and, not to weary you with a repetition of the same unavailing attempts,
unable to stand at the washing-tub, I began to consider the rich and poor
as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now
cease to reason, but I hated mankind. I despised myself, yet I justified
my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to six months' imprisonment
in a house of correction. My soul recoils with horror from the
remembrance of the insults I had to endure, till, branded with shame, I
was turned loose in the street, pennyless. I wandered from street to
street, till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I sunk down senseless at a
door, where I had vainly demanded a morsel of bread. I was sent by the
inhabitant to the work-house, to which he had surlily bid me go, saying,
he 'paid enough in conscience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I
implored his charity. If those well-meaning people who exclaim against
beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive in many of
these wretched asylums, they would not stifle so easily involuntary
sympathy, by saying that they have all parishes to go to, or wonder that
the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of
work-houses, but prisons, in which many respectable old people, worn out
by immoderate labour, sink into the grave in sorrow, to which they are
carried like dogs!"
Alarmed by some indistinct noise, Jemima rose hastily to listen, and
Maria, turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed been shocked beyond
expression when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the
shoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination
might easily convert into a band of assassins, hastening to conceal the
corpse, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is of
little consequence how we are consigned to the earth; but I am led by
this brutal insensibility, to what even the animal creation appears
forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted manner in which
they died."
"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part
of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of
the distressed, never let them boast of charity. Let them open their
hearts, and not their purses, and employ their minds in the service, if
they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable institutions will
always be the prey of the lowest order of knaves."
Jemima returning, seemed in haste to finish her tale. "The overseer
farmed the poor of different parishes, and out of the bowels of poverty
was wrung the money with which he purchased this dwelling, as a private
receptacle for madness. He had been a keeper at a house of the same
description, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in
his old occupation. He is a shrewd--shall I say it?--villain. He observed
something resolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and
instruct me how to treat the disturbed minds he meant to intrust to my
care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouse, was not
to be despised, though the condition of shutting my eyes and hardening my
heart was annexed to it.
"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many
wretches, and"--she lowered her voice,--"the witness of many enormities.
In solitude my mind seemed to recover its force, and many of the
sentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life,
returned with their full force. Still what should induce me to be the
champion for suffering humanity?--Who ever risked any thing for me?--Who
ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"--
Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindness than she had
ever been by cruelty, hastened out of the room to conceal her emotions.
Darnford soon after heard his summons, and, taking leave of him, Maria
promised to gratify his curiosity, with respect to herself, the first
opportunity.
FOOTNOTES:
[114-A] The copy which appears to have received the author's last
corrections, ends at this place.
CHAP. VI.
ACTIVE as love was in the heart of Maria, the story she had just heard
made her thoughts take a wider range. The opening buds of hope closed, as
if they had put forth too early, and the the happiest day of her life was
overcast by the most melancholy reflections. Thinking of Jemima's
peculiar fate and her own, she was led to consider the oppressed state of
women, and to lament that she had given birth to a daughter. Sleep fled
from her eyelids, while she dwelt on the wretchedness of unprotected
infancy, till sympathy with Jemima changed to agony, when it seemed
probable that her own babe might even now be in the very state she so
forcibly described.
Maria thought, and thought again. Jemima's humanity had rather been
benumbed than killed, by the keen frost she had to brave at her entrance
into life; an appeal then to her feelings, on this tender point, surely
would not be fruitless; and Maria began to anticipate the delight it
would afford her to gain intelligence of her child. This project was now
the only subject of reflection; and she watched impatiently for the dawn
of day, with that determinate purpose which generally insures success.
At the usual hour, Jemima brought her breakfast, and a tender note from
Darnford. She ran her eye hastily over it, and her heart calmly hoarded
up the rapture a fresh assurance of affection, affection such as she
wished to inspire, gave her, without diverting her mind a moment from its
design. While Jemima waited to take away the breakfast, Maria alluded to
the reflections, that had haunted her during the night to the exclusion
of sleep. She spoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited sufferings, and of
the fate of a number of deserted females, placed within the sweep of a
whirlwind, from which it was next to impossible to escape. Perceiving the
effect her conversation produced on the countenance of her guard, she
grasped the arm of Jemima with that irresistible warmth which defies
repulse, exclaiming--"With your heart, and such dreadful experience, can
you lend your aid to deprive my babe of a mother's tenderness, a mother's
care? In the name of God, assist me to snatch her from destruction! Let
me but give her an education--let me but prepare her body and mind to
encounter the ills which await her sex, and I will teach her to consider
you as her second mother, and herself as the prop of your age. Yes,
Jemima, look at me--observe me closely, and read my very soul; you merit
a better fate;" she held out her hand with a firm gesture of assurance;
"and I will procure it for you, as a testimony of my esteem, as well as
of my gratitude."
Jemima had not power to resist this persuasive torrent; and, owning that
the house in which she was confined, was situated on the banks of the
Thames, only a few miles from London, and not on the sea-coast, as
Darnford had supposed, she promised to invent some excuse for her
absence, and go herself to trace the situation, and enquire concerning
the health, of this abandoned daughter. Her manner implied an intention
to do something more, but she seemed unwilling to impart her design; and
Maria, glad to have obtained the main point, thought it best to leave her
to the workings of her own mind; convinced that she had the power of
interesting her still more in favour of herself and child, by a simple
recital of facts.
In the evening, Jemima informed the impatient mother, that on the morrow
she should hasten to town before the family hour of rising, and received
all the information necessary, as a clue to her search. The "Good night!"
Maria uttered was peculiarly solemn and affectionate. Glad expectation
sparkled in her eye; and, for the first time since her detention, she
pronounced the name of her child with pleasureable fondness; and, with
all the garrulity of a nurse, described her first smile when she
recognized her mother. Recollecting herself, a still kinder "Adieu!" with
a "God bless you!"--that seemed to include a maternal benediction,
dismissed Jemima.
The dreary solitude of the ensuing day, lengthened by impatiently
dwelling on the same idea, was intolerably wearisome. She listened for
the sound of a particular clock, which some directions of the wind
allowed her to hear distinctly. She marked the shadow gaining on the
wall; and, twilight thickening into darkness, her breath seemed oppressed
while she anxiously counted nine.--The last sound was a stroke of
despair on her heart; for she expected every moment, without seeing
Jemima, to have her light extinguished by the savage female who supplied
her place. She was even obliged to prepare for bed, restless as she was,
not to disoblige her new attendant. She had been cautioned not to speak
too freely to her; but the caution was needless, her countenance would
still more emphatically have made her shrink back. Such was the ferocity
of manner, conspicuous in every word and gesture of this hag, that Maria
was afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who had faithfully promised to see her
before her door was shut for the night, came not?--and, when the key
turned in the lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, she felt a
degree of anguish which the circumstances scarcely justified.
Continually on the watch, the shutting of a door, or the sound of a
footstep, made her start and tremble with apprehension, something like
what she felt, when, at her entrance, dragged along the gallery, she
began to doubt whether she were not surrounded by demons?
Fatigued by an endless rotation of thought and wild alarms, she looked
like a spectre, when Jemima entered in the morning; especially as her
eyes darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's countenance, almost as
pallid, the intelligence she dared not trust her tongue to demand. Jemima
put down the tea-things, and appeared very busy in arranging the table.
Maria took up a cup with trembling hand, then forcibly recovering her
fortitude, and restraining the convulsive movement which agitated the
muscles of her mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the pain of preparing me
for your information, I adjure you!--My child is dead!" Jemima solemnly
answered, "Yes;" with a look expressive of compassion and angry emotions.
"Leave me," added Maria, making a fresh effort to govern her feelings,
and hiding her face in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguish--"It is
enough--I know that my babe is no more--I will hear the particulars when
I am"--_calmer_, she could not utter; and Jemima, without importuning her
by idle attempts to console her, left the room.
Plunged in the deepest melancholy, she would not admit Darnford's visits;
and such is the force of early associations even on strong minds, that,
for a while, she indulged the superstitious notion that she was justly
punished by the death of her child, for having for an instant ceased to
regret her loss. Two or three letters from Darnford, full of soothing,
manly tenderness, only added poignancy to these accusing emotions; yet
the passionate style in which he expressed, what he termed the first and
fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection might make her some amends
for the cruelty and injustice she had endured," inspired a sentiment of
gratitude to heaven; and her eyes filled with delicious tears, when, at
the conclusion of his letter, wishing to supply the place of her unworthy
relations, whose want of principle he execrated, he assured her, calling
her his dearest girl, "that it should henceforth be the business of his
life to make her happy."
He begged, in a note sent the following morning, to be permitted to see
her, when his presence would be no intrusion on her grief; and so
earnestly intreated to be allowed, according to promise, to beguile the
tedious moments of absence, by dwelling on the events of her past life,
that she sent him the memoirs which had been written for her daughter,
promising Jemima the perusal as soon as he returned them.
CHAP. VII.
"ADDRESSING these memoirs to you, my child, uncertain whether I shall
ever have an opportunity of instructing you, many observations will
probably flow from my heart, which only a mother--a mother schooled in
misery, could make.
"The tenderness of a father who knew the world, might be great; but could
it equal that of a mother--of a mother, labouring under a portion of the
misery, which the constitution of society seems to have entailed on all
her kind? It is, my child, my dearest daughter, only such a mother, who
will dare to break through all restraint to provide for your
happiness--who will voluntarily brave censure herself, to ward off
sorrow from your bosom. From my narrative, my dear girl, you may gather
the instruction, the counsel, which is meant rather to exercise than
influence your mind.--Death may snatch me from you, before you can weigh
my advice, or enter into my reasoning: I would then, with fond anxiety,
lead you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, to
save you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, let the
spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed.--Gain
experience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having, and acquire
sufficient fortitude to pursue your own happiness; it includes your
utility, by a direct path. What is wisdom too often, but the owl of the
goddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart; around me she shrieks,
but I would invite all the gay warblers of spring to nestle in your
blooming bosom.--Had I not wasted years in deliberating, after I ceased
to doubt, how I ought to have acted--I might now be useful and
happy.--For my sake, warned by my example, always appear what you are,
and you will not pass through existence without enjoying its genuine
blessings, love and respect.
"Born in one of the most romantic parts of England, an enthusiastic
fondness for the varying charms of nature is the first sentiment I
recollect; or rather it was the first consciousness of pleasure that
employed and formed my imagination.
"My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted with the
service, on account of the preferment of men whose chief merit was their
family connections or borough interest, he retired into the country; and,
not knowing what to do with himself--married. In his family, to regain
his lost consequence, he determined to keep up the same passive
obedience, as in the vessels in which he had commanded. His orders were
not to be disputed; and the whole house was expected to fly, at the word
of command, as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elemental
strife, big with life or death. He was to be instantaneously obeyed,
especially by my mother, whom he very benevolently married for love; but
took care to remind her of the obligation, when she dared, in the
slightest instance, to question his absolute authority. My eldest
brother, it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect by my
father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house. The
representative of my father, a being privileged by nature--a boy, and the
darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an heir apparent. Such
indeed was my mother's extravagant partiality, that, in comparison with
her affection for him, she might be said not to love the rest of her
children. Yet none of the children seemed to have so little affection for
her. Extreme indulgence had rendered him so selfish, that he only thought
of himself; and from tormenting insects and animals, he became the despot
of his brothers, and still more of his sisters.
"It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty cares which
obscured the morning of my life; continual restraint in the most trivial
matters; unconditional submission to orders, which, as a mere child, I
soon discovered to be unreasonable, because inconsistent and
contradictory. Thus are we destined to experience a mixture of
bitterness, with the recollection of our most innocent enjoyments.
"The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to fashion my
mind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me more pleasure to
revive the fading remembrance of new-born delight, than you, my child,
could feel in the perusal, I will not entice you to stray with me into
the verdant meadow, to search for the flowers that youthful hopes scatter
in every path; though, as I write, I almost scent the fresh green of
spring--of that spring which never returns!
"I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself; my brother
Robert was two years older, and might truly be termed the idol of his
parents, and the torment of the rest of the family. Such indeed is the
force of prejudice, that what was called spirit and wit in him, was
cruelly repressed as forwardness in me.
"My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her from paying
much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze of a neighbouring
heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized the humours that
improper food might have generated. And to enjoy open air and freedom,
was paradise, after the unnatural restraint of our fire-side, where we
were often obliged to sit three or four hours together, without daring to
utter a word, when my father was out of humour, from want of employment,
or of a variety of boisterous amusement. I had however one advantage, an
instructor, the brother of my father, who, intended for the church, had
of course received a liberal education. But, becoming attached to a young
lady of great beauty and large fortune, and acquiring in the world some
opinions not consonant with the profession for which he was designed, he
accepted, with the most sanguine expectations of success, the offer of a
nobleman to accompany him to India, as his confidential secretary.
"A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of his affection;
and the intricacies of business, peculiarly wearisome to a man of a
romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced absence, to increase
his attachment. Every other passion was lost in this master-one, and
only served to swell the torrent. Her relations, such were his waking
dreams, who had despised him, would court in their turn his alliance, and
all the blandishments of taste would grace the triumph of love.--While he
basked in the warm sunshine of love, friendship also promised to shed its
dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he loved next to his mistress, was the
confident, who forwarded the letters from one to the other, to elude the
observation of prying relations. A friend false in similar circumstances,
is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, or the
frigid caution of cold-blooded moralists, make you endeavour to stifle
hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfold themselves during the
spring of life! Whilst your own heart is sincere, always expect to meet
one glowing with the same sentiments; for to fly from pleasure, is not to
avoid pain!
"My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a handsome
fortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the most enchanting
reveries, to England, to share it with his mistress and his friend, he
found them--united.
"There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite, which
aggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the deception,
that had been carried on to the last moment, was so base, it produced the
most violent effect on my uncle's health and spirits. His native country,
the world! lately a garden of blooming sweets, blasted by treachery,
seemed changed into a parched desert, the abode of hissing serpents.
Disappointment rankled in his heart; and, brooding over his wrongs, he
was attacked by a raging fever, followed by a derangement of mind, which
only gave place to habitual melancholy, as he recovered more strength of
body.
"Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were ever
clustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man, who,
disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter sarcasms.
Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began to prattle. Since
his return, he appeared dead to affection; but I soon, by showing him
innocent fondness, became a favourite; and endeavouring to enlarge and
strengthen my mind, I grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed his
sentiments. He had a forcible manner of speaking, rendered more so by a
certain impressive wildness of look and gesture, calculated to engage the
attention of a young and ardent mind. It is not then surprising that I
quickly adopted his opinions in preference, and reverenced him as one of
a superior order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth,
self-respect, and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent of
the censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave,
and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of my own
intentions.
"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the name of love
or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such animated pictures of
his own feelings, rendered permanent by disappointment, as imprinted the
sentiments strongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. These
remarks are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities in my character,
which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic.
"My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often. Still, unable
to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the country to soften
domestic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had a passion, and
they conspired with his conversation, to make me form an ideal picture of
life. I shall pass over the tyranny of my father, much as I suffered from
it; but it is necessary to notice, that it undermined my mother's health;
and that her temper, continually irritated by domestic bickering, became
intolerably peevish.
"My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, the
shrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that part of the
country. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to astonish my
mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually assumed a right of
directing the whole family, not excepting my father. He seemed to take a
peculiar pleasure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured
to complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely
rebuffed for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldest brother.
"About this period a merchant's family came to settle in our
neighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased, had been
preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly furniture, sent
from London, had excited my mother's envy, and roused my father's pride.
My sensations were very different, and all of a pleasurable kind. I
longed to see new characters, to break the tedious monotony of my life;
and to find a friend, such as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then
describe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at
church. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected first
to catch a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant who
hastily preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes,
seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by which I
contemplated their figures.
"We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest daughter for
my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular attention, and
finding his attainments and manners superior to those of the young men of
the village, I began to imagine him superior to the rest of mankind. Had
my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance more numerous,
I should not probably have been so eager to open my heart to new
affections.
"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremitting
attention to business; but his health declining rapidly, he was obliged
to retire, before his son, George, had acquired sufficient experience, to
enable him to conduct their affairs on the same prudential plan, his
father had invariably pursued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his
authority, having despised his narrow plans and cautious speculation. The
eldest son could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige
his wife, and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchased a
commission for him in the guards.