The setting up and the bowling over of the generals commanding the army
defending Washington from McDowell at Bull Run to Meade at Gettysburg,
resembles a grim game at tenpins. The President, who tried to find a
professional captain to relieve him of his responsibility as nominally
war-chief of the national forces, therefore smiled sarcastically when
the ninety-ninth deputation came to suggest still another aspirant to
be the new Napoleon, and said to it:
"Gentlemen, your request and proposition remind me of two gentlemen in
Kentucky.
"The flat lands there bordering on the rivers are subject to
inundations, so the fordable creek becomes in an instant a broad lake,
deep and rapidly running. These two riders were talking the common
topic--in that famous Blue Grass region where fillies and _fill-es_, as
the _voyageur_ from Canada said in his broken English, are
unsurpassable for grace and beauty. Each fell to expatiating upon the
good qualities of his steed, and this dialogue was so animated and
engrossing they approached a ford without being conscious of outer
matters. There was heavy rain in the highlands and an ominous sound in
the dampening air. They entered the water still arguing. Then, at
midway, while they came to the agreement to exchange horses, with no
'boot,' since each conceded the value of the animals, the river rose.
In a twinkling the two horses were floundering, and the riders, taken
for once off their balance, lost stirrup and seat, and the four
creatures, separated, were struggling for a footing in the boiling
stream. Away streaked the horses, buried in foam, three or four miles
down, while the men scrambled out upon the new edge.
"Gentlemen," concluded the President, drawing his moral with his
provoking imperturbability, "those men looked at each other, as they
dripped, and said with the one voice: 'Ain't this a lesson? Don't swap
horses crossing a stream!'"--(Heard by Superintendent Tinker, war
telegrapher.)
* * * * *
"NO PLACING THORNS IN THE SIDE OF MY WORST ENEMY!"
The Free Constitution of Maryland was the work of Lincoln. His and its
supporters made a party to go to Washington and congratulate the
President on the victory. They had a band and serenaded him in the
White House until he came forth. But he said, to the dampening of their
ardor, when the cheering had subsided:
"My friends, I appreciate this honor very highly, but I am very sorry
to see you rejoice over the defeat of those opposed to us. It is
furthest from my desire to place a thorn in any one's side, though he
be my worst enemy."--(Recited by Mr. Hy. G. Willis, Baltimore, in the
_Sun_ of that city.)
* * * * *