THIRTEENTH WEEK

I find that gardening has unsurpassed advantages for the study of

natural history; and some scientific facts have come under my own

observation, which cannot fail to interest naturalists and

un-naturalists in about the same degree. Much, for instance, has

been written about the toad, an animal without which no garden would

be complete. But little account has been made of his value: the

beauty of his eye alone has been dwelt on; and little has been said

of his mouth, and its important function as a fly and bug trap. His

habits, and even his origin, have been misunderstood. Why, as an

illustration, are toads so plenty after a thunder-shower? All my

life long, no one has been able to answer me that question. Why,

after a heavy shower, and in the midst of it, do such multitudes of

toads, especially little ones, hop about on the gravel-walks? For

many years, I believed that they rained down; and I suppose many

people think so still. They are so small, and they come in such

numbers only in the shower, that the supposition is not a violent

one. "Thick as toads after a shower," is one of our best proverbs.

I asked an explanation 'of this of a thoughtful woman,--indeed, a

leader in the great movement to have all the toads hop in any

direction, without any distinction of sex or religion. Her reply

was, that the toads come out during the shower to get water. This,

however, is not the fact. I have discovered that they come out not

to get water. I deluged a dry flower-bed, the other night, with

pailful after pailful of water. Instantly the toads came out of

their holes in the dirt, by tens and twenties and fifties, to escape

death by drowning. The big ones fled away in a ridiculous streak of

hopping; and the little ones sprang about in the wildest confusion.

The toad is just like any other land animal: when his house is full

of water, he quits it. These facts, with the drawings of the water

and the toads, are at the service of the distinguished scientists of

Albany in New York, who were so much impressed by the Cardiff Giant.

The domestic cow is another animal whose ways I have a chance to

study, and also to obliterate in the garden. One of my neighbors has

a cow, but no land; and he seems desirous to pasture her on the

surface of the land of other people: a very reasonable desire. The

man proposed that he should be allowed to cut the grass from my

grounds for his cow. I knew the cow, having often had her in my

garden; knew her gait and the size of her feet, which struck me as a

little large for the size of the body. Having no cow myself, but

acquaintance with my neighbor's, I told him that I thought it would

be fair for him to have the grass. He was, therefore, to keep the

grass nicely cut, and to keep his cow at home. I waited some time

after the grass needed cutting; and, as my neighbor did not appear, I

hired it cut. No sooner was it done than he promptly appeared, and

raked up most of it, and carried it away. He had evidently been

waiting that opportunity. When the grass grew again, the neighbor

did not appear with his scythe; but one morning I found the cow

tethered on the sward, hitched near the clothes-horse, a short

distance from the house. This seemed to be the man's idea of the

best way to cut the grass. I disliked to have the cow there, because

I knew her inclination to pull up the stake, and transfer her field

of mowing to the garden, but especially because of her voice. She

has the most melancholy "moo" I ever heard. It is like the wail of

one uninfallible, excommunicated, and lost. It is a most distressing

perpetual reminder of the brevity of life and the shortness of feed.

It is unpleasant to the family. We sometimes hear it in the middle

of the night, breaking the silence like a suggestion of coming

calamity. It is as bad as the howling of a dog at a funeral.

I told the man about it; but he seemed to think that he was not

responsible for the cow's voice. I then told him to take her away;

and he did, at intervals, shifting her to different parts of the

grounds in my absence, so that the desolate voice would startle us

from unexpected quarters. If I were to unhitch the cow, and turn her

loose, I knew where she would go. If I were to lead her away, the

question was, Where? for I did not fancy leading a cow about till I

could find somebody who was willing to pasture her. To this dilemma

had my excellent neighbor reduced me. But I found him, one Sunday

morning,--a day when it would not do to get angry, tying his cow at

the foot of the hill; the beast all the time going on in that

abominable voice. I told the man that I could not have the cow in

the grounds. He said, "All right, boss;" but he did not go away. I

asked him to clear out. The man, who is a French sympathizer from

the Republic of Ireland, kept his temper perfectly. He said he

wasn't doing anything, just feeding his cow a bit: he wouldn't make

me the least trouble in the world. I reminded him that he had been

told again and again not to come here; that he might have all the

grass, but he should not bring his cow upon the premises. The

imperturbable man assented to everything that I said, and kept on

feeding his cow. Before I got him to go to fresh scenes and pastures

new, the Sabbath was almost broken; but it was saved by one thing: it

is difficult to be emphatic when no one is emphatic on the other

side. The man and his cow have taught me a great lesson, which I

shall recall when I keep a cow. I can recommend this cow, if anybody

wants one, as a steady boarder, whose keeping will cost the owner

little; but, if her milk is at all like her voice, those who drink it

are on the straight road to lunacy.

I think I have said that we have a game-preserve. We keep quails, or

try to, in the thickly wooded, bushed, and brushed ravine. This bird

is a great favorite with us, dead or alive, on account of its taste-

ful plumage, its tender flesh, its domestic virtues, and its pleasant

piping. Besides, although I appreciate toads and cows, and all that

sort of thing, I like to have a game-preserve more in the English

style. And we did. For in July, while the game-law was on, and the

young quails were coming on, we were awakened one morning by firing,-

-musketry-firing, close at hand. My first thought was, that war was

declared; but, as I should never pay much attention to war declared

at that time in the morning, I went to sleep again. But the

occurrence was repeated, -and not only early in the morning, but at

night. There was calling of dogs, breaking down of brush, and firing

of guns. It is hardly pleasant to have guns fired in the direction

of the house, at your own quails. The hunters could be sometimes

seen, but never caught. Their best time was about sunrise; but,

before one could dress and get to the front, they would retire.

One morning, about four o'clock, I heard the battle renewed. I

sprang up, but not in arms, and went to a window. Polly (like

another 'blessed damozel') flew to another window,--

"The blessed damozel leaned out

>From the gold bar of heaven,"

and reconnoitered from behind the blinds.

"The wonder was not yet quite gone

>From that still look of hers,"

when an armed man and a legged dog appeared ir the opening. I was

vigilantly watching him.

. . . . "And now

She spoke through the still weather."

"Are you afraid to speak to him?" asked Polly.

Not exactly,

. . . ."she spoke as when

The stars sang in their spheres.

"Stung by this inquiry, I leaned out of the window till

"The bar I leaned on (was) warm,"

and cried,--

"Halloo, there! What are you doing?"

"Look out he don't shoot you," called out Polly from the other

window, suddenly going on another tack.

I explained that a sportsman would not be likely to shoot a gentleman

in his own house, with bird-shot, so long as quails were to be had.

"You have no business here: what are you after?" I repeated.

"Looking for a lost hen," said the man as he strode away.

The reply was so satisfactory and conclusive that I shut the blinds

and went to bed.

But one evening I overhauled one of the poachers. Hearing his dog in

the thicket, I rushed through the brush, and came in sight of the

hunter as he was retreating down the road. He came to a halt; and we

had some conversation in a high key. Of course I threatened to

prosecute him. I believe that is the thing to do in such cases; but

how I was to do it, when I did not know his name or ancestry, and

couldn't see his face, never occurred to me. (I remember, now, that

a farmer once proposed to prosecute me when I was fishing in a

trout-brook on his farm, and asked my name for that purpose.) He

said he should smile to see me prosecute him.

"You can't do it: there ain't no notice up about trespassing."

This view of the common law impressed me; and I said,

"But these are private grounds."

"Private h---!" was all his response.

You can't argue much with a man who has a gun in his hands, when you

have none. Besides, it might be a needle-gun, for aught I knew. I

gave it up, and we separated.

There is this disadvantage about having a game preserve attached to

your garden: it makes life too lively.

The Complete Writings of Charles Dudley Warner — Volume 1 · 第 22 / 77 题