AS the art of pleasing is to be learnt only by frequenting the best
companies, we must endeavor to pick it up in such companies by
observation; for, it is not sense and knowledge alone that will acquire
esteem; these certainly are the first and necessary foundations for
pleasing, but they will by no means do, unless attended with manners and
attentions.
THERE have been people who have frequented the first companies all their
life time, and yet have never got rid of their natural stiffness and
awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if they were never out of a
servant’s hall: This has been owing to carelessness, and a want of
attention to the manners and behaviour of others.
THERE are a great many people likewise who busy themselves the whole
day, and who in fact do nothing. They have possibly taken up a book
for two or three hours, but from a certain inattention that grows upon
them the more it is indulged, know no more of the contents than if
they had not looked into it; nay, it is impossible for any one to
retain what he reads, unless he reflects and reasons upon it as he
goes on. When they have thus lounged away an hour or two, they will
saunter into company, without attending to any thing that passes
there; but, if they think at all, are thinking of some trifling matter
that ought not to occupy their attention; thence perhaps they go to
the play, where they stare at the company and the lights, without
attending to the piece, the very thing they went to see. In this
manner they wear away their hours, that might otherwise be employed to
their improvement and advantage. This silly suspension of thought they
would pass for _absence of mind_—ridiculous!—Wherever you are, let me
recommend it to you to pay an attention to all that passes; observe
the characters of the persons you are with, and the subjects of their
conversation; listen to every thing that is said, see every thing that
is done, and (according to the vulgar saying) have your eyes and your
ears about you.
A CONTINUAL inattention to matters that occur, is the characteristic of
a weak mind; the man who gives way to it, is little else than a trifler,
a blank in society, which every sensible person overlooks; surely what
is worth doing, is worth doing well, and nothing can be well done, if
not properly attended to. When I hear a man say, on being asked about
any thing that was said or done in his presence, ‘that truly he did not
mind it.’ I am ready to knock the fool down. _Why_ did not he mind
it?—What else had he to do?—A man of sense and fashion never makes use
of this paltry plea, he never complains of a treacherous memory, but
attends to and remembers every thing that is either said or done.
WHENEVER, then, you go into good company, that is the company of people
of fashion, observe carefully their behaviour, their address and their
manner; imitate them as far as in your power. Your attention, if
possible, should be so ready as to observe every person in the room at
once, their motions, their looks, and their turns of expression, and
that without staring, or seeming to be an observer. This kind of
observation may be acquired by care and practice, and will be found of
the utmost advantage to you, in the course of life.