP
INTO THE PARLOUR!"]
[Illustration: _DE GUS-TIBUS._
_Uncle._ "SO, YOU'VE BEEN TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE--HAVE YOU, GUS?"
_Gus._ "YES, UNCLE."
_Uncle._ "WELL. NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU SIXPENCE IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT
YOU ADMIRED MOST IN THAT TEMPLE OF INDUSTRY?"
_Gus. (unhesitatingly)._ "VEAL AND 'AM PIES, AND THE GINGER BEER. GIVE
US THE SIXPENCE."]
[Illustration: _AN ENTHUSIASTIC FISHERMAN._
"WHAT A BORE! JUST LIKE MY LUCK. NO SOONER HAVE I GOT MY TACKLE READY,
AND SETTLED DOWN TO A BOOK, THAN THERE COMES A CONFOUNDED BITE!"]
[Illustration: _MELANCHOLY REVERSE OF FORTUNE._
"POOR SWEEPER, LADIES! RAILWAY DIRECTOR ONCE, LADIES!"]
[Illustration: _A COUNTRY BALL._
_First Amiable Lady (very loud)._ "WHAT A REMARKABLY ODD SET OF PEOPLE
ONE MEETS AT A PUBLIC BALL!"
_Second Do._ "OH, VERY DROLL!"
_Poor Little Swell._ "YETH; AND SO THWANGELY DRETHED!"]
[Illustration: _A FACT._
_Flunkey (out of place)._ "THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I SHOULD LIKE
TO ASK YOUR LADYSHIP--HAM I ENGAGED FOR WORK, OR HAM I ENGAGED FOR
ORNAMENT?"]
[Illustration: _RATHER AWKWARD FOR TOMKINS._
_Young Diana._ "I THINK, SIR, IF YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO GO FIRST,
AND BREAK THE TOP RAIL, MY PONY WOULD GET OVER."]
[Illustration: _AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS._
_Whip._ "HOLD HARD, GENTLEMEN! WARE WHEAT! WARE WHEAT!!"
_Young Farmer._ "COME ON, GENTLEMEN. NEVER MIND THE WHEAT--IT'S ONLY
THIRTY SHILLINGS A QUARTER!!"]
[Illustration: _PROFESSOR BUCKWHEAT IMPRESSING THE AGRICULTURAL MIND._]
[Illustration: _GOING "OUT" TO AN "AT HOME."_
_Lovely Woman (to brute of a Husband)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM--FAST
ASLEEP! AND NOT DRESSED, I DECLARE! WHY IT'S NEARLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, AND
THE BROUGHAM HAS BEEN WAITING THIS HALF-HOUR. GO AND GET READY THIS
MOMENT, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _TERRIBLE DOMESTIC INCIDENT._
"LAWK, JOHN! IF YOU HAVEN'T BIN AND LET MASTER'S LIBERY FIRE OUT
AGAIN."]
[Illustration: _FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER._
_Wife of his Bosom._ "UPON MY WORD, MR PEEWITT! IS THIS THE WAY YOU
FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY'--DO
YOU--AND ME A FEMALE!"]
[Illustration: _A SPORTING CHARACTER._
"ARE YOU GOING TO HASCOT, BILL?"
"WHY, YES; I'M GOING TO CHAPERONG THIS YOUNG FEMALE DOWN BY THE RAIL."]
[Illustration: _OUR FOREIGN VISITORS._
_Conductor._ "HOLD HARD, BILL! HERE'S A COUPLE MORE LEICESTER SQUARES
A-COMIN'."]
[Illustration: _TRUE RESPECTABILITY._
_First Costermonger._ "I WONDER A RESPECTABLE COVE LIKE YOU, BILL,
CARRIES YOUR OWN COLLYFLOWERS; WHY DON'T YER KEEP A CARRIDGE LIKE MINE?"
_Second Costermonger._ "WHY DON'T I KEEP A CARRIDGE? WHY, BECAUSE I
DON'T CHOOSE TO WASTE MY HINCUM IN MERE SHOW AND FASHIONABLE DISPLAY!"]
[Illustration: _THE OPERA._
_Box-Keeper._ "STALLS 216 AND 17. THIS WAY, MA'AM; LAST ROW, MA'AM.
WON'T YOU LIKE A BOOK, MA'AM?"]
[Illustration: _SEASONABLE QUESTION._
"DID YOU WANT YER DOOR SWEPT, MARM?"]
[Illustration: _A BRITISH RUFFIAN._
_Lady._ "IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, THERE'S A
GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WILL SETTLE WITH YOU."
_Cabman._ "NO, THERE _AIN'T_! THERE AIN'T _NO GENTLEMAN_ HERE!"
_Lady._ "I TELL YOU THERE IS. THERE IS A GENTLEMAN IN THIS HOUSE."
_Cabman._ "OH, NO, THERE AIN'T, _NOT IF HE BELONGS TO YOU!_"]
[Illustration: _TURFITES._
"I SAY, OLD FELLOW, HOW DO YOU GO TO THE DERBY THIS YEAR?"
"OH, THE OLD WAY--HAMPER AND FOUR."]
[Illustration: _UNSEASONABLE SPORT._
_Wife (much startled)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, REGINALD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT GUN?"
_Reginald (who is very fond of shooting)._ "HUSH! HUSH! MY DEAR--I'VE
KILLED TWO!"
_Wife._ "MY GOODNESS! TWO WHAT?--THIEVES?"
_Reginald._ "NO, DEAR. TWO OF THOSE CONFOUNDED RABBITS THAT ARE ALWAYS
EATING THE VERBENA! THERE, GO TO SLEEP, DARLING--I'LL HAVE ANOTHER
DIRECTLY."]
[Illustration: _A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR._
_Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE DOESN'T WRITE VERY WELL YET, BUT HE GETS ON
NICELY WITH HIS SPELLING. COME, ALEXANDER, WHAT DOES D. O. G. SPELL?"
_Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness)._ "CAT!"]
[Illustration: "_THAT IS THE QUESTION._"
IS WESKETS TO BE GENERALLY WORE THIS SUMMER?]
[Illustration: _ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT._
_Dealer._ "THERE! HE AIN'T A 'ORSE MADE UP FOR SALE, HE'LL GO ON
IMPROVIN' EVERY DAY YOU KEEP HIM--HE WILL."]
[Illustration: _EASY SHAVING._]
[Illustration: _ARITHMETIC IN THE UNIVERSITY._
"I SAY, FRANK, MY BOY--IF TROUNCER'S AT 5 TO 2, AND NUTSHELL AT 3 TO 1,
WHAT'S THE BETTING AGAINST THE PAIR OF THEM!"
"I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW--TAKE YOU 6 TO 1."]
[Illustration: _STARTLING EFFECT OF THE "GOLD DIGGINS."_
Reduced Goldsmith (_loq._). "NOW THEN, HERE YOU ARE!--A HANDSOME GOLD
SNUFFBOX AND A HA'PORTH OF SNUFF FOR A PENNY!"]
[Illustration: _A TEST OF STRENGTH._
_First Languid Party._ "DON'T YOU FIND SEA-AIR VERY STRENGTHENING,
JACK?"
_Second Ditto, Ditto._ "AH, VEWY! I COULD THROW STONES IN THE WATER ALL
DAY!"]
[Illustration: _ELEGANT AND RATIONAL DINNER COSTUME FOR CLOSE WEATHER._]
[Illustration: _HOW DO =YOU= LIKE IT?_]
[Illustration: _A HEAVY BLOW._
_Alderman Gobble._ "WHAW-T; PULL DOWN TEMPLE BAR? OH DEAR! RING FOR THE
SHERRY. THEY'LL BE FOR DESTROYING GOG AND MAGOG NEXT.]"
[Illustration: _OYSTERS IN JUNE--DELICIOUS!_
"NOW, MY LITTLE MAN--HERE'S YOUR FINE NATIVES! ONLY A PENNY A LOT."]
[Illustration: _A PRODIGIOUS NUISANCE._
_Learned (but otherwise highly objectionable) Child (loq.)._ "OH,
MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK? I ASKED MR. ---- AND MISS ---- TO
NAME SOME OF THE REMARKABLE EVENTS FROM THE YEAR 700 TO THE YEAR 600
B.C., AND THEY COULDN'T. BUT _I_ CAN--AND--THE SECOND MESSINIAN WAR
COMMENCED; AND--THE POET TYRTÆUS FLOURISHED; BYZANTIUM WAS FOUNDED BY
THE INHABITANTS OF MEGARA; DRACO GAVE LAWS TO ATHENS; TERPANDER OF
LESBOS, THE MUSICIAN AND POET; THALES OF MILETUS, THE PHILOSOPHER;
ALCÆUS AND SAPPHO, THE POETS, FLOURISHED; AND NEBUCHADNEZ----"
[_Sensation from right and left, during which the voice of
Child is happily drowned._ ]
[Illustration: LITTLE BOY HAS A PENN'ORTH--
_ALARMING RESULT!_]
[Illustration: _HOW TO MAKE CULPRITS COMFORTABLE; OR, HINTS FOR PRISON
DISCIPLINE._]
[Illustration: _SAILORS ON SHORE CAROUSING--AS IT WILL BE WHEN THE GROG
IS STOPPED._]
[Illustration: _SUBURBAN FELICITY. GRATIFYING DOMESTIC (POULTRY)
INCIDENT._
_Buttons._ "OH! PLEASE'M! BE QUICK'M! HERE'S THE COACHING CHINA A
CLUCKING LIKE ANYTHINK. HE'VE BEEN AND LAID A HEGG!!!"]
[Illustration: _DURING THE FROST A CERTAIN FOX-HUNTER INCREASES IN
WEIGHT, AND GETS TOO BIG FOR HIS CLOTHES._]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. IX.
_TABLEAU--REPRESENTING MR. BRIGGS OUT FOR A DAY'S RABBIT-SHOOTING._]
[Illustration: _COLD COMFORT._
_Country Friend to Sporting Gent from Town._ "WELL, JACK, I TOLD YOU WE
SHOULD HAVE A CAPITAL DAY. YOU SEE THE FROST IS QUITE GONE."]
[Illustration: _THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Railway Guard._ "NOW, MA'AM, IS THIS YOUR LUGGAGE?"
_Old Lady (who concludes she is attacked by Brigands)._ "OH, YES!
GENTLEMEN, IT'S MINE. TAKE IT--TAKE ALL I HAVE--BUT SPARE, OH SPARE OUR
LIVES!!"]
[Illustration: _TRUE POLITENESS._
_Alderman Gobble._ "NOW, THEN, GALS! I'VE QUITE DONE. CAN I GET YOU ANY
GRUB?"]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. X
_A FRIEND HAS GIVEN MR. BRIGGS A DAY'S SHOOTING._
A COCK PHEASANT GETS UP, AND MR. BRIGGS'S IMPRESSION IS, THAT A
VERY LARGE FIREWORK HAS BEEN LET OFF CLOSE TO TO HIM. HE IS ALMOST
FRIGHTENED TO DEATH.]
[Illustration: _FISHING--WITH FLIES._]
[Illustration: _THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS IN A HURRY TO GET TO THE
STATION--CAB-HORSE JIBS MOST RESOLUTELY._
_Old Gent._ "NOW, THEN, DRIVER. WHATS THE MATTER?"
_Cabman._ "OH, IT'S NOTHIN', SIR. HE'S ONLY A LEETLE TOO FRESH, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _HOW No. 4 ENJOYED HIMSELF,_ AND _HOW _No._ 8 SUFFERED
IN CONSEQUENCE._]
[Illustration: _SPEAK AS YOU THINK._
"ARE YOU GOING?"
"WHY, YE-ES. THE FACT IS, THAT YOUR PARTY IS SO SLOW, AND I AM WEALLY
SO INFERNALLY BORED, THAT I SHALL GO SOMEWHERE AND SMOKE A QUIET CIGAR."
"WELL, GOOD NIGHT. AS YOU ARE BY NO MEANS HANDSOME, A GREAT PUPPY, AND
NOT IN THE LEAST AMUSING, I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO."]
[Illustration: _A HORRIBLE BUSINESS._
_Master Butcher._ "DID YOU TAKE OLD MAJOR DUMBLEDORE'S RIBS TO NO. 12?"
_Boy._ "YES, SIR."
_Master Butcher._ "THEN CUT MISS WIGGLES'S SHOULDER AND NECK, AND HANG
MR. FOODLE'S LEGS TILL THEY'RE QUITE TENDER!"]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING.
[Illustration: No. I.
_MR. BRIGGS HAS BACKED HIMSELF TO RIDE A STEEPLE CHASE AGAINST HIS
FRIEND MUFFINS, OF THE ST--K EXCH--NGE. HE IS GOING ROUND THE COURSE
JUST TO LOOK AT THE JUMPS._
_Spectator (to MR. B.)_. "OH NO, SIR!--THIS AIN'T THE BIG ONE. THE BIG
ONE IS AFTER YOU GET OUT OF THE LANE, AND AFORE YOU COME TO THE BROOK!"]
[Illustration: _OUR ENGLISH CLIMATE._
MAY-DAY FOR THE SWEEPS.]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING.
[Illustration: No. II.
MR. BRIGGS IS WEIGHED, OF COURSE.]
[Illustration: No. III.
HIS FRIENDS RECOMMEND HIM A LITTLE JUMPING POWDER.]
[Illustration: No. IV.
HERE HE TAKES A PRELIMINARY CANTER, AND PUTS HIS HORSE AT A FLIGHT OF
HURDLES.]
[Illustration: No. V.
AND GETS OVER VERY CLEVERLY.]
[Illustration: No. VI.
SOME TIME AFTER THE START, MR. BRIGGS GOES ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE
FLAG, AND IS OBLIGED TO GO BACK, WHICH, AS THE GROUND IS RATHER HEAVY,
"TAKES IT OUT OF OLD BLUNDERBUSS CONSIDERABLY."]
[Illustration: No. VII.
WHO, IN CONSEQUENCE, MAKES A MISTAKE AT THE NEXT FENCE.]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING
[Illustration: No. VIII.
HOWEVER, MR. BRIGGS IS NOT HURT; AND, AFTER SOME EXERTION,
RE-MOUNTS.]
[Illustration: No. IX.
MR. BRIGGS, AS HE APPEARED COMING TO THE BROOK. IN THE DISTANCE MAY BE
OBSERVED HIS OPPONENT, WHO HAS A NASTY FALL, BUT FORTUNATELY TUMBLES ON
HIS HEAD.]
[Illustration: No. X.
MR. BRIGGS AS HE APPEARED IN THE BROOK.]
[Illustration: No XI.
AS HE APPEARED WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE BROOK.]
[Illustration: No. XII.
PORTRAIT OF MR. BRIGGS WINNING THE RACE. N.B. THE DENSE CROWD IS
CHEERING HIM.]
[Illustration: _DISTRESSING RESULT OF EMIGRATION._
_Lady._ "YES, MY DEAR. JOHN LEFT US WITHOUT ANY WARNING, AND WE
CAN'T MATCH THE OTHER FOOTMAN, BECAUSE ALL THE TALL MEN ARE GONE TO
AUSTRALIA."]
[Illustration: _THE ROAD-SIDE ON THE DERBY DAY._
A "DRAG" FULL OF GUARDSMEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE PASSING.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC BLISS._
_Young Mother (joyously)._ "THE DEAR LITTLE CREATURE IS GETTING ON SO
NICELY; ITS BEGINNING QUITE TO TAKE NOTICE."--_First Mother of a Family
(blandly)._ "OH! MY DEAR! THAT IS NOT TAKING NOTICE; ITS ONLY THE
WIND."--_Second Ditto._ "YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A LITTLE DILL-WATER, DEAR,
YOU WOULD FIND," &c. &c.--_Third Ditto._ "WELL, IF IT WAS MY CHILD, I
SHOULD," &c. &c.--_Fourth Ditto._ "NOW, WHEN I WAS NURSING MY LITTLE
GREGORY, I USED," &c. &c.--_Fifth Ditto._ "WELL, NOW, I WOULD NOT FOR
THE WORLD THAT A BABY OF MINE," &c. &c.--_Sixth Ditto._ "INDEED, I
HAVE KNOWN CHILDREN OBLIGED TO ENDURE THE MOST HORRIBLE AGONY," &c.
&c.--_Seventh Ditto._ "DEPEND UPON IT, LOVE; AND YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD A
LARGE FAMILY--AND IF YOU WILL BE ADVISED BY ME," &c. &c.
[_Young Mother becomes quite bewildered, and gives herself up
to despair._]
[Illustration: _SEA-SIDE LITERATURE FOR YOUNG LADIES; OR, DELIGHTS OF
CROCHET._
_First Young Lady (reads)._ "10TH ROW--3 LONG WITH THREE CHAIN AFTER
EACH INTO THIRD SMALL SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 5 LONG WITH THREE
CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO MIDDLE SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 3 LONG WITH
3 CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO NEXT SPACE, 1 LONG IN SAME SPACE, 5 CHAIN,
DITTO IN MIDDLE OF LARGE SPACE, 5 CHAIN; REPEAT."
_Second and Third Young Ladies (in ecstacies)._ "OH, HOW SWEETLY
PRETTY!!!"]
[Illustration: _FRIGHTFUL UPSET OF DIGNITY._
_Conductor._ "NOW, MARM! WITE-CHAPEL, OR MILE-END?--ONLY A PENNY"]
[Illustration: _INTERESTING._
"I HAVE CALLED, MR. SQUILLS, TO SAY THAT MY DARLING LITTLE DOG (!) HAS
TAKEN ALL HIS MIXTURE, BUT HIS COUGH IS NO BETTER."]
[Illustration: _SUMMER IN ELYSIUM._ AND _THE LONG VACATION IN ARCADIA._]
[Illustration: _A SAVAGE REPROOF._
_Indignant Master of Hounds._ "NOW, YOU SIR! MIND THE HOUND! HE'S WORTH
FORTY TIMES AS MUCH AS YOUR HORSE!"]
[Illustration: _WHAT A DREADFUL STORY!_
_Stout Party._ "STOP! HERE! CABMAN! WE WANT TO GO AS FAR TER-WARDS
WHITECHAPEL AS WE CAN FOR SIXPENCE!"
_Cabman._ "VERY SORRY, MUM! BUT THE OSS HAS BIN OUT ALL DAY--DEAD BEAT,
MUM--GOING HOME, MUM."]
[Illustration: _IS IT SO?_
_Old Lady (loq.)._ "BLESS MY HEART! HOW RIDICULOUSLY SMALL THEY DO MAKE
THE EYES OF THE NEEDLES NOW-A-DAYS, TO BE SURE!"]
[Illustration: _A SELL._
_Enter_ SPORTING YOUTH, _who has lost the hounds_.
_Youth._ "SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE, PIKEY?"
_Pikey._ "E-AS, A HAVE--TUPPENSE!"
_A lapse of twenty minutes is supposed to have taken place, when Youth
pays the twopence and gallops on._
[Illustration: _Re-enter_ SPORTING YOUTH.
_Youth (in a high state of excitement)._ "WHY, CONFOUND YOU! I THOUGHT
YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE?"
_Pikey._ "E-AS, SO A DID; SEED 'EM YESTERDAY!"]
[Illustration: _PRIDE._
_Page._ "THAT POOR DEVIL AIN'T MIXED MUCH IN SOCIETY."]
[Illustration: _A BOAT FOR AN HOUR._
_Stout Gentleman._ "WHAT! IS THAT THE ONLY BOAT YOU HAVE IN?"]
[Illustration: _FISHING OFF BRIGHTON._
"OH, YES! IT'S VERY EASY TO SAY 'CATCH HOLD OF HIM!'"]
[Illustration: _AGGRAVATING--RATHER!_]
[Illustration: _FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE._
"OH! HERE'S A GO! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LOST MY DIAMOND RING!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW PURCHASE._
_Blanche (who dotes on horses)._ "THERE, FRANK. ISN'T SHE A PRETTY
CREATURE? PAPA GAVE HER TO ME THIS MORNING--SHE IS SO GOOD-TEMPERED
AND WHAT A NICE HEAD AND NECK SHE HAS! HASN'T SHE? SHE'S QUITE YOUNG,
TOO--AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!--NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY, SIR, EH?"
_Frank (who is so absurd)._ "H'M! LETS SEE, PRETTY
CREATURE!--GOOD-TEMPERED!--NICE HEAD AND NECK!--YOUNG!--AND A BEAUTIFUL
MOUTH!--WHY, I SAY, YOU MAKE A CAPITAL PAIR!"]
[Illustration: _SEA-SIDE.--THE BATHING HOUR._]
[Illustration: _DOING IT THOROUGHLY._
_Old Gent._ "I SAY, MY LITTLE MAN, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HOLD YOUR PONY
TOGETHER GOING UP HILL, AND OVER PLOUGHED LAND!"
_Young Nimrod._ "ALL RIGHT, OLD COCK! DON'T YOU TEACH YOUR GRANDMOTHER
TO SUCK EGGS! THERE'S MY MAN BY THE HAY-STACK WITH MY SECOND HORSE!"]
[Illustration: _NOT WHAT HE WANTED._
MR. HAYCOCK, HAVING HEARD OF THE MERITS OF BRUISED OATS FOR HORSES,
REQUESTS HIS FRIEND BRIGGS TO SEND HIM A COUPLE OF "BRUISERS."
MR. BRIGGS DESPATCHES THE "WHITECHAPEL CHICKEN" AND THE "BAYSWATER
SLASHER."]
[Illustration: _WAITING FOR A DIP._
_Proprietor of Machine (loq.)._ "SORRY TO KEEP YOU SUCH A LONG TIME A
WAITIN', SIR; BUT REALLY THEY STOP IN SUCH A TIME THAT WE HAVEN'T A
MACHINE TO BLESS OURSELVES WITH. THERE'S CRUMPTON'S COTTAGES HAS BEEN
IN THE WATER THIS THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR; AND ALBION HOUSE TAKES THE
LONGEST TIME TO DRESS OF ANY GENT I EVER SEE. OH! HERE'S PROSPECT PLACE
A COMING HOUT. NOW YOU CAN GO IN, SIR."]
[Illustration: _PORTRAIT OF A LADY._]
[Illustration: _JUST LIKE HIM._
_MR. BR--GGS (We suppress the Gentleman's name for obvious reasons)_
THINKS HE WILL GO TO HAMPTON RACES.]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: No. I.
SALUTING HIS SUPERIOR OFFICERS.]
[Illustration: No. II.
HAVING A LITTLE BALL PRACTICE.]
[Illustration: No. III.
GOING ON DUTY.]
[Illustration: _GROUNDLESS ALARM._
_Equestrian._ "NOW, BOY, DON'T YOU BE TAKING OFF YOUR HAT TO MAKE ME A
BOW--YOU'LL FRIGHTEN MY HORSE."
_Boy._ "A--A--A WARN'T A-GOING TO!"]
[Illustration: _WOUNDED PRIDE._
_Small Boy._ "NOW, THEN, YOU SIR! DON'T YOU KNOW NO
BETTER THAN TO RUN AGIN A MIMBER O' PARLIAMENT--JUST
YOU COME BACK, AND PICK UP MY 'AT, OR I'M BLOWED IF I
DON'T MAKE YER!"]
[Illustration: _FLY-FISHING._
FAVOURABLE WIND AND THE TROUT RISING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: No. IV.
FORMS HIMSELF INTO A SQUARE, AND RESISTS A CHARGE OF CAVALRY.]
[Illustration: No. V.
RECEIVES PRESENTATION OF COLOURS.]
[Illustration: _MASTER OF THE SITUATION._
_Flunkey._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR--BUT THERE IS ONE THING I SHOULD
LIKE TO MENTION AT ONCE. I AM AFRAID--A--THAT I AM EXPECTED TO CLEAN
THE BOOTS."
_Gentleman._ "BLESS ME! OH DEAR, NO! THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE; I
ALWAYS CLEAN THEM MYSELF--AND IF YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR SHOES OUTSIDE YOUR
DOOR, I WILL GIVE THEM A POLISH AT THE SAME TIME."]
[Illustration: _ONLY A PENNY! A SENSIBLE AND INGENIOUS TOY FOR
CHILDREN._
(_See London Streets._)]
[Illustration: _TOPSY-TURVEYDOM._]
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.
[Illustration: No. VI.
HAVING BEEN DRUNK AND DISORDERLY, IS ORDERED BY HIS "DASHING WHITE
SERJEANT" TO DO DOUBLE DUTY.]
[Illustration: No. VII.
THE NIGHTS ARE STILL CHILLY; THEREFORE OUR FRIEND WARMS THE BED FOR HIS
FAMILY PREVIOUS TO HIS GOING ON GUARD.]
[Illustration: _AN ORNAMENT TO SOCIETY._
_Equestrian._ "NO, I SHAN'T STOP FOR THE LAST RACE; I MUST GET TO TOWN
TO GO TO AN EVENING PARTY."]
[Illustration: _MIGHT IS RIGHT._
_Van Driver._ "I DON'T KNOW NUTHUN ABOUT NO RIGHT SIDES NOR WRONG
SIDES. YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY, IF YER DON'T WANT TO BE MADE A WAFER OF!"
[_Where are the Police?_]
[Illustration: _LONG VACATION._
"NOW THEN, LATITAT, TUCK IN YOUR SIX-AND-EIGHTPENNY!"]
[Illustration: _THE TRIAL-FOR-MURDER MANIA._
"ALL IN! ALL IN! WALK UP, LADIES! JUST A GOING TO BEGIN! NONE OF YOUR
SHAMS HERE, BUT REAL BULLET-HEADED MURDERERS! ALL IN! ALL IN!"]
[Illustration: _THE SILVER AGE._
_Emma._ "WHAT DO YOU THINK, DEAR GRAN'MA? THE LADIES IN PARIS WEAR
THEIR HAIR TAKEN OFF THE FOREHEAD AND SPRINKLED WITH SILVER!"
_Grandma._ "DO THEY, INDEED! WELL, MY DARLING, SO LONG AS THEY ARE
RESPECTABLE, THERE CAN BE NO HARM IN GREY LOCKS."]
[Illustration: _DELIGHTS OF TRAVEL._
"DEAR! DEAR! DEAR! HOW VERY PROVOKING! HERE'S ONE
END OF THE BARREL COME OUT, AND ALL THE OYSTERS MIXED
WITH MY CLEAN COLLARS!"]
[Illustration: _A MYSTERIOUS VISITOR._
_Domestic._ "HERE'S MISS BRADSHAW, MUM, HAS JUST COME; SHE'S GONE
UP-STAIRS, MUM."
_Angelina._ "OH, VERY WELL--I WILL--"
_Edwin._ "BRADSHAW!! WHO THE DEUCE IS MISS BRADSHAW?"
_Angelina._ "OH, IT'S NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE, DEAR--SHALL I GIVE YOU
SOME MORE TEA, DEAR?"
_Edwin._ "YES; BUT WHO IS MISS BRADSHAW? WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME WHO MISS
BRADSHAW IS?"
_Angelina._ "LAW! EDWIN! IF YOU MUST KNOW, IT'S--IT'S--TH'--THE
_DRESSMAKER_."]
[Illustration: _YOUNG AFFECTION._]
_THE BEST PREVENTIVE AGAINST SEA-SICKNESS._
[Illustration: No. I.
WHEN YOU CROSS THE CHANNEL, ESPECIALLY IF IT SHOULD BE BLOWING HARD,
"KEEP YOUR PECKER UP" (AS THAT AGREEABLE RATTLE, YOUNG FIPPSON, CALLS
IT) BY MAKING A HEARTY MEAL AT THE "SHIP" OR "PAVILION."]
[Illustration: No. III.
_THE RESULT._]
[Illustration: No. II.
AND ONCE ON BOARD, FIX YOUR EYES UPON SOME DISTANT OBJECT, AND ADAPT
THE MOVEMENTS OF YOUR BODY TO THE ROLLING OF THE VESSEL, AND THE RESULT
WILL PROBABLY BE, AS SHOWN ABOVE IN NO. III.]
[Illustration: _ALARMING EFFECT PRODUCED BY IMPRUDENTLY TRYING THE HAT
AND TABLE-MOVING EXPERIMENT._]
[Illustration: _VERY KIND._
"WELL! GOOD BYE, UNCLE! I'VE ENJOYED MYSELF VERY MUCH IN THE COUNTRY;
AND IF YOU WILL RUN UP TO LONDON AT ANY TIME, I'LL SHOW YOU A LITTLE
LIFE!"]
[Illustration: SET FAIR.]
[Illustration: STORMY, AND MUCH RAIN.]
_OUT OF TOWN._
[Illustration: _A BATH AT BOULOGNE._
APPALLING POSITION OF MR. AND MRS. TOMKINS, WHO HAD A JIB HORSE WHEN
THE TIDE WAS COMING IN.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. I.
THE NOSE OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS PUT OUT OF JOINT BY THE YOUNG ELEPHANT.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. II.
DELICATE STATE OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS. IT IS ORDERED CHANGE OF AIR, AND A
LITTLE SEA-BATHING.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. III.
THE HIPPOPOTAMUS HAS QUITE RECOVERED, AND IS TAKEN OUT FOR AN AIRING.]
[Illustration: _CONSOLS AT 90._
_Husband._ "WELL! I DECLARE I'M QUITE GLAD IT'S A WET DAY. IT WILL BE
AN EXCUSE TO STOP AT HOME WITH MY DARLING LITTLE PIPSEY POPSY. WHAT DO
YOU SAY, DICKEY! EH? PRETTY DICK! PRETTY DICK!"]
[Illustration: _CONSOLS AT 80._