WELL ENOUGH. IT'S CLEAN; YOUR STREETS ARE HAIRY; AND YOU'VE LOTS OF
REWINS. BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR CHAMPAGNE; ITS ALL GEWSBERRY."]
[Illustration: _AN IMPENDING DISASTER._
_Boy._ "OH! IF YOU PLEASE'M--COOK'S VERY SORRY'M--BUT COULD SHE SPEAK
TO YOU A MOMENT?"]
_MORE FREE THAN WELCOME._
[Illustration: _Scene--The Kitchen._
_Cook._ "WHO WAS THAT AT THE DOOR, MARY?"
_Mary._ "OH! SUCH A NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN WITH MOUSTARCHERS. HE'S A
WRITIN' A LETTER IN THE DRAWING-ROOM. HE SAYS HE'S A OLD SCHOOL-FELLER
OF MASTER'S, JUST COME FROM INGIA."
[Illustration: _Scene--The Hall._
THE NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN IS SEEN DEPARTING WITH WHAT GREAT-COATS AND
OTHER TRIFLES HE MAY HAVE LAID HIS HANDS UPON.]
[Illustration: _WALTONIANS._
_Scene.--Room in Country House.--Breakfast-Table._
_Master Tom._ "OH, ROBERT!"
_Robert._ "YES, SIR!"
_Master Tom._ "OH, I SAY, ROBERT! THE LADIES WANT ME TO TAKE 'EM OUT
FISHING TO-DAY. SO JUST TELL YOUNG EVANS I SHALL WANT HIM TO GO WITH ME
TO GET SOME WASP GRUBS; AND--LOOK HERE! TELL THE GARDENER HE MUST GET
ME SOME LARGE LOBWORMS DIRECTLY, AND A FEW SMALL FROGS, AS PERHAPS WE
SHALL TRY FOR A JACK. AND--HI! ROBERT, TELL HIM TO SEND 'EM IN HERE,
THAT I MAY SEE WHETHER THEY'RE THE RIGHT SORT!"
[_General Exclamation of "Nasty Monkey!" from the Ladies. Old Gentleman
being rather deaf, wishes_ MASTER TOM'S _remarks repeated_.]
[Illustration: _FISHING OFF A WATERING PLACE._
PERHAPS THE JOLLIEST THING IN THE WORLD(!)]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF FEELING._
_Gentleman._ "OH, CERTAINLY! YOU CAN GO, OF COURSE; BUT, AS YOU HAVE
BEEN WITH ME FOR NINE YEARS, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE REASON."
_Thomas._ "WHY, SIR, ITS MY _FEELINS_. YOU USED ALWAYS TO READ PRAYERS,
SIR, YOURSELF--AND SINCE MISS WILKINS HAS BEEN HERE, SHE'S BIN
A-READING OF 'EM. NOW, I CAN'T _BEMEAN_ MYSELF BY SAYIN' 'AMEN' TO A
GUV'NESS."]
[Illustration: _THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS._
_Serious Flunkey._ "I SHOULD REQUIRE, MADAM, FORTY POUNDS A YEAR, TWO
SUITS OF CLOTHES, TWO 'ATS, MEAT AND HALE THREE TIMES A DAY, AND PIETY
HINDISPENSABLE."]
[Illustration: _A FRAGMENT._
"AND WILL YOU ALWAYS--ALWAYS, DEAREST ALBERIC, LOVE ME THUS?" SAID
CONSTANCE.
"EVER, WHILE THIS HEART BEATS WITH LIFE!" PASSIONATELY EXCLAIMED
ALBERIC.
"THEN COULD YOU LEND ME FIVE POUNDS?" MURMURED THE LADY; "FOR REALLY
THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT I," &C., &C., &C.]
[Illustration: _A FALSE POSITION._
_Individual (who is not over strong in his head, or firm on his
legs)._ "D-D-D-D-ID WALTZING--EVER--MAKE--YOU--GIDDY? BECAUSE,
I--SHALL--BE--HAPPY--TO--SIT--DOWN--WHENEVER--YOU'RE--TIRED!"
_Girl (who is in high dancing condition)._ "OH, DEAR NO--I COULD WALTZ
ALL NIGHT!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW BONNET._
_Frederick._ "THERE NOW, HOW VERY PROVOKING! I'VE LEFT THE PRAYER-BOOKS
AT HOME!"
_Maria._ "WELL, DEAR, NEVER MIND; BUT DO TELL ME, _IS MY BONNET
STRAIGHT_?"]
[Illustration: _IN CAMP.--HOSPITALITY._
_Officer._ "WELL, BUT LOOK HERE, OLD FELLOW; WHY NOT STOP ALL NIGHT?"]
[Illustration: _A GREAT MENTAL EFFORT._
_First Cock Sparrow._ "WHAT A MIWACKULOUS TYE, FWANK! HOW THE DOOSE DO
YOU MANAGE IT?"
_Second Cock Sparrow._ "YAS. I FANCY IT IS RATHER GRAND; BUT THEN, YOU
SEE, I GIVE THE WHOLE OF MY MIND TO IT."]
[Illustration: _COMING HOME._
_Old Party (who is taking care of the house)._ "OH, YES, SIR. YOU'LL
FIND THE ROOM NICE AN' CLEAN--AN' I'M SURE THE BED'S HAIRED--FOR I'VE
BIN AN' SLEP IN IT MY OWN SELF HEVERY NIGHT."]
[Illustration: _OH! THE CURTAINS._
_Objectionable Child._ "LOR, PA! ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE? MY EYE! WON'T
YOU CATCH IT WHEN MA COMES HOME, FOR MAKING THE CURTAINS SMELL!"]
[Illustration: _DISTRACTION._
_Wife of your Bussum._ "OH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, DEAR. I ONLY
WANT SOME MONEY FOR BABY'S SOCKS--AND TO KNOW WHETHER YOU WILL HAVE THE
MUTTON COLD OR HASHED."]
[Illustration: _A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT._
_William._ "HERE'S WISHIN' YOU GOOD 'EALTH, JIM, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
_James._ "THANK'YE, BILL, THANK'YE. I HAD OUGHT TO BE A HAPPY COVE--FOR
I'VE GOT A WIFE AS CAN THRASH ANY MAN OF HER WEIGHT--AND I'VE GOT A
CHILD OF TWO YEARS AND A ARF AS CAN EAT TWO POUNDS O' BEEFSTEAK AT A
SITTING--LET ALONE OWNIN' THE SMALLEST BLACK AND TAN TERRIER IN THE
WORLD!"]
[Illustration: _A DELICIOUS SAIL--OFF DOVER._
_Old Lady._ "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MR. BOATMAN! WHAT'S THAT?"
_Stolid Boatman._ "THAT, MUM! NUTHUN, MUM. ONLY THE ARTILLERY A
PRAC-_TI_-SIN', AND THAT'S ONE O' THE CANNON-BALLS WHAT'S JUST STRUCK
THE WATER!!"]
[Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT, LADEN WITH NOVELS, IN A STORM._
_Ancient Mariner._ "HOLD ON A BIT, MISS--I'LL TOW YOU OFF--YOU SHOULD
NEVER CARRY SO MUCH SAIL IN A SOU-WESTER!"]
[Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 1.
_Street Boy (to his natural enemy, the Policeman)._ "SNOWBALLS, SIR!
NO, SIR! I HAVEN'T SEEN NO ONE THROW NO SNOWBALLS, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 2.
_Street Boy._ "HOH! SOOSANNER! DON'T YER CRY FOR ME! FOL DE ROL DE
RIDDLE LOL! HERE'S A JOLLY SLIDE! CUT AWAY, YOUNG 'UN! IT'S ALL
SERENE!"]
[Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 3.
_Playful Youth._ "PLEASE, SIR, I WASN'T A HEAVIN' AT YOU--I WAS HEAVIN'
AT BILLY JONES."]
[Illustration: _THE BIRTHDAY._
_Cousin Emily._ "AND SO IT'S LITTLE ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY TO-MORROW. NOW,
WHAT WOULD HE LIKE BEST FOR A PRESENT?"
_Alfred (after much reflection)._ "WHY, I THINK I SHOULD LIKE A--I
SHOULD LIKE A TESTAMENT--AND--A--A--AND--OH, _I_ KNOW! I SHOULD LIKE A
SQUIRT!!"]
[Illustration: _DIVISION OF LABOUR._
_Sportsman (in Standing Beans)._ "WHERE TO NOW, JACK?"
_Jack._ "WELL! LET'S SEE! I SHOULD JUST GO UP THE BEANS AGAIN, AND
ACROSS THE TOP END, BEAT DOWN THE OTHER SIDE AND ROUND BY THE BOTTOM;
WHILE YOU'RE THERE, GET OVER AND TRY OLD HAYCOCK'S STANDING OATS--HE
WON'T MIND--I'LL STOP HERE AND MARK!"]
[Illustration: _A HARD RIDER._
_Man on the Grey (who comes Express pace over the Stile, and cannons
against two quiet riders)._ "BEG PARDON, GENTLEMEN, BUT MY HORSE HAS
GOT _NO MOUTH_!"]
[Illustration: _BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY._
_Doctor._ "AHEM! WELL! AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND
ADOLPHUS?"
_Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE'S NOT AT ALL THE THING, DOCTOR. HE WAS AT A
JUVENILE PARTY LAST NIGHT, WHERE THERE WAS A TWELFTH CAKE; AND IT PAINS
ME TO SAY, THAT BESIDES EATING A GREAT DEAL TOO MUCH OF THE CAKE, HE
WAS IMPRUDENT ENOUGH TO EAT A HARLEQUIN AND A MAN ON HORSEBACK, AND, I
AM SORRY TO ADD, A CUPID AND A BIRDCAGE FROM THE TOP OF IT!"]
[Illustration: _KNOWLEDGE IS POWER._
_Tom._ "JACK! WHEREABOUTS IS AMSTID--AM?"
_Jack._ "WELL, I CAN'T SAY EXACKERLY, BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMEWHERE NEAR
AMSTID-EATH!"]
[Illustration: _HOW TO MAKE A CHATELAINE A REAL BLESSING TO MOTHERS._]
[Illustration: _THE PIKE IS A VORACIOUS FISH, AND BITES VERY READILY IN
THE WINTER MONTHS._
OLD GENTLEMAN IS _VERY_ FOND OF FISHING!!]
[Illustration: _A NICE GAME AT BILLIARDS._
_Pretty Cousin._ "LET ME SEE, FREDERICK, I'M JUST EIGHTEEN TO YOUR
LOVE?"
_Frederick (who is always so ridiculous)._ "THAT IS PRECISELY THE STATE
OF THE CASE, MY DEAREST GEORGINA."
_Mamma (with severity)._ "COME, LUNCHEON IS QUITE READY."]
[Illustration: _VERY FINE GENTLEMEN._
_Master of the House._ "NOW, PRAY WHAT IS IT YOU COMPLAIN OF? IS NOT A
ROAST LEG OF MUTTON, WITH PLENTY OF PUDDING, VEGETABLES, AND BEER, A
SUBSTANTIAL DINNER ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
_Flunkey._ "OH! SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH, NO DOUBT, SIR; BUT IT REALLY IS A
_QUIZZEEN_ THAT--AW--ME AND THE OTHER GENTLEMEN HAS NOT BIN ACCUSTOMED
TO. ITS VERY CORSE--VERY CORSE, INDEED, SIR!!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT!_
_Nervous Gentleman._ "DON'T YOU THINK, ROBERT, GOING SO FAST DOWN HILL
IS VERY LIKELY TO MAKE THE HORSE FALL?"
_Robert._ "LOR BLESS YER--NO, SIR! I NEVER THROWED A OSS DOWN IN MY
LIFE, 'XCEPT ONCE, AND THAT WAS ONE FROSTY MOONLIGHT NIGHT (JUST SUCH A
NIGHT AS THIS IT WAS), AS I WAS A-DRIVIN' A GENT (AS MIGHT BE YOU) FROM
THE STATION, WHEN I THROWED DOWN THIS WERRY OSS IN THIS WERRY IDENTICAL
PLACE."]
[Illustration: _A TIGHT FIT._
"YOUR BATH IS QUITE READY, MA'AM."
"WELL BUT MY GOOD GIRL, I CAN'T GET INTO SUCH A BIT OF A THING AS
THAT!"]
[Illustration: _A PUZZLING ORDER._
"I'LL TROUBLE YOU TO MEASURE ME FOR A NEW PAIR OF BOOTS."]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
[Illustration: No. XII.
MR. BRIGGS, STIMULATED BY THE ACCOUNTS IN THE NEWSPAPERS OF THE DARING
FEAT OF HORSEMANSHIP AT AYLESBURY, AND EXCITED BY MR. HAYCOCK'S CLARET,
TRIES WHETHER HE ALSO CAN RIDE OVER A DINING-ROOM TABLE.]
[Illustration: _NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (?)_
_First Old Foozle._ "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE PAPER, SIR? THERE'S
NOTHING IN IT."
_Second Old Foozle._ "THEN WHAT THE DEVIL DID YOU KEEP IT SO LONG FOR?"]
[Illustration: _A SUGGESTION._
_Driver._ "WHERE DID THE OLD GENT WANT TO GO TO, BILL?"
_Conductor._ "VY, HE WANTED TO GO TO BLACKWALL IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR."
_Driver._ "OH! DID HE? THEN HE'D BETTER ORDER A BALLOON!!!"]
[Illustration: _VALUABLE HINT._
ALWAYS BOLT THE DOOR OF YOUR MACHINE AFTER BATHING, OR YOU MAY BE
SERVED AS POOR MR. BRIGGS WAS ONE DAY. HIS DISASTER IS REPRESENTED
ABOVE.]
[Illustration: _AN ARTFUL EXCUSE._
_Servant Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MEM. COULD I GO OUT FOR HALF-AN-HOUR TO
BUY A BIT OF RIBBIN, MEM?"]
[Illustration: _MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING, No. XIII.
MR. BRIGGS HAS GONE TO THE EXHIBITION.--A BOY HOLDS HIS HORSE IN THE
MEANTIME.]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH OF CHARACTER BY PROFESSOR MILKANSOP, THE
CELEBRATED GRAPHIOLOGIST._
_Gentleman (reads)._ "'INTELLIGENT; STRONG RELIGIOUS FEELINGS; FOND OF
LITTLE CHILDREN; LOVES MUSIC, POETRY, AND THE FINE ARTS; IS RELUCTANT
TO TAKE OFFENCE, GENEROUS AND FORGIVING.'--WELL, I'M BLOWED, IF THAT
AIN'T WONDERFUL! WHY, ITS MY KARACTER TO A T!"]
[Illustration: _AN INGENIOUS FELLOW._
"LOOK HERE, MY BOY! THE BOX MAKES A CAPITAL TABLE, AND THE BOOT IS JUST
THE THING FOR YOUR LEGS."
[_Pocket-book disappears._]
[Illustration: _A WEIGHTY MATTER._
_Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone)._ "I'M DOOCED GLAD WE'RE
IN THE HEAVIES; AIN'T YOU, CHARLEY? IT WOULD BE A HORRID BORE TO BE
SENT OUT TO THE CAPE LIKE THOSE POOR LIGHT BOBS."]
[Illustration: _OUR YOUNG PEOPLE._
_Juvenile._ "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, GOVERNOR, THE SOONER WE COME TO
SOME UNDERSTANDING THE BETTER. YOU CAN'T EXPECT A YOUNG FELLER TO BE
ALWAYS AT HOME; AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I GO ON, WHY I MUST HAVE
CHAMBERS, AND SO MUCH A-WEEK?"]
[Illustration: _A PERSONAL OPINION._
_Elderly Spinster._ "SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED, DEAR, ARE YOU?
WELL, FOR MY PART, I THINK NINE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETY-NINE MARRIAGES OUT
OF A THOUSAND TURN OUT MISERABLY; BUT OF COURSE EVERY ONE IS THE BEST
JUDGE OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS."]
[Illustration: _LITTLE WOMEN._
_First Matron._ "HAS YOUR DOLL HAD THE MEASLES, AMELIA? MINE HAS--"
_Second Matron._ "NO, DEAR, BUT IT'S BEEN VERY FRACTIOUS ABOUT ITS
TEETH, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A LITTLE GREY POWDER."]
[Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. No. 1.
_OUR FRIEND BRIGGS CONTEMPLATES A DAY'S FISHING._]
[Illustration: _A GROSS OFFENCE._
_Flunkey._ "HOW DARE YOU BRING ME A STEEL FORK, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _CAUGHT._
_Domestic (soliloquising)_. "WELL! I'M SURE MISSUS HAD BETTER GIVE THIS
NEW BONNET TO ME, INSTEAD OF STICKING SUCH A YOUNG-LOOKING THING UPON
HER OLD SHOULDERS."
(_The impudent minx has immediate warning_)]
[Illustration: _STREET DIALOGUE._
_First Boy._ "I'LL PUNCH YER ED, IF YER SAY MUCH."
_Second Boy._ "WHO'LL PUNCH MY ED?"--_First Boy._ "I WILL."
_Second Boy._ "_YOU_ WILL?"--_First Boy._ "YES, _I_ WILL."
_Second Boy._ "WELL!--DO IT."--_First Boy._ "AH!"
_Second Boy._ "YES!"--_First Boy._ "OH!"
[_Boys evaporate._]
[Illustration: _A PRUDENT RESOLVE._
_'Ousemaid._ "WELL, MR. ROBERT, I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE OFF TO THE DIGGINGS
ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE GENTLEMEN?"
_Flunkey._ "NOT IF I KNOWS IT, MARY, MY DEAR. I AIN'T BEEN ACCUSTOMED
TO FIZZICAL EXERTION; AND I DON'T INTEND TO BEGIN HARD WORK AT MY TIME
OF LIFE."]
[Illustration: _USED UP._
_Grandmamma._ "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY PET?"
_Child._ "WHY, GRANDMA, AFTER GIVING THE SUBJECT EVERY CONSIDERATION, I
HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT--THE WORLD IS HOLLOW, AND MY DOLL IS
STUFFED WITH SAWDUST. SO--I--SHOULD--LIKE--IF YOU PLEASE, TO BE A NUN!"]
[Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. II.
_MR. BRIGGS STARTS ON HIS FISHING EXCURSION._]
[Illustration: No. III.
MR. B WON'T HAVE A MAN WITH HIM, AS HE THINKS HE CAN MANAGE A PUNT BY
HIMSELF; AND THE CONSEQUENCE IS, HE IS OBLIGED TO GO TO BED WHILE HIS
THINGS ARE DRIED, HAVING UPSET HIMSELF, AS A MATTER OF COURSE.]
[Illustration: _ENERGETIC._
"HI!--THERE!--STOP!"]
[Illustration: _HUNTING MEMORANDUM--APPEARANCE OF THINGS IN GENERAL TO
A GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST TURNED A COMPLETE SOMERSAULT!!_
* &C. &C. REPRESENT SPARKS OF DIVERS BEAUTIFUL COLOURS]
[Illustration: _MANNERS MAKE THE MAN._
_Omnibus Driver._ "I BEG YOU A THOUSAND PARDONS, I AM SURE."
_Cabman._ "OH, PRAY DON'T MENTION IT. ITS OF NO CONSEQUENCE, BELIEVE
ME!"]
[Illustration: _MUCH TOO CLEVER._
_Sharp (but vulgar Little Boy)._ "HALLO, MISSUS, WOT ARE THOSE?"
_Old Woman._ "TWOPENCE."
_Boy._ "WHAT A LIE! THEY'RE APPLES."
[_Exit, whistling popular air._]
[Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. IV.
MR. BRIGGS TRIES (FOR MANY HOURS) A LIKELY PLACE FOR A PERCH; BUT UPON
THIS OCCASION THE WIND IS NOT IN A FAVOURABLE QUARTER.]
[Illustration: No. V.
MINNOW CAUGHT BY MR. BRIGGS; EXACT SIZE OF LIFE.]
[Illustration: _RETURNING FROM THE SEA-SIDE.--A LITTLE COMMISSION._
"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR,--MRS. GENERAL SLOWCOACH'S COMPLIMENTS, AND
SHE SAYS IF YOU'RE GOING BY THE TRAIN THIS MORNING, SHE WOULD FEEL
PERTICKLER OBLIGED BY YOUR TAKING CHARGE OF THIS LITTLE CASK OF
SEA-WATER AS FAR AS HER 'OUSE."]
[Illustration: _ANGLING IN THE SERPENTINE.--SATURDAY, P.M._
_Piscator No. 1._ "HAD EVER A BITE, JIM?"
_Piscator No. 2._ "NOT YET--I ONLY COME HERE LAST WEDNESDAY!"]
[Illustration: _SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.--(FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.)_
"THE COUNTRY IS AWFULLY DEEP, BUT THE FALLING IS DELIGHTFULLY SOFT AND
SAFE."]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. VI.
_MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY'S FISHING._
HE IS SO FORTUNATE AS TO CATCH A LARGE EEL.]
[Illustration: _AN UNDESIGNED INCIDENT._
"HOW COOL AND NICE THE FRENCH-POLISHED FLOORS ARE,--BUT--UGH!--OH
DEAR!--HOW HARD!"]
[Illustration: _NO PLACE LIKE HOME._
PATERFAMILIAS PREFERS HIS OWN BEDROOM (WHICH THE WHITEWASHERS HAVE JUST
LEFT) TO THE DISCOMFORT OF AN HOTEL.]
[Illustration: _THE GENTLE CRAFT._
_Contemplative Man (in punt)._ "I DON'T SO MUCH CARE ABOUT THE SPORT.
IT'S THE DELICIOUS REPOSE I ENJOY SO."]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. VII.
_TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS OF MR. BRIGGS._
SOMEHOW OR OTHER (ASSISTED BY HIS LITTLE BOY WALTER), HE CATCHES A
JACK, WHICH, TO USE MR. B.'S OWN WORDS, FLIES AT HIM, AND BARKS LIKE A
DOG.]
[Illustration: _SPLENDID DAY WITH THE "QUEEN'S."_
_First Sporting Snob._ "WELL, BILL, WHAT SORT OF A DAY HAVE YER HAD?"
_Second Ditto._ "OH, MAGNIFICENT, MY BOY! I SEE THE 'OUNDS SEVERAL
TIMES; AND NONE OF YER NASTY 'EDGES AN' DITCHES, EITHER; BUT A PRIME
TURNPIKE ROAD ALL THE WAY."]
[Illustration: _DREADFUL CRISIS._
_Victim._ "HOPE YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED, SIR; BUT I SHOULD BE VERY
GLAD IF YOU COULD SETTLE MY LITTLE BILL UP TO CHRISTMAS."
_Mr. Dunup._ "OFFENDED, MY DEAR BOY! NOT IN THE LEAST. BUT THE FACT IS,
I HAVE 'SUSPENDED CASH PAYMENTS' FOR SOME TIME."]
[Illustration: _FOX STEALS AWAY FROM THE COVER; BEARDED FOREIGNER OF
DISTINCTION IMMEDIATELY GIVES CHASE._
_Whipper-in (with excitement, loquitur)._ "'OLD 'ARD, THERE! 'OLD 'ARD!
WHERE ARE YOU A-GALLOPING TO? DO YOU THINK _YOU_ CAN CATCH A FOX?"
_Foreigner of Distinction (with great glee)._ "I DO NOT KNOW, MON AMI;
BUT I WILL TRAI--I WILL TRAI!"]
[Illustration: _THE PIC-NIC._
_Contented Man (loq.)._ "WHAT A NICE DAMP PLACE WE HAVE SECURED;
AND HOW VERY FORTUNATE WE ARE IN THE WEATHER; IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO
PROVOKING FOR US ALL TO HAVE BROUGHT OUR UMBRELLAS AND THEN TO HAVE HAD
A FINE DAY!! GLASS OF WINE, BRIGGS, EH?"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. VIII.
MR. BRIGGS, ANXIOUS TO BECOME A "COMPLETE ANGLER," STUDIES THE "GENTLE
ART" OF FLY-FISHING.]
[Illustration: No. IX.
MR. B. GOES OUT. HIS CHIEF DIFFICULTY IS, THAT EVERY TIME HE THROWS
HIS LINE--THE HOOKS (OF WHICH THERE ARE FIVE) WILL STICK BEHIND IN HIS
JACKET AND TR-WS-RS.]
[Illustration: _MEN OF EXPERIENCE._
_Tom._ "AH, BILL! I'M QUITE TIRED OF THE DISSIPATION OF THE GAY AND
FASHIONABLE WORLD. I THINK I SHALL MARRY AND SETTLE."
_Bill._ "WELL, I'M DEVILISH SICK OF A BACHELOR'S LIFE MYSELF, BUT I
DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THROWING MYSELF AWAY IN A HURRY."]
[Illustration: _QUITE UNNECESSARY._
_Juvenile._ "OH, CHARLEY. IF YOU HEAR A REPORT THAT I'M GOING TO BE
MARRIED TO THAT GIRL IN BLACK, YOU CAN CONTRADICT IT. THERE'S NOTHING
IN IT."]
[Illustration: _NOT VERY LIKELY._
_Mistress._ "WELL, I'M SURE! AND PRAY WHO IS THAT?"
_Cook._ "OH, IF YOU PLEASE'M, IT'S ONLY MY COUSIN WHO HAS CALLED JUST
TO SHOW ME HOW TO BOIL A POTATO."]
[Illustration: _EVERY LITTLE HELPS._
I SAY, TOMMY, COME AND SHOVE. HERE'S THE POOR 'ORSE CAN'T GET THE
WAGGIN UP!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. I.
MR. BRIGGS THINKS OF RUNNING DOWN THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW TO HIS
FRIEND HAYCOCK FOR A DAY'S SHOOTING, AND HAS BORROWED A DOG TO GO WITH
HIM. FOR THE NINTH TIME DURING THE NIGHT HE HAS BEEN DISTURBED BY THE
HOWLING OF THE ANIMAL.]
[Illustration: No. II.
MR. BRIGGS NO SOONER RETURNS TO HIS BED, THAN MRS. BRIGGS SAYS, "MY
DEAR! THERE'S THAT NASTY, TIRESOME DOG AGAIN!!"]
[Illustration: _THE RISING GENERATION._
_Eton Boy (loq.)._ "COME, GOVERNOR! JUST ONE TOAST, 'THE LADIES!'"]
[Illustration: _WHEN IT IS DELIGHTFUL TO LOSE A BET._
_Grace._ "_TEDDINGTON_ FIRST?--THEN THAT WILL MAKE FOUR DOZEN AND A
HALF. REMEMBER, SIXES! TWO DOZEN WHITE, AND THE REST PALE DRAB AND
LAVENDER."]
[Illustration: _REWARD OF MERIT._
_Ragged Urchin._ "PLEASE, GIVE DAD A SHORT PIPE."
_Barman._ "CAN'T DO IT. DON'T KNOW HIM."
_Ragged Urchin._ "WHY, HE GETS DRUNK HERE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT."
_Barman._ "OH! DOES HE, MY LITTLE DEAR? THEN 'ERES A NICE LONG 'UN,
WITH A BIT OF WAX AT THE END."]
[Illustration: _CRUEL._
"REMEMBER THE STEWARD, SIR, IF YOU PLEASE."]
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES Of SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. III.
9 A.M., HIS ARRIVAL ON THE MOOR. MR. BRIGGS SAYS THAT THE FINE BRACING
AIR MAKES HIM SO VIGOROUS THAT HE SHALL NEVER BE BEAT. HE ALSO
FACETIOUSLY REMARKS THAT HE IS ON "HIS NATIVE HEATH," AND THAT HIS
"NAME IS MACGREGOR!"]
[Illustration: _THE STARVED-OUT ALDERMAN._
DREADFUL CASE OF DESTITUTION.]
[Illustration: No. IV.
11 A.M. MR. BRIGGS BEGINS TO SHOW SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS. HE FINDS HIS
"NATIVE HEATH" A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO HIS "NATIVE FLAGSTONES."]
[Illustration: _AN OCEAN SWELL._
THE DELIGHTFUL PROCESS OF DRESSING IN A BATHING-MACHINE.]
[Illustration: _AN EXCLUSIVE._
_Enter Small Swell (who drawls as follows)._ "A--BROWN, A--WANT SOME
MORE COATS!"
_Snip._ "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU PLEASE TO WANT?"
_Small Swell._ "A--LET ME SEE; A'LL HAVE EIGHT. A--NO, A'LL HAVE NINE;
LOOK HERE! A--SHALL WANT SOME TROWSERS."
_Snip._ "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE?"
_Small Swell._ "A--I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. S'POSE WE SAY TWENTY-FOUR
PAIRS; AND LOOK HERE! SHOW ME SOME PATTERNS THAT WON'T BE WORN BY ANY
SNOBS!"]
[Illustration: _ELEGANT HABIT._
_Mamma._ "MY DEAR FREDERICK, DO PRAY TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR
POCKETS!"
_Frederick._ "COULDN'T DO IT, MAMMA, DEAR; ALL OUR MEN AT CAMBRIDGE
WEAR THEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS, AND I COULDN'T DISGRACE MY COLLEGE
BY TAKING MINE OUT!!"]
[Illustration: _PITY IS AKIN TO LOVE._
_Boy (loq.)._ "O DON'T I PITY THEM POOR NOBS IN _CARRIDGES_ THIS HOT
WEATHER!"]
[Illustration: _AN OMNIBUS INCIDENT._
_Man (thrusting his hand into the window)._ "WILL YOU BUY A PENKNIFE
WITH A HUNDRED BLADES, SIR?"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. V.
12 A.M. TOTAL PROSTRATION OF MR. BRIGGS.]
[Illustration: _ANALOGY._
_Sporting Man (loquitur)._ "I SAY, CHARLES--THAT'S A PROMISING
LITTLE FILLY ALONG O' THAT BAY-HAIRED WOMAN WHO'S TALKING TO THE
BLACK-COB-LOOKING MAN!"]
[Illustration: _JOHN THOMAS MISPLACED._
_Lady._ "YOU WISH TO LEAVE--REALLY IT'S VERY INCONVENIENT. PRAY--HAVE
YOU ANY REASON TO BE DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR PLACE?"
_Flunkey._ "OH, DEAR NO, MA'AM--NOT DISSATISFIED EXACTLY: BUT--A--THE
FACT IS, MA'AM, YOU DON'T KEEP NO VEHICLE, AND I FIND I MISS MY
CARRIAGE EXERCISE."]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE PRUDENCE._
_Maria (loq.)._ "MY DEAR CHARLES, BEFORE WE THINK OF MARRYING, I MUST
ASK YOU WHAT YOU HAVE?"
_Charles._ "MY DEAR MARIA, I WILL TELL YOU FRANKLY THAT ALL I HAVE IN
THE WORLD IS A DRUM AND A CRICKET BAT; BUT PAPA HAS PROMISED ME A BOW
AND ARROWS, AND A PONY, IF I'M A GOOD BOY."
_Maria._ "OH! MY DEAR CHARLES, WE COULD NEVER LIVE AND KEEP HOUSE UPON
THAT!"]
[Illustration: _HOUSEMAIDS REFUSING SERVICE IN BELGRAVIA._
_Lady Emily._ "NOW DEAR, I WISH YOU WOULD BE QUICK, AND LIGHT THE
FIRES, AND HELP ME TO MAKE THE BEDS."
[_The Barracks being removed from Knightsbridge. Young Ladies do the
Housework._]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. VI.
MR. BRIGGS IS OFF AGAIN SHOOTING.]
[Illustration: _GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME
PLUMS._
_Master Tom_. "NOW, THEN, GRANNY, I'VE EATEN THE PLUMS, AND IF YOU
DON'T GIVE ME SIXPENCE, I'LL SWALLOW THE STONES!"]
[Illustration: _MAKING THE BEST OF IT._]
[Illustration: _HORRIBLE INCIDENT IN REAL LIFE._
AS THE SERVANTS ARE GONE TO BED, THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE ENDEAVOURS TO
GET A LITTLE BIT OF SUPPER FOR HIMSELF. HE CAN'T CONCEIVE WHERE THE
DEUCE THE THINGS ARE ALL KEPT; AND HE IS ALMOST TORN TO PIECES BY THE
BLACK NATIVES OF THE KITCHEN.]
[Illustration: _RATHER SEVERE._
"SHALL I 'OLD YOUR 'ORSE, SIR?"]
[Illustration: _A FAULTY MIRROR._
"LOR! WHAT A MOST ABOMINABLE GLASS.--I DECLARE IT MAKES ONE LOOK A
PERFECT FRIGHT!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. VII.
FORTUNATELY FOR MR. BRIGGS (WHO _WILL_ LOAD HIS OWN GUN BECAUSE _THEN_
HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS ABOUT) THE KEEPER DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS PUT ABOUT
THREE-QUARTERS OF A POUND OF SHOT INTO HIS RIGHT-HAND BARREL.]
[Illustration: _GRAND SHOW OF PRIZE VEGETARIANS._]
[Illustration: _CONSOLATION._
"NOT KITCHED NONE! AH! SIR, YOU SHOULD HA' BIN HERE LAST TOOSDAY; THERE
WAS TOO GENTS KILLED A UNCOMMON SIGHT A' FISH TO BE SURE, THEN."]
[Illustration: _BOTTOM FISHING._
_Piscator No. 1. (miserably)._ "NOW, TOM, _DO_ LEAVE OFF. IT ISN'T OF
ANY USE; AND IT'S GETTING QUITE DARK."
_Piscator No. 2._ "LEAVE OFF!! WHAT A PRECIOUS DISAGREEABLE CHAP YOU
ARE. YOU COME OUT FOR A DAY'S PLEASURE AND YOU'RE ALWAYS A-WANTING TO
GO HOME!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
[Illustration: No. VIII.
FEW THINGS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN TO BE SHORT OF POWDER WHEN THERE IS
A CHANCE OF GOOD SPORT. MR. BRIGGS FEELING THIS, ORDERS A GOOD SUPPLY,
TO BANG AWAY AT THE PHEASANTS TO-MORROW. HE SUGGESTS TO MRS. BRIGGS,
THAT IT SHOULD BE KEPT UNDER THEIR BED, TO BE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE
CHILDREN!!]
[Illustration: _A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT A FESTIVE SEASON._
_Mamma._ "WHY, MY DEAREST ALBERT, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?--SO GOOD,
TOO, AS YOU HAVE BEEN ALL DAY!"
_Spoiled Little Boy._ "BOO-HOO! I'VE EATEN SO--MUCH BE-EF AND T-TURKEY,
THAT I CANT EAT ANY P-PLUM P-P-PUDDING!"
_Oh, what a very greedy little fellow!_]
[Illustration: _A PRIVATE OPINION._
"WELL, I THINK THIS IS THE NEATEST THING I HAVE SEEN FOR A LONG TIME."]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT._
_Old Acquaintance._ "AVE A DRAIN, BILL?"
_Bus Driver._ "WHY, YER SEE, JIM, THIS 'ERE YOUNG HOSS HAS ON'Y BIN
IN 'ARNES ONCE AFORE, AND HE'S SUCH A BEGGAR TO BOLT, TEN TO ONE
IF I LEAVE 'IM HE'LL BE A-RUNNIN' HOFF AND A-SMASHIN' INTO SUTHUN.
HOWSEVER--HERE (_handing reins to timid passenger_), LAY HOLD, SIR,
_I'LL CHANCE IT!_"]
[Illustration: _A REAL DIFFICULTY._
_Coachman._ "WHY--WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHN THOMAS?"
_Footman._ "MATTER ENUFF! HERE'S THE MARCHIONESS BIN AN GIV ME NOTICE
BECAUSE I DON'T MATCH JOSEPH,--AND I MUST GO, UNLESS I CAN GET MY FAT
DOWN IN A WEEK!"]
[Illustration: _BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._