after; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should know the
character of your father, to prevent your despising your mother; the only
parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In London, George had
acquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully concealed from his
father and his commercial connections. The mask he wore, was so complete
a covering of his real visage, that the praise his father lavished on his
conduct, and, poor mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted with his
brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering.
Without any fixed design, as I am now convinced, he continued to single
me out at the dance, press my hand at parting, and utter expressions of
unmeaning passion, to which I gave a meaning naturally suggested by the
romantic turn of my thoughts. His stay in the country was short; his
manners did not entirely please me; but, when he left us, the colouring
of my picture became more vivid--Whither did not my imagination lead me?
In short, I fancied myself in love--in love with the disinterestedness,
fortitude, generosity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had invested
the hero I dubbed. A circumstance which soon after occurred, rendered all
these virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating on other
accounts, and therefore I shall describe it distinctly.]
"I had a great affection for my nurse, old Mary, for whom I used often to
work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a younger sister, married to a sailor,
while she was suckling me; for my mother only suckled my eldest brother,
which might be the cause of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's
sister, lived with her, till her husband, becoming a mate in a West-India
trader, got a little before-hand in the world. He wrote to his wife from
the first port in the Channel, after his most successful voyage, to
request her to come to London to meet him; he even wished her to
determine on living there for the future, to save him the trouble of
coming to her the moment he came on shore; and to turn a penny by
keeping a green-stall. It was too much to set out on a journey the
moment he had finished a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worse than
a thousand leagues by sea.
"She packed up her alls, and came to London--but did not meet honest
Daniel. A common misfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound to
suffer for the good of their country--he was pressed in the river--and
never came on shore.
"Peggy was miserable in London, not knowing, as she said, 'the face of
any living soul.' Besides, her imagination had been employed,
anticipating a month or six weeks' happiness with her husband. Daniel was
to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster Abbey, and to
many sights, which he knew she never heard of in the country. Peggy too
was thrifty, and how could she manage to put his plan in execution
alone? He had acquaintance; but she did not know the very name of their
places of abode. His letters were made up of--How do you does, and God
bless yous,--information was reserved for the hour of meeting.
"She too had her portion of information, near at heart. Molly and Jacky
were grown such little darlings, she was almost angry that daddy did not
see their tricks. She had not half the pleasure she should have had from
their prattle, could she have recounted to him each night the pretty
speeches of the day. Some stories, however, were stored up--and Jacky
could say papa with such a sweet voice, it must delight his heart. Yet
when she came, and found no Daniel to greet her, when Jacky called papa,
she wept, bidding 'God bless his innocent soul, that did not know what
sorrow was.'--But more sorrow was in store for Peggy, innocent as she
was.--Daniel was killed in the first engagement, and then the _papa_ was
agony, sounding to the heart.
"She had lived sparingly on his wages, while there was any hope of his
return; but, that gone, she returned with a breaking heart to the
country, to a little market town, nearly three miles from our village.
She did not like to go to service, to be snubbed about, after being her
own mistress. To put her children out to nurse was impossible: how far
would her wages go? and to send them to her husband's parish, a distant
one, was to lose her husband twice over.
"I had heard all from Mary, and made my uncle furnish a little cottage
for her, to enable her to sell--so sacred was poor Daniel's advice, now
he was dead and gone--a little fruit, toys and cakes. The minding of the
shop did not require her whole time, nor even the keeping her children
clean, and she loved to see them clean; so she took in washing, and
altogether made a shift to earn bread for her children, still weeping for
Daniel, when Jacky's arch looks made her think of his father.--It was
pleasant to work for her children.--'Yes; from morning till night, could
she have had a kiss from their father, God rest his soul! Yes; had it
pleased Providence to have let him come back without a leg or an arm, it
would have been the same thing to her--for she did not love him because
he maintained them--no; she had hands of her own.'
"The country people were honest, and Peggy left her linen out to dry very
late. A recruiting party, as she supposed, passing through, made free
with a large wash; for it was all swept away, including her own and her
children's little stock.
"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen of shirts, stocks and handkerchiefs.
She gave the money which she had laid by for half a year's rent, and
promised to pay two shillings a week till all was cleared; so she did not
lose her employment. This two shillings a week, and the buying a few
necessaries for the children, drove her so hard, that she had not a penny
to pay her rent with, when a twelvemonth's became due.
"She was now with Mary, and had just told her tale, which Mary instantly
repeated--it was intended for my ear. Many houses in this town, producing
a borough-interest, were included in the estate purchased by Mr.
Venables, and the attorney with whom my brother lived, was appointed his
agent, to collect and raise the rents.
"He demanded Peggy's, and, in spite of her intreaties, her poor goods had
been seized and sold. So that she had not, and what was worse her
children, 'for she had known sorrow enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew
that I was good-natured--right charitable, yet not liking to ask for more
than needs must, she scorned to petition while people could any how be
made to wait. But now, should she be turned out of doors, she must
expect nothing less than to lose all her customers, and then she must
beg or starve--and what would become of her children?--'had Daniel not
been pressed--but God knows best--all this could not have happened.'
"I had two mattrasses on my bed; what did I want with two, when such a
worthy creature must lie on the ground? My mother would be angry, but I
could conceal it till my uncle came down; and then I would tell him all
the whole truth, and if he absolved me, heaven would.
"I begged the house-maid to come up stairs with me (servants always feel
for the distresses of poverty, and so would the rich if they knew what it
was). She assisted me to tie up the mattrass; I discovering, at the same
time, that one blanket would serve me till winter, could I persuade my
sister, who slept with me, to keep my secret. She entering in the midst
of the package, I gave her some new feathers, to silence her. We got the
mattrass down the back stairs, unperceived, and I helped to carry it,
taking with me all the money I had, and what I could borrow from my
sister.
"When I got to the cottage, Peggy declared that she would not take what I
had brought secretly; but, when, with all the eager eloquence inspired by
a decided purpose, I grasped her hand with weeping eyes, assuring her
that my uncle would screen me from blame, when he was once more in the
country, describing, at the same time, what she would suffer in parting
with her children, after keeping them so long from being thrown on the
parish, she reluctantly consented.
"My project of usefulness ended not here; I determined to speak to the
attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. His character did not
intimidate me; but, imagining that Peggy must be mistaken, and that no
man could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of complicated distress, I
determined to walk to the town with Mary the next morning, and request
him to wait for the rent, and keep my secret, till my uncle's return.
"My repose was sweet; and, waking with the first dawn of day, I bounded
to Mary's cottage. What charms do not a light heart spread over nature!
Every bird that twittered in a bush, every flower that enlivened the
hedge, seemed placed there to awaken me to rapture--yes; to rapture. The
present moment was full fraught with happiness; and on futurity I
bestowed not a thought, excepting to anticipate my success with the
attorney.
"This man of the world, with rosy face and simpering features, received
me politely, nay kindly; listened with complacency to my remonstrances,
though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. I did not then suspect, that my
eloquence was in my complexion, the blush of seventeen, or that, in a
world where humanity to women is the characteristic of advancing
civilization, the beauty of a young girl was so much more interesting
than the distress of an old one. Pressing my hand, he promised to let
Peggy remain in the house as long as I wished.--I more than returned the
pressure--I was so grateful and so happy. Emboldened by my innocent
warmth, he then kissed me--and I did not draw back--I took it for a kiss
of charity.
"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. Venables'. I had previously
obtained five shillings from my father, towards re-clothing the poor
children of my care, and prevailed on my mother to take one of the girls
into the house, whom I determined to teach to work and read.
"After dinner, when the younger part of the circle retired to the music
room, I recounted with energy my tale; that is, I mentioned Peggy's
distress, without hinting at the steps I had taken to relieve her. Miss
Venables gave me half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; but George sat
unmoved. I was cruelly distressed by the disappointment--I scarcely could
remain on my chair; and, could I have got out of the room unperceived, I
should have flown home, as if to run away from myself. After several
vain attempts to rise, I leaned my head against the marble chimney-piece,
and gazing on the evergreens that filled the fire-place, moralized on the
vanity of human expectations; regardless of the company. I was roused by
a gentle tap on my shoulder from behind Charlotte's chair. I turned my
head, and George slid a guinea into my hand, putting his finger to his
mouth, to enjoin me silence.
"What a revolution took place, not only in my train of thoughts, but
feelings! I trembled with emotion--now, indeed, I was in love. Such
delicacy too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt in my pocket every five
minutes, only to feel the guinea; and its magic touch invested my hero
with more than mortal beauty. My fancy had found a basis to erect its
model of perfection on; and quickly went to work, with all the happy
credulity of youth, to consider that heart as devoted to virtue, which
had only obeyed a virtuous impulse. The bitter experience was yet to
come, that has taught me how very distinct are the principles of virtue,
from the casual feelings from which they germinate.
CHAP. VIII.
"I HAVE perhaps dwelt too long on a circumstance, which is only of
importance as it marks the progress of a deception that has been so fatal
to my peace; and introduces to your notice a poor girl, whom, intending
to serve, I led to ruin. Still it is probable that I was not entirely the
victim of mistake; and that your father, gradually fashioned by the
world, did not quickly become what I hesitate to call him--out of respect
to my daughter.
"But, to hasten to the more busy scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and my
mother died the same summer; and, wholly engrossed by my attention to
her, I thought of little else. The neglect of her darling, my brother
Robert, had a violent effect on her weakened mind; for, though boys may
be reckoned the pillars of the house without doors, girls are often the
only comfort within. They but too frequently waste their health and
spirits attending a dying parent, who leaves them in comparative poverty.
After closing, with filial piety, a father's eyes, they are chased from
the paternal roof, to make room for the first-born, the son, who is to
carry the empty family-name down to posterity; though, occupied with his
own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, in the decline of his
parent's life, the debt contracted in his childhood. My mother's conduct
led me to make these reflections. Great as was the fatigue I endured, and
the affection my unceasing solicitude evinced, of which my mother seemed
perfectly sensible, still, when my brother, whom I could hardly persuade
to remain a quarter of an hour in her chamber, was with her alone, a
short time before her death, she gave him a little hoard, which she had
been some years accumulating.
"During my mother's illness, I was obliged to manage my father's temper,
who, from the lingering nature of her malady, began to imagine that it
was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind of upper servant
attracted my father's attention, and the neighbours made many remarks on
the finery, not honestly got, exhibited at evening service. But I was too
much occupied with my mother to observe any change in her dress or
behaviour, or to listen to the whisper of scandal.
"I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene, lively as is the remembrance,
or on the emotion produced by the last grasp of my mother's cold hand;
when blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, and all will be over!'
Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--and
I have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!'
"My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances of
his unkindness, and wept like a child.
"My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid me be
a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they became
more forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruined
state of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able to
keep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle.
"My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quickly
abated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge from
care was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken his
father's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside at
his table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune,
which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He
was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded by
care. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence of my
uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, too
disinterested, to trace these changes to their source.
My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my liberty was
unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they made me
idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating
on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. I
was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I
say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women but one way of rising
in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes
monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are brought forward as a
proof of inferiority of intellect.
The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Though my
life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it was
paradise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress,
jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasional
tenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing to me;
but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. The
house-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of the family;
and assuming the new character of a fine lady, she could never forgive
the contempt which was sometimes visible in my countenance, when she
uttered with pomposity her bad English, or affected to be well bred.
To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his wonted
benevolence, began to consider in what manner he could extricate me out
of my present irksome situation. In spite of his own disappointment, or,
most probably, actuated by the feelings that had been petrified, not
cooled, in all their sanguine fervour, like a boiling torrent of lava
suddenly dashing into the sea, he thought a marriage of mutual
inclination (would envious stars permit it) the only chance for happiness
in this disastrous world. George Venables had the reputation of being
attentive to business, and my father's example gave great weight to this
circumstance; for habits of order in business would, he conceived, extend
to the regulation of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke
in my uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or to
make a pertinent remark, with all due deference to his superior judgment;
so that my uncle seldom left his company without observing, that the
young man had more in him than people supposed.
In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I am not swayed
by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this silent deference,
when the animal spirits of other young people were throwing off youthful
ebullitions, were not the effect of thought or humility, but sheer
barrenness of mind, and want of imagination. A colt of mettle will curvet
and shew his paces. Yes; my dear girl, these prudent young men want all
the fire necessary to ferment their faculties, and are characterized as
wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George was by
no means so great a favourite of mine as during the first year of our
acquaintance; still, as he often coincided in opinion with me, and echoed
my sentiments; and having myself no other attachment, I heard with
pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought more of obtaining my freedom,
than of my lover. But, when George, seemingly anxious for my happiness,
pressed me to quit my present painful situation, my heart swelled with
gratitude--I knew not that my uncle had promised him five thousand
pounds.
Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me, I should have
insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of my sisters; George
would have contested; I should have seen his selfish soul; and--gracious
God! have been spared the misery of discovering, when too late, that I
was united to a heartless, unprincipled wretch. All my schemes of
usefulness would not then have been blasted. The tenderness of my heart
would not have heated my imagination with visions of the ineffable
delight of happy love; nor would the sweet duty of a mother have been so
cruelly interrupted.
But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired, to be
undermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to describe the
turbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me exultingly declare that
it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with him no more. He cut the
Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken ones, respected; he dissolved
the tie, the fetters rather, that ate into my very vitals--and I should
rejoice, conscious that my mind is freed, though confined in hell itself;
the only place that even fancy can imagine more dreadful than my present
abode.
These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave sigh after
sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I reserved? Why was I
not born a man, or why was I born at all?
END OF VOL. I.
POSTHUMOUS WORKS
OF
MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.
VOL. II.
POSTHUMOUS WORKS
OF THE
AUTHOR
OF A
VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.
IN FOUR VOLUMES.
* * * * *
VOL. II.
* * * * *
_LONDON:_
PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S
CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,
PATERNOSTER-ROW.
1798.
THE
WRONGS OF WOMAN:
OR,
MARIA.
A FRAGMENT.
IN TWO VOLUMES.
VOL. II.
_WRONGS_
OF
WOMAN.
CHAP. IX.
"I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened to
London. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for a strong
motive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at which I could
receive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable, as not to deserve the
cheering appellation. An objection was made to her accompanying me, that
appeared plausible; and I reluctantly acquiesced. I was however willingly
allowed to take with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. London and
preferment, are ideas commonly associated in the country; and, as
blooming as May, she bade adieu to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not
even feel hurt at the refusal in relation to my sister, till hearing what
my uncle had done for me, I had the simplicity to request, speaking with
warmth of their situation, that he would give them a thousand pounds
a-piece, which seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving me a kiss,
'If I had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had found a wasp in a
rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered; and the demon of discord entered
our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breath every opening joy.
"I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding; but, led
astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition is of the
first importance in the relative situations of life, in proportion as I
perceived the narrowness of his understanding, fancy enlarged the
boundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly is the so much vaunted
milkiness of nature turned into gall, by an intercourse with the world,
if more generous juices do not sustain the vital source of virtue!
"One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyes were
once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. My
husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which,
for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, it
required some time to enable me to see his whole character in a just
light, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances were
ripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and gross
relaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement,
till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine
that it no where existed.
"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, that
any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions,
which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they are
frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality which
more or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; the
circumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action.
"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses in
trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly into
riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had been paid very
opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think the assertion, gave
me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him to me. I was glad
to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and my mind became
calmer.
"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres were a
never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followed Mrs.
Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Calista; and I
involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with a
long-drawn sigh,
'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.'
"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquainted
with men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes help
regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from a
temporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknown
sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the novelty
of London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had some
personal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, not
forgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, I
prevailed on my uncle to settle a thousand pounds on each; and to place
them in a school near town, where I could frequently visit, as well as
have them at home with me.
"I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few subjects in
common; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish for my society,
unless he was hinting to me the use he could make of my uncle's wealth.
When we had company, I was disgusted by an ostentatious display of
riches, and I have often quitted the room, to avoid listening to
exaggerated tales of money obtained by lucky hits.