The Clients of Aaron Green.
"And so there were no lawyers in Wolfville?" I said. The Old Cattleman
filled his everlasting pipe, lighted it, and puffed experimentally.
There was a handful of wordless moments devoted to pipe. Then, as one
satisfied of a smoky success, he turned attention to me and my remark.
"Lawyers in Wolfville?" he repeated. "Not in my day; none whatever!
It's mighty likely though that some of 'em's done come knockin' along
by now. Them jurists is a heap persistent, not to say diffoosive, an'
soon or late they shore trails into every camp. Which we'd have had
'em among us long ago, but nacherally, an' as far as argyments goes, we
turns 'em off. Se'f-preservation is a law of nacher, an' these maxims
applies to commoonities as much as ever they does to gents personal.
Wherefore, whenever we notices a law wolf scoutin' about an' tryin' to
get the wind on us, we employs our talents for lyin', fills him up with
fallacies, an' teaches him that to come to Wolfville is to put down his
destinies on a dead kyard; an' he tharupon abandons whatever of plans
he's harbourin' ag'in us, seein' nothin' tharin.
"It's jest before I leaves for the East when one of these coyotes
crosses up with Old Man Enright in Tucson, an' submits the idee of his
professional invasion of our camp.
"'Which I'm in the Oriental at the time,' says Enright, when he relates
about his adventure, 'an' this maverick goes to jumpin' sideways at me
in a friendly mood. Bein' I'm a easy-mannered sport with strangers, he
has no trouble gettin' acquainted. At last he allows that he aims to
pitch his teepee in Wolfville, hang out a shingle, an' plunge into
joorisprudence. "I was thinkin'," says he, "of openin' a joint for the
practice of law. As a condition prior advised by the barkeep, an' one
which also recommends itse'f to me as dictated of the commonest
proodence, I figgers on gainin' your views of these steps."
"'"You does well," I replies, "to consult me on them p'ints. I sees
you're shore a jo-darter of a lawyer; for you handles the language like
a muleskinner does a blacksnake whip. But jest the same, don't for one
moment think of breakin' in on Wolfville. That outfit don't practice
law none; she practices facts. It offers no openin' for your game.
Comin' to Wolfville onder any conditions is ever a movement of gravity,
an onless a gent is out to chase cattle or dandle kyards or proposes to
array himse'f in the ranks of commerce by foundin' a s'loon, Wolfville
would not guarantee his footure any positive reward."
"'"Then I jest won't come a whole lot," says this law sharp. Whereupon
we engages in mootual drinks an' disperses to our destinies.'
"'What you tells this sport,' says Texas Thompson, who's listenin' to
Enright, 'echoes my sentiments exact. Anything to keep out law! It
ain't alone the jedgments for divorce which my wife grabs off over in
Laredo, but it comes to me as the frootes of a experience which has
been as wide as it has been plenty soon, that law is only another word
for trouble in egreegious forms.'
"'So I decides,' retorts Enright. 'Still, I'm proud to be endorsed by
as good a jedge of public disorder an' its preventives as Texas
Thompson. Sech approvals ever tends to stiffen a gent's play. As I
states, I reeverses this practitioner an' heads him t'other way.
Wolfville is the home of friendly confidence; the throne of yoonity an'
fraternal peace. It must not be jeopardised. We-all don't want to
incur no resks by abandonin' ourse'fs to real shore-enough law. It
would debauch us: we'd get plumb locoed an' take to racin' wild an'
cimarron up an' down the range, an' no gent could foresee results.
It's better than even money, that with the advent of a law sharp into
our midst, historians of this hamlet would begin their last chapter.
They would head her: "Wolfville's Last Days."
"'It's twenty years ago,' goes on Enright, 'while I'm that season in
Texas, that a sharp packs his blankets into Yellow City an' puts it up
he'll practice some law. No; he ain't wanted, but he never does give
no gent a chance to say so. He comes trackin' in onannounced, an' the
first we-all saveys, thar's his sign a-swingin', an' ashoorin' the
sports of Yellow City of the presence of
AARON GREEN, ESQ. ATTORNEY-AT-LAW.
"'Nobody gets excited; for while we agrees to prevail on him ultimately
to shift his camp a heap, the sityooation don't call for nothin'
preecipitate. In fact, the idee of him or any other besotted person
turnin' loose that a-way in Yellow City, strikes us as loodicrous.
Thar's nothing for a law-gent to do. I've met up with a heap of camps
in my day; an' I've witnessed the work of many a vig'lance committee;
but I'm yere to state that for painstakin' ardour an' a energy that
never sleeps, the Stranglers of Yellow City is a even break with the
best. They uses up a bale of half-inch rope a year; an' as for law an'
order an' a scene of fragrant peace, that outfit is comparable only
with flower gyardens on a quiet hazy August afternoon.
"'This Aaron Green who prounces thus on Yellow City, intendin' to
foment litigations an' go ropin' 'round for fees, is plenty young; but
he's that grave an' dignified that owls is hilarious to him. One after
the other, he tackles us in a severe onmitigated way, an' shoves his
professional kyard onto each an' tells him that whenever he feels
ill-used to come a-runnin' an' have his rights preserved. Shore! the
boys meets this law person half way. They drinks with him an' fills
him up with licker an' fictions alternate, an' altogether regyards him
as a mighty yoomerous prop'sition.
"'Also, observin' how tender he is, an' him takin' in their various
lies like texts of holy writ, they names him "Easy Aaron." Which he
don't look on "Easy Aaron" none too well as a title, an' insists on
bein' called "Jedge Green" or even "Squar' Green." But Yellow City
won't have it; she sticks to "Easy Aaron"; an' as callin' down the
entire camp offers prospects full of fever an' oncertainty, he at last
passes up the insult an' while he stays among us, pays no further heed.
"'Doorin' the weeks he harbours with us, a gen'ral taste deevelops to
hear this Easy Aaron's eloquence. Thar's a delegation waits on him an'
requests Easy Aaron to come forth an' make a speech. We su'gests that
he can yootilise the Burnt Boot Saloon as a auditorium, an' offers as a
subject "Texas: her Glorious Past, her Glitterin' Present, an' her
Transcendent Footure!"
"'"Thar's a topic!" says Shoestring Griffith to Easy Aaron--Shoestring
is the cha'rman of the committee,--"thar's a burnin' topic for you!
An' if you-all will only come surgin' over to the Burnt Boot right now
while you're warm for the event, I offers two to one you makes Cicero
look like seven cents."
"'But Easy Aaron waves 'em arrogantly away. He declines to go barkin'
at a knot. He says it'll be soon enough to onbuckle an' swamp Yellow
City with a flood of eloquence when proper legal o'casion enfolds.
"'In the room to the r'ar of the apartments where this Easy Aaron holds
forth as a practitioner, thar's a farobank as is nacheral enough. It's
about second drink time in the afternoon, bein' a time of day when the
faro game is dead. A passel of conspirators, with Shoestring Griffith
in the lead, goes to this room an' reelaxes into a game of draw. Easy
Aaron can hear the flutter of the chips through the partition--the same
bein' plenty thin--where he's camped like a spider in its web an'
waitin' for some sport who needs law to show up. Easy Aaron listens
careless an' indifferent to Shoestring an' his fellow blacklaigs as
they deals an' antes an' raises an' rakes in pots, an' everybody mighty
joobilant as is frequent over poker.
"'Of a suddent, roars an' yells an' reecriminations yoosurps the place
of merriment. Then the guns! An' half the lead comes spittin' an'
splittin' through that intervenin' partition like she's kyardboard.
The bullets flies high enough to miss Easy Aaron, but low enough to
invoke a gloomy frame of mind.
"'This yere artillery practice don't continyoo long before Yellow City
descends on Shoestring an' his band of homicides; an' when they've got
'em sorted out, thar's Billy Goodnight too defunct to skin, an'
Shoestring Griffith does it.
"'Thar's no time lost; the Stranglers convenes in the Burnt Boot, an'
exact jestice stands on expectant tiptoe for its prey. But Shoestring
raises objections.
"'"Which before ever you-all reptiles takes my innocent life," says
Shoestring, "I wants a lawyer. I swings off in style or I don't swing.
You hear me! send across for Easy Aaron. You can gamble, I'm going to
interpose a defense."
"'"That's but right," says Waco Anderson who's the chief of the
Stranglers. "Assembled as we be to revenge the ontimely pluggin' of
the late Billy Goodnight, still this Shoestring may demand a even deal.
If some gent will ramble over an' round up Easy Aaron, as Shoestring
desires, it will be regyarded by the committee, an' this lynchin' can
then proceed."
"'Easy Aaron is onearthed from onder his desk where he's still quiled
up, pale an' pantin', by virchoo of the bullets. Jim Wise, who goes
for him, explains that the shower is over; an' also that he's in
enormous demand to save Shoestring for beefin' Billy Goodnight. At
this, Easy Aaron gets up an' coughs 'round for a moment or two,
recoverin' his nerve; then he buttons his surtoot, assoomes airs of
sagacity, tucks the Texas Statootes onder his arm, reepairs to the
Burnt Boot an' allows he's ready to defend Shoestring from said charges.
"'"But not onless my fees is paid in advance," says this Easy Aaron.
"'At that, we-all passes the hat an' each chucks in a white chip or
two, an' when Waco Anderson counts up results it shows wellnigh
eighty-five dollars. Easy Aaron shakes his head like it's mighty
small; but he takes it an' casts himse'f loose. An', gents, he's shore
verbose! He pelts an' pounds that committee with a hailstorm of
observations, ontil all they can do is set thar an' wag their y'ears
an' bat their eyes. Waco Anderson himse'f allows, when discussin' said
oration later, that he ain't beheld nothin' so muddy an' so much since
the last big flood on the Brazos.
"'After Easy Aaron holds forth for two hours, Waco preevails on him
with a six-shooter to pause for breath. Waco's tried twenty times to
get Easy Aaron to stop long enough to let the Stranglers get down a
verbal bet, but that advocate declines to be restrained. He treats
Waco's efforts with scorn an' rides him down like he, Easy Aaron, is a
bunch of cattle on a stampede. Thar's no headin' or holdin' him ontil
Waco, in desperation, takes to tyrannisin' at him with his gun.
"'"It's this," says Waco, when Easy Aaron's subdooed. "If the eminent
gent will quit howlin' right yere an' never another yelp, the committee
is willin' to throw this villain Shoestring loose. Every one of us is
a slave to dooty, but we pauses before personal deestruction in a awful
form. Billy Goodnight is gone; ondoubted his murderer should win the
doom meted out for sech atrocities; but dooty or no dooty, this
committee ain't called on to be talked to death in its discharge.
Yellow City makes no sech demands of its servants; wherefore, I
repeats, that if this Easy Aaron sits mute where he is, we agrees to
cut Shoestring's bonds an' restore him to that freedom whereof he makes
sech florid use."
"'At this, Easy Aaron stands up, puffs out his chest, bows to Waco an'
the others, an' evolves 'em a patronisin' gesture signifyin' that their
bluff is called. Shoestring Griffith is saved.
"'Doorin' the subsequent line-up at the bar which concloods the
ceremonies, Easy Aaron waxes indignant an' is harrowed to observe Billy
Goodnight imbibin' with the rest.
"'"I thought you-all dead!" says Easy Aaron, in tones of wrathful
reproach.
"'"Which I was dead," says Billy, sort o' apol'getic, "but them words
of fire brings me to."
"'Easy Aaron don't make no answer, but as he jingles the fee the sour
look relaxes.
"'As I remarks, Easy Aaron ain't with us over long. Yellow City is
that much worse off than Wolfville that she has a little old 'doby
calaboose that's been built since the old Mexico days. Thar's no
shore-enough jedge an' jury ever comes to Yellow City; an' if the
kyards was so run that we has a captive which the Stranglers deems
beneath 'em, he would be drug 'way over yonder to some county seat.
It's but fair to say that no sech contretemps presents itse'f up to the
advent of Easy Aaron; an' while thar's now an' then a small
accoomulation of felons doorin' sech seasons as the boys is off on the
ranges or busy with the roundups, thar never fails to come a clean-up
in plenty of time. The Stranglers comes back; jestice resoomes her
sway, an' the calaboose is ag'in as empty as a church.
"'It befalls, however, that doorin' the four or five weeks to follow
the acquittal of that homicide Shoestring, an' while Waco Anderson an'
a quorum of the committee is away teeterin' about in their own affairs,
the calaboose gets filled up with two white men and either four or five
Mexicans--I can't say the last for shore, as I ain't got a good mem'ry
for Mexicans. These parties is held for divers malefactions from
shootin' up a Greaser dance-hall to stealin' a cow over on the
Honeymoon.
"'To his joy, Easy Aaron is reetained to defend this crim'nal herd.
It's shore pleasant to watch him! I never sees the sport who's that
proudly content. Easy Aaron visits these yere clients of his every
day; an' when he has time, he walks out onto the plains so far that
you-all can't hear his tones, an' rehearses the speeches he's aimin' to
make when he gets them cut-throats before a jury. We-all could see him
prancin' up an' down, tossin' his hands an' all in the most locoed way.
As I states, he's too far off to be heard none; but he's in plain view
from the front windows of the Burnt Boot, an' we-all finds them antics
plumb divertin.'
"'"These cases," says Easy Aaron to me, for he's that happy an'
enthoosiastic he's got to open up on some gent; "these cases is bound
to fix my fame as the modern Demosthenes. You knows how eloquent I am
about Shoestring? That won't be a marker to the oration I'll frame up
for these miscreants in the calaboose. For why? Shoestring's time I
ain't organised; also, I'm more or less shook by the late bullets
buzzin' an' hummin' like a passel of bloo-bottle flies about my office.
But now will be different. I'll be ready, an' I'll be in a cool
frenzy, the same bein' a mood which is excellent, partic'lar if a gent
is out to break records for rhetoric. I shore regyards them
malefactors as so many rungs for my clamberin' up the ladder of fame."
An' with that this Easy Aaron goes pirootin' forth upon the plains
ag'in to resoome his talking at a mark.
"'It's mebby a week after this exultation of Easy Aaron's, an' Waco
Anderson an' the others is in from the ranges. Yellow City is onusual
vivacious an' lively. You-all may jedge of the happy prosperity of
local feelin' when I assoores you that the average changed in at
farobank each evenin' ain't less than twenty thousand dollars. As for
Easy Aaron, he's goin' about in clouds of personal an' speshul delight.
It's now crowdin' along towards the time when him an' his clients will
adjourn over to that county seat an' give Easy Aaron the opportoonity
to write his name on the deathless calendars of fame.
"'But black disapp'intment gets Easy Aaron squar' in the door. One
morning he reepairs to the calaboose to consult with the felons on
whose interests he's ridin' herd. Horror seizes him; he finds the
cells as vacant as a echo.
"'"Where's these clients?" asks Easy Aaron, while his face grows white.
"'"Vamosed!" says the Mexican who carries the calaboose keys; an' with
that he turns in mighty composed, to roll a cigarette.
"'"Vamoosed, where at?" pursoos Easy Aaron.
"'"_Por el inferno_!" says the Mexican; he's got his cigarette lighted,
an' is puffin' as contented as hoss-thieves. "See thar, _Amigo_!" goes
on the Greaser, indicatin' down the street.
"'Easy Aaron gazes where the Mexican p'ints, an' his heart turns to
water. Thar swayin' an' swingin' like tassels in the mornin' breeze,
an' each as dead as Gen'ral Taylor, he beholds his entire docket
hangin' to the windmill. Easy Aaron approaches an' counts 'em up.
Which they're all thar! The Stranglers shorely makes a house cleanin'.
As Easy Aaron looks upon them late clients, he wrings his hands.
"'"Thar hangs fame!" says Easy Aaron; "thar hangs my chance of
eminence! That eloquence, wherewith my heart is freighted, an' which
would have else declar'd me the Erskine of the Brazos, is lynched with
my clients." Then wheelin' on Waco Anderson who strolls over, Easy
Aaron demands plenty f'rocious: "Whoever does this dastard deed?"
"'"Which this agitated sport," observes Waco coldly to Shoestring
Griffith, who comes loungin' up likewise, "asks whoever does these yere
dastard deeds! Does you-all recall the fate, Shoestring, of the last
misguided shorthorn who gives way to sech a query? My mem'ry is never
ackerate as to trifles, an' I'm confoosed about whether he's shot or
hung or simply burned alive."
"'"That prairie dog is hanged a lot," says Shoestring. "Which the boys
was goin' to burn him, but on its appearin' that he puts the question
more in ignorance than malice, they softens on second thought to that
degree they merely gets a rope, adds him to the windmill with the
others, an' lets the matter drop."
"'Easy Aaron don't crowd his explorations further. He can see thar's
what you-all might call a substratum of seriousness to the observations
of Waco an' Shoestring, an' his efforts to solve the mystery that
disposes of every law case he has, an' leaves him to begin life anew,
comes to a halt!
"'But it lets pore Easy Aaron out. He borrys a hoss from the corral,
packs the Texas Statootes an' his extra shirt in the war-bags, an' with
that the only real law wolf who ever makes his lair in Yellow City,
p'ints sadly no'thward an' is seen no more. As he's about to ride
away, Easy Aaron turns to me. He's sort o' got the notion I ain't so
bad as Waco, Shoestring, an' the rest. "I shall never return," says
Easy Aaron, an' he shakes his head plenty disconsolate. "Genius has no
show in Yellow City. This outfit hangs a gent's clients as fast as
ever he's retained an' offers no indoocements--opens no opportoonities,
to a ambitious barrister."'"