_A learned dispute concerning the mythology of the word Cat,
between two celebrated dictionary writers, and other of the
literate compilers of words._
From the attempt to build, came the destruction of that stupendous
pile, or rather quarry of stones, called _Babel_; hence some
linguists say the English word _babble_ from that destruction came
the confusion of languages, which our modern dictionary-writers,
under the pretence of _distributing_, have thrown all into _pye_,
and are now building, or rather rebuilding that mighty fabric of
tongues, by piling and compiling every new year, dictionary after
dictionary, folio after folio, so that after a successive generation
of the alphabet, every letter of which begets a column if not a
whole page, we may expect soon to see a babel built of dictionaries,
whose top shall aspire unto the clouds, and once more provoke the
almighty thunderer, to send down a vindictive bolt which shall once
more throw all tongues into their original confusion. There were
at the same time of our hero’s being brought down from his dearest
_Minty_ about half a dozen of these _Word-wrights_, who after having
seen the diverting drolls of _Shuter_ and _Yates_, and among other
things the performance of _Tom the Harlequin_, or _Harlequin Tom_,
(utrum horum mavis accipe) were willing to pay a second visit to
our hero, and therefore desired his master, the Jew, to bring him
into their presence, that they might once more feast their eyes on
a creature, which they affirmed to exceed the leopard in beauty,
the tyger in saline qualities, and the antilope shape. This led
them into a discourse on the qualities of this creature, and a very
learned gentleman, who understood hellenisms started a question or
quære—_Unde derivature Cat?_ For, says he with a calendered face,
we should first _define_ any word before we can arrive at its
constituent parts. The word _Cat_ is a _monasylable_, made up of the
constituent letters C. A. T. so is the word _Hat_ derived (as Tom
Brown says) quasi, from the word _Hate_, because, says that learned
antiquarian, men _hate_ to go without their _hats_, especially
quakers, and ladies who wear them, and appear covered in their
respect places of worship. Now, let us see, if we can’t find some
word analogous in some of the languages, which may bear a similar
analogy or corresponding affinity to the word _Cat_.
Now, gentlemen, in all the languages modern, or ancient, foreign or
native, oriental, or occidental, cannot I find a nearer relation to
the word _Cat_, than in the Greek language of which you know I am
a perfect master—thus I say _Cat_, is derived from the Greek κατα,
which being a Greek præposition, has several significations—analize
the word _Cat_ forward, it reads _Cat_, and backwards _tac_, and any
other way, _act_, turn it as you will now, Sir, take the particle,
or expletive article, _a_, _a_, _Cat_; turn this and wind it as you
will, it must make either, a Cat, or atac, and borrowing an _N_,
by way of subsidiary or ally to support the expletive _a_, he will
then be _an_, and then it will be an atac, or an _attack_. Try the
greek word κατα—wind him, and turn him, he makes the word, _atak_,
or in our idiom _attack_, so that our English word, a Cat, and the
greek word κατα, signifies, either way _atak_, or _atac_. And what
creature is more fierce to attack than a Cat, and this I affirm to
be the answer to unde drivatum, a Cat, not to mention the precise
or indefinite significations of the præpositive expletive κατα. He
said, and sate down—next spoke and stood, one split hair, a mighty
causuist in words, who perfectly understood how to add, subtract,
divide, and multiply in words as accomptants do in figures. He could
make fractions, and was able to conjure down the best letter in the
alphabet into a cyper, so as to serve him in cases of necessity,
either on the right, or the left of an other letter; by the addition
of these substitutes, he could make any word stand for, or mean, any
thing, as the arithmetician does, with his nine figures, and his
beloved, O, he could make them dance country dances, figure in, or
figure out, just as he pleased of which I shall by way of examples,
or diagram, give the following alphabetical system, of his own
projection.
+---+---+---+---+---+
| S | A | T | O | R |
+---+---+---+---+---+
| A | R | E | P | O |
+---+---+---+---+---+
| T | E | N | E | T |
+---+---+---+---+---+
| O | P | E | R | A |
+---+---+---+---+---+
| R | O | T | A | S |
+---+---+---+---+---+
which letters being taken any way compose the same sound, and he
defies any algebraist to make such another projection with the nine
figures, since he has in this marvellous scheme made use of only
eight letters.
He insists that the word _Cat_ was derived from _Cate_, a delicate
sweet-meat, for why? Cats love _Cates_, and are especially fond of
licking cream? hence, the proverb—will a _Cat lick cream_? And, why
not, interrupted another _word-wright_, named _Quasimodo_, why not,
_Cat_, from _Catherine_, or from _Catterpillar_? This unexpected
derivation drew over a great many partizans, of several who were
in the seats, and some affirmed, it was the best derivation given
as yet—Yes, says _Split-hair_, if he supports the alphabetical
authority. A just objection, replied _Quasimodo_, but I only take the
initial part of the word _Cat-her-ine_—or if you will _Cat-he-ine_;
I have nothing to do with _he-rine_, or if you will _herring_,
because to mix it in this place with Cat, would be confounding
fish and flesh, and producing an amphibious meaning,—but suppose,
Whittington’s Cat, or Montaigne’s _Cat_ was called _Kate_, from
Wittington’s wife _Kate_, or _Cate_, wont that do? And as for the
word _Caterpiller_, or _Catercousin_, or _Caterer_, or _Cat-call_,
or Cat and nine-tails, or _Cat_ in pan—or _Catamite_, each and every
of these words may be tortured to confess as good a derivation,
as your κατα, or attack—and what do you think (says a wag in an
adjacent seat) of the word Cat-eg-or-i-cal—much the same says
_Quasimodo_, or the Greek appellative—_Hecate_, who was a witch,
(most Cats are said to be witches, you know) which if you divide,
will make out the word—_He-cat_—(e final left out) or hekaton, a
hundred—or _Cat-as—Strophe_—so that at the _fag_ end of the business
instead of a Cat a nine-tails, you may have, a _Cat-hekaton_ or
_Cat-a-hundred-tails_.
While this learned dissertation passed, the German, who expected
every moment, that the Hebrew language, would be at length brought
on the tapis, eagerly swallowed ev’ry word, without digesting a
letter, and having drunk plentifully of the circulating pots, which
he emptied, as fast as they came round, he had forgot poor Tom, who
by this time was some miles off; this being the whole design of this
cabal; the intent, purpose, end, and meaning whereof, was no more
than to gule the poor Jew, and steal Tom, by engrossing the German’s
attention with porter and chat, till a proper opportunity should
be found to loose his chain, and bear him off triumphant; which
the fellow employ’d, executed with the most admirable dexterity,
and tho’ poor Mr. _Shuter_, was accused of being concerned in this
confederacy, our history entitles us to acquaint him, and _Yates_,
together with all the other droll men, and wild beast men in the
fair, and we do aver, they were ev’ry mother’s soul of them out of
the plot, neither were any persons, directly, or indirectly in the
_hum_, but the persons above mentioned, we mean the disputants
_Split-Hair_, _Quasimodo_, and their adherents.